A Golden Dawn
by Miss Shannon
Summary: A/U Snape has been saved by Professor Sinistra after Nagini's attack and returns to Hogwarts in the autumn only to discover that there are a few secrets left, some of which concern his saviour and new friend - Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

**A Golden Dawn**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>My first Harry Potter story. I thought I'd give it a try and put my own spin on the character of Professor Sinistra. If anyone enjoys this, please let me know. :)**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>[<strong>1<strong>]

It had taken months and several bottles of fire whiskey to keep the nightmares at bay but Snape, persistent as he was in nature, had finally managed to chase most of them away. His dreams were still far from pleasant but at least he did not wake screaming and tangled in the sheets in the middle of the night anymore. It was early autumn as he opened the door to his quarters in the dungeons and paused, a hand on the door handle, to inhale the always slightly stale air deeply. When he had first taken up teaching, Albus had offered him more comfortable quarters in one of the towers but he had refused. The need to hide away and punish himself by means of an environment more suitable for a man burdened by a history like his had been overwhelming. The worried crease between Dumbledore's kind eyes had not been lost on Snape but his wish had still been granted. The dungeons, though cold and draughty even in summer had proven to be a respite. No one came down here if they could help it and Snape had drawn strength from his solitude. As he walked through the door for the very first time since the fateful night he had hurried towards the tower – painfully aware of the fact that he would have to kill Albus Dumbledore - the dungeons surprisingly felt like home. In fact, compared to the tattered and depressing interior of his house in Spinner's End, his humble sitting room with the emerald green cushions on the fairly uncomfortable chaise longue seemed downright welcoming. The house elves had already kindled a fire in the fireplace although the autumn day outside was still awash with sunlight. Snape had enjoyed the walk from the gates and marveled at how thoroughly Hogwarts had been reinstated to its former glory after the severe damage that had been done to it during the battle. The sun shone through the yellow and orange leaves that were swirling around the grounds and Snape had taken a deep breath of the crisp and fragrant air. Hogwarts was his home and the only one he had ever known. The last six months at Spinner's End had been spent battling his demons and when he had traded in the filthy clothes he had been wearing inside the house he had not left for months for his teaching robes, he had noticed how haggard he had become. Fortunately, the billowing black robes added some substance to his thin frame so his face was the only feature giving his weight loss away.

Snape passed through the living room and slowly sat down on the bed. Everything was as he had left it, although the house elves had clearly done a good job of keeping the place clean and neat. Still, his bedroom seemed frozen in time. There were the essays he had been grading when he had been summoned away to make the kill, the quill was still exactly in the same position he had dropped it in nearly a year ago since he had not dared go back to his old quarters when he had become headmaster. A small bottle of sample potion stood on the shiny surface of the desk, untouched. The tiny phial reminded him painfully of the one Harry Potter had used to catch the silver manifestation of his memories when Snape had been convinced that he had do die in the Howling Shack. His strength had faded and he had felt his head drop to his chest and his life slipping out of him but it had been of such great importance then to allow Potter to see the truth. _Finally_, he had believed to be his last conscious thought forever, _I am going to see Lily again_. And sure enough when he had opened his eyes, a female face had slowly come into focus. Was there actually a heaven for people like him? Had he succeeded in making up for his sins by working for Dumbledore for so long? Or would James Potter be peeking over Lily's shoulder soon enough to smirk at him? Oh how big his disappointment had been when instead of fair red hair, he had made out dark brown strands and instead of Lily's wonderful green eyes, a pair of grey ones had bored into his.

"Severus, can you hear me?" A slender hand holding a wand, black robes, milky white skin. Realization had come only very slowly: Aurora Sinistra, the astronomy professor. His surroundings had slowly come into focus as well: The Great Hall. And the dreadful sounds around him: the groans of the injured, the cries of the grieving and the numbing silence of the dead. Although nobody was rejoicing it was evident from their faces that the war had been won. From his position on the floor he could see only Fred Weasley's expressionless face and although the young man had been a terrible inconvenience as long as Snape had known him, the sight had caused his heart to contract. The Weasley twins had been a source of merriment for their peers even in the darkest of times and the death of one of them seemed to drive home the horrible truth that war did not spare anyone.

"Can you look at me again, Severus? Can you focus on me?" Sinistra's voice was calm, her hand resting on the wound on his neck.

"Why am I alive?" he rasped, trying very hard to make himself understood despite the hoarseness of his voice.

"Don't know." Sinistra ran the tip of her wand over the still sensitive skin but he could feel that it was already healing. Who knew that the elusive Miss Sinistra had such a talent for healing? Since he was unable to move, he took in her appearance while maniacal laughter was forming in his throat. He was still too weak to actually laugh but he could feel it bubbling like acid. He was alive. Innocent Fred Weasley was dead and he was alive, still burdened with guilt despite everything he had put himself through to make up for it. The Dark Lord had fallen; the mark on his bare arm had vanished. He looked at Sinistra, her shoulder length hair was matted in places and frizzy in others, falling freely over her shoulders. She, too, showed that she had fought a war. Her robes were torn in places, her face and arms scratched and burned.

"Drink this." She handed him a small green potion that Snape instantly recognized as the antidote to snake poison Albus had him make by the barrel. The taste was excruciating but it eased the pain almost instantly.

"Very well, Severus." He now realized that Sinistra was only calm on the outside. Her right hand was gripping her wand a little too tightly and her left one was shaking when she took the empty bottle from him. "You should sit up to get your circulation up and running again," she said and helped him to a seated position.

"Did you find me?"

"Yes." He waited for her to elaborate on that statement but she didn't.

"You saved my life." he stated numbly.

"A bezoar saved your life, actually." Sinistra said. "I was just the one shoving it down your throat."

Just a hint of a smile crossed her face for the first time he could remember. "I actually feel honored to have been the one. Potter told us about the fact that you are the true hero of this war."

Snape couldn't help but screw up his face in disgust as he remembered that Potter now knew his deepest secrets and most cherished memories. However, he also felt gratitude that Potter, instead of celebrating himself as he would have expected the arrogant son of James Potter to do, had taken the time to make sure everyone knew that he had not been a traitor after all. He felt light headed and tired so he closed his eyes. The muscles in his shoulder, torn to shreds by the snake's vicious teeth, were only gradually healing so he had no choice but to rest his head against Sinistra's shoulder. He was surprised as the younger witch ran her hand lightly across the side of his jaw.

"Rest, Severus," she said. "You have earned it."

Snape returned to the present and stepped towards the mirror opposite his wardrobe. Not that there had ever been much to see except greasy hair and a variation of black robes and vests, but today he slightly inclined his head and pulled at the white collar to reveal the still dark scars. Sinistra had saved his life but she was far from being as skilled as the witches and wizards at Saint Mungo's. Still, he was grateful and he would have to thank her in person sooner or later. Sinistra was a strange person, he thought, as he adjusted his collar. She was feared by some students for her strictness and liked for her passion by others, but he doubted that, despite her reasonably good looks, anyone had ever had a crush on her. Her nose was a little too pronounced for her to be as pretty as Lily had been, but with the beak gracing his own face Snape knew better than to hold it against her. Sinistra was a renowned master at Astronomy but seemed to have little regard for her colleagues or students. She spent only as much time with them as she had to. Snape had only ever seen her during faculty meetings for she rarely attended the Great Hall at mealtimes. She was younger than him and had only started her first year in Hogwarts when he had spent his last year there. As Sinistra was such a famed astronomer he suspected she only held the teaching position in order to have enough funds for her research. Her patience with students was limited and her input in faculty meetings had usually gravitated around zero. He had just quietly sipped her tea and looked at the sky through the window with mild interest. Dreamy expressions were obviously not in her repertoire and she was caught smiling only very rarely but her face was most relaxed when she looked at the sky. All in all, he thought, she was probably not much more likeable than he was which somehow made him take to her a bit. Well, a now she had saved his life, which made her even more likeable. He watched a thin smile form around his lips in the mirror and turned away. He was yet to ask her of the details of her rescue of him since she had never explained.

* * *

><p>The atmosphere in the Great Hall could only be described as bittersweet. On the one hand the war had been won and the dark wizard responsible for it had been brought down along with most of his powerful followers. On the other hand lives had been lost and children had been traumatized. Some seats at the table were left empty to honor the fallen classmates that had once occupied them or maybe simply because it just didn't feel right for anyone to sit there. But there were nothing but brave faces, hope for the future shining in the students' eyes. It had been a first for the new headmistress Minerva McGonagall to step forward and speak to the crowd that had silenced at the slightly shaky raise of her hand. She had paused and looked around, distinctively lost for a second before she had welcomed the students and teachers back to school that was, for once, not in danger this year. She had reminded them that these were peaceful times and that they stood at a new beginning together. The atmosphere had loosened up considerably after her heartfelt speech and now butter beer was passed around while the students feasted on what the house elves had readily prepared. Some things never changed, teenagers were always hungry, Snape thought while he attempted to conquer the huge amounts of food a shyly smiling Hagrid had piled onto his plate. Everyone still seemed a little uneasy around him. Nobody knew what to say to the man they had branded as a traitor so easily.<p>

"I'm sorry for being late," a quiet voice next to him said and Sinistra slid into the empty chair.

"Well, well. Professor Sinistra. What a seldom surprise." Snape said and realized at the same time that he was addressing her in his usual sly voice. There was technically no need to push everyone away anymore but it had become second nature to him a very long time ago.

"Professor Snape. Jolly as usual." Sinistra's eyes widened slightly as Hagrid landed a huge blob of mashed potatoes on her plate. "Thank you, Hagrid." She reached out to take her goblet and sip the wine. "That's a good one."

Snape had decided to stay away from alcohol after dooming his liver for months but politely raised his own goblet and pretended to drink, the red wine only touching his lips once. An uneasy silence followed as Hagrid turned to the unfortunate Flitwick in order to inform him of the state of the unicorns. Snape quite liked the pun. Sinistra seemed to be just as chatty as he was and so instead of making polite small talk, scanned the room, fondly regarding the Ravenclaw table. Snape guessed that she had been one of them. Funny, he thought how little he knew about his colleague of – how long had she been here now? – five years? She wore her hair down tonight and her dark blue robes were adorned with tiny stars. Had she made an effort? He had only ever seen her wear black or brown.

"You are not a very charming dinner partner, Professor Snape." She remarked without taking her eyes off the Ravenclaw table where an overwhelmed and possibly overstuffed first year was about to fall off the bench.

"Well, I can hand that compliment right back, Professor Sinistra. What do we owe the pleasure to, anyway?"

She turned her head towards him and gave him a dark look. "Pressure." As if to emphasize she nodded towards McGonagall. "Call it the female approach but she refuses to let me hide in my tower." That at least, also explained the presence of a rather flustered looking Professor Trelawney.

"So you were _hiding_ up there all these years?" Snape laid down his fork. This might have just become interesting.

"What was there down here for me? Dumbledore's annoying cheerfulness although our world was slowly being torn to shreds? Minerva's punishing looks when anyone pours their second glass of wine? I am sure it is her doing that the wine glasses don't happen to refill themselves. Or your sour face? Why, thank you. Also, since I work nights, I don't happen to be awake for most of the meals."

That statement had just constituted the longest talk Snape had ever had with Sinistra and he concluded that she was not exactly a source of cheerfulness.

"You sound very bitter, Professor."

"Just observant, Professor," she mimicked the poignant use of her title.

"So what are you working at during all of the cloudy nights?" Snape was a bit surprised to rediscover the trait of curiosity in himself. As they said, curiosity kills the cat. And the double agent, he had added to that wise saying in his mind. Now that he was a mere potions master, he allowed himself to be curious as to what kind of person Sinistra was.

She pursed her lips. "Papers on theoretical astronomy."

"Sounds riveting." Snape finally took a sip of his wine, if only for effect. Sinistra imitated his gesture and shrugged. "I wouldn't get all excited over stirring liquids in a cauldron, either. To each his own, I presume."

There was a short silence then she turned towards him again. "Your arm must still be sore from the Dark Mark I take it?" Snape had believed to be furious if talked to about the darkest time in his life but found that he was glad to be able to talk about it despite her rather blunt inquiry.

"How would you know that they vanished with the Dark Lord's death? Did you happen to have one yourself?"

A shadow crossed her face but then she snorted. "No. However, I saw your Dark Mark vanish as you were passed out in my arms when Harry finished You-Know-Who."

She still wasn't loosing up but Snape was glad that at least he did not have to put up with an overly cheerful person. Fleetingly, he wondered whether Minerva had made the seating arrangements tonight in order to allow the both of them to annoy each other to death. Relations with her were still a bit forced due to their face off in the Great Hall prior to the Last Battle, so she might have found it an easy way to rid herself of him.

"I am glad that you chose to remind me of the fact that you had the misfortune of holding my body while I presumably drooled all over your lovely robes." He replied with all the sarcasm he could muster.

"Way to thank me for saving your life."

"How did that come about anyway, Sinistra?" Snape asked, glad for the opportunity. "Did you just wander about the Howling Shack in the middle of the night?"

Her eyes flickered uneasily for a moment but he was sure that she was unaware of the movement that gave her casually spoken lie away. "As a matter of fact, I did, Severus. Instead of questioning it you should be glad that I wasn't otherwise engaged."

"I am, Sinistra, I am. I was simply unaware of the fact that you are making it a habit to wander the grounds during a battle with a bezoar in your pocket."

"I wasn't aware of the fact that snake poison affects people's memories, since that was before the battle started, during the respite. When everyone started fighting you were already safely tucked away in the castle."

Snape disliked the way she kept conjuring up mental images of him in helpless situations. For all her sarcasm she was quite good with words. He tried to recapture the little smile she had given him in the Great Hall when she had admitted that she was proud to be the one who had saved his life but failed miserably.

She flicked her hair from her face and he noticed that it was rather shiny today. Unfortunately he failed to remember whether it had always been like that. Maybe it was the candle light that made it shine. She caught his gaze and raised a delicate eyebrow.

"Want me to give you the name of my conditioner? Might work for that greasy do of yours, too."

He grimaced. Potion making did nothing for your hair and some time he had just stopped bothering with it. Coming from a pretty young witch, though, that comment stung. Wait, when had he begun to think of her as pretty? He took another swing of his drink to calm himself and noticed its peculiar taste for the first time. This was a little too bitter to be wine. His first thought was poison and his fingers clenched around the wand in his pocket. The next moment his shoulders sagged as he saw Hagrid's sheepish grin.

"Though we could use a little, heh?" The half-giant conspicuously flashed a small flask under the table for Snape to see. "Want some more?"

"Are you insane?" Snape snapped, a little too loud which caused a small chuckle by Sinistra whose face was calm again by the time he whirled around. "This is not funny, Sinistra. The man cannot slip me alcohol without my knowledge. This is outrageous."

The students were beginning to turn around to catch what the commotion at the teacher's table was about so Sinistra waved them off, the gesture accompanied by a hard stare, then turned back to Snape.

"Too bad. I thought you were finally loosing up a bit, Professor Snape."

"You are… outrageous, too, Sinistra!" Snape growled dangerously. While any student would have paled with fear at this point, Sinistra just looked at him with no apparent emotion until he looked away. Another uneasy silence ensued during which Hagrid just stared at his plate ruefully. Snape was unsure how to proceed. He could get up and excuse himself but that would show weakness. He might also just go on as if nothing had happened. Another option was to hex her into oblivion. During his tenure as head master that would not have been a problem. This was different, though. Snape wasn't sure how difficult it would be to settle into a somewhat normal routine with normal – if obnoxious – colleagues, young – and therefore naturally obnoxious - students and a life at Hogwarts. It hit Snape hard that he had never given any thought to what he would make of his life as soon as the Dark Lord was defeated. Maybe he had always assumed that he would not survive the war. Life had been painful, he had been on a mission, always aware that the time would come when he would have to do his part. It had given his otherwise empty life meaning which was now gone. Slowly, he drained the goblet of wine and stared towards the Slytherin table. Many fathers were in Askaban, some were dead and it showed in the faces of his students. One of them looked up as he regarded him and gave him a cold look. His fellow Slytherins had nothing to say to him, he now realized. If he was a hero for the others, he was a traitor for the ones of them that were related to death eaters. Indoctrination only wears off very slowly if ever.

"I'm sorry for having been rude about your hair, Professor Snape. I apologize." Sinistra didn't sound sheepish, just... well, sorry. He turned around, surprised by her admission. "I can be a bit rough at times. With only the stars as company one gets a little frank, I suppose." When he remained silent, she slightly bent forward. "Besides, I felt that you might need to talk about some of those things one of these days."

"My hair?"

"No. What you've been through."

He searched her eyes for sarcasm but found none. She looked actually genuine and he noticed for the first time that her eyes were of a deep grey with tiny sprinkles of light blue in them that one would only notice very close up. Like stars on a firmament. How very fitting, he thought.

"I doubt it is any of your concern, Sinistra," he hissed but she, again, looked rather unfazed. Instead she placed a hand on his arm touching, with his robes in the way, the still sore area of skin where the dark mark had once been.

"It still hurts, I presume. That was powerful magic." Her voice was soft and honest but that did not keep Snape from snatching his arm from her, feeling angry and violated.

"As I said. This is none of your concern. As far as I am concerned, Miss Sinistra, you should return to your ivory tower and refrain from bothering me."

Out of nowhere, the memory of her touching his jaw lightly hit him and he could not help but wince slightly. The rest of the dinner was spent in silence and he was glad when he could rise from his seat and vanish down the hallway in a billowing swish of black robes. If he would have to put up with her like this every night from now on, he would reconsider the hexing into oblivion.

- **to be continued** -


	2. Chapter 2

[**2**]

Snape's day had been not very enjoyable and he had briefly considered staying in his quarters instead of attending dinner in the Great Hall but it had dawned on him then that dinner was now not only obligatory for inhabitants of towers but also for dungeon dwellers. Feeling exhausted and slightly numb he walked into the Great Hall at the very last minute, hell bent on ignoring the vicious whispers from the tables left and right. He was sure that his students had wasted no time to spread the news of the ugly scene that had taken place in his potions class today as quickly as possible. Known for his strictness, Snape had never had a problem with discipline, even when he had first started teaching as a mere twenty year old eighteen years ago. Today, however, a student had simply refused to answer a question in class. The young man was the son of a Death Eater who had been convicted to serve a life sentence in Askaban in the summer. When Snape had asked him a question, he had slumped in his seat, stared at his teacher and said: "I don't answer queries by filthy half bloods." Points had been taken from Slytherin, of course and Snape had given the young man detention but he had been able to tell that it hadn't affected him in the slightest. Instead, he had gone on in an unnervingly quiet, nasal voice when Snape had turned to walk back to the front of the class. "When the Dark Lord was weakened enough, you easily crossed back to Dumbledore's side in order to save yourself!" Snape had stopped dead in his tracks and had felt his facial muscles harden. "That is how cowards choose their alliances, I suppose." The young Slytherin had gone on without mercy.

Snape's hand had grabbed his wand hard and he had looked down to see his white knuckles. It wouldn't take much to kill him, even less to just injure him, only a flick of his wand to physically humiliate him but Snape knew that he wouldn't be allowed to do so. Dumbledore had always deemed it a valuable life lesson for the students to learn how to deal with strict and unfair teachers but Minerva McGonagall wouldn't have it. He knew that despite whatever she thought of him as a person, she would not hesitate to report him to the ministry if he acted out of order. He took a deep breath and resumed his way back to the front of the class quietly when a voice called out loudly: "Take that back!" Snape froze at the sound of that voice and realized that it caused more humiliation in him than the Slytherin's nasty words would have ever been able to. He turned around very slowly just to be faced with Harry Potter who had risen from his chair and was walking towards his classmate.

"Potter!" Snape growled. "Take your seat."

"But, Sir!" Potter cried. "He has no right to speak to you like this! You…"

"Enough!" Snape interrupted harshly. "Ten points from Gryffindor!"

"Sir…"

"Take. Your. Seat, Potter!"

Lily's eyes stared up at him, Potter's innocent rage due to the perceived injustice evident in them. Snape was strongly reminded of how Lily had looked at him when he had called her a mudblood all those years ago. He swallowed. "Open your books on page 133." He then turned on his heel and swept behind his desk, almost breaking his quill when he made an unnecessary note in order to look busy.

Now in the Great Hall he could see the hatred in both the Gryffindors' and the Slytherins' faces. How had he dared to talk to Harry Potter like this? The boy who had stood up for him? Snape didn't expect them to understand what it meant for him to be defended by Harry Potter of all people. He shot seething looks at everyone who dared look him in the eye and proceeded towards the teacher's table where he sat down in his usual seat.

"Bastards," Sinistra muttered under her breath and he turned his head to look at her with annoyance. She was wearing casual black robes and her lips had turned a shade of burgundy from the red wine she had been consuming. Snape glared at her for a moment before he spoke.

"Excuse me, Professor Sinistra?" he asked pointedly.

"You missed the announcements," Sinistra replied darkly. "Minerva seems to have it out for us." He didn't know who "us" was but he was pretty sure that he had never intended to become part of an "us" ever again.

"I am sure she has your best interests at heart." He slightly curled his lip in dark amusement, having decided that "us" could not possibly involve him.

"I agree but she is obviously confused as to what my best interests are, Professor Snape." Sarcasm was seeping back into her voice and he noticed how dark it was for a woman's. Having been unable to refrain from the habit for years, he immediately compared it to Lily's soft voice and found that they couldn't have been any more different. He decided not to give Sinistra the pleasure of revealing how curious he was as to what she felt Minerva had done wrong but it wasn't necessary to ask.

"A ball for Halloween! Isn't it exciting?" Professor Sprout squealed on his right and he turned slowly, stony-faced towards her. Maybe it had not been a wise idea, after all, to request Hagrid's being seated elsewhere in order to prevent him from spiking Snape's beverages again. Why he had not requested Sinistra's removal along with his, Snape did not dare ponder.

"A ball?" Snape spat the words out as if they were vomit flavored chocolate frogs.

"She is sure that it will cheer the students up after everything that has happened! And what a lovely idea that is!" Sprout enthused, shoveling spoons pull of vegetables onto her plate while she spoke. "I remember my very own first Yule Ball…" Her eyes turned glassy. "Handsome Gernot Jinxable was my date for the evening…"

Snape found his eyes looked with Sinistra's in mutual horror a moment later but Sprout went on regardless: "We danced in the candlelight and he then escorted me back to our common room…"

"Enough already," Snape hissed and Sprout silenced immediately, looking hurt.

There was a moment of silence before Sinistra spoke in her usual tone: "I was seventeen when I attended my first Yule ball. I believe it was organized for the very same reasons this one is now as it happened not long after Voldemort vanished." Sprout did not answer since she was too busy ignoring Snape but he didn't feel obliged to react either. If Sinistra wanted to share fond memories of her snogging a classmate in a corner he could not prevent it but he did not feel the need to actively participate in the conversation.

"One of my teachers, however, had given my date detention so I had to attend on my own." Sinistra said pointedly. Snape decided not to sneer at her for once but didn't feel the need to feign sympathy either. Instead, he settled on sarcasm. "Why, I feel so sorry."

"You should, since it was you who was responsible for my datelessness!"

This admission took Severus Snape by surprise and it must have showed on his face because a grin tugged at the corners of Sinistra's mouth for the shortest of moments before it vanished again.

"You heard me right. I gave up portions early on so you might not remember me but I believe it is time to let you know that you deprived a girl of her first date."

"If you had never managed to get a date by seventeen that was probably quite the cruel thing to do, I must admit." He replied with a sneer that was bordering on amusement. Sinistra didn't smile but took a sip of her wine. "The punch was spiked that night and I got a little tipsy."

Suddenly it dawned on Snape. The 1984 Yule Ball. He had only been a teacher at Hogwarts for three years and had still detested every single aspect of his job. Having been forced to attend the Yule Ball, however, and watch obnoxious male students clumsily grab their giggling female counterparts around the waist to engage in ridiculous dance moves had been worse than it all. It had been more fun to blast kissing couples apart outside and while he had engaged in that wholesome activity, a visibly drunk female student had staggered towards him in a sparkling black robe and heels that were too high to still be considered decent. She had looked older than her age but the moony smile had given her away. Unsteady on her feet, she had stumbled around him and he had grabbed her arm forcefully in order to not let her pass.

"What's your name?" he had asked sternly.

"Don't you dare say you forgot about me," she had sulked. Had she been flirting with him?

He had then taken her to McGonagall in order to have her punished for alcohol consumption and never seen her again. Was that event what had happened to cause Minerva to always watch out for how much Sinistra was drinking? He remembered the drunk school girl winking at him while she was being dragged away by a lecturing McGonagall and his subsequent embarrassment as he had only been twenty-four years old himself at the time.

"You're smiling, Professor Snape!" Sinistra's voice snapped him out of his reverie and he was mildly horrified to find that she was right.

"I was just contemplating the thought that that Ball might have been the root of your alcoholism," he said pointedly and reached out to take Sinistra's glass from her and put it out of her reach.

"Alcoholism? Are you kidding me?" She sounded upset for the first time.

Now he wasn't too sure why he had said it. Maybe he had just been angry that she had caught him smiling and shouted it out for the world to hear. The idea that the memory of the student flirting with him while being dragged away by another teacher might have distracted him, was utterly horrifying to him.

Sinistra's slender hand slid into the pocket of her robes and extracted a slim, delicate wand. "I will not let that accusation stand," she said firmly.

He gazed at the wand that she kept hidden from the curious gazes of students and teachers respectively under the table but then directed his gaze at the opposite wall: "You are, I assume, aware of the fact that I could block every single one of your feeble spells without even having to use my own wand?" he asked in a deliberately conversational tone and to his surprise Sinistra's shoulders sunk.

"He told you." Surprised, he gazed at the crestfallen face. He had expected a snide retort but not this.

"Who told me what, Sinistra?" he snarled.

"Don't try making a fool out of me, Snape!" Sinistra replied coldly and rose from her chair along with everyone else as curfew was approaching fast and dinner had officially been declared over. Her black robes swished as she quickly walked towards the exit, groups of students parting for her willingly. Snape had no idea what exactly he had done wrong but he was not inclined to wonder about it all night so he quickly set out to follow her. Most of the students had already shuffled off to their common rooms when he caught up with Sinistra in an empty hallway leading towards the astronomy tower.

"Miss Sinistra!" he called. "Wait up."

She froze in her place and turned around very slowly.

"What is it, Snape?" she said coldly, her earlier emotional response wiped from her face.

"What was it that caused you to become so upset?" he drawled.

"Nothing," she said lightly. "A misunderstanding, I suppose. I hope you don't mind excusing me now since I have some essays to grade."

She walked away from him, ready to leave him standing there like a fool.

"Actually, I do mind," he remarked snidely.

"_Actually_ I don't care about pleasantries, Snape."

She was about to open the door when he sealed it shut with a well-placed spell and approached her with fast purposeful steps. He took her wrist between his fingers and lifted it as if it was a lifeless ingredient he was about to add to a brewing potion then took her wand from her hand with both his hands.

"This is a scholar's wand, I see. It's very delicate, easy to disarm. Not made for battle at all, it is used rather for fine magic." He paused. "It is also not a wand that would choose a child." Sinistra regarded him quietly, suspicion in her grey eyes. "What happened to your original wand?"

"You're very accomplished at this," she said quietly.

"I had once taken an interest in such things." If he was honest, knowing what to make of a person's wand had been part of his various preparations for his role as a double agent. He was not going to be sidetracked, though: "So?"

"It was broken," she said and he could tell from the look in her eyes that, unlike Ron Weasley's, it had not been broken in a freak accident. Something more sinister seemed to have been the cause of it. Unusually concerned, he decided not to inquire further.

"Well, whoever you suspected of having told me that, in fact, hasn't. You can rest assured that your secret is safe with me. Good night, Professor Sinistra."

She remained silent as he handed her wand back and turned to leave.

"Severus." Surprised to be addressed by his first name, he turned back and looked at her again. She seemed almost vulnerable as she stood there, a stance he had believed also to be missing from her repertoire.

"Yes?"

"I don't know how to reverse the spell."

He was confused for a second, then understood that she did not know how to open the door again as he had used a spell he had invented himself years ago. Maybe she wasn't as accomplished a witch as he had thought. On the other hand her ineptness dovetailed with her choice of wand.

"Asperio," he said softly and the door swung open.

"Thank you." She closed the door softly behind her without ever looking back.

She was a curious witch, Snape thought before he, too, turned to leave.

- **to be continued** -


	3. Chapter 3

[**3**]

Sleep didn't come easily to Snape in general these days and today was no different. Finally, after thrashing about in his bed for two hours he decided to do what he had set his mind on before: solve the mystery surrounding his elusive colleague. Aurora Sinistra was most definitely not a squib; the opposite had to be true. He had seen how powerful her healing spell had been and besides, wands like hers did not choose witches or wizards of below average magical talent. Severus Snape, intent on getting the ugly confrontation in his classroom off his mind, decided to conduct a little investigation into Aurora Sinistra's academic career. Short of asking her, his most conclusive source would be the Hogwarts archive that accommodated records of every student that had ever attended. Due to the school's long history it had been split up into several rooms that were located in an otherwise unused wing of the vast castle. The tip of his wand glowed peacefully in front of him as he walked through the corridors, his footfall the only sound accompanying his journey. Finally, he arrived at the proper room and spoke the secret password that the room had been sealed with in order to keep nosy students out. Who knew, though, it seemed that Potter and his friends were able to sneak into every last secret corner of Hogwarts, he thought, slightly angered by the notion.

At the sound of his quietly spoken "tabularium" the door swung open with a creak and he entered the vast room. Ceiling-high bookshelves stood in twelve straight lines and with their tallness swallowed most of the pale moonlight that shone in through the high stained glass windows. There was a small table located next to the door with a high-backed chair next to it on which he lowered himself.

"Accio Aurora Sinistra's file," he said and at once from a far corner of the room, a stack of parchment came flying at him. He caught the pile and set it down on the table in front of him with a sigh. This room housed files from the last three hundred years of the school's history and so he counted three files, all labeled with the name "Aurora Sinistra" in scrawly green ink. The Sinistras seemed to be an old magical family. He opened the first file which looked old and worn. The dates put it at 1700 to 1707 and the yellowed parchment told the tale of a studious Ravenclaw girl with a formidable talent for Astronomy and a spotless record. The second Aurora Sinistra had attended Hogwarts from 1869 to 1876 and he was surprised to see that she had been quite the opposite of what must be one of her ancestors: This Aurora had been a Slytherin and a brilliant one, obviously. Her astronomy marks were average while her Defense Against the Dark Arts marks were outstanding. But she had a long record of misdemeanors which cited her using the Cruciatus curse against a fellow student and attempting to hex a muggle born witch. Snape raised his eyebrows and placed the file back on the table to finally attend to the one he had come here for. Aurora Sinistra had indeed come to Hogwarts when he had spent his last year there as a student and had promptly been sorted into Ravenclaw. She had been a promising and dedicated student during her first two years at Hogwarts. When she had turned fourteen, though, that had changed abruptly. After an unexplained leave of absence in the early summer of 1981 she had returned in the autumn as, as it seemed, a different person. There were notes from teachers – and he recognized Minerva's handwriting there – expressing concern about her sudden withdrawal from any kind of social interaction. Her grades had plummeted into oblivion during her fourth year only to rise up again during her fifth. She had kept them up until graduation: Astronomy, of course, had been outstanding along with reasonably good grades in all other subjects. Obviously, Aurora Sinistra had not been a Hermione Granger during her time as a student, but had come quite close. Interestingly, however, she did not seem to have made the cut in one single subject: Defense Against the Dark Arts. Snape frowned. Her essays, it seemed, had always received stellar marks. Her practical performance, though, had been the complete opposite. Having been a teacher for eighteen years now, Snape knew that it was not common for someone who knew their spells so well in theory to fail so completely at their practical execution. He turned back to the first pages and frowned again. There had never been such a problem during her first years. Only later on it had started and, as he saw with surprise, those problems seemed to only have occurred during the Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. Her practical magical skills in the field of Transfiguration for example, Minerva had marveled in a written report, had been absolutely up to speed. Clearly, something had happened to Aurora Sinistra in the summer of 1981 that had paved the way for her to go from outgoing and popular student to a recluse who could not or at least refused to perform certain spells. Snape returned the summoned files to their respective places by flicking his wand and remained at the small desk for another moment. Unfortunately, now that he knew more about her, Aurora Sinistra had become even more of a mystery to him.

The following – not mandatory - Saturday's breakfast held a – dare he say it – pleasant surprise in the form of Aurora Sinistra, dressed casually in dark blue robes that revealed half of her nicely shaped calves and showed off moccasins adorned with tiny sparkling spots that looked like stars. She was engrossed in an Astronomer's magazine when he entered, slightly belated as McGonagall's stern look told him, and swept behind the table to sit in his chair. Sprout, who had moved down a few seats away from him, gave him a nervous look over her shoulder as if she was wondering whether he would notice her absence.

"You might be cursed." Snape lifted an eyebrow at Sinistra's comment which she didn't notice because she had made the utterance without looking up from her magazine.

"Cursed?"

She looked up now and smiled: "It seems as if no one stays seated next to you for longer than a couple of meals these days," she finally elaborated.

"Except you," he said. "Do you happen to have masochistic tendencies that I should be in the know about?"

She looked up with an amused look in her eyes: "Just the usual."

Snape took a sip of his pumpkin juice and found that in the course of merely a week he had come to enjoy the banter with the astronomy professor. She was smart and humorous in a very dry, unobtrusive way. Also, he had to admit, she was interesting and probably the only person throughout the whole castle who did not walk on eggshells around him or utterly despised him. He decided to strike up a conversation and see what else he could find out about her. Being charming was no specialty of him but he tried nonetheless:

"You look very refreshed this morning, Professor Sinistra. Did you get a good night's sleep instead of staring through a telescope all night?" What had been meant to come across as a compliment sounded shallow and sarcastic but he couldn't help it.

She gently placed her magazine onto the table and sipped her cup of tea. "Well, yes. I did. I am afraid the same cannot be said about you."

"I had business to attend to," he said stupidly.

"Business?" Her tone clearly conveyed the fact that she did not believe a word he'd said.

He decided to ignore her question and reached for the Daily Prophet. Somehow, he could not concentrate on the reading, though, so his eyes darted back to Sinistra who was now cutting her slice of toast into tiny pieces, put marmalade on each one individually and then popped them into her mouth one at a time. She looked at ease now that she was unaware of his watching her from the corners of his eyes. The vigilant look in her face, for once, was absent but so was a smile. He noticed that she was getting ready to leave as she pushed her plate away from her and reached for her magazine. Snape had decided this morning to spend the day in the dungeons, far away from prying eyes, growling Gryffindors and seething Slytherins but now the sun shone through the high windows and a piece of cloudless pale blue sky was visible from his vantage point. A slight breeze brought the musty smell of autumn foliage and suddenly he longed for a peaceful walk outside.

"The weather is very agreeable. One should go outside and take a walk in the grounds," he heard himself say, the verbal equivalent to grabbing Sinistra's arm to keep her from leaving, really. He was acting foolish, as he had always done around women he didn't despise.

"A good idea. You should do that," she answered and gave him a fleeting smile, her mind obviously on something else.

"Sinistra, you have missed the point," Snape said bluntly. "I was requesting your company."

"Requesting…?" she trailed off, then her face hardened. "I am not very good company, Professor Snape. You should have become aware of that over the course of the last week."

"Neither am I, as I am sure you have noticed yourself. So I conclude that we would burden one another immensely with each other's presence. I would not mind, though."

Sinistra looked amused for a moment, then shook her head in defeat. "If you promise not to annoy me, I will go with you."

"I am afraid I cannot promise you that as I am generally insufferable, but I am sure that you will annoy me right back." Snape tried a little smile and Sinistra returned it equally carefully.

"I would offer you my arm but the students would talk," Snape said dryly.

"I am sure that you can suppress the urge."

Snape and Sinistra were not the only people the golden September day had beckoned outside. Students and teachers were wandering the grounds or lounging in the grass underneath the trees, reading, talking or – of course – making out. Snape raised an eyebrow at a couple of sixth years that seemed particularly engaged but they did not even notice his presence. The grass was soft under his feet and the wind rustled the leaves both on the ground and in the branches of the tall trees around them.

"Everything was blackened and burned after the battle," Sinistra said. "It is such a relief to see that they managed to get everything back to normal."

"Indeed," Snape said. They had arrived at the Forbidden Forest and left most of the children behind them so nobody could eavesdrop on their conversation or speculate as to why they suddenly spent time together. There was a small bench at a clearing not far from where they entered the forest and Sinistra headed straight towards it.

"I love the smell of autumn," she said and leaned back against the back of the bench. Snape was not the type to admit to his love of anything, may it be people, objects or seasons so he just bowed his head politely and sat down next to Sinistra, placing his hands on his knees awkwardly. The bench was small and their arms nearly touched. Also, Sinistra's scent invaded his nose. Lily had smelt of flowers and strawberries somehow but with Sinistra it was honey and vanilla. He had to admit that he liked how she smelled and found it almost intoxicating. It had been a long time since Snape had been this close to a woman. Although the Dark Lord himself had never been interested in women or physical relations with them, his followers had been far from reluctant. In a bid to take his mind off Lily, Snape had been with a number of women none of which could have ever replaced his childhood friend. He realized only now that,still, he had missed the comfort of a warm body next to his, regardless of who it belonged to. Sinistra turned her head to look at him.

"Your robes smell of herbs," she said matter-of-factly.

"It comes with the job, I am afraid," Snape replied.

"No, it's nice." Sinistra leaned back and stretched out her legs, closing her eyes against the sunlight that filtered through the treetops.

Snape, a little unsure of how he had ended up here alone with a reasonably attractive young witch, decided to take advantage of her apparent relaxed state. He wasn't sure, either, why he was so adamant to learn about her past but he fleetingly suspected it to be a means of escape from pondering his own.

"You did not fight in the war, did you?"

Her eyes fluttered open and focused on him with instant suspicion.

"Of course I fought in the war. I was there. You saw me."

"You gathered the injured and the dead but you did not fight. I have been talking with Pomfrey." That, of course, was a lie but there were ways to enter one's mind other than Leglimency.

She sat up straight, her relaxed posture gone.

"What are you playing at, Severus Snape? And why don't you just ask me out straight and save us both the trouble of dancing around the subject and cleverly evading each other?"

Her eyes were blazing which was an interesting change from the usual distant look on her face.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," he said and noticed that he actually meant it.

She didn't answer but gave him a dark look instead. If she made it a habit to look at students like this, he began to understand why she was feared by some despite her rather innocent looks.

"I believe that you have never mastered the Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor Sinistra." His admission had been very blunt but Snape was not one to mind an affront.

Sinistra looked mutinous for a moment but then looked him straight in the eye.

"You assessment is correct, Professor Snape."

"Why is that?" he asked softly. "You seem to be a talented witch."

She pursed her lips slightly. "I have just admitted to you my greatest weakness. Please do not expect me to elaborate on how it came about, too. It is a little too much for a morning like this."

Unsurprised but a little disappointed, Snape bowed his head. "Very well."

There was a brief pause that, surprisingly, did not feel awkward. Sinistra looked at her hands that were folded in her lap and Snape found himself intrigued by the way the sun gave her dark brown hair a reddish glow.

"Miss Sinistra," he addressed her in order to make her look at him again. "I am well aware of the fact that we now live in peaceful times in which fighting skills will hopefully not be of great importance. If you appreciated help, however, I would gladly offer my services to you."

Sinistra couldn't hide her surprise. "Are you offering to teach me?"

He knew that her question was rhetoric and hence did not deem it necessary to confirm. She smiled ruefully.

"Although I appreciate your kind offer, I believe I would rather save you the trouble, Professor Snape. I am absolutely hopeless as my numerous teachers had to accept."

She looked embarrassed and he felt almost sorry for her.

"I know that my students would not vote me Professor of The Year but I must say that I actually am a good teacher."

"Well, I believed that frightening your students into studying was your method of choice. I doubt that you could frighten me." She looked slightly more relaxed now.

"There is more to teaching than being a scary bat," Snape replied, very well aware of the fact that the students frequently compared him to the animal. He got up and drew his wand, waiting for Sinistra to do the same with a slightly raised eyebrow. Sinistra hesitated, then got up and walked opposite him as if they were about to duel each other.

"No. Come here." He said and she slowly approached him, her hand clenched around her wand. "Aim at that tree," he said in the melodic yet detached voice he always used when he gave students instructions. She did what he had told her to and he stood behind her, careful to keep enough distance between their bodies.

"Turn the colour of the leaves," he ordered her and she gave him a confused look. "That is hardly a defense technique."

"Don't ask, do it," he ordered her sharply.

She shrugged and, without having to say the spell out loud, turned the leaves of the tree from yellow into a shimmering light blue. They both marveled at the unusual sight for a moment before she turned around to face him, causing him to take a quick but discrete step away from her.

"Turning Voldemort blue. That would have got to him," Sinistra said sarcastically.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't a squib, Miss Sinistra. Your magical skills, however, seem to be intact. Now try to disarm me." He stepped away from her, glad to have an excuse to get her scent out of his nostrils and walked towards the blue tree. Sinistra bit her lip and raised her wand.

"Expelliarmus," she said in a shaky voice. The wand in Snape's hand didn't even twitch.

"Try again," he ordered. "You need to keep your voice firm."

"Expelliarmus." Her second attempt had no effect either.

"This is not right, Sinistra." Snape wasn't one to build his student's self-confidence but he tried not to intimidate her too much, anyway. Briskly, he walked towards her and stood behind her again, hesitating for the briefest of moments before he reached around her and placed his hand over hers. He felt her tense as he wrapped his fingers around hers and showed her how to hold her wand.

"For this, you need to point it directly at your target. Defense magic follows different rules. The spell you cast does not radiate like it does when you do everyday magic. Instead, your wand becomes a weapon which you have to aim directly at your target."

To his own horror, he couldn't bring himself to let go of her hand. It was warm and her skin was soft to the touch which caused a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He guided her hand towards the tree again. "Try using sectumsempra."

She turned around with a scandalized look on her face. "I heard of that being your specialty, Professor Snape and I'd rather not make a tree bleed to death."

He chuckled besides himself. "Do not worry, Professor Sinistra. The spell was designed to harm people, not trees. It will cause a rift in the tree's bark and resin might seep out but it will not wound the tree."

She seemed satisfied and he slowly let go of her hand, forcing himself to step away from her. "It will not hurt the tree," he said again in an adjuratory voice.

Sinistra swallowed and held her wand just as he had told her to do. Her eyelids fluttered closed for a moment, then opened again, a new determination visible.

"Sectumsempra." She said, but nothing happened.

"Louder." Snape commanded in his usual dangerous growl.

"Sectumsempra!" She repeated but her voice still sounded insecure.

"Sectumsempra." Snape pointed his wand at the tree and easily caused a notch in the trunk. Shimmering blue resin welled up.

She swallowed again, then repeated the spell. Once again, there was no effect. Snape was intrigued, to say the least. She had mastered the position her wand had to be in rather quickly and her voice sounded firmer, too. Still, she could simply not get the spell to work.

"Look, Professor Snape, I told you this was not going to work. I've tried it a hundred times."

Snape was not about to fail so he briskly walked over to her and resumed his former position. "If you tell anyone that I have used this method of teaching, I am going to make your life hell," he dangerously hissed into her ear and she tensed again.

"What method…?"

But before she could finish the sentence he had closed his hand around hers again and stepped even closer, his cheek nearly touching hers.

"Say it with me," he ordered and a moment later their voices rang out in unison: "Sectumsempra." Light shot from the tip of her wand and hit the tree trunk hard. Before Snape had the chance to step away from Sinistra, she turned her head towards him so he could feel her breath on his skin. For a moment he felt light-headed, then scolded himself and let go of her quickly.

"You combined you magic with mine," she stated. "That is a pretty unusual thing to do."

"Well, do not go and shout it from the rooftops, Sinistra."

"I won't. I am not sure how you are supposed to make my life any worse but I am sure you'd get creative." She smiled, her teeth not visible, as usual.

"I think I have taught you enough for one day," Snape said briskly. "Practice until next week and we will try again."

"You wish to do this again? Despite my obvious lack of talent or skills? Are you sure since I was under the impression that you had no interest in teaching, how did you put it, dunderheads?"

He cocked his head sarcastically. "What shall I say to make you feel better about it? Do you expect me to ramble on how I enjoy your company? I am afraid you will not hear such things from me, Sinistra. As much as you might want to."

She shook her head. "If you were any more charming, Snape, I might not be able to resist you." She smiled sardonically and walked towards the tree they had attacked. With a casual wave of her wand the leaves turned back to their original color and after another well-placed spell, the wounds in the trunk healed. Snape could not help but place his hand against his neck as he watched her do it. He quickly removed it but she saw the movement anyway.

"I hope you had Poppy have a look at it," she said sternly but he averted his eyes. "You didn't, did you? Let me see."

She was not tall enough to comfortably reach his collar without his bending down so she dragged him back towards the bench. "You need to be careful with these things, Severus." She did not seem to have noticed that she had called him by his first name again as she had done when she had originally healed his wound in the Great Hall after the battle. Snape hated it when people made a fuss about him, especially since that rarely happened. With Sinistra, though, he felt oddly comfortable. Her fingertips on his exposed skin did not feel as if they invaded his privacy.

"The scars are still very red." She stated matter-of-factly and raised her wand while she held on to his shoulder with her other hand. He felt a tickling sensation, then heat followed by icy, yet pleasant coldness.

"The spell's called 'percuro'. You should cast it on yourself before you go to bed at night."

He snorted. "I am not a healer."

She raised both her eyebrows. "That once again proves that, instead of inventing dangerous spells and reading about the dark arts, one should try to learn something useful at school." She finally let go of him and he quickly readjusted his white collar. For the first time, both of them noticed the awkwardness of their encounter and the fact that she had been touching his bare skin.

"Well," Sinistra broke the silence while she hurriedly got to her feet. "I have a lesson to prepare. The first years will enjoy their first lesson with me on Monday."

"I shall get back to my potions, too," Snape said vaguely and followed her as she briskly walked towards the castle.

- **to be continued** -


	4. Chapter 4

[**4**]

"Professor Snape, may I talk to you?" Snape had been feeling rather mollified due to his quite enjoyable time with Professor Sinistra but his good mood vanished instantly the very moment he laid eyes on Harry Potter who had caught up with him on the lawn. Thankfully they were still out of earshot of the other students.

Snape gave the young wizard the hardest stare he could muster.

"What is it, Potter?" he snarled, his arms folded in front of his chest. Regrettably, Potter's initial fear of him had faded gradually over the years and now he did not seem impressed at all. That was the only reason Snape enjoyed teaching first years: They were so easily intimidated. Potter brushed a stray strand of his unruly hair away from his forehead unknowingly mirroring his father's trademark gesture. Snape was not pleased.

"Look, Sir, I would just like to apologize for my involvement in the commotion down in your classroom last week."

Snape knew that his stony face did not give his surprise away and he remained silent to keep it that way.

"I shouldn't have interfered. I just never got the chance to thank you for what you have done during the war and leading up to it. I… I thought defending you against the allegation of being a coward would make up for it somehow."

Snape narrowed his eyes but otherwise showed no reaction to the boy's ramblings. After a long pause he finally said: "There is no need to thank me, Potter since I did none of that for you." He turned to leave but Potter held him back: "I know. You did it for my mother."

Snape felt anger burning inside his stomach and rising like bile in his throat. He whirled around to face Potter once again: "I would have never told you that if I hadn't been sure that my demise was inevitable, Potter. Never dare to speak of it again!"

"There is no reason to be ashamed of love!" The unbelievable brat exclaimed. Snape grabbed the young man's arm violently and bore his eyes deeply into his.

"Will you shut up!" he hissed at Potter.

There was a period of silence during which they stared into each others' eyes, Snape feeling nauseous at the sight of Lily's eyes again. Looking at Potter felt as if Lily's rejection of him was happening over and over again. He could see her kind eyes in the same face that accommodated his tormentor's nose. He let go of Potter's arm and stepped back.

"You disgust me, Potter. You are just like your father."

Potter seemed to have had enough and shook his head in disbelief and anger. The war and the final fight against Voldemort had changed him, Snape realized now. The shy, slightly awkward young man Snape had known had turned into an adult. One that was not afraid to speak his mind.

"I think it disgusts you to see that I am just like my mother and you have absolutely no reason to hate me at all," he said quietly, which gave the utterance even more weight. Snape's breath caught in his throat and for once he was at a loss of words.

"Speak to me no more except in class, Potter. Twenty points from Gryffindor for the cheek of you!" He whirled around and refused to even give Potter another look.

* * *

><p>Minerva McGonagall had not changed a lot in the headmaster's office but due to some cleverly placed tartan fabrics it looked all hers, anyway. Snape surveyed Albus Dumbledore's portrait uneasily but Dumbledore's likeness just waved and smiled at him with twinkling eyes over the familiar half moon glasses. Minerva offered him a delicate cup of tea that he accepted only to have something to busy his hands with.<p>

It was obvious that Minerva wanted to get something off her chest so he kept the usual pleasantries to himself and waited for her to speak.

"Severus, I have talked to most of the staff already and I am glad that you could make the time to accommodate me, too. I am pleased for you to have chosen to resume your post as potions master and I would like to thank you for making the decision in our favour." She paused and cleared her throat. There was a new softness to her voice when she continued: "Also, Severus, we all owe you our deepest gratitude for your role in the defeating of You-Know-Who." She was nervous, Snape discovered. "I am sorry for confronting you in the Great Hall like I did and I am sorry for not trusting you."

"I killed Albus," Snape said quietly. "You were right not to trust me."

She looked at him in silence, her pale blues eyes watering slightly.

"I can't imagine what it must have taken from you to follow that order of his!" There was sympathy in her voice and Snape detested her for it. He would not be pitied.

"I did as I was told, Minerva," he simply stated.

Her eyes darted away from his and she seemed unsure how to proceed after touching on this uneasy subject.

"I have also called you here to talk about something else," Minerva then went on with bristling efficiency. "I have given a lot of thought to our school policy over the summer and I have come to realize that we have to monitor our students a lot more closely. After the war we now have a lot of traumatized children and children who feel alone or believe that they do not fit in with the others. In the past we have never made an effort to make sure everyone is integrated into school life. So I have taken it upon me to draft new school rules that we will all have to abide to."

"And they are?" Snape asked politely.

Minerva's glasses were perched on the tip of her nose as she bent over the piece of parchment on her desk. Her earlier insecurity had vanished now that she read some of her rules aloud: "There will be no bullying and that includes the teachers." She looked up and gave him a long and sharp look. "As I have said before, I do not share Albus' ideals when it comes to valuable life lessons. I believe in a calm and friendly learning environment."

Snape curled his lip but did not say a word.

"Also, I have decided to offer regular counseling sessions to our students."

"I hope you do not expect me to counsel anyone," Snape said sarcastically which prompted McGonagall to adjust her glasses and give him an amused look.

"Of course not, Severus."

She went on to recite more rules including several programs that would be designed in order to counteract the rivalry between the houses and a lot of festivities that were supposed to strengthen the student body's moral. When she was finished briefing him, she sipped her tea and looked reasonably pleased.

"I have been pondering the thought of implementing these rules for a long time, Severus. There were so many students that did not seem to fit in."

He felt his facial muscles tighten and he hoped that she would refrain from naming his own miserable time with the marauders as an example. Whatever had happened in his days as a student in Hogwarts did not make him sympathize with any of the students. It simply did not interest him whether they felt comfortable or not as long as they handed their potion essays in in time and did not attempt to set their kettles on fire.

"Trouble in their adolescence can haunt children forever," McGonagall said in a sad tone but her face visibly lightened up at her next remark: "By the way, I saw you out and about in the grounds with Professor Sinistra earlier." McGonagall smiled. "She seems to have warmed up to you a bit."

"Obviously." Snape drawled the word slowly, slightly embarrassed by McGonagall's observation. The headmistress, however, either did not notice his discomfort or chose to ignore it.

"She has been very reclusive for the past five years. No one on the staff has ever exchanged more than a few words with her." Minerva chuckled. "She wasn't amused when I told her that her attendance in the Great Hall was required at mealtimes from now on so I am glad to see that she has found someone to confide in."

Snape snorted. "She does not confide in me. We merely exchanged a few words over dinner, Minerva."

"You did look close, however," Minerva said in a kind voice and Snape sorely regretted that he respected her too much to punish her for her indiscretion with a snide remark. "You make a nice pair."

"I can assure you, headmistress, that we are nowhere near being 'a pair', let alone a nice one."

"Relax, Severus." McGonagall laughed. "I was not planning on playing matchmaker for the two of you. I was simply observing."

"I don't mean to be rude but can I consider the official part of this meeting over? I have some business to attend to."

Minerva bowed her head and got to her feet. "Of course. If you need something, anything, let me know." She gave him a warm smile and squeezed his hand with both of hers. "Thank you, Severus."

* * *

><p>Snape finished grading the last potions essay and hurled the parchment aside with a heartfelt sigh. Why did they not make an effort? He had never understood how one could not be mesmerized by the glory of bubbling brown potion turning a sparkling green after one had added the crucial ingredient. Or how one could not be fascinated by the fact that a potion could either nurture a sick person back to health or do the exact opposite. Obviously, his students did not share his sentiment.<p>

He leaned back in his chair and stared at his bare lower arm. He was not in the habit of dressing sloppily in public but in the privacy of his quarters, he allowed himself to roll up his sleeves from time to time while working on essays. The dark mark had vanished without a trace which made him a free man. He could go wherever he wanted to and he had repaid his debt, hadn't he? He had done everything Dumbledore had asked of him which had included a deed he had not thought himself capable of. But hadn't he been selfish all along? Hadn't he done everything he had done for Lily? Snape closed his eyes and conjured up a mental image of her perfect oval face with the pretty green eyes sparkling at him. He had not dared keep a picture of her near since he had been too afraid of being found out by the Dark Lord. Or anyone else for that matter. Oh, how dreadful it would be for the public to learn that he had hopelessly loved Lily Potter who had died despising him. If that ever happened, he would not hesitate to avada kedavra himself.

Potter had mercifully not attempted to speak with him again and had watched silently as Snape had given out more hours of detention to the seditious Slytherin. The same boy had handed in an empty parchment instead of an essay today but Snape had only coldly smeared a "T" underneath before casting it aside. For all the injustice it brought, mutually being despised by all four houses did not faze him. Even the other teachers' helpless awkwardness around him did not bother him a lot. He was used to being alone and he had never had a circle of actual friends. So what was there for him to miss? The answer came more easily to him than he had expected: Albus Dumbledore. The man he had killed had been his only confidante and, annoyingly cheerful as he sometimes was, had been someone to talk to. Nowadays, that connection with humanity was lost and all he had was himself.

As usual, Albus' smiling face in his mind soon turned into the pained grimace it had been after he had been hit with the killing curse. Snape squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again to calm himself and chase the unwelcome image away. He remembered all too clearly how the older wizard had been hit so hard by his curse that he had plummeted off the astronomy tower with little dignity. The triumphant cries of his fellow death eaters ringing in his ears like a tinnitus, Snape had numbly stumbled away. Since then he had avoided the astronomy tower like the plague in order not to be reminded of one of the most painful nights of his life. But how could he ever conquer his fear if he did not subject himself to the place?

Ten minutes later he arrived on top of the astronomy tower. The sky was pitch black with no moon but the stars were twinkling lazily, calming him instantly. The wind brought muffled sounds from the owlery and rustled through his robes, billowing them up slightly. He now stood in exactly the same spot he had been in when he had raised his wand to make the kill.

_Severus, please_.

The words echoed through his mind. He had had no choice. He hadn't wanted to do it but he there had not been a choice. He repeated the words inside his head like a mantra. _Not a choice. _The wind caught in the roof beams above him and made a howling sound. Beneath him the lights of Hogwarts glittered and a white owl glided by gracefully. Despite the gruesome memories this place held, Snape felt at peace that very moment. He still felt burdened by what he had done but the quiet night soothed him and lessened the pain. The night air smelled of pine trees and he took a deep breath before turning back towards the trap door. Before he could make a move to climb down, though, the rustling of robes and the light steps of children could be heard and a group of very young students, armed with telescopes, appeared in the hole.

Of course a clear night called for stargazing. How could he have forgotten? Anxiously as not to make a sound he tried to swish past the students quietly, but one little boy saw him and shrieked. At once, whispers started among the children and he felt at a loss since he was unaware of which house the first years belonged in so he could not take points from them.

"What is the distraction?" A stern voice called and Aurora Sinistra stepped into the tower, a telescope in one hand and a piece of parchment in the other. She saw him at once and cocked her head: "Oh Professor Snape. Above ground level at this hour?" He opened his mouth to retaliate but the low chuckle of a small child interrupted him.

"What is so funny, Miss Salisbury?" Sinistra shot at a little girl with pigtails who paled instantly. "I recommend setting up your telescopes as I have instructed you earlier." The children immediately went about their work, clumsily setting up their instruments.

"Now, Professor Snape, have you developed an interest in the night sky?"

"No. I have actually come up here in order to throw myself off the tower after having spent the evening grading the most dreadful of potion essays," he replied and she smirked.

"Why does it have to be my tower then? Your suicide might not have been interrupted had you chosen Sybil's domain. I hear that she aids her sleeping with firewhiskey nowadays."

Without taking her eyes off Snape's she pointed her wand at a couple of children who were whispering behind her back and gently but forcefully blasted them apart.

"No talking. If you have not finished the star chart at the end of this lesson you will be behind and I am sure you wish to avoid that."

One of the kids giggled as the spell seemed to have tickled, rather than hurt which was consistent with her inability to cast dangerous spells.

"I should leave you to your lesson," Snape said and turned to leave but found himself fenced in by a multitude of telescopes that had been set up where the trapdoor was located.

"I am sorry, Professor Snape. I am afraid you will have to remain until the end of the lesson. The night is clear and my students have a curfew. I cannot allow their work to be interrupted by them having to dismount their equipment again because you wish access to the exit." Before he could reply she turned towards a little boy: "Mister Parry, you are holding your telescope the wrong way around. I doubt that this will help complete your star chart." She walked over and turned the instrument around, adjusting the tripod's height quickly and expertly. She made a quick round and told the children to start as soon as she was satisfied with the positions of their telescopes.

"You should have told me I have to stay up here for the remainder of your lesson when I was still able to leave," Snape growled.

"You, dear Professor Snape, did not ask." There was an amused twinkle in her eyes.

"Children," she turned towards the students. "Professor Snape will keep us company tonight so I believe you should take extra care in order to impress your potions master along with myself."

Most of the students looked utterly horrified at the prospect of having to endure not only their strict astronomy professor but the feared potions master along with her. The night did not seem as peaceful anymore now that two dozen children were hustling about, whispering and scribbling onto their pieces of parchment but the sky, as Sinistra had said, was extraordinarily clear. Snape would have never admitted it to anyone but he was thankful for the company. Sinistra, he saw with approval, kept her students very well under control. Even though Snape did not actually like children, he could appreciate them most if they were quiet.

"Do you know what I tell all of my students during their first astronomy lesson?" Sinistra asked.

"I don't since I have never had the pleasure of attending one before."

Sinistra folded her arms in front of her chest. "I tell them that the sky is always perfect. Not for astronomical purposes, obviously, but if you look up at the sky it is always breathtaking no matter what the weather is."

Snape couldn't help but think of Lily who had once said something very similar. They had been in their usual spot by the pond in the park on their backs and she had looked at the sky. "It's so beautiful, Sev… The sky is always so beautiful." He had reached for her hand back then and she had squeezed it. Sinistra did not reach for his hand but walked over to one of her students.

"Stars are not best represented by huge shapeless blobs of ink, Mister Jenkins." She waved her wand over the boy's parchment. "Try to do it a little more lovingly, will you?" She walked past another child and nodded appreciatively at a little girl's star chart. "Very well done, Miss Miller. Ten points to Ravenclaw." The girl smiled and Sinistra gave her a clipped little smile back.

Sinistra's involvement with her students had given Snape time to wipe the trace of melancholy from his face and he regarded her with mild interest when she returned to stand beside him again.

"It is very peaceful up here," he stated.

"With the first years, yes," she sighed. "There is a lot more inappropriateness going on with the seventh years. I caught Weasley kissing Granger over a telescope recently. It was outrageous. Potter couldn't stop laughing, however."

"If they continue to offend you may send them to me. I will take care of the problem for you."

"I would be flattered that you consider me a damsel in distress that has to be saved if I weren't suspecting you of wanting to get back at that trio for some reason or another."

Was she flirting with him? Snape remembered McGonagall's gentle teasing about their making a "nice pair" and shuddered. He would not make a fool of himself with the astronomy teacher. The fact that she was good-looking might have distracted a lot of other lonely men his age, but Snape decided that he had fought his urges long and successfully enough to not fall into this trap.

"I have cauldrons that have to be cleaned. Longbottom left them in a state so dreadful that they have to be scrubbed manually," he snapped at her. "It would be useful to have some additional hands at my disposal. That is all there was to my offer."

Sinistra raised an eyebrow. "My my, Severus. You could really be nice to me. It wouldn't hurt you, you know."

She left him brooding to go and check on her class again, lecturing a sheepish little boy on the wonders of the constellations and how he was supposed to pay attention to the sky instead of sticking a quill into his friend's arm. Finally she clapped her hands to get the students' attention.

"The lesson is over for tonight. I hope you have all finished your star charts as I have told you to. Hand them in now and then go back to your common rooms."

The children started packing up their telescopes and for a moment Snape felt like grabbing the tripod from the particularly slow working girl who still blocked the trap door to throw it off the tower. One by one the children finally started to shuffle out and Sinistra ushered them out, reminding them to hurry up so they would safely arrive in their common rooms by curfew.

"I will see them off to their common rooms" Snape said. "before they find some way to make trouble."

Sinistra turned around, an unruly pile of parchment gathered in her arms. "Would you mind staying behind and holding the door for me?"

Snape was not Prince Charming but he did have good manners so he took the pile of star charts from her and followed her down the stairs and into the corridor towards her classroom. Sinistra, however, bypassed the door that, as he remembered from his own days as a student, led into the classroom with the fantastic view of the grounds. Instead she opened another.

"Please, this way," she said unnecessarily and walked ahead into her personal quarters. Snape followed her hesitantly and looked around while she took the pile of star charts off him and carried them towards her desk. The room was spacious and he counted five huge windows. The wall on the opposite side whose doors he supposed led to her bathroom and bedroom was adorned with framed pictures of constellations. Before one of the windows stood a large oak desk and a high bookshelf held rows of books on astronomy. There was a midnight blue couch with a coffee table and a comfortable looking chair in which a large fluffy cat was residing.

"We have company, I see," Snape pointed at the feline that stretched and yawned, then looked at him with obvious distrust.

"That is Ophiuchus." The cat hissed and vanished beneath the couch. "And he does not like strangers," she added. Without his asking she conjured up two glasses of red wine and beckoned him to take a seat on the couch. Snape was reluctant but then sat down on the chair opposite her anyway.

"What were you really doing on top of the tower tonight?" she asked without preamble.

"What makes you doubt that I wanted to kill myself? You have worked with children for a few years now."

She leaned back and sipped her wine carefully. "Would you like to know what I think?"

"I am sure I have no choice whether I would like to find out or not."

She shook her head at his sarcasm. "The tower is where you had to kill Albus. I have been waiting for you to come round and face the place for a while now."

He was surprised both by the fact that she was right and that she dared to speak to him like this. Did he not pride himself in being a greasy git that everyone despised and thus felt unable to relate to? Why was she being so open with him?

"That is none of your damn business, Sinistra," he scowled.

"Hey, I have been spilling my secrets to you. Quid pro quo, Professor Snape."

He decided to meet her request for two reasons: Firstly, she was right and secondly he needed to talk to someone about it or he felt his head might explode. He had become enormously skilled at hiding his emotions over the past few years but Albus Dumbledore had always been a person he could trust, someone he could and needed to talk to in order to protect his sanity. Snape never laid out his feelings to anyone but there had been no need to with Albus. The headmaster had chatted away about sweets and Quidditch and in the process easily brought up other topics that were more difficult to discuss. More than once Snape had found himself revealing a little bit of himself to the man he had come to think of as his mentor and although he had never poured his heart out, he had always felt better afterwards. And besides, he was sure Sinistra pestering him if he did not give her anything.

"I have indeed been contemplating the night I murdered Professor Dumbledore." he said. "And as you can imagine, the memories were no source of pleasure."

"So I would think," Sinistra said contemplatively. "I miss him."

Her admission had come out of thin air and Snape sat in silence until she resumed: "He was the only one who ever came here, you know. He was an insomniac, I suppose. Showered me in lemon drops. And he was much more agreeable when he was not being cheerful in order to please the crowd."

Snape smirked. He had always found that to be true.

"I feel a bit lonely without him, really." Sinistra took another sip of her wine and he mirrored her gesture.

"Then you must despise me for murdering your only confidante." Snape couldn't help it. He knew that he was technically not a murderer but he could not bring himself to forgive himself so easily. She regarded him over the rim of her glass and then firmly set it down on the coffee table. Withdrawing her feet from beneath her body she rose from her seat and walked towards him. For a horrifying second Snape feared that she was approaching him in order to embrace him or worse but she turned out to walk past him. He heard her soft footsteps and a drawer being opened and closed before she returned.

"I have been meaning to show this to you and I think now might be a good moment."

She reached across the table and held out a piece of paper that he immediately recognized as a chocolate frog card. His dark eyes flickered as he saw the man in the picture: From the photo a sneering black-haired wizard stared at him, flicking his hair from his face from time to time. Below the picture the card stated the obvious: Severus Snape.

"I now have a chocolate frog card?" he asked, incredulously.

"Read on." The card described his various talents and finished with a short remark on how he had been Dumbledore's most loyal follower and a double agent who had managed to fool Voldemort. He raised his gaze from the document and looked at Sinistra with confusion.

"This cannot be real."

"It is, believe me. I unfortunately ate the chocolate frog it came with so I can't show it to you."

"They should have chosen a more handsome picture," Snape huffed but couldn't suppress a bit of pride welling up inside him. Fame was by no means essential to him but it felt good to learn that he was being appreciated.

"You are a bloody hero, Professor Snape and you should finally stop blaming yourself. Albus knew what he was doing and personally I think, it is him who should feel guilty for putting you through this."

"You are well-spoken, Professor Sinistra, but you cannot convince me," Snape said and his pain was evident in his voice.

"I know. I just thought you might have to hear someone say it."

Snape felt at a loss and laid the card back down at on table, unsure of how to proceed. A fire was going on in the fire place and the room was warm and comfortable. Outside, however, fog was starting to envelope the castle and obscure the night sky that had been so clear mere minutes ago. Sinistra's wine was formidable. She seemed to have good taste. Why not stay for another moment and enjoy the comfort the situation provided?

"The Yule Ball is coming up. Do you still make it a habit to wander the corridors in order to blast kissing couples apart?" Sinistra took the decision out of his hands by means of a light-hearted question.

"How would you be aware of that? Have you even attended the Yule Ball on the occasion of the Triwizard Tournament?"

She rolled her eyes at the memory: "Indeed I have. After Professor Moody, or his impostor, swung me around in what he liked to call a dance I retreated to my tower."

He leaned back in his chair and curled his lip. "Then I expect we will not see much of each other during the ball since you cannot actually blast couples apart due to your lack of defensive skill."

"Thanks for pointing it out, Professor Snape. I can do charms that accomplish the same results, though, as you have seen tonight."

Snape smiled cruelly. "It is of no use if it does not hurt, Sinistra."

She sighed. "Then what to do? Minerva will not allow for excuses and you are the only person around here whose company I enjoy."

The admission baffled both of them and her hand flew up to her mouth as if she was trying in vain to stop the words from pouring out. She had never shown a lot of affection towards him so he was puzzled by that sudden heartfelt statement.

"Are you proposing that we engage in recreational activities together?" he asked pointedly after which she looked at a loss.

"The thought is disturbing."

"Indeed."

The ensuing silence was almost painful. Snape couldn't believe that only mere minutes ago they had been engaged in conversation as deep and meaningful as it got when it came to him and now they were scrambling about like Neville Longbottom during potions class.

He got up and placed his glass onto the coffee table in a hurry.

"I have to leave now."

"Of course." She got up along with him and held out the chocolate frog card. "Take it. It's yours." Unsure whether to accept the gift his eyes darted around and he took it anyway. There was a fleeting memory of Lily Evans handing him a Salazar Slytherin card and smiling happily as he gave her Godric Gryffindor in exchange.

"I will see you Saturday then," he said as he turned to leave. "We will practice spells that will allow you to keep me company while I put an end to the indecent behavior of the student body." With those words said he left without turning back.

- **to be continued** -


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**: First of all let me tell you how much I appreciate every single review! Glad to hear that you guys enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it. I doubt that I can keep the very frequent updates up but I will do my very best! :)

[**5**]

"Seriously. No way."

Sinistra's normally soft voice had turned into a shriek reminiscent of a banshee and she clumsily staggered two steps backwards to bump into the old desk that occupied the front end of the otherwise empty abandoned classroom. Rain was pattering against the windows and the wind was howling several stories below them as Snape stood motionless, his white cuffed hand on a wooden crate. A disconcerting rumble escaped it from time to time.

"If you want to learn you will have to do as I tell you," he said calmly.

"But…" Sinistra's eyes were wide with fear. "I can't! I won't be able to defeat it. Please. Please don't."

Snape slowly shook his head. "Take out your wand and prepare yourself, Professor Sinistra. I will let it out in ten seconds."

Sinistra's hand was shaking violently as she reached for her wand and pressed her body back against the desk.

"No. Not this way." Snape made an impatient motion with his head and squeezed his eyes shut with annoyance. "Go over there. Stand with your back to the window."

Sinistra had obviously resigned herself to the hopelessness of her situation and slowly walked over to the window with light, hesitant steps.

"Now, that's better." Snape gently tipped his wand against the lock and the crate fell open. Sinistra's face tensed with fear when it creaked ominously. After having tried teaching her the conventional way for two more lessons he had been close to giving up. Severus Snape was not a patient man and it had taken a lot out of him not to yell at her for her incompetence. Something had obviously happened to her magic and he needed to find a way to trigger that part of her magical skills so it would resurface. Snape had been a Death Eater and a teacher long enough to be aware of the fact that fear was one of the most powerful triggers in the world. Since he found himself unable to instill any kind of fear in her, he had settled for the obvious choice: A boggart. The magical creature conveniently turned into whatever its opponent feared most in the world. If that was not enough to trick Sinistra's magic into coming back, he would officially admit defeat in the matter.

He watched as with a flash of lightening the boggart transformed into Sinistra's worst fear in the world. A look towards her confirmed that she was, like him, anxiously awaiting the thing to present itself. And it did. Snape frowned when it finally became fully visible. He had expected a giant spider, a murderous troll or even Lord Voldemort but this was as entirely unexpected as it was confusing. Instead of a dangerous magical creature a white screen that looked to be made of linen appeared. Behind it a woman's silhouette could be seen.

"Try the spell!" Snape commanded but received no answer. "What are you waiting for?" he barked and wondered how "Ridikkulus" could possibly make this sight more ridiculous. It wasn't even frightening. "Sinistra!"

He impatiently turned his head to look at her and found her frozen in place, her eyes widened in shock, her wand lowered. Snape was no fool and immediately recognized that she would not be able to perform the spell at all for he doubted that she could even speak in her state. He turned back to the woman behind the white screen and suddenly heard a low though gut-wrenching moan. For the first time he felt uneasy as the shadow behind the screen bent over slightly as if in pain.

"Make it stop," Snape could hardly make out Sinistra's words for they were spoken in a low voice that was breathless with fear. "Please, make it stop."

He couldn't take her obvious pain any longer and promptly sent the boggart back into its cage with a quick wave of his wand. Sinistra's wand slipped from her fingers and clattered on the floor as she raised both of her hands to her face. To his utter horror she began to cry, tears streaming down her cheeks, her shoulders in spasms. "No" he heard her whisper between sobs. "Oh no. No. No." When students started crying in his class Snape knew what to do but since he could not possibly take house points off a teacher he now felt completely helpless.

"Aurora…" he tried but she did not appear to hear him with her face still hidden in her hands and her body pressed against the window. "That window must be cold," he said clumsily but she didn't respond. He awkwardly reached out for her and placed his hand on her shoulder to guide her away from the window and towards the old desk that was the only piece of furniture left in the room. Sinistra was still unresponsive but allowed him to help her sit on the desk. For a while she just sat there and cried silently until her sobs slowly started to subside. When she finally took her hands off her face her eyes looked large and puffy.

"You got yourself into quite a state," he said and offered her his handkerchief that she graciously took and wiped her tears away with. "It was only a boggart," he added and hoped silently that she would not detect the trace of remorse that had slipped into his tone.

Sinistra handed his handkerchief back and folded her hands in her lap. "No more boggarts for me."

"You know," Snape said and moved to stand directly in front of her. "fear must be conquered."

She shook her head violently, avoiding his eyes. "I can't do it again. I really really can't do it!"

"You will have to try again." His voice sounded silky but he was much more soft spoken than he would have allowed himself to be if she had been one of his students.

"I will not. And you cannot force me!" She slid off the desk and pushed past him, headed for the door. Snape swiftly grabbed her slim wrist with his left hand and magically sealed the door with the other. Sinistra gave a tortured sob while Snape was scandalized at the fact that he had touched her.

"I apologize. I did not mean to hurt you." He quickly let go of her and summoned her wand to give it back to her. She practically ripped it out of his hand. "Let me go, Severus. I swear I will hurl myself out of that window if you do not let me go."

"You are being unreasonable. Follow me."

"Forget it!" she was almost shouting now. "I will not face that damn thing again!"

"Sinistra!" he raised his voice for the first time and reached out his hand to beckon her. "Come here now."

Sinistra, at the very least, did not look frightened anymore. In fact her fear seemed to have turned into annoyance. Snape was relieved since that was a sentiment he knew how to deal with. Slowly and indignantly Sinistra walked to stand beside him again. This time, however, Snape did not step aside but stood behind her as he had done in the Forbidden Forest. He had never since aided her magic with his again and had actually decided not to repeat it but somehow he felt that he had to do it now.

"Before I release the boggart again, we will do the spell together," he commanded. "May I touch your hand?"

She nodded solemnly and he stepped reached around her and wrapped his fingers around hers, aiding her in lifting the wand until it was pointed at the boggart's cage.

"Ridikkulus," they said and a blinding light shot from her wand. From the inside of the crate came comical laughter like that of a clown.

"See? You need not be afraid as long as I am here with you. You will have to try harder, though. Again."

This time he said the words but did not put a lot of force into them while her voice sounded much firmer. Unbeknownst to her, she performed the spell almost entirely by herself. This time it was stronger and the laughter inside the crate turned into that of a baby. Snape curled his lip as he did not like babies and couldn't see how any noise they made would provide comfort to anyone.

"Very well. Now. Open the cage. Do not hesitate. Do it now."

She flicked her wand and the crate opened slowly. Snape could feel her fingers clench around her wand beneath his and only as he felt her body tense he noticed how close they were. His first instinct was to step back but then he did not want to risk another breakdown of hers again.

The boggart exited the crate and once again turned into the strange arrangement of the screen and now audibly whimpering woman behind it.

"Now." He whispered and heard Sinistra take a deep breath.

"Riddikulus!" she shouted and while he moved his lips, he did not perform the spell along with her. As he had hoped it would, her belief that she was not doing it alone was enough to lift her magical blockade for the moment. A powerful white light shot from the tip of her wand once again and it seemed to Snape as if it was bolting towards the boggart in slow motion while he felt her magic surging through him. It shot through his veins like electricity, up his arm and into his torso. Snape had never done this before and, to be honest, had not expected her magic to be strong enough to be felt by him. For a moment he could not help but relax. Her magic travelled through him like a calming liquid that left a comfortable warmth behind. The moment her spell hit the boggart the feeling stopped immediately. Instantly, the white screen burst into sparkling pink stars and the woman behind it vanished in a puff of pink smoke.

"Cute" Snape said sarcastically.

"The pink stars are your work, too, since you helped me."

"No, I didn't. Not this time," he said almost triumphantly. "I didn't even say the words."

She looked from him to the pink starburst in stunned silence.

"Are you serious?"

"No, I am Severus." Snape only just restrained himself from grimacing at the crude yet childish joke he had made. It was so entirely out of character for him that he suspected the connection he had shared with her until just a moment ago to be responsible for it. He was still trembling as it had somehow shaken him to the core.

To his surprise, she laughed. Her laughter was light and contagious. If he hadn't been Severus Snape he was sure he would have found himself unable but to join in. She looked younger when she laughed, he observed.

"Oh Merlin, I did it. I actually did it!"

"Yes, after you cried up a storm and declared that you would never be able to do it," Snape sneered to make up for his intolerable joke.

"Grumpy bugger," she said breathlessly and sat back down on the desk, her feet dangling. Snape quickly locked the boggart back into the crate before it could turn into his worst fear that he certainly did not want her to witness.

"Well, I believe we should end this here for today. You have cried, laughed, defeated your worst fear and insulted your teacher. That should be enough for one day. I will return this creature to the proper department now."

He picked up the crate and bowed her head at her in farewell. When he had almost reached the door she called him back.

"Professor Snape," she smiled through newly welling up tears. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>By the time Halloween rolled around the trees had lost all of their leaves and the cloudless sky was a pale blue. Snape had grudgingly obeyed when McGonagall had assigned him to accompany a bunch of students to Hogsmeade so they could pick up their formal robes, dresses or whatever else they felt they needed in order to be even more of a nuisance than usual. The grass was crunching below his feet with an early frost and he kept his eyes on the chattering group of students.<p>

"Professor Snape, wait up!" He turned around to find Professor Sinistra hurrying towards him in dark grey woolen robes that matched her eyes. "How can it be so cold although the sun is out?" she asked, shaking her head slightly. She was wearing light blue gloves with a matching cap that was neither elegant nor especially becoming but he had got used to her getting cold easily so he hardly noticed the getup anymore.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be up in your tower brushing your hair or preparing your dress or whatever else witches do before a ball?"

She rolled her eyes and he realized for the first time that his sarcasm did not seem to bother her anymore. In fact, she hardly seemed to notice it.

"That is exactly what I should be doing but unfortunately someone has to accompany the students to Hogsmeade. Minerva insisted on it being me."

Snape raised an eyebrow in disgust: "You'd think that one chaperoning teacher would be enough."

She nodded in fierce agreement: "One should think so indeed."

They walked beside each other in comfortable silence for a while during which Snape reflected upon the past six weeks. Short of having to attend to both Dumbledore's and the Dark Lord's needs he had found himself with a lot of spare time on his hands that he had spent reading, working on a new potion he had been creating and, of course, teaching Sinistra. All of his Saturday afternoons had been spent in the abandoned classroom where he had first quizzed her on her reading on defense spells and then tried to teach her to use them. Frustratingly, trying was all he could do. The only time she ever accomplished anything had been the time with the boggart. He had gone through his entire repertoire of easier spells but had found none that she was able to perform properly without his help. Sinistra had grown increasingly frustrated and he was sure that, like him, she was wondering why he was still putting up with her.

Snape had never believed in patience with students but he could see how hard she tried and yet he had physically felt her magic when they had performed spells together. Leglimency was a far more straightforward way share one's mind with another witch or wizard but feeling someone's magic pulsating through one's body was a lot more intimate. Snape disliked the word. The only person he had ever wanted to know intimately had been Lily. Everyone else he had only ever wanted to know well enough to be able to see through them in order to determine how much of a threat they could pose. Intimacy, for him, had nothing to do with what others deemed intimate.

For example, the women he had shared a bed with – but never for a whole night – had not been intimate acquaintances to him. These relations had been a means of release and distraction. Love had never been part of the equation either on his part or on that of the women. Snape had always made it very clear that that was all he wished to be there. Love was a word that Snape neither spoke nor wanted to hear spoken aloud and he was sure of the fact that he would not be able to feel love ever again. His love for Lily had been so pure and so perfect that it had become a part of him. How would he ever be able to accommodate another woman in his heart?

Still, he liked to feel Sinistra's magic and sometimes found himself almost longing for it. It was shimmering but viscous like the resin from the tree they had practiced Sectumsempra on. To his surprise, he had found that combining their magic in order for the spell to work was no longer just a means to help her overcome her inability. It had become something he took pleasure in and sometimes, unbeknownst to her, he closed his eyes and felt her magic bubbling up inside him. It felt innocent and innocence had been what he had always loved so much in Lily. Sinistra, other than Lily, held secrets that he presumed were far from innocent but then he wasn't looking to replace Lily. Sinistra had become more trusting of him and smiled a little more often while he had found himself loosening up a bit around her as well. At mealtimes, however, he kept his distance. McGonagall's comment still stuck with him and he felt needled whenever he caught the headmistress looking in their direction.

The roofs of Hogsmeade were already coming into view when he spoke again.

"Weasley's formal robes last time were dreadful and I am sure Miss Lovegood's dress could have dazzled a troll with its overall sparkliness. I wonder what assault on the eyes we have to expect tonight."

Sinistra was rubbing her gloved hands together and pulled her robes around herself.

"At least Minerva promised to put a heating charm on the Great Hall. It is freezing today!"

After a contemplative pause she said: "I didn't stay at the last Yule Ball for a very long time but even I noticed Miss Lovegood's questionable sense of style. I wonder what the worst thing is we will have to endure tonight."

He curled his lip with amusement. "I am sure Hagrid will get drunk. He will probably force Minerva to dance with him again."

"This again, is a sight I would definitely enjoy," Sinistra said, chuckling. Her pale cheeks had blushed with the cold wind and her eyes were sparkling with mischief. Snape had to admit that he was glad that she was here with him although he was well aware of the fact that Minerva's sending them both could hardly be a coincidence.

"Shall we go to the Three Broomsticks for a butter beer, Professor Sinistra?" The suggestion felt awkward as their relationship had been strictly limited to the occasional discussion at the dinner table and their lessons that were nearly completely devoid of personal conversation.

"Faced with the prospect of a social gathering tonight, I might just prefer a fire whiskey, Professor Snape."

He smirked and held the door open for her, following her inside. They sat down at a table in the corner and he ordered tea for them as Sinistra assured him that the firewhiskey comment had been a joke. When their drinks arrived Snape suddenly was unsure of what to say next. They hadn't shared private thoughts with each other since the night on the tower almost six weeks ago so it did not seem appropriate to do so now. Thankfully, she was the one to open the conversation.

"Look, I have been meaning to talk to you about something. You can see that I am completely hopeless at the Defense Against the Dark Arts. I cannot even cast a simple spell without your aiding me. So if I was ever caught in a duel, I would need you anyway. You might as well defend me then."

Despite the light comment towards the end of her statement he could see that she was ashamed from the way she could not look at him properly.

"So you want to give up that easily?" he snarled. "Magic takes time."

"Then how long does it take?" she replied heatedly. "I do not think that this is a matter of patience. I will have to accept that my magic is restricted. And so should you."

Snape leaned over the table towards her so she could still hear his low voice: "Professor Sinistra, your magic is by no means restricted. It is powerful and pure and I refuse to believe that there is anything you cannot learn."

Sinistra leaned forward, too, so their noses almost touched: "Then why, Professor Snape," she said sharply. "can I not perform even the dumbest, easiest spell by myself?" Her voice had risen up towards the end of the sentence and a middle-aged witch on the table next to her turned around with a scandalized look on her face. When she caught sight of Snape, however, she quickly turned back to her tea and sandwich. Sometimes it came in handy to look like a homicidal overgrown bat.

"I do not know, Sinistra. There are several ways one can lose their magical abilities in an area but there is usually a reason of the mind."

She winced and leaned back against her chair as far away from him as possible, it seemed.

"So what you are saying is that I am blocking my own magic?"

"I think so, yes, and I suppose that unless you confront the reason, you will not be able to regain your ability to perform the spells."

Sinistra looked hurt and relieved at the same time. "I cannot possibly do that," she stated adamantly.

"Why?" Snape asked. "Are you a coward, Sinistra?"

Her eyes narrowed. "No. I am not a coward."

"Then what is it, Sinistra? What was so horrific that you cannot talk about it? What is it about the woman behind the screen?" he challenged.

"If you honestly believe that you can bully me into revealing my darkest secrets to you in a public area with an eavesdropping old witch nearby –" She shot the witch at the other table an aggressive look. "You are gravely mistaken."

They scowled at each other across the table.

"Why would you want to know what pains me? I have never seen you take an interest in anyone before? As long as no one bothers you or tries to harm you, you could not care less about their sentiments!" she insisted stubbornly.

Snape slammed a handful of coins on the table and got up brusquely. "Follow me outside."

She looked confused so he swept next to her and bent down to level with her. "Get up and come with me. Is that so difficult to understand?"

She growled but did as he had asked and followed him outside where he turned stiffly towards her. "I was not going to say that where someone else might hear me and if you ever dare tell anyone about this, I will make you pay." He swallowed. "I care about your wellbeing because I enjoy your company, Sinistra."

She looked at him with growing amusement. "You are making such a fuss just because you want to tell me that you like to hang out?"

"This is not funny." Snape turned to leave and, taking his wand from his robe, started to roughly gather the students around him in order to take them back to Hogwarts. Once the group was completely assembled and had started walking towards the castle, Sinistra caught up with him.

"I did not mean to offend you, Professor Snape but I think that you have a flair for the dramatic sometimes. Still, I am pleased that you do enjoy my company. Even though I still believe that there is not much of a point in continuing our lessons, we might find another pastime to enjoy together."

"Like a Halloween Ball?" he drawled sarcastically.

"That one is mandatory, I am afraid." Sinistra screwed up her face. "But we might get through it quite comfortably if we find time to relate the most outrageous fashion faux-pas to each other during the night."

"I like a witch who cherishes some good old sarcasm."

"Then I think we are in agreement, Professor Snape."

* * *

><p>As he swept inside the Great Hall in his frock and usual black robes Snape found himself looking out for Sinistra at once since in the hall he had encountered a student in a truly hideous orange frazzle and was longing to tell her about it. The hall was emblazoned with its usual Halloween decorations but there were less candles which allowed for a dim festive illumination. The tables had been cleared out and in their stead he found smaller tables scattered along the edges of the dance floor. The latter was already in huge demand as Neville Longbottom seemed to have shed his shyness and was whirling Luna Lovegood around so quickly that – to his dismay – Snape was unable to catch a look at what she was wearing. After the war the ministry had decided to allow everyone who had actually attended Hogwarts that past year to decide whether they wanted to go back to repeat the year under normal conditions. Snape was not offended since his curriculum had not been very informative. To his regret, nearly everyone had decided to come back. Sinistra was nowhere to be seen and before he could sneak off to the teacher's table Minerva McGonagall blocked his way.<p>

"Severus!" She smiled and handed him a glass of the nauseatingly sweet punch. "You look formidable."

"Minerva, I am in my usual attire."

"Still, something looks different about you, I just cannot put my finger on it."

Snape's black eyes darted around the room in search of eavesdroppers as he was sure she would soon notice what was different. And sure enough, Minerva's face turned pink as she discovered it but thankfully she seemed to have decided to spare him the embarrassment.

"Anyway, Severus." Her eyes twinkled with amusement. "Thank you for walking the students to Hogsmeade at such short notice today."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "About that, Minerva. I deemed it quite the coincidence that you assigned that duty to both myself and Professor Sinistra of all people."

"Severus, I regret it but I have to leave you to your own devices for a moment while I greet… hello Filius! You look very handsome tonight!" And gone she was. Snape scowled and flipped his hair back. At least she hadn't announced to the world that he had made an effort with it for once and had managed to finally find a potion that would keep the grease out of it. Well, most of it anyway.

"Being grumpy again?" He turned around and found Sinistra standing next to him.

"I need a firewhiskey right now," he said and she nodded in agreement. "I will join you."

"I was hoping you would," he said and set off towards the table before she, too, would notice his new devotion to the condition of his hair. When they arrived he handed her a glass and took another for himself than turned towards the dance floor. "I spotted Miss Lovegood with Mr Longbottom earlier. Since he killed Nagini with the sword of Godric Gryffindor I believe he fancies himself quite the lady's man."

Sinistra snickered at the slander and he looked at her from the corner of his eye. Her hair was half up while the rest of it was more wavy than usual and she was wearing a knee-lenght simple black dress that showed off her delicate collarbones and slim legs. He had never seen her out of her baggy robes so he noticed for the first time how lovely her figure was.

"Oh my, I can see it now." Sinistra gasped and he followed her gaze to discover Luna Lovegood in a protruding silver skirt that sparkled like a Christmas tree complete with a matching cardigan and earrings roughly the size of Christmas ornaments.

"Oh sweet Merlin," Snape said. "Just you look at her."

Sinistra turned around to refill their glasses. "It is still cold. What about that heating charm?"

"You should have put some robes on, Sinistra. That dress cannot be very warm."

"Thanks for your concern, Professor Snape," she said sarcastically. "but I do not own any robes that would have gone with my only nice dress."

"There comes Hagrid and - dare I say it – he already has a spring in his step," Snape announced and Sinistra cocked her head. "I didn't know Potter and Weasley's sister had something going on. With him being a hero and the chosen one you'd think he knew better than to snog her with all eyes on them."

Snape took a swig of his whiskey and curled his lip in disgust. "One would think."

The music flared up again and couples started to dance while Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley snug out into the hallway with knowing smiles on their faces. Unlike normally, Snape did not menacingly follow them but decided to stay. For the insults, not the company of course.

"Professor Vector is not wearing her glasses. That cannot be…" At the other end of the Great Hall Vector bumped into Hagrid. "... good." He finished Sinistra's sentence in a sepulchral voice. Hagrid pulled the unsuspecting professor into an embrace and swept her off to the dance floor.

"Aurora, my love, you look positively stunning tonight!" McGonagall had made her way back towards them and had obviously set her mind on becoming the next Albus Dumbledore in terms of spreading cheer among the staff.

"Good evening, Minerva," Sinistra said politely.

One step short of wiggling her eyebrows at them, or so Snape secretly thought, McGonagall took a long look at them. "Now, I believe you should join Filius and me for the first formal dance of the evening."

"I don't dance," they said in unison.

McGonagall shrugged, a little taken aback by their staunched response and excused herself.

"McGonagall and Flitwick on the dance floor together? That will surely be a sight to behold!" Sinistra said and she proved to be right. Snape never broke into fits of laughter or even laughed out loud. The only thing that ever came close was the mean snicker that he sometimes employed to utterly terrify students. Still, a considerably wide smile graced his face as he watched the awkward affair that was McGonagall's and Flickwick's dance and entertained a positively giggling Sinistra with sharp remarks about it. More firewhiskey was consumed and although they were both far from drunk they decided to take a walk in the courtyard in order to clear their heads. The night was quiet and cold and for a while they walked in silence with only the sound of their feet on the gravel disturbing the peace.

"All this was in shambles after the final battle with You-Know-Who and now look at it!" Sinistra's face was illuminated by one of the numerous carved pumpkins that were scattered around the courtyard and he watched a smile form. "I couldn't imagine that they would be able to put it back together. The destruction was just so devastating."

She shuddered at the cold wind that made the thin fabric of her dress cling to her body.

"You are silly, woman. It is far too cold to be out with just a skimpy dress on," he snarled.

"Skimpy! Thank you, Professor Snape," she said sarcastically. "I was waiting for you to compliment me on my beauty all evening."

"I'd rather cover you up."

She opened her mouth to protest what she thought had been a thinly disguised insult but was cut off by the swishing noise that he made when he took his black cloak off and placed it around her shoulders. He waited for her to place her hand on her collarbone to hold the garment together and then let go of it as if it was on fire.

"Thank you," was all she apparently managed to say. He decided not to answer and walked ahead towards the other end of the courtyard where they would be safe from any potential onlookers' curious stares. Sinistra followed, the large robes billowing around her and he could not hide an amused smile when she caught up with him in a flurry of black fabric.

"I see where the bat comparison originated from," he said in a very rare bout of self-irony.

"Could have told you that before, Professor Snape," Sinistra murmured.

"You are wearing my robes, Sinistra. You may call me Severus if you wish but do not take that as an invitation. I do not tolerate abbreviations of any kind." If he heard any other woman address him as "Sev" - as Lily had always done - he was sure his heart would break.

"Alright. Then you should call me Aurora. Also Aura, if you like."

"Aura?"

"It is a kind of nickname that my aunt gave me."

"I am not in the habit of using… nicknames."

"Then don't." She spoke without anger and looked up at the sky. "It is such a pity that we have to stay down here. It is a perfect night for stargazing."

They stood in silence for a moment and his gaze was glued to the sharp outline of her jaw as her face was raised towards the stars above her. With their difference in height he was well aware of the fact that all it would have taken to kiss her would have been to step closer to her and press his lips upon hers. It had been years since Snape had last desired to kiss a woman and this time he wasn't even in a state of frantic desire to get Lily Evan's wedding or the news of her pregnancy off his mind. For the first time since Lily, who he had naturally never dared to actually kiss, the moment felt right. Sinistra caught his gaze and her face hardened ever so slightly. A good judge of character, Snape immediately recognized fear mixed with something that might have been longing. Their eyes locked he stared at her for another moment that was harshly interrupted by the low thump of his cloak that had slid off her shoulders. Bending down hurriedly, they retrieved the cloak and he could not bring himself to look at her again.

"Maybe we should go back inside," he said stiffly and Sinistra nodded her agreement, handing his cloak back to him. "Thank you for that, Severus." Uneasily they walked back towards the Great Hall while in his stomach, Snape felt guilt nagging away at him that he could not understand. He had never felt guilty towards Lily when he had been with all those other women. Why was he starting to feel bad about it now?

- **to be continued** -


	6. Chapter 6

[**6**]

Quidditch matches between Slytherin and Gryffindor were always an event the school took great interest in which was probably due to the high level of violence the players exhibited towards each other. Snape was not particularly keen to watch Potter zoom around on his broom but since he was Slytherin's house teacher he did not have much of a choice but to attend. Some students in his house, however, had made it very clear that a traitor's attendance was neither required nor desired so the grey November sky matched his mood on his way to the pitch.

When he reached the entrance he was faced with a sight that was both welcome and dreaded: Aurora Sinistra stood there, her arms folded in front of her chest, a large light-blue scarf wrapped around her neck and shoulders. She looked rather mutinous with blazing eyes and slightly pursed lips. Snape felt a bit uneasy when their eyes met over the heads of a group of first-years who were excitedly chattering amongst themselves, obviously unaware of their potion master's menacing presence. They hadn't seen each other since the night of the ball two days ago and he wasn't sure how to deal with her since their near-kiss - if it actually qualified as such - had left him with an awkward feeling that in turn had caused him to excuse himself and go to bed very soon after they had reentered the Great Hall. Consequently, he decided to just march past her and leave her to her brooding mood. Unfortunately, as he came closer, he found that she looked a bit lost among the students as their fellow professors had already taken their seats.

"Severus," she said in a dark voice, pulling her scarf more tightly around herself and he decided that there was really no reason to just brush her off.

"Aurora," he was still getting used to the usage of their first names, he realized. "I did not know that you were interested in Quidditch at all."

"I am not but McGonagall said she thought it was important for the student body's morale that all teachers attend."

She shivered in the grey November mist and it was clear from her expression that she did not share McGonagall's opinion.

"On days like this I usually stay in with a hot cup of tea. And I forgot to take my gloves. What else could possibly go wrong?"

Snape felt how he was beginning to relax around her again. She obviously didn't feel the need to talk about their close moment at the ball or whether it would have any repercussions concerning their professional relationship.

"Well, if you do not mind who wins the game you might as well sit with me and the Slytherins," he offered. Sinistra looked relieved and followed him to his seat. A light drizzle made her shudder again and since the other spectators did not seem to be keen to sit near them, Snape found it safe enough to tease her: "I would lent you my cloak again but I won't because it still carries your scent after you've been wearing it for only a few moments," he said accusingly.

She looked up at him and replied silkily: "Well, well, Severus. I thought a powerful wizard like you would know a spell or two to redeem that situation."

She was right and he grimaced as the implications of what he had just said hit home. He had not felt the need to get rid of her scent as he actually enjoyed it and he had just inadvertently admitted to that fact. Her smirk confirmed his suspicion that she knew that, too. How could he have let it slip?

By the time the match started, the drizzle had turned into a light rain and the wind was howling in the stands' woodwork. The players weren't very happy with the weather conditions and neither was Sinistra who kept rubbing her hands together to get them warm. Mud was flung through the air as one of the players had to perform an emergency landing. It seemed that Minerva's programs to counteract the house-rivalry had not worked, yet, Snape found with a self-righteous curling of his lip. Both Slytherin and Gryffindor were playing only just by the rules and more than once the cat-like Madame Hooch rose on her broom in order to lecture the players on how they were not supposed to fatally harm their opponents. The blows were hard and the bludgers were shooting across the pitch at top speed. Every now and then the crowd broke into collective horrified groaning when another player was hit. Sight was not good in the rain and so it was hard to follow what was going on.

"Quidditch is such a horribly violent game!" Sinistra gasped as Harry Potter was nearly hit by a quaffel. "I wouldn't be surprised if the boy who lived through several direct confrontations with You-know-who was knocked off his broom to break his neck!"

Snape, again, really liked that thought although in his heart he knew that he would be the first to jump from his seat and save the boy mid-fall should the situation ever occur.

"The game is rough, but so is life," he replied, dismissing her point.

Sinistra was quiet once again and continued watching. Whenever a bludger hit, she winced at the noise and quietly muttered about how she detested "that game".

"Go back to the castle and hide in your tower if you don't like Quidditch," he finally hissed, not quite sure why he was being so particularly unpleasant to her today. Sinistra turned towards him and frowned.

"You know, Severus, you really are a…" She was cut off by a stray bludger that suddenly came flying towards them at ridiculously high speed.

"Protego!" Snape quickly raised his wand and stopped it mid-attack, aware of the fact that at this speed and angle it would have very likely caused serious injury to either him or Sinistra. Shooting the beater he deemed responsible for the rogue bludger a vicious look he sent it back into the game with a wave of his wand. When the shock began to wear off, he realized that Sinistra, in a moment of sheer panic, had buried herself in his shoulder and was only now raising her head again. A feeling that had seemed long forgotten began to stir inside him and his first impulse was – and no one could have been more shocked than he himself – to pull her into him for comfort, which of course he refrained from doing. Unfortunately the near-accident with the bludger had directed everyone's attention at them and he became painfully aware of his left hand whose fingers had become intertwined with Sinistra's at some point he did not recall. He hoped very much that nobody would notice that particular fact.

"Aurora, please," he said through clenched teeth and she hurriedly straightened up, unnecessarily smoothing her hair back, which obviously only attracted more attention but she left her hand in his. The game resumed and attention shifted away from them again. Only then did Snape dare to pull his hand away from Sinistra's. She, however, squeezed it in reaction to his attempted withdrawal and smiled at him.

"I find this quite comfortable, Severus. It warms me up on this dreadfully cold day."

Snape had to make an effort to sneer since he suddenly felt quite similar to the way he did when her magic surged through him. Still, he gave her an angry look since if anyone was still looking at him, he did not want them to see that their potions master was struggling not to act inappropriately.

"If you wish," he said vaguely and tried to turn his attention back to the game but somehow felt unable to concentrate on the zooming brooms and bludgers, now half obscured by rain. Her hand was soft in his and although he didn't like the fact that she had grabbed his hand in the first place as if they were a pair of frightened kids in the dark, he enjoyed the feeling. After all he was only a man. A man that had spent the last eighteen years all by himself, gradually shaping his exterior to become as icy as it was now. While self-control had always been absolutely mandatory in the past, now his own sense of propriety was the only thing standing in the way of doing whatever he wanted to do. Not that he was too sure what it was that he wanted to do...

He lowered their joined hands onto his left knee so they were hidden from view by the folds of his robes. Her skin began to gradually warm beneath his touch and he found that her pulse was still racing. Since she was now following the game, too, he regarded her profile and found that she was nervously biting her lower lip.

"You have very delicate hands, Aurora," he found himself saying entirely against his will. Her reaction was unexpected to him and – he could see it in her face – to her as well.

"And you are very warm, Severus," she gave him a small smile and almost imperceptibly moved closer to him.

"Warm?" he said with a deprecatory sneer.

"Yes, who would have figured. Tell me, Severus…"

He cut her off. "Look, Aurora, this is a game of Quidditch and my house is playing. I would appreciate it if you could just be quiet and allow me to watch it in peace."

That said, he followed Slytherin's seeker with his eyes and pretended to be engrossed in his maneuvers. Sinistra huffed beside him but did not withdraw her hand. Which brought him to the true reason he had wanted her to shut up. Somehow he had to come to terms with the fact that, no matter how it had come about, he was sitting in a public place, not so publicly holding hands with Aurora Sinistra. He could have let go whenever he wanted to and technically he was only holding on because… Snape was at a loss. He, a very accomplished potion's master and Leglimens who could fight with flourish and fly without a broom was completely and utterly unable to cope with a woman's hand in his. He should have withdrawn his hand and scolded her for invading his private space but the human contact after over a decade of loneliness felt too good. They remained in the same position until the end of the game and only when everyone else was starting to get up, Snape was snapped out of his reverie. He quickly let go of Sinistra's hand but missed the contact immediately. He inwardly upbraided himself for missing her touch since it was not actually an option to keep holding her hand on their way back to the castle.

"Am I allowed to speak again?" Sinistra sounded positively giddy which was so far from her usual demeanor that he couldn't help but give her a long disgusted look.

"Yes." He did his best to stretch the vowel in order to sound menacing but she did not seem to notice.

A flustered McGonagall crossed their way at the bottom of the pitch.

"My, I am glad you reacted so quickly with that bludger, Severus! And you my dear," she turned towards Sinistra. "you looked positively frightened. You were lucky to have someone like Severus so close to you."

Could she be any more obvious? Snape growled and Sinistra said nothing. She had the unnerving ability to simply ignore things that were said to her and not even look rude. Instead, she gave McGonagall her usual sad smile which caused the older witch to patt her shoulder. Stern McGonagall seemed a lot more caring around Sinistra than Snape had ever seen her with anyone else. He wondered how that came about.

McGonagall addressed Snape once again: "So, Severus. What did you think of the game?"

Snape was at a loss. He had been so preoccupied with Sinistra's hand that he had not been able to follow the rest of the match at all.

"It was a victory well deserved," he said quickly. The now triumphant look on McGonagall's face, however, told him that Gryffindor must have won.

"I see you are taking the new rules concerning house-favoritism to heart, Severus," she beamed at him. "How good of you. I must admit I doubted you would adapt so quickly."

Snape was offended but McGonagall thankfully drifted off towards Professors Sprout and Flitwick before he could say something he might later regret. Sinistra chuckled because of which he gave her a warning look. The rain was now coming down in cascades and he quickened his steps towards the castle.

"Would you care to join me for a cup of tea in my tower?" Sinistra asked, a little out of breath. Snape eyed her with what he hoped looked like indifference while he pretended to contemplate the offer.

"The sound of the raindrops on the roof of the tower is really comforting," she said with a small smile that conveyed the air of sadness around her that he could never quite put a finger on. The dungeons tended to get flooded on rainy days so he had no desire to return. Opening his mouth to agree, he froze.

Potter was being carried past him by his ecstatic teammates, his robes splattered with mud, his glasses aloof on his nose but his eyes sparkling with pure joy. Snape usually tried to avoid looking into Potter's eyes if he could help it and when he did, Potter usually took the defiant stance that reminded Snape so much of his father. The unguarded joy in his, Lily's green eyes, however, caught Snape completely off guard. Memories of Lily flooded his heart and he suddenly could not bear the thought that he had enjoyed another woman's touch so much just minutes ago.

"Don't be ridiculous, silly woman," he snapped weakly. "I have no desire to sit up there listening to the rain. Good day to you."

Quickly, the sight of Potter's eyes still tearing at his insides, he set off towards the dungeons where some firewhiskey would be in order. He did not turn around to see the effect his blunt refusal had had on Sinistra. Back in his quarters he ripped off his cloak and hurled it down onto the chaise-longue then quickly performed a drying spell on himself and sat at his desk. The first sip of the firewhiskey burned down his throat uncomfortably but managed to warm him up a little. He remembered Sinistra's comment about his being warm and her very badly concealed snuggling up to him. She was a little taller than Lily, he mused and her hair was straighter. While Lily had radiated a natural joy that had captivated everyone she met, Sinistra was very guarded and had an air of sadness around her that became almost tangible when she thought that no one was paying attention to her. He had always felt clumsy around Lily who had seemed like a sparkling wonderful thing that he did not dare touch in order not to diminish its light. Sinistra, however, although she obviously sought his proximity, looked as if someone had _already_ diminished her light. Snape buried his face in his hands. He could not deny the fact anymore that he cared for Sinistra but for every bit of closeness he shared with her, he felt that he had to withdraw more from Lily.

Lily was dead, he reminded himself after several hours of brooding. She had died protecting Harry, loving James and despising him, so why did his holding hands with Sinistra suddenly feel like a betrayal? He took another swig of his firewhiskey but now it seemed to hold no allure. Although Sinistra had never displayed much hurt at all his rudeness and insult he knew that his brushing her off like that must have hurt her. She had a sharp tongue, unlike Lily who had been well-spoken but not cynical in the least, but she was only human. The night's darkness was settling among the dungeons and contemplating the thought for another while he finally sighed and grabbed his cloak along with a bottle of red wine from his stock and stalked towards the astronomy tower.

Sinistra had obviously not expected him to turn up which was evident from her attire that consisted of comfortable-looking black pants and a grey jumper. Both garments looked distinctively as if they had been manufactured in the muggle world. At the sight of Snape Sinistra quickly pulled another scarf- this one made from white cotton - around herself in order to conceal the fact that the jumper indeed was very tight-fitting.

"I can come back later if this is a bad time," he offered gingerly.

Sinistra looked stricken for a moment. "Did you not, and I quote, have no desire to sit up here with a ridiculous woman, listening to the rain?"

Snape had expected something along these lines and bowed his head slightly. "I apologize, Aurora, for acting out of order. I brought an offering of peace, however."

He extended the bottle of wine for her inspection and she shook her head.

"Come in, will you, to stop all that cold air blowing in from outside."

He walked into her sitting room and the fluffy grey cat arched its back uncomfortably before it settled back down in its armchair to stare at Snape with distinctive hostility.

"You will have to sit on the couch," Sinistra said and conjured up two glasses on the coffee table. The cork popped out of the bottle at a leisurely flick of her wand. He sat on the couch and accepted one of the glasses while Sinistra sat down beside him and tasted the wine.

They sat in silence for a moment during which Snape contemplated whether he could get away with not explaining himself. It turned out that he could not.

"You were being quite mean to me after the match. Did you know that you can kill with a look at sixty yards?"

"I was aware of that, yes."

"Could that behaviour of yours, in any case, have been related to your holding my hand earlier?"

"What would make you think that?" Snape asked, very well aware of the fact that she had seen right through him.

"My presence makes you uncomfortable and yet you always seek me out. I wonder why that is."

Snape had not talked about Lily to anyone except Albus Dumbledore and he could not bear to change it now. Talking about it seemed to bring about a lessening of the burden he was carrying and he did not think he deserved to be comforted in the matter. Still, he knew that he needed to give her something.

"There is a darkness in me and I don't want it to swallow you up," he said and found that it was the truth- or at least a part of it. He had been possessive and obsessive with Lily and his inner turmoil had destroyed the bond they had been sharing. He didn't want to get too caught up in Sinistra, too. To his surprise, she gave a jolt of humourless laughter.

"Oh, Severus. Don't you fear. I have been swallowed by my own darkness a long time ago, so to speak."

He looked into her eyes and found that they seemed to have turned a shade darker at her admission. The carefree stance from the Quidditch match had vanished and she looked more like herself now.

"What happened to you, Aurora?" he asked to which she reacted by turning her head away from him. He could see the reflection of the flames in the fireplace in her eyes. "What is it you are so afraid of and do not want the world to see?"

She looked back at him with grieving eyes. "Give me one reason why I should tell you, Severus. I have only been your hopeless student for two months and we have spent a nice evening making fun of just about everyone who attends Hogwarts. But besides? Why would I tell you?"

"Because you need to share your secret with someone," Snape said. "Dumbledore is dead. He was someone one could confide in and he took other people's secrets to the grave. But now that he is gone you have no one who respects you and seeks your friendship despite the fact that they know your secret."

Sinistra's eyes were shimmering with tears as she had recognized in him a person who carried a burden just like hers. "You, too, Severus?"

"There are things that only Dumbledore knew," Snape said stiffly.

Sinistra reached out and placed her hand on top of his. "I cannot tell you, Severus."

To his own surprise he felt severely disappointed by her refusal. The pain she was always in became so obvious once one knew her a little better that he had become concerned for her. If he could ease her struggle, it became clear in his mind for the first time, he wanted to do so.

"I cannot say it. I cannot bear to talk about it," she said, obviously swallowing tears. "I am so ashamed."

"I am a Leglimens, remember?" he said. "You don't have to talk if you do not wish to."

She hesitated for a moment but then sat up straight, took a deep breath and nodded.

"Alright. But promise me that you will not quietly despise me. Scold me if you must but do not just leave me afterwards. Are we in agreement?"

Snape nodded. "Come here," he said softly. "It can be very painful if you have never done this before. I will try to enter your mind gently but if the memories are unpleasant, I cannot always retrieve them without causing you discomfort."

She looked unsure for a moment but Snape finally did what he had longed to do on the Quidditch pitch. He carefully pulled her into him until she was resting against his shoulder. He carefully placed his left arm around her shoulders and rested his fingers there one by one, daring himself to finally touch her. His other hand held his wand and he swung it lightly.

"Legilimens," he said softly, attempting to cause her as little discomfort as possible, quite unlike he had done when he had taught Potter three years ago. Her mind was struggling at first but then he could penetrate the barrier and found himself in a comfortable sitting-room with her younger self. The room seemed to belong to an old manor. While the walls were covered in book-cases, blue-stuffed armchairs were scattered among the room, the floor covered in a plush carpet. A slightly plump witch with springing graying curls and kind blue eyes regarded Sinistra fondly. The young Aurora had longer hair and the familiar air of sadness was notably absent.

"Come here, my dear," the older witch said and patted the armchair next to her. Aurora walked over to her and smiled when a large cat, not unlike hers, jumped into her lap.

"Are you excited that you will go to Hogwarts this year?" The witch smiled brightly when Aurora nodded happily.

"Yes, Aunt Aludra. I cannot wait!"

A shadow crossed Aludra's face when she resumed. "You must know, dear Aura, that there is a chance that you might be sorted into Slytherin."

Aurora's face fell and she cradled the cat closer to her. "That will not happen, Aunt Aludra. You have told me that I am like you. I will be a Ravenclaw. I am nothing like my parents."

Aludra's face had tightened with grief while Aurora had spoken and she opened her arms wide for her niece to step into.

"No, you are not. You are a lovely girl, Aura. A lovely, lovely girl!"

The room around them dissolved and Snape found himself in the Great Hall at Sorting Night. As usual, thousands of candles hovered in the air above their heads and the whole school was assembled to witness the ceremony. Albus Dumbledore smiled kindly at the students and the candlelight caught in his half-moon spectacles for a second. Snape felt pain tugging at his heart as he saw the old headmaster standing there healthy and unharmed.

"Aurora Sinistra!"

Aurora gingerly walked towards the sorting hat, fear shining in her dark grey eyes as she sat down and pulled the hat over her eyes. As Snape was inside her mind and this was her memory he, too, could hear the hat's words.

"Ah, another Sinistra." The hat said in his familiar throaty voice. "And with you it is not as easy as it was with your ancestors." The hat paused and Snape could hear Aurora's scared voice.

"Ravenclaw, please."

The head grumbled contemplatively. "Ah, Ravenclaw you want it to be? I see that you are a bright little girl, but you also have a lot of Slytherin in you. A pureblood, you are, too. My little girl, you will learn to appreciate the advantages of the house of Salazar Slytherin." Snape could see that the little girl beneath the big head was barely able to hold back her tears. "Oh, is it so bad?" The hat asked with something that almost sounded like pity. "Well, you are smart, I can see. So I will grant your wish although I believe that you will find along your way, that Slytherin is in your blood. RAVENCLAW!"

The room vanished and Snape once again found himself in a familiar torch-lit corridor at Hogwarts. Aurora, by his side, was older now and she was already beginning to lose the lanky looks of her adolescence.

"Aurora, wait!" She turned around and smiled as she saw another wizard in dark school robes emblazoned with the green Slytherin emblem.

"Hello," she beamed at the older student who offered to take her books from her. "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow to have a butter beer?" he asked and Sinistra blushed.

"I would love to, but…" She trailed off and looked downright scared for a moment.

"Your aunt again?" The boy looked irritated for a moment but then placed his hand on her arm. "Look, Aurora, she is overdoing it! Slytherins are not all that bad! Not all of us are mass murderers or support the Dark Lord! Besides…" he winked. "We don't have to tell her about that one tiny butterbeer, don't you think?"

Aurora shook her head and quickly reclaimed her books. "I am so sorry." And with that, she hustled down the corridor while the boy remained in silence.

Their environment shifted again and he could see Aurora, back in the old manor, this time in a dining room with large windows that faced towards the night sky. Not unlike the Great Hall's, the ceiling was bewitched to look like the night sky. The plump witch was there, too, but she did not look as happy as she had last time.

"Aurora, I told you the Slytherins were trouble. I told you to stay away from them."

Aurora rolled her eyes, now very obviously a teenager. "Aunt Aludra, please! Some of them are quite nice."

Aludra looked suddenly older and tears were beginning to form in her eyes. "Aura, my darling, you must understand. Your mother, my sister, was a good girl once, too. She got beckoned over to the dark side and she paid for it with her life."

Aurora stabbed her food with a fork and looked as if she had heard that story quite a few times already.

"You are a Ravenclaw, Aura, a smart girl with a formidable talent for astronomy. You could name all the constellations when you were five and your teacher has owled me about your brilliant progress. You know who you are and you do not need any Slytherin friends. No matter who your parents were, you are not one of them!"

Sinistra looked angry and her chin shot up at her aunt's last sentence. "Am I not, Aunt Aludra? Am I not?" The girl rose from her seat at the table and marched towards her aunt, bending over the table until she could stare straight into her eyes.

"If I am like you. If I am a Ravenclaw, then why can I do this?" She opened her mouth but not words emerged. In their stead hissing sounds could be heard and it didn't take Snape longer than a split second to realize that she was a parsel mouth. Her aunt rose from her seat with so much force that her chair fell over. Her face looked ashen and her eyes were widening with sheer horror.

"Aurora! Stop that. Stop it!" she shrieked in panic and her niece immediately fell silent.

"Why can I do that, Aunt Aludra?" Aurora asked, her whole body trembling now, with tears in her eyes. "Why am I a parsel mouth, Aludra? Please?" She was almost begging for an explanation now but her aunt was too frightened to respond. Her voice sounded hollow when she finally answered: "Never do that again."

And with a swish of her robes she left Aurora standing in front of the wide windows and the endless sky, sobbing uncontrollably. Snape was eager to find out more but he could feel the older Aurora Sinistra trembling just as much as her younger self so he forced himself to withdraw from her mind and found himself back in her sitting-room. Sinistra had pressed herself against his shoulder, her eyes closed and her body trembling but she was not crying.

"Have I hurt you?" he asked worriedly but she shook her head.

"I can take it, Severus, but I can't take the memories."

Snape found himself wrapping his free arm more tightly around her, her hair touching the back of his hand.

"I'll guide you through it," he promised although he did not know how. "Let me know when it becomes too much."

Sinistra raised her head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"Please, do it but do not detest me whatever you see."

"Legilimens," he said, his arm still around her shoulder.

- **to be continued** -


	7. Chapter 7

[**7**]

The place they entered was dark but Snape recognized it at once as he did the wizard in the long dark robes that greeted the fourteen-year-old Sinistra by his side. While his face was already distinctively snake-like his icy-blue eyes were the only feature that was still human.

"Ah," Lord Voldemort bared his teeth in one of his horrible smiles. "The young witch I have heard so much about."

His robes swished as he beckoned Sinistra to come closer. She approached him with firm sure steps although she looked like a vulnerable child in her school-robes.

"Ravenclaw, I see," Voldemort said in his familiar hollow voice but his tone was still what he passed off as kind. The tip of his wand ran across the emblem on the uniform. "Very unusual, little girl. Very unusual indeed."

They were alone except for the wizard that had brought Sinistra in who Voldemort now waved away casually. The door closed with a firm thud behind him and Sinistra was alone in the Dark Lord's quarters, a circular room with a lone mahogany desk and shelves full of books on the dark arts, as Snape recalled from his own visits to the place. He found that Sinistra looked surprisingly calm considering the fact that she was alone with the most feared wizard of all times.

"Your name is Aurora Sinistra, I recall?" Voldemort came closer and looked directly into her eyes. "I have known your parents, my girl." The way he said "my girl" made Snape clench his fist around his wand.

"I know," Sinistra spoke for the first time.

"As you might be aware of, they were killed by aurors…" Voldemort mused and leisurely twirled his wand between his fingers. "However, they did not have the gift of being parsel mouths, as you are. Do you know how rare that formidable ability is?"

Sinistra remained silent and stared up at him almost defiantly.

"Prove it," Voldemort said sharply and with the flick of his wand a snake appeared out of thin air and wiggled menacingly towards Sinistra. She hesitated for the shortest of moments then opened her mouth and spoke to it. Snape was not a parsel mouth but since he was witnessing Sinistra's memories, he could understand what she was saying:

"Hello little snake. You are truly a of a mesmerizing beauty."

The snake raised its head and regarded Sinistra with its golden eyes.

"How do I know I can trust you?" the snake asked.

"I could kill you with a flick of my wand but I never would. I respect you."

"Thank you," the snake replied and curled at Sinistra's feet.

Lord Voldemort looked a bit taken aback. "I am aware that snakes take to women more easily but Nagini normally does not trust anyone but me." Suddenly he closed the distance between himself and Sinistra with two long strides.

"You have a gift, an extraordinary gift, Miss Sinistra and I have quite the plan for you." He gave another disconcerting smile. "Help me," he paused. "Help me make this snake all mine and I will reward you."

He grabbed Sinistra's lower left arm and ran his finger across the skin. "So young," he said with something that almost sounded like regret. "I will make you one of my own. Would you like to become a death eater, Miss Sinistra, like your parents?"

Sinistra raised her head fully for the first time and looked at Voldemort. "Yes, sir."

Voldemort looked pleased. "You are very wise, my girl but you will have to prove yourself."

The room around them vanished and Snape found himself drawn into another memory. This time Sinistra sat on top of a tower, her back against a rough stone wall. She was not wearing her school uniform but a simple dark cloak and a long wand was dangling leisurely from her hand. Although she could not be much older than in the previous memory, Snape could see a gleam in her eyes that put her far beyond her years. Her stance was more secure and at her feet, he saw with horror, lay Nagini, curled up like a dog. Sinistra looked into the distance where dark clouds gathered on a grey evening sky and gently stroked the snake's skin to which the animal reacted with a soft comfortable hiss.

Once again, the sky and tower dissolved and he found himself in a torch-lit room full of death eaters in their familiar masks. There was a pain tugging at his heart when he recognized the room where his own initiation as a death eater had taken place. The floor was compacted earth, the walls bare and damp and the familiar smell of rot and decay immediately invaded his nostrils. Sinistra stood, her hair wild, her eyes blazing, next to Voldemort inside the circle formed around them by death eaters, the snake once again faithfully at her feet.

"In our midst today we have a very special witch," Voldemort exclaimed. "She is a true heir of Slytherin as she is a parsel mouth like myself." Shocked whispers could be heard but Voldemort silenced the crowd by means of a raised hand, his sharp fingernails gleaming in the torchlight. "She will become one of us tonight and receive the dark mark. But she is young, so she has to prove herself and show that she can put to good use what I have taught her."

With a flick of his wand he revealed a linen screen and Snape's insides started churning as he recognized it. So this was the night her worst fear originated from, he thought, waiting anxiously for what would happen next. Voldemort waved his wand again and the outline of a person became visible behind the screen. Voldemort leaned forward and placed his ugly hands on Sinistra's shoulders. "Do it, my girl. I have seen that you are powerful. Now show it to my loyal followers." Sinistra nodded solemnly and her grey eyes looked darker than they did in the present, Snape realized; they looked hollow.

"Crucio," Sinistra said in a clear voice and the person behind the screen began to moan in pure agony. Some of the death eaters clapped with appreciation and Voldemort looked pleased.

"She must feel the pain, Aurora. Let her feel the pain. This was feeble compared to what I know you can do." Aurora swallowed, uneasy for the first time, and stretched her hand out again. Snape was amazed at how powerful she was for her age. Also, she looked tremendously skilled. The Dark Lord seemed to have taught her well.

"Crucio." The witch behind the screen broke into high, desperate screams.

"Very well, my girl," Voldemort said and raised his wand. "You have been a good student these past months. Now there is only one thing left for you to do. You need to avada kedavra her." He gave Sinistra a twisted smile and with a wave of his wand the screen disappeared to show a middle-aged witch, magically bound to a chair, her eyes half-closed and her head lolled back, unable to be supported by the aching muscles. Snape saw Sinistra's eyes widen in pure terror when the witch slowly turned her face towards her.

"Aura…" the voice was infinitely weak and could barely be heard among the cruel laughter of Voldemort's followers.

"This is my aunt!" Aurora's voice was hollow.

"You are correct, my girl." Voldemort walked over towards the witch on the chair and now Snape recognized the kind woman in the bloodied and swollen face. "You yourself told me that she indoctrinated you, forced you to deny your connection to the honorable house of Slytherin." He looked into Aludra's eyes and sneered at her. "That is your punishment for trying to withhold from me the girl who will become my heir." Aludra was too weak to fight when he raised her chin with the tip of his wand. "You are here to die."

He stepped back and gestured towards Aludra. "Do what you must do, my girl," he said in his familiar sing-song voice.

Aurora stood, her wand in her hand and shook her head. "She raised me, my Dark Lord. I cannot kill her. I cannot… hurt her." Tears formed in her eyes and she quickly ran her sleeve over her nose to hide it.

"Are you a coward, Aurora? Your parents have died because of the likes of your aunt. It is time to free yourself from the bonds she tied you down with."

"No," Aurora's voice was quivering now. "No…" Snape could see sudden clarity in her eyes and he knew instinctively that she had just understood the difference between pure evil and the cause Voldemort pretended to have.

Voldemort's robes swished as the door bolted open and Peter Pettigrew stumbled in.

"I have been made secret keeper for the Potters! They are in Godric's Hollow!" he wheezed in his usual undignified way and Voldemort instantly turned away from Aurora. Before he left the room, however, he looked at her with his cold eyes above his shoulder.

"When I have attended to the Potters, I assure you, I will return and we will finish this. Do not disappoint me, Aurora."

And with that, he left, most of his death eaters trailing behind him. Sinistra fell to her knees the moment he was out of sight and began to sob. With a flick of her wand she undid her aunts bonds and wrapped her arms around her as she slid from the chair to the cold stone floor.

"I am so sorry, Aunt Aludra! What have I done… what have I done…" Still sobbing, she performed a healing charm on the limp witch and then cradled her in her arms, rocking her back and forth. One of the older witch's hands slowly rose up and came to rest on Aurora's shoulder.  
>"My lovely little girl," Aludra whispered into her niece's ear. "I will not allow you to be pulled onto the dark side. I love you, I love you so much."<p>

At these words, Aurora cried harder and harder but her guilt could not be washed away.

Another moment later, the familiar walls of Dumbledore's study manifested itself around them and Snape felt once again weak at the sight of the old wizard's kind face as he stretched out a hand to offer Aurora Sinistra a lemon drop. The young witch sat on chair opposite the headmaster's desk, her head hung, her hands folded tightly in her lap and shook her head at the offer almost imperceptibly.

"Your aunt told me what you have done," Dumbledore said in a soft voice that did not hold any accusation. Sinistra raised her head and Snape was taken aback by how hollow her eyes looked. Her face was sunken, her body horribly thin and there were dark circles under her eyes.

"Are you going to punish me?" she asked in a small voice. Snape could not believe that this was the same girl that had faced Voldemort and performed an Unforgiveable with such ease.

The wise headmaster shook his head slowly. "No, Miss Sinistra. You are young and you have lost your way. It was not right of your dear aunt to deny you the right to acknowledge your Slytherin heritage."

"It is not her fault!" Sinistra said with a violent hitch in her breath. "I tortured her. It is me who is responsible for _everything_!"

Dumbledore folded his hands on the desk in front of him and leaned forward. "That is an awful lot of responsibility for a fourteen year old girl, don't you think? We have all been lured by the dark side and the seemingly endless power it offers. You have talents that scare other witches and wizards, Miss Sinistra, but that does not mean that you are evil now that you have seen the error of your ways."

Sinistra trembled visibly. "I am evil. Voldemort taught me so many spells… I helped him train his snake, Professor Dumbledore. I am carrying so much guilt that I can't seem to walk upright anymore."

Dumbledore got up slowly and walked around the desk to sit on its edge. "My dear Miss Sinistra. You will atone for what you have done. You know the Dark Lord like no one else knows him because he saw so much of himself in you."

"But he is dead. Harry Potter defeated him. How will I ever be able to make up for what I did? And how, how can Aunt Aludra still love me after all I have done to her?" Tears were running down Sinistra's face again and dripping into her school robes.

"The Dark Lord will come back, Aurora."

Her eyes were dark and frightened when she looked up: "And he will claim me as his heir."

Dumbledore's kind blue eyes merged into those of Voldemort that had now turned into red slits. Like lightning, spells and hexes struck across the sky in the background as an older Aurora Sinistra stood in a dark corner of the Hogwarts grounds, rooted to the spot, her fragile wand lowered, facing Voldemort at whose feet Nagini lay curled.

"My girl Aurora," he said in a horribly cheerful voice. "After all this time, we meet again." Nagini hissed and moved towards Sinistra who instinctively bent down and cradled its head in her hands like a dog's. "Come," Voldemort stretched out his hand. "Come with me. I am on my way to allow Nagini to kill Snape in order to become the true master of this wand. As that is done, I will be able to defeat Potter once and for all." He held up the Elder Wand and swung it lightly. Sinistra still kneeled at his feet, looking up at him with disgust.

"I will not come with you again," she said, her voice trembling, and Snape admired her courage. The Dark Lord, however, smiled eerily. "You were young and Dumbledore welcomed you back with open arms." He stretched out his arms as if offering her an embrace. "But so will I."

Sinistra slowly shook her head and bent down to stroke the snake's head. When in the background screams arose and hexes were cast, Voldemort turned his head towards the commotion and Sinistra opened her mouth to quietly speak to Nagini. "My lovely snake, you do remember me. I know that your alliance to your master cannot be challenged but I beg you. Do not wound Severus fatally." Nagini hissed softly and withdrew from Sinistra who in turn got to her feet.

"I will never plead my alliance to you again, Voldemort," she said. "I am not the impressionable little girl I used to be and I am not interested in power anymore. I have the stars and the stars are all I need. And if you kill me, you will just allow me to finally be among them."

Voldemort cocked his head. "I will not kill you. I know you will return to me, my little girl. Your talents have always been wasted on the infinitely dull discipline of astronomy." He stepped closer until he could reach out to touch her and raised her chin softly with his fingertips. Snape was astounded as the gesture looked almost loving. "You will return to me as you will find that you are very much like me." His voice hardened as he spoke. "You have always and will always belong to me."

With that he turned and walked away from her.

The dark castle around them swirled and dissipated then Snape could see Sinistra inching closer to the Shrieking Shack while Potter and his friends ran away from it, her wand outstretched and her face vigilant. Only a moment later he could see himself on the floor, his face ashen and the white cuffs and collar soaked with blood.

"Oh, Severus," Sinistra mumbled and crouched beside him, gently forcing him to open his mouth. His still form on the floor was entirely unresponsive but she quickly placed the bezoar into his mouth and pushed his chin up again. Snape could see his eyeballs moving behind his eyelids and his dry lips parted slightly after he had automatically swallowed.

"Good Nagini, she still loves me…" Sinistra muttered with a delicate smile on her face and smoothed Snape's bloodied hair back from his face. "Not to worry, Severus," she said quietly. "Your time has not yet come. Albus knew it, too." She gently raised her wand and muttered a healing-spell.

Snape was almost shocked to see himself open his mouth slightly wider, his eyes half opened but unfocused. A single word escaped him and it was barely loud enough to understand: "Lily."

Snape found himself back in Sinistra's living room, the ashen-faced astronomy professor still cradled against his shoulder. She raised her head now that he had left her mind and gave him a look that was stricken with fear.

"Now what do you say," she whispered. "Am I not despicable?"

Snape was shaken by what he had seen. Despite all of her loveliness, Sinistra was far from innocent. She had fallen for power, for a sense of belonging and for being recognized and being allowed to proudly show who she was, or rather who she had believed she wanted to be. She had been willing to hurt and to torture but she had been unable to allow the person she loved most in the world to die. Snape felt his heart ache at how much she hated herself for the burden she had carried for the past eighteen years and he was wise enough to recognize that in many ways she was just like him. There was no need to keep her at a distance to avoid corrupting her innocence because she had been in every dark place he had ever gone to.

"I…" his voice quivered uncharacteristically and he paused as he tried to gather up the courage to say the next words. "…I could never despise you, Aurora. Not for what you have done. Not for anything." He felt so overwhelmed that he reached out and cradled the back of her head in his hand. Snape was vaguely aware of the fact that he might regret acting so impulsively later but the need to ease her burden was all-consuming so he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his black-clad arms tightly around her body.

"You have to let it go," he whispered into her ear. "You have turned the Dark Lord away when he offered you to return. You have redeemed yourself."

Sinistra's voice was muffled when she replied: "But he said that I would return. What would have happened if Harry Potter had not managed to destroy him? Would I have run back to him?"

"We do not know and it does not matter. The Dark Lord has perished and he will never be able to claim you as his again."

Sinistra fell silent and for a moment the raindrops pattering on the roof of the astronomy tower was the only noise that could be heard while he held her in his arms, his chin on top of her head, eyes closed. Snape did not believe in soul mates but if he had, he realized, he would have been sure he had found his tonight. After a while he found that her tense body had relaxed in his arms and the sound of her breathing told him that she must have fallen asleep. Gently, as not to wake her, he lifted her up enough to get up from under her and lowered her back onto the couch. With a flick of his wand most candles but one were extinguished.

"Sweet dreams, Aurora," he said.

* * *

><p>For Snape, the next week held mutinous Slytherins, Lily's worried eyes staring at him from Potter's face during class and the overwhelming urge to hex all the involved into oblivion. Sinistra's absence from every single meal throughout the whole week did nothing to raise his spirits. He could have inquired with McGonagall to find out about the reason for Sinistra's absence but he could not get himself to actually do it. Surely, McGonagall would have made a remark about how he had seemed to come to care for the astronomy professor... or worse. When their Saturday noon engagement came about, however, and he had waited in the abandoned classroom for ten minutes, he was finally out of patience. With a murderous glare in his eyes he started towards the astronomy tower which caused every student who crossed his way to freeze to the spot in fear of angering him even further. The sound of his heavy steps echoed from the walls of the corridors which – one would think – was enough to scare away whatever unfortunate creature was dwelling there. However, two students he recognized as a pair of Ravenclaw fifth years were sitting in a corner, undisturbed by his ominous presence. He slowed down and paused only when he heard Sinistra's name.<p>

The female student, Malina Kettleburn, distant relative of the professor of that name, and her male companion - muggle-born Roger Costner - were sitting on the wide stony window-sill, their legs dangling. Kettleburn was staring at her swinging feet.

"When Professor Sinistra kept bugging those death eaters about their violent means of teaching last year I came to think that she was cool. Now look at her. This past week she's been worse than Professor Snape!"

Snape cocked an eyebrow as he could not think of any way Sinistra could possibly manage to sink to or even below his level of popularity with the students.

"Right. She has never given us so much homework before but something must be wrong. I mean, have you seen her? I swear she has lost weight since last week. She didn't even notice when Woodham forgot to name two moons of Jupiter."

"Yeah, but when she realized that my essay was an inch too short she took twenty points from Ravenclaw. I mean… twenty points! And the way she hissed at you when you took some time to think before answering? Seriously!"

"Yes, she can be a wrench."

Snape decided that it was enough and made his presence known by a well-placed spell that he knew to feel like a minor jolt of electricity. It was unpleasant but since he was quite skilled at wandless and silent magic, they would never suspect that he had been the source. Both students winced.

"Well, good day to you." Snape gave them a particularly nasty sneer. "I see that you have a few choice words for your professor."

He watched with glee as the students' faces turn pale.

"Sir, we…" Costner began but Snape silenced him by means of pointing his wand at him.

"I do not care to find out whatever it is you think might serve as an apology for this. I will take fifty points from Ravenclaw."

The students gasped in unison but Snape was too intent on finding Sinistra to even look back at them.

When Sinistra opened her door for him a moment later, he instantly knew what their students had been talking about. Her hair looked tangled, at if it had been wet and had air dried, her face was gaunt and her eyes looked dull.

"Severus," she stepped back in defeat, obviously not in the mood to put up a fight.

"For Merlin's sake, Sinistra. What have you done to yourself?" Snape scolded, his irritation at her absence from the meals still very much present. When she didn't reply he shook his head in disbelief. "Have you been eating at all?"

"Of course," she murmured, avoiding his eyes and suddenly reminding him a lot of the teenager he had seen in her memories.

"You have not attended any meals this past week," he said and was instantly annoyed as he realized that it had sounded like an accusation.

"I was busy. And I am now. If you'd just…" she trailed off as he grabbed her arm. The touch was unexpected to them both and for a moment they just stared into each other's eyes.

"It is about last week, isn't it? You are ashamed."

Sinistra snorted. "And shouldn't I be, Severus? I shouldn't have allowed you to see all that. I just don't feel comfortable around you anymore."

Although he had expected her to say something like this, Snape felt the rejection like a physical blow.

"That is ridiculous, Aurora! You were young and you have been mislead by the Dark Lord as so many witches and wizards have. Including myself!"

She bit her lower lip and turned away from him but he would not loosen his grip on her arm.

"Look, Severus…" she finally looked him in the eyes again. "I like you and I liked how you tried to help me overcome my inability to perform the spells that were second nature to me as that horrible child I was. Still, I think you should look for someone else for company. Someone who is not horribly twisted and dark inside."

Snape couldn't help but roll his eyes and give her a weak sneer: "What you are alleging is so incredibly pathetic that I should not even grace it with an answer. You should know, Aurora, that I would not want anyone else's company. You are the only person in this castle who does not either despise me or tiptoes around me, unsure how to treat me after everything that has happened. If that is possible I might… have taken to you even more since you have told me about what happened to you."

Sinistra finally wriggled her arm out of his grip and rubbed the sore skin while piercing him with her eyes that, at least, weren't dull anymore but ablaze with rage.

"Don't you get it, Severus? We are two peas in a pod. What if another one like Voldemort comes along? What if the stupid pair of us fall for him again? We should both try to find someone who is a little less cynical and angry at the world!"

Snape shook his head. "You make it sound as if I had asked you to marry me. If I recall correctly, I said I was enjoying your company. I never said we had to spend our whole life together!" He sneered for good measure.

Sinistra looked embarrassed first, then hurt and he immediately regretted his outburst.

"You should probably go, Severus. I have spend the last week reliving all of those memories your Leglimency has brought back to the surface. I can't even sleep without dreaming about it. I am tired of this, so please leave."

It was only now that Snape understood. "You are blaming me for the fact that you had to relive the darkest time in your life, Aurora. Judging from your lack of ability to perform even the simplest of defense spells you should actually thank me for forcing you to finally confront your past!"

"Shut up and get out of my quarters!"

Snape folded his arms in front of his chest and gave her a stern look: "I don't know why I am still putting up with your unreasonableness."

Sinistra's shoulders sank and she closed her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry, Severus. I am afraid I have a tendency to react to difficult situations with rage."

Snape bowed his head. "So it would seem. Now get your wand and come with me."

"Excuse me?" she looked taken aback.

Snape raised his eyebrow. "Well, in case you have forgotten following your extensive bout of self-pity this week, Aurora, we have an engagement. In fact, our lesson started thirty minutes ago."

To his surprise, an amused smile crept up her face and she grabbed her wand from the coffee-table to follow him. Their walk through Hogwart's corridors was spent in silence and Snape was glad that they did not encounter anyone. As soon as they had arrived in the abandoned classroom, Snape extracted his wand from his robes and stood next to Sinistra. Without his usual preamble he waved his wand in a circle around his head, then lowered it again.

"Do this and say 'expecto patronum'."

"The patronus charm?" Sinistra looked incredulous.

"Exactly. You were traumatized because you have hurt someone. The patronus charm is a good start to shape up your magical abilities because while it is technically a defensive charm, it does not hurt anyone but dementors."

Sinistra nodded in acknowledgement and imitated the way he moved his wand.

"Expecto patronum!" Snape was glad to see white light emerge from the tip of her wand. However, it did not manifest itself into an animal. Snape was an ambitious teacher who wanted his students to achieve the best results they were capable of producing. Usually that would mean that he would bully them into working harder. Unfortunately, pressure did nothing to help someone who was expected to produce a corporal patronus. In fact, the opposite was true.

"What is you happiest memory?" he asked bluntly.

Sinistra seemed to think for a moment. "I don't have very many happy memories that I recall," she then said.

"Think again. There must have been at least one moment," Snape replied while in his mind he found himself in the grass by the lake with Lily, their eyes in the sky and their hands in each other. He wondered whether Sinistra had ever been in love. Her eyes gave away nothing as she swung her wand without having been asked.

"Expecto patronum."

This time the white light gradually turned into a fluffy cat that chased around the room and rolled over playfully. Sinistra's eyes lit up as she watched the animal play. Snape was taken aback by her quick progress as he would have expected her to take longer after everything he had seen during the previous weeks. Confronting her memories seemed to have caused a breakthrough indeed.

"A kitten?" he asked as he marveled at the glowing animal.

Sinistra didn't take her eyes off her patronus. "It seems so. I should have expected this to happen, however, as a kitten is what Professor McGonagall gave me at the beginning of my fifth year. She didn't know why I was depressed but she knew a cure. Ophiuchus chased the nightmares away and has been my companion ever since."

She was still smiling as the cat gradually faded and only a glittering white mist remained.

"Was that the memory you chose?" Snape asked.

To his surprise, Sinistra blushed. "No. It was not."

"What was it then?"

Sinistra hesitated.

"That day in the Forbidden Forest I felt your magic and it was…" she trailed off, leaving him with his own memory of standing behind her, facing the tree and carefully wrapping his hand around hers. "… it was powerful. That's why I said you were warm on the Quidditch pitch. I didn't mean it in a physical way only. I don't know what fuels you but your magic is very beautiful… when it flooded me I felt as if there was nothing that could ever harm me again."

Snape was rendered speechless by her admission. As he was perceived as severely unpleasant to the point of scary by most people, he had not expected his magic to be pleasant and to make others feel protected. Then again, he was a powerful wizard who was sure of his magical abilities. So he was Sinistra's most precious memory. A fact, that he found both unjust and sad as the memory that helped produce his own patronus was of someone else.

"I probably shouldn't have told you that," Sinistra said self-consciously.

Snape was naturally uneasy in situations like this one. He had never learned how to properly talk about his feelings without feeling utterly weak and pathetic so he somehow didn't find the words to tell her that he enjoyed her magic, too.

"Well, I should go back to my tower."

Her cheeks looked rosy now and although there were still dark circles under her eyes, she looked more alive than she had when he had first lain eyes on her today. Snape still didn't know what to say in order to relieve her of her embarrassment so he did the only thing he could think of and followed her towards the door, preventing her from opening it by firmly placing his hand against the wood.

"Aurora," he said and found himself inexplicably breathless.

Her eyes didn't give her emotions away. "Severus?"

He opened his mouth to tell her that her magic felt like a gushing stream of kindness, that he enjoyed it tremendously when he could feel it, that he had enjoyed holding her hand and even that he was generally at a loss since he had never felt like that with any woman since Lily. But he couldn't. So instead he gently took her hand and closed in on her, looking for confirmation in her eyes as he cupped her cheek. When she simply closed her eyes he descended upon her to press his lips onto hers. At first the whole experience felt like a jolt of electricity and Snape felt weakened, as if he had been hit with a stunning spell. He had not kissed a woman in years and most certainly never slowly and gently like this. Kissing, so far, had been part of meaningless frenzied acts of sex after which he could not have even remembered the woman's eye color. This was clearly different and he reached out his arms to pull her into him. The kiss was long and deep and when they broke apart breathlessly it was only to lurch at each other again. Their kiss was hungrier this time and he found himself pressing her against the door while her hands grabbed the back of his robes. For a moment everything but her vanished from his mind and when they slowly came apart he would not have been able to tell how much time they had spent snogging like hormonal teenagers. Sinistra's lips were swollen and her eyes were positively sparkling for the first time he could recall.

"Severus Snape, glorious kisser. I would not have expected that."

"Silence, woman," he growled, the tip of his nose once again close to hers and she let her head rest back against the door, waiting for him to initiate another kiss. As much as Snape felt like making up for everything he had missed he felt uncomfortable standing inside a classroom which a student could technically try to walk in any minute to find the door blocked my his professors making out. He almost sneered at that and withdrew.

"I would invite you back to my dungeon but I believe your tower is more accommodating to share the bottle of red I will accio from my quarters."

Sinistra smirked and placed her hand into his. Snape frowned.

"You cannot be serious, Aurora. There is no situation in which I would even consider walking through the castle with your hand in mine."

"So you rather settle for a bottle of wine flying from the dungeons to the astronomy tower? How very obvious." Snape realized his mistake.

"I will have to go and get it then."

Sinistra snickered and smoothed her hair. "Do I look decent?"

"Actually, you look as if you had just been feverishly kissing the potion's master mere moments ago," Snape said truthfully to which Sinistra shrugged and performed a spell on herself to hide the effects of his hands in her hair and his lips on hers. "Better?"

"No. I preferred before," Snape heard himself say to his utter astonishment.

"I see you in a bit," Sinistra said and walked out, leaving him stunned and suddenly exhausted. He had spent the last few minutes kissing the astronomy teacher as if there was no tomorrow and now he would accompany her in her quarters with a bottle of red wine. As alluring as the prospect was, he felt both foolish and guilty.

Then again, Snape was no stranger to guilt, so he repressed a satisfied little smile and set off towards the dungeons.

- **to be continued** -


	8. Chapter 8

[**8**]

Snape did not know who was responsible for the rather inconvenient fact that Sybill Trelawney was now seated to his right at the professor's table, but he did know that he felt the blatant urge to kill that person along with the Divinations professor herself. Sinistra, who was still on his left hand side, furtively tipped her wand against her cup and turned its contents into a strong blend of coffee whose smell caused Snape's mouth to water. He watched Sinistra take a long swallow of the dark liquid and decided to do exactly what she had done with his own beverage. Before he could act upon that decision, however, Trelawney's dreamy voice interrupted him. Snape began to scowl before he had even turned his head towards the personified annoyance that was the Divinations professor.

"Severus, you look so tired!" Trelawney said and smiled at him, her eyes eerily magnified by her thick glasses. Today she had seemed to try to tame her frizzy curls by means of a sparkly shawl that was wrapped around her forehead. The fabric's sparkly red color clashed horribly with the light pink robes that she was wearing along with enough bracelets and necklaces to keep Mundungus Fletcher in business for a year. A slow headache began to creep up Snape's neck when he laid eyes on his colleague.

"Do I?" he snapped, unwilling to come up with an excuse for his state.

"And your hair, Severus…" Trelawney began and shook her head during which the floor mop on her own head trembled dangerously. He decided to cut her off.

"You are annoying me, Sybill," he growled dangerously. "Mind your own business."

Trelawney did not seem to mind his rude reply in the least and continued in her stilted preacher's voice: "Oh, and you, Aurora… what a coincidence that you do not look as if you got a proper night's sleep either!"

Snape's face turned to stone when Trelawney playfully elbowed his side. He was not used to such fraternization and it cemented his opinion of Trelawney as an insufferable hindrance. Sinistra gave Trelawney a bored look and once again resorted to her usual silence. Snape huffed and took a sip of his tea while evilly staring at Hufflepuff's first years with narrowed eyes. A little boy fell off the bench but that could not cheer Snape up as Trelawney continued mercilessly:

"Oh, oh. I knew it. I saw it! The fragile flower of love has been growing at this table since the beginning of term and now it is finally in bloom!" she declared to which a lot of heads turned towards them, Minerva McGonagall's included.

"I seriously do not know what it is you are alleging, Sybill," Snape said very dangerously. Everyone else would have been able to take the hint that it was time to back off, but Trelawney was seriously socially inept.

"Oh, Severus. Do not be ashamed!" she exclaimed jovially. "Our Aurora is a beautiful witch and you are…" She trailed off and looked at a loss for a moment, cocking her head while studying his face as if he was seeing him for the first time. "… you are a powerful wizard!" she finally said. "A hero!" Due to her exaggerated manner of speaking, the word hero sounded as if it consisted of seven syllables.

"Sybill!" Snape's voice had dropped several octaves and he imagined that his face must look murderous by now but the Divinations professor still did not take the hint.

"I believe that you have spent the previous night together in Aurora's tower, lost in passion and when the morning dawned on you… you were surprised that the night had come and gone so quickly as the numerous hours you spent in your lover's hot-blooded arms seemed so…"

Despite her colorful wording Trelawney was not far off from the truth so Snape was tremendously eager to stop her.

She fell silent and her eyes became glassy.

"Severus!" Sinistra whispered. "What did you do?"

Snape decided to pretend to be innocent: "What makes you believe that she hasn't just seen the error of her ways and shut up on her own accord?" he asked.

"Come on, it's Sybill we're talking about." She inched closer to Trelawney which inevitably included inching closer to Snape as well, and waved her hand in front of her colleague's eyes.

"Could you be any more obvious?" Snape groaned.

"An Obliviate charm!" Sinistra concluded and fortunately sat back in her chair. "You cannot simply obliviate fellow professors, Severus!" She looked rather stern now.

"Shut up or you're next."

Sinistra raised an eyebrow. "Severus…"

"Aurora, have you been listening to her? What happened last night was… private." He lowered his voice to a whisper that could barely be heard and screwed up his face since he believed that these things should not be addressed in public. Aware of the fact that he was rather old-fashioned when it came to that, he found that the fact that he was a teacher and his students were present was enough of an excuse.

"Well. It is your problem if McGonagall finds out about your questionable ways of dealing with Sybill." Sinistra shrugged and took another sip of coffee. "Your hair _does_ look a bit ruffled, though."

Snape murmured a spell and his hair fell flat.

"If you know spells for your hair, why was it always so greasy?" Sinistra asked, curiously but Snape refused to grace her indiscretion with an answer. When she realized that she would not receive a reply she straightened up. "I do not have classes until tonight so I think I will catch up on some sleep."

"You're lucky," Snape said in a grave voice to which Sinistra reacted with a playful look before she got up and walked out.

There had been a time when Snape had been used to functioning on little or no sleep. Today, however, he felt positively drained. Although the night had been very enjoyable, the confrontation with Trelawney had left him in a foul mood. The guilt and shame he had been feeling upon starting something more intimate with Sinistra had resurfaced now that he was back in his normal life and Trelawney's indiscretions had made it worse. Snape did not want anyone to find out about what he and Sinistra might or might not have. Not yet and not ever, as far as he was concerned. Snape was very content with his status as an inapproachable soulless bastard and he did not want it corrupted by the common knowledge that Professor Sinistra had somehow managed to twist him around her finger. He shuddered at the thought and threw the door of his classroom open with flourish.

"Today, we are going to brew a potion that has the power to weaken an opponent. Does anyone know which potion I am speaking of?" He began without preamble and in a tone that was even more disagreeable than usual. His class sat in silence and only Miss Granger's hand was raised in the air. Snape sneered and ignored her.

"Weasley? How about you? Are you able to answer a question without the help of your…" he sneered and almost lost himself in one of his typical ill-timed pauses. "… girlfriend?" Weasley and Granger blushed simultaneously and Snape felt a tiny bit better already. Unfortunately, it was not destined to last.

"What, Professor Snape? Girlfriends are your new favourite topic, I guess?" The troublesome Slytherin that had been plaguing him with disobedience since the first day of term was launching in his chair, his tie loosened and a nasty scowl on his face. Snape's rage flared back up and he abruptly turned towards the troublemaker.

"Is there anything you would like to say to me?" he said slowly and dragged the words out for effect. Anyone else would have been terrified but the boy just grinned at him.

"Actually, I would like to congratulate you," the young man, Salazar Nashkins, named after Hogwarts' founder, snarled. "I mean, Sinistra is a hot piece of ass."

Both Snape and the class were used to Nashkins' rude comments but this made everyone gasp collectively.

"I am sure you don't want to continue this. Fifty points from Slytherin for this outrageousness," Snape said, his voice trembling with rage.

"Oh, come on. I was just trying to make conversation. It's a shame though, that she would lower herself to the standards of a treacherous half-blood. A coward who was clinging to Dumbledore's coattails because he was too scared to stand up for the Dark Lord!"

Snape was so angry that he could not speak. He seemed to be choked by his own fury and found himself helplessly listening to the young man with the blazing dark eyes as he continued:

"Does it arouse you to bang a pureblood from one of the most prestigious old magical families in the country, Snape? I think so. It is the closest you will ever get to actual honor. She should be punished, though, for letting you do that to her."

Something inside Snape snapped. He knew that he should have turned away from the student, that it would be wiser to banish him from the room, take a multitude of points from Slytherin and have McGonagall deal with him. Unfortunately, his lack of sleep combined with his inner emotional turmoil took his toll on him. He knew that he looked calm when he raised his wand and said, almost inaudibly. "Expelliarmus." The young man's wand flew from the desk and rolled on the floor towards the back of the classroom.

"I will teach you," Snape said viciously, then hit his student with a stunning spell that was so powerful that it had him fly across the room and crash violently into the stone wall, screaming with pain. Menacingly, Snape walked towards him until he towered over his crouched form.

"How dare you."

The class had fallen silent and Snape was suddenly aware of the fact that everyone was watching him. That everyone had seen him physically hurting a student. Nashkins had fallen silent for he was unconscious, so Snape turned towards the rest of the class.

"Does anyone else have anything to say to this?"

No one dared look at him and Snape nodded.

"This lesson is over."

With those words said, he walked out of the classroom.

* * *

><p>McGonagall's eyes were large and concerned.<p>

"Severus, you understand that I cannot let you teach until this is properly dealt with?"

He nodded solemnly but remained silent. The headmistress folded her hands on the table, obviously struggling to maintain her composure.

"I have spoken to a few students that were present in the class and they have assured me that Mr Nashkins was seriously out of line. However, I cannot and will not tolerate violence in my school."

Snape bowed his head. "I apologize, headmistress. I was acting completely out of order and I will accept it if you do not feel able to let me teach in Hogwarts any longer."

McGonagall sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"Severus, forgive me if I speak frankly. I know what you have been through and I am also aware that you and Professor Sinistra have come to spend more time together. The young man's insults were vicious and I will award further punishment to him for insulting you and Professor Sinistra so outrageously. In fact, he will be expelled for this while I would like for you to resume your teaching post once you have come to terms with everything that has happened recently. Still, it is not entirely in my hands anymore since Mr Nashkins' mother has taken the matter to the ministry." She sighed. "I have vouched for you but they are adamant to open an investigation into this which will include your time as headmaster last year."

Snape's shoulders sagged. If the ministry was out to get him, he would not stand a chance. The Wizengamot was prone to unfair trials, especially in these troubled post-war times. And even if the trial would be fair, there was a lot he was accountable for. While he had tried to protect the students from the violence of the death eaters who Voldemort had sent him as additional teachers, he had not been able to prevent everything since that would have likely blown his cover. But would the rules of war still be applied now? Snape wasn't so sure.

McGonagall shook her head. "As questionable as your methods were, Severus, it was very honorable of you to defend Professor Sinistra."

Snape sighed since his relations to Sinistra were the very last thing he wanted to talk about right now.

"Mr Nashkins did not break his neck, fortunately, but he could have, Severus. He had a punctured lung from a broken rib but Poppy managed to piece him back together. The boy will be sore for a few days but he did not suffer long-term damage to his health."

As much as he despised his student, Snape was glad to hear that.

"If you wish, I will act as your counsel in the hearings," McGonagall continued and Snape accepted her offer although he doubted that it would be of any help.

"Your first hearing is scheduled for the day after tomorrow. Until then I have convinced the ministry to be allowed to keep you here as long as I keep you away from the student body."

"Thank you, Minerva."

McGonagall reached across the table for his hand. "I trust you, Severus and I will help you get through this unscathed, but you need to heal before you can resume your teaching post."

On his way back to his dungeon Snape considered his options. Although he had never fancied himself a passionate teacher, he had come to enjoy the seldom achievements of his brighter students and the security of Hogwarts. Snape was no fool. He knew that despite his status as a hero of the war, he would have trouble finding a place to work outside of this school. He could always sell potions or live off the money his mother had left him, but he did not wish to do that. Somehow, unbeknownst to him, he had become attached to his post as potion's master while he had been attached to Hogwarts for a long time. If they let him go, he knew, he would lose his home and be doomed to stay in Spinner's End that had always felt like a prison to him. And all because he hadn't been able to contend himself with having been in love once, with having met the most wonderful creature in the world while he was still a child. No, he had been so eager to find out about Sinistra's past that he had not realized that it was not her past, but her future he wanted. But where had that led him? He was about to lose the only thing that had kept him sane. The meals in the Great Hall, the dreaded balls, school life and especially the need to be alert and ready for lessons each morning had given his life structure. Otherwise, he might have slipped into madness courtesy to the burden he was carrying. Snape was angry with himself and angry with Sinistra for assisting in his downfall. He should have stuck to the notion that love was not for everyone and that he, of all people, was certainly not destined to be in a relationship.

When he arrived at the entrance to his quarters, he found Sinistra standing in front of his door. As she laid eyes on him, she walked towards Snape, her eyes questioning.

"What happened, Severus?" she asked, sympathy and fear coloring her voice.

Snape took a deep breath and had to remind himself of what he had just decided was the best thing to do. She looked beautiful, her face slightly flushed from what must have been a quick walk from her tower to the dungeons, her hair a bit tousled from sleep but he could not let her corrupt him again.

"Would you please step out of my way. I have no desire to speak to you," he said coldly.

Sinistra's face fell. "What for Merlin's sake, Severus…?" she began.

"You have heard me, Professor Sinistra. Please leave at once." He was relieved that he had managed to say the words in the same callous voice he usually used with his students.

"What the hell happened to you? First you seriously injure a student and now you treat me like this?" she burst out angrily. "I won't have it, Severus. Answer me now!"

Snape drew his wand at her. "I know that you can't defend yourself properly, Sinistra. Don't make me hex you."

Sinistra froze in her place and stared at him, pain, hurt and accusation in her eyes.

"Bastard!" she muttered then drew her wand and hissed: "Expelliarmus."

Snape was surprised as his wand was forcefully ripped from his hand and flew into hers. Completely caught off guard, he had not thought of uttering a spell to block her attack.

He sneered at her. "Does this mean that you have been able to perform this type of spells all along? That you have just pretended to be weak in order to get closer to me?"

Sinistra walked up to him until she stood so close that he could feel her breath on his chin.

"No, Professor Snape. It means that you have been a very good teacher to me." With those words she pushed his wand against his chest so he had to catch it quickly and walked past him, out of the dungeons and away from him.

- **to be continued** -


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note**: A few days ago I received a review that pointed out that it would have been nice if I had gone with Sinistra's movie appearance. I found that very interesting since up to that day I never even knew that Sinistra _had_ a movie appearance! :D So I did not deliberately choose to ignore it but just didn't know any better. In fact, in my imagination Sinistra has come to look like Tina Fey. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'd really love to know what you think about the story's progress.

[**9**]

The day of Snape's first hearing at the ministry was typical of mid November. Heavy clouds hung in the sky and a constant drizzle gave emphasis to the bleakness of it all so that Snape was almost glad when he could step inside. The room in which the trial would take place was large and windowless. The warlocks' benches were arranged in a hemicycle above the rather small rotund area where he was now standing next to Minerva McGonagall and he found himself slightly intimidated by the witches and wizards who were towering above him. The minister of magic himself presided over the hearing and Snape tried to remember what he knew about the man but came up almost empty-handed. A former auror, the man was broad-shouldered with a wide face and bushy grey hair. Snape was unable to conclude from his appearance, what his character was like.

"You are Severus Snape of Spinner's End?" The minister of magic's voice boomed, magically enhanced. Snape found that he sounded formal but not harsh.

"Yes, I am," Snape replied obediently.

"I will relate to you the charges that have been brought against you. During your potions lesson in Hogwarts the day before yesterday you have first disarmed your student Mr Salazar Nashkins and then hit him with a very strong stunning spell that caused him to crash into the stone wall of your classroom. Consequently, your student has been severely injured and has since been healed of a broken rib and a pierced lung. The fact that he has not suffered long-term damage will be taken into account when we will consider whether you should be found guilty or not. However, the subsequent investigation we will conduct into your methods of teaching during which we will explore the possibility or impossibility of your staying in Hogwarts as a teacher will not be hindered by a verdict in your favor. You have chosen to be represented by Professor Minerva McGonagall of Hogwarts?"

"Yes, I have," Snape answered.

The hearing went on to be long and tiresome. Salazar Nashkins was not yet well enough to be heard on the incident, so detailed information about Snape's career at Hogwarts and his tenure as headmaster were established by both the minister and Minerva McGonagall who was intent on presenting Snape in a favorable light. Snape himself knew of all this and did not quite understand why his attendance was required since he was not asked further questions. When, finally the hearing was over, he numbly followed Minerva out into the corridor and back through the atrium into the street. Night had fallen and the light of the streetlamps was reflected in huge puddles of water that spoke of heavier rain during their time inside the ministry.

"That went well," McGonagall finally spoke. "The new minister seems to be a reasonable man and it is a good sign that he was willing to also hear about the positive things you have accomplished during your time as a Hogwarts professor."

Snape just nodded and listened to their footsteps on the moist grounds as after apparating back, they had to walk from the gates of Hogwarts towards the castle. The wind blew some of the last leaves off the trees and the smell of wet, decomposing foliage hit his nostrils.

"Say, Severus," Minerva began and although Snape was not in the mood to participate in a conversation he bore with her, since he owed her a lot. "do you have any idea what it is with Professor Sinistra again? I was worried when she refused to come down for the meals last week but then when she did attend she looked very tired- as Sybill was quick to point out." She smirked. "Anyway, today she requested to be seated elsewhere."

"Elsewhere?" Snape asked in a tired voice.

"Away from you, specifically." McGonagall elaborated unnecessarily. She halted and touched Snape's shoulder. "Is there something I should know about?"

Snape turned towards her and found himself captivated by her kind eyes. "There is nothing, Minerva. We got along and now we don't. That is everything there is to that story." His words sounded final even to himself and McGonagall fell back into step with him, remaining silent until the lights of the castle came into full view.

"Aurora is not an easy person," she finally said to which Snape tensed instantly. Minerva noticed his awkwardness but seemed to choose to ignore it. "She was a broken little girl when I taught her. Very socially withdrawn and very depressed. There was something very sad about her back then and still is." She seemed to contemplate the thought. "She normally does not smile very often but I have found that she smiled quite a lot when she was in your company, Severus. The same goes for you, by the way."

They walked up a rather steep hill and Snape offered the older witch his arm which she gratefully accepted. "You know," she puffed, then straightened her skirt when they had arrived on top of the slope. "I thought that she had recovered when her marks went up again during her fifth year but I was wrong. I remember the day of her graduation. It was terrible."

That was something Snape had not known about so he turned his head and looked at Minerva expectantly. "She had a beautiful wand, you know. Very long and very powerful." She smiled. "Dragon-heartstring. Just like her mother's." The smile momentarily vanished from McGonagall's face. "After the ceremony was over, the graduates raised their wands like every year but Aurora… she looked at the sky and took her wand and…" McGonagall held both fists in front of her and twisted them. "She broke it. It snapped and she just dropped it and went back into the castle. It was tragic, really, her being such a talented witch."

"What did she do without a wand?" Snape asked puzzled.

"Oh, she went to live in the muggle world for years. Studied physics at the University of Oxford, I heard. She was quite successful."

Snape was surprised but that at least explained her wand.

"Why did she choose to return?"

McGonagall was a little out of breath now and obviously glad that they had nearly reached the castle.

"Well, Albus, of course. He wanted her back for specific reasons he never confided to me and she came right along."

As if in silent agreement, they both looked up at the astronomy tower that was looming over the premises. The lights were on in the classroom and blurred in the rising fog.

"I just hope you did not hurt her, Severus." Minerva had turned towards him with a very stern and protective look in her eyes. "She might not look it, but she is fragile in ways that I cannot even begin to explain."

Snape shook his head. "You know, Minerva, I think you are mistaken. Aurora is not fragile. Not fragile at all." He thought back to the defiant look in her eyes when she had thrown his wand back at him.

They had now entered the corridor that led towards the Great Hall and Snape could already hear the clinking of silverware.

"Come with me, Severus. There is no use in lurking down there in your dungeons all by yourself," McGonagall said kindly.

"I think I would rather be alone right now," Snape replied evasively.

"As we have now passed through these doors, I am now longer your counsel or friend. I am your headmistress and I have decided that your presence is required, Severus." Her tone was stern now and her posture told Snape that there was no use in trying to argue with her.

The light inside the hall was warm and the smell of the food reminded Snape of the fact that he had barely eaten today. The prospect of the formal hearing had made him nervous and now that he could relax again until the first day of the trial in three weeks he felt uncharacteristically ravenous. His walk through the room towards the teacher's table was accompanied by the students' whispering and the occasional gasp. Nobody dared to meet his eyes when he scanned the crowd with a hard look in his dark eyes. None of the students wanted to be the next one to be be flung into a stone wall, Snape presumed. He sat down in his seat at the table and found Sinistra still in her old seat next to him. Trelawney, however, had been replaced with Professor Vector, a stern black-haired witch who was too busy chatting with Professor Sprout on her other side to pay much attention to Snape.

"You're still here," Snape observed. "Minerva told me that you had requested to be seated elsewhere." He did not turn his head towards her but regarded her out of the corners of his eyes. She sat very upright, taking a cautious sip out of her goblet.

"I have, indeed." She spoke in a very formal, detached tone. "But then again, I decided that I have no reason to run away from you. I would prefer it if we did not speak… however." She paused very slightly before the last word and he was not sure whether she was mimicking his characteristic manner of speaking or not.

"I would prefer that, too." He began to eat but his appetite had suddenly vanished. Uncharacteristically, Sinistra did not keep to herself but turned to Professor Flitwick who was sitting on her left hand side nowadays. Snape found that his antisocial ways had disrupted the traditional seating-chart more than just a little. Flitwick seemed delighted to be able to talk to his younger colleague and was very charming for a man who had to sit on several pillows in order to look a seated Sinistra in the eye, Snape thought spitefully. His thoughts wandered back to his conversation with McGonagall. Sinistra had been living among muggles for how long? Ten years? And then she had returned after all this time? Snape had known Albus Dumbledore well and he knew that he had always respected other people's decisions. Why had she given in to him and, more importantly, why had he even asked her to come back in the first place?

Sinistra quietly laughed at something Flitwick had said and it sounded hoarse but amused. Snape knew that he was a fool for treating her so cruelly. He could have at least explained to her why he did not wish to see her anymore. Doing it like this had seemed so much easier at the time but now that he was sitting next to her once again, he wasn't sure anymore. Maybe he was already beyond the point of no return and had simply not realized it. Maybe it would have been smarter to ignore the vicious whispers… No. That had been it. His closeness to Sinistra had caused him utmost embarrassment. The teachers knew, the students knew. Everyone was gossiping about them and what he was sure they deemed their dirty little affair. Snape could not stand it. Even if he hexed them all, he would not be able to prevent the talking. It was essential to Snape's mental health that he was feared, since fear meant respect. He knew what it was like to be ridiculed and it was his greatest fear that it would happen again. Severus Snape would never feel powerless again and if that meant that he had to hurt Aurora Sinistra, so be it.

The following weeks dragged on and despite his continuing requests, Minerva did not allow him to be absent from the meals. It was a blessing in disguise, Snape thought despite himself. Since he was not allowed to teach, Horace Slughorn had returned to temporarily take over his potions class which gave Snape a lot of free time on his hands. However, free time - for Snape- was time to delve into his thoughts and dwell on his past regrets. If he had not been forced to attend all of the meals he would have plummeted into the abyss of depression. He was sure that Minerva was well aware of that, too. Sinistra had never attempted to speak to him again and her silence was unnerving even for Snape. At breakfast she was reading astronomy magazines, at lunch she had made it a habit to talk to a beaming Professor Flitwick and dinners were mostly spent staring out of the windows at the night sky even if there weren't any stars visible. Professor Vector was friendly but a bit dull so Snape kept to himself as well.

Only three days away from the official first day of his trial, their monotony was disrupted. Minerva, diligent as she was in nature, had conducted a faculty meeting that had dragged on for hours. House rivalry was still an issue and so was the fact that some of the Slytherins were now displaying open hostility towards other teachers, too.

The faculty lounge was a big rectangular room in whose centre stood a long table with comfortable padded chairs. While the windows in its outer wall gave a breathtaking view of the Hogwarts grounds, the inner wall was lined with bookshelves and several mismatched though equally comfortable armchairs. Except for the headmistress, who always sat at the head of the table, none of the teachers had accustomed seats since faculty meetings had been rather rare during Dumbledore's tenure as the old wizard's style had been more informal than McGonagall's. Sinistra usually chose to sit with her back to the inner wall so she could look at the sky but since she was late today, she grudgingly took the only free seat at the opposite side of the table. Coincidentally, she now sat directly across from Snape which was clearly as uncomfortable for her as it was for him. McGonagall went on and on about strategies to get the rebellious Slytherins back in line to which an uncharacteristically indignant Professor Vector and an entirely too optimistic Slughorn both contributed. Snape almost expected them to be at each other's throats soon.

Snow was beginning to fall in thick soft flakes and Sinistra turned around to look at it for a moment. When she turned back, their eyes met. Snape hated to admit it even to himself, but he missed her company and now that they interacted for the very first time in weeks, he felt a longing that he had not expected. Quickly, she looked away towards McGonagall, but Snape did not need Leglimency to know that the feeling had been mutual.

Finally, the meeting ended and the teachers walked towards the Great Hall as a group. Dinner had already begun when they walked in and took their seats. Their goblets were filled and food appeared on their plates as soon as they had taken their chairs. Snape busied himself with watching Professor Trelawney two seats away from him as once again she accidentally emptied her plate onto her lap and then pretended that it had not happened. That woman was a nuisance; why she was still allowed to teach was anybody's guess, Snape thought.

There was a clanking sound on the floor and Snape turned around to see who the second clumsiest person in the room must be. He mentally corrected himself. Third clumsiest person – since Longbottom had to be here somewhere, too. His momentary amusement died away instantly when he realized that the sound had been caused by Sinistra's goblet that was now rolling on the floor. Her hands were clenched around the edge of the table, her face ashen and she was gasping for air. One hand flew up to her throat and when their eyes met again, he found that they were glassy and beginning to become dull.

"Aurora?" he asked in alarm. "What is wrong…?"

Without actually having planned to, he reached out and rested his hand on her arm in a reassuring gesture.

"Are you in pain?"

But she could not answer. A shudder went through her body before it became limp and Snape dove forward instinctively to catch her before her head could connect with the stone floor. At once the hall was filled with cries of horror. Madame Pomfrey and Hagrid came hurrying towards them.

"She has a pulse," Madame Pomfrey said and withdrew her hand from Sinistra's neck. "We need to get her upstairs into the hospital wing as quickly as possible."

"I'll take her!" Hagrid offered and stretched out his arms. Snape was almost ready to hand her still form over to the gentle half-giant but then he hesitated. Somehow it seemed wrong. Carefully, he slid his arms beneath her body and rose from his kneeling position on the floor. Sinistra was slim and not very tall and therefore easy to carry.

"I'll carry her myself. Take her goblet. This looks like poison to me," he ordered sharply.

He straightened up and walked towards the exit, acutely aware of all eyes on him and the unconscious witch cradled in his arms. A Slytherin smirked at the sight of them and Snape was glad that he had his hands full so grabbing his wand and hexing him was not an option. When they arrived in the infirmary, he lowered Sinistra down onto the bed Madame Pomfrey indicated and called for her to get a bezoar. She was the undisputed expert when it came to illnesses of all kinds but poisoning was clearly his area of expertise.

He checked Sinistra's wrists and found the veins clearly visible through the skin. Instead of blue they looked reddish. When he opened one of her eyes carefully, he found that her pupils had a reddish glow as well. He sniffed the goblet which confirmed that he knew this type of poison. It was a mixture of a number of natural poisons like that of the yew tree's berries, enhanced by several magical ingredients. Whoever had poisoned Sinistra had clearly meant for her to die. He called over his shoulder for the proper antidote that he knew Pomfrey to have in stock. At least he could spare Sinistra the experience of having a bezoar shoved down her throat. The school nurse approached the bed from its other side and injected Sinistra with the antidote. The astronomy professor's tense body relaxed visibly and he could see that her veins were gradually turning back to their normal color. Snape was more relieved than he would have admitted to anyone, so he had to compose himself in order to keep a straight face before he turned around. Facing McGonagall again, he became aware of the fact that his hand was on Sinistra's arm which was reassuringly warm to his touch. He quickly pulled back.

McGonagall sighed in relief. "Thank Merlin, Severus. What type of poison was it?"

Snape rose from the bed while Madame Pomfrey spread sheets over Sinistra's still form to keep her warm.

"It is a rare poison which is not part of any curriculum. I have happened to come across it years ago when I was talking to a very old wizard in Diagon Alley. It is referred to as Devil's Pain by the few individuals who know of it."

"Did you know Devil's Pain, Horace?" Minerva asked to which the former potion's master shook his head in agony. "I have never heard of it." His kind worried eyes met Snape's and he bowed his head. "But I am very glad you did, Severus."

"Will Aurora fully recover?" Minerva asked, still very obviously shaken by the incident.

"The potion I had Madame Pomfrey give her is a common antidote that will relieve the acute symptoms of most poisons and will stabilize her for the next few hours. However, she will need to be treated with a more specialized antidote after that. I do not have it in stock but I will make it right away."

McGonagall took a deep breath to calm herself. "Good. Now that this is taken care of, we need to find out who poisoned her." She looked solemn. "And why. If someone has it out for her, she needs to be protected."

"I have other patients to attend to, like young Mr Nashkins." Pomfrey avoided Snape's eyes. "I can check on her every few minutes but I cannot stay with her all the time." She looked apologetic but Minerva waved her off. "Of course not, Poppy. We will take turns." She gathered her skirts, walked over towards the bed and lowered herself onto its side. Gently she placed her hand on the younger witch's forehead.

"Go and brew that potion, Severus. Horace, Filius, please start interrogating the students about whether they saw anyone at the professor's table before we walked in." She paused and looked up again: "Since the poison that was used is so rare and unknown, we must face the fact that they did not expect any of us to know of the antidote. I think it is safe to assume that they aimed to kill Aurora."

Snape, Slughorn and Flitwick remained at the foot of the bed, looking down at their colleague for a moment. Snape saw worried faces all around him and was sure that despite his attempts to not show how involved he was, the expression was mirrored in his own face.

"Now, gentlemen. If you would leave, please. We need to undress Aurora for the exam and then get her into her more comfortable clothes. I am sure you do not want to witness that," Madame Pomfrey said rigorously. Quickly and slightly embarrassed, the male professors shuffled off towards the exit while Snape was glad that no one was in the mood to comment on the fact that an undressed Sinistra would not have been an unfamiliar sight for him. When he had nearly reached the door, he turned back again and caught a surprised look on Pomfrey's face that resulted in her consulting with McGonagall whose eyes flickered towards the door and met his. She nodded slowly, as if to tell him that it was alright to leave.

When it came to potions, Snape was very thorough. So while he had been researching poisons because of his interest in using them he had always made sure that he knew how to produce the antidote. The knowledge came in handy now that it was urgently needed. He threw open his office door and while he was still walking, accioed the notebook he had written less common recipes down in and set fire to his cauldron with a flick of his wand. Quickly, he scanned the ingredients to the potion and accioed them from his private stock without even turning around. Fortunately, the antidote would be quickly brewed while some potions needed to simmer for days. While he was brewing, he tried not to think about what would have happened if the antidote would have taken longer to be made.

When he was finished, he reached out to fill several small vials with the cauldron's contents, then hesitated and couldn't help but grimace. Given that the potion consisted largely of foul-tasting troll blood and an equally unpleasant type of root, he decided to flavor it. Snape usually took great pleasure in watching students having to consume foul-tasting antidotes. Few resisted the urge to gag and then had to drink them again. The Weasley twins, who had been especially prone to accidents related to their own products, had been a source of glee for him several times as he had healed them. But Sinistra, a teacher? He conveniently decided to forget about the fact that he had once added a drop of a vomit-flavored ingredient to a potion that had been meant to relieve Professor Trelawney of the symptoms of a particularly nasty hangover and accioed a strawberry flavored potion that he knew would not interfere with the antidote's effectiveness. He watched the formerly muddy-looking potion changed to a pink color and was finally satisfied.

When he entered the hospital wing, it was already past midnight and McGonagall looked exhausted. With all her bristling activity and vivaciousness, Snape tended to forget that she was technically an old lady. She gave him a relieved smile and gestured towards Sinistra whose forehead was covered in sweat. Her hand in McGonagall's twitched uncomfortably and she was still white as a sheet.

"Have you finished making the potion, Severus?" McGonagall asked. "She is barely conscious but I think she is in a lot of pain."

Snape nodded and retrieved the vials from his robes.

"She needs to drink this every two hours throughout the night and she will feel a lot better by dawn."

McGonagall made no attempt to take the potion from him, so he tipped the vial and transferred its contents into a glass. Sitting down next to Sinistra on the side of the bed he gently shook her shoulder.

"Can you hear me, Aurora?"

She did not respond at first but then her eyelids fluttered when he spoke to her again.

"Severus…?" Her voice was weak and sounded confused.

"You are in the hospital wing." He said softly. "You have been poisoned and you will need to drink the antidote."

She opened her eyes whose pupils were once again bright red and he heard Minerva's gasp next to him.

"Can't… swallow," she whispered. "Feel so sick..."

Carefully, he helped her into a sitting position and held the glass to her lips.

"Don't worry, I flavored it so it will not be so unpleasant."

He could see McGonagall's knowing smile from the corner of his eyes and only now remembered that she had been the one to give him a stern talk when she had found out about his tempering with Trelawney's potion. Sinistra drank slowly and since he was assisting her in staying upright, he could feel her upper body relax when the antidote was beginning to take effect. Only now he realized that the nightshirt she was dressed in was made of a very thin fabric and clung to her back. He felt uneasy since it reminded him of the night they had spent together.

"Thank you." Sinistra's voice was audibly stronger now and he quickly let go of her as he hoped she could sit up by herself now.

"Do you feel better, Aurora?" McGonagall asked with concern, to which Sinistra reacted by placing a hand on her stomach.

"I still feel sick but the pain is gone. What happened? Who poisoned me?" She gave Snape a dirty look. "You, Severus? I didn't think you'd go to such lengths to get rid of me."

McGonagall seemed taken aback at the joke and Snape just curled his lip.

"We don't know, Aurora," the headmistress told her. "We will not be able to leave you alone until this has been investigated."

Sinistra shook her head. "Minerva, you look exhausted. You should sleep. Poppy is around and I am sure they won't come back for me tonight."

Despite himself, Snape admired her calm. McGonagall, however, furrowed her brow with concern.

"I am afraid I cannot leave you alone tonight."

Her eyes darted towards Snape who looked away instantly. As much as the incident had shaken him, he felt extremely uneasy at the notion of spending time alone with Sinistra.

"Severus, you should stay with her."

Sinistra closed her eyes briefly, her exhaustion showing just as clearly as her displeasure at the prospect.

"Minerva, please. Severus has had a hearing today and I am sure he does not wish to…" But McGonagall cut her off.

"I am sure Severus is glad to help ensure that you are safe, aren't you, Severus?"

Left with no alternative, Snape nodded curtly. "Of course, headmistress."

McGonagall stood up and put a reassuring hand on Sinistra's shoulder. "Get well, Aurora, and rest. We will make sure that we find out who has done this to you. I will come back first thing in the morning to check on you."

"Thank you, Minerva." Sinistra's face was once again completely void of any emotion.

When the headmistress had left, an uncomfortable silence ensued. Finally, Sinistra lay back down, her hand still on her stomach.

"I'm sorry the potion made you sick," Snape said stiffly. "I did my best to make it less unpleasant."

"Don't be. The taste was actually very nice. A bit like a strawberry margarita," Sinistra admitted which Snape thought must be a muggle drink.

"The aftereffects of the poison should wear off soon," Snape reassured her in a not so reassuring, actually rather hollow voice.

There was another moment of silence, then Sinistra spoke again. "Would you mind going up to my tower in the morning to feed Ophiuchus? I asked the houseelves not to since they always bring treats for him. It makes him fat."

"Of course," said Snape who had not been up to her quarters since the fateful night three weeks ago. She seemed to have the same notion as she bit her lip slightly.

"Now that we're alone and I am too sick to sleep I might as well ask you what the hell I did wrong," Sinistra said, her tired eyes locked with his. "Why did you suddenly ignore me? You certainly seemed like you were enjoying yourself that night in the tower."

Snape looked away, unsure what to say to her. Giving her his reasons would make him seem weak and he was not so sure whether she would understand.

"I was, but I found that I could never love you."

He wasn't sure whether he was lying or not when he said it. He had always considered his heart inhabited by only Lily with no room for someone else. The possibility that Lily had indeed made room for Aurora was scary for it would have changed everything that had ever driven him. When he looked at Sinistra, however, he instantly regretted saying it. She looked as if he had hurt her for a painful moment before her face assumed a deliberately neutral expression.

"There are gentler ways to convey that information than scowling at me to leave you alone," she said matter-of-factly.

"I apologize for that."

She nodded in acknowledgement and after staring at her hands for a moment, turned away from him and pulled the sheets and blankets up to her shoulders. Her deep breathing a few minutes later told him that she had fallen asleep. At the inside, Snape was fighting himself. What he had just told her had obviously hurt her, which meant that she was probably feeling something for him. On some level this horrified him as he felt that being loved could be a weakness just as great as loving someone. On the other hand, it made him happy to know that someone invested actual feelings in him. While Lily had been his friend, she had left him and he knew for a fact that she had never returned his affections. Was it the other way around this time or was he simply too much of a coward to admit that he did feel something for Sinistra, too? What was love, Snape mused. Was it the gut-wrenching longing he had been feeling with Lily? The tingling of his whole body that had weakened his knees whenever she had been around him? Or was love also the comfort Sinistra's presence gave him and the concern for her wellbeing? Could his sarcastic banter with Sinistra live up to the way he had shared his innermost secrets with Lily? He simply didn't know.

After a while, Sinistra began to once again wince in her sleep and even without consulting the clock, he knew that it was time for more potion. This time, she woke more quickly and could drink without his help. They did not talk but this time she fell asleep on her other side so he could study her face. The pointed nose and the delicate arched eyebrows had become familiar while Lily's face seemed to blur more with every detail of Sinistra's face he memorized. He remembered how they had kissed and wished that he could leave.

By dawn Sinistra was sleeping peacefully and Snape watched the sky turn from black to blue and then orange with the rising sun. It was another cold day and the snow glittered with the first rays of sunshine. Came seven o'clock, McGonagall walked in, accompanied by a worried-looking Madame Pomfrey. Snape rose from his chair next to the bed to greet the women.

"How is she?" McGonagall asked while Pomfrey bent over Sinistra to take her pulse.

"I have given her two more vials of the potion and the symptoms seem mostly gone," Snape reported.

"About that poison, Severus. Will it have any long-term effects on her?"

He shook his head. "It was in her drink and we administered the antidote very quickly so the poison was contained to her gastric area and could not spread anywhere else. That is probably why she is feeling so sick but it prevents damage to any other areas of her body."

McGonagall nodded in relief. "It is good to hear that, Severus. I will speak to Horace and Filius now to hear what they have found out while interrogating the student body. You should go to your quarters and get some sleep."

"Who will stay with Professor Sinistra?" Snape asked.

"I have assigned Professor Trelawney to sit with her for a while."

Snape bowed his head, feeling sorry for Aurora, but could not convince himself to leave before Pomfrey had finished her examination. Although he was sure that what he had just told Minerva about the effects of the poison was correct, he was a bit surprised that his potion had not managed to eliminate all of the symptoms. But, of course, since he had brewed it only once before, maybe he had not perfected it yet.

The astronomy professor was now sitting upright while Madame Pomfrey listened to her heartbeat. Their eyes met over Pomfrey's shoulder and Sinistra looked away. An unexpected pang of guilt made Snape turn away from her quickly.

"Professor Snape. You must leave now. I would like to talk to Professor Sinistra alone," Pomfrey practically threw him out. The woman could be nearly as brusque as Snape, he thought and sneered at the school nurse before he made one of his typical sinister exits.

Despite his exhaustion, Snape slept restlessly and decided to get up and dressed again by early afternoon. Convincing himself of the fact that his interest in Sinistra's recovery was of a purely professional nature, he walked back to the infirmary and paused in the doorway at a very unusual sight.

Professor Trelawney was sitting by Sinistra's bed in one of her horrible sparkly ensembles, glasses perched on her nose. Sinistra was popped up against pillows and was sniffling quietly, a rumpled handkerchief in her hand. Had Trelawney annoyed her to tears? Snape thought, his temper flaring up immediately. That wrench probably could not even leave a sick person alone with her made-up predictions of their impending doom! He quickly approached them and made his presence known by immediately addressing Trelawney.

"What have you done again?" he asked impatiently to which Trelawney looked up in surprise. "I haven't done anything!" she exclaimed. Snape turned towards Sinistra, his uneasiness towards her temporarily forgotten.

"Did she predict your demise? She has predicted mine several times, Aurora. There is no reason to worry. Sadly, the woman is as skilled at predictions as Mr Longbottom is at potions." Trelawney gasped in outrage but he ignored her.

Sinistra had straightened up and was now quickly dabbing away at her wet face.

"Oh, Severus, how dare you….?" Trelawney began in a booming voice but Snape once again resorted to the only tactic of silencing her that had ever proven successful. "Obliviate."

"You must stop doing that, you know," Sinistra warned him in a shaky voice while Trelawney looked on with glassy eyes and a dreamy smile on her lips.

"Let me see your hands." Snape took one of Sinistra's outreached hands and turned them over to see in relief, that her veins were blue again. "See? If you were about to die, I assure you, your veins would be bright red. Just like your eyes." He cocked an eyebrow. "Well, your eyes are red but that must be the result of your foolish crying."

He had hoped to reinstate her self-control by means of a few harsh words but found that the opposite was true. Upon being called foolish, Sinistra began to uncharacteristically sniffle again and another tear ran down her cheek soon to be followed by several more. Snape was taken aback and slightly irritated at her outburst of emotion.

"Severus…" she said, her breath hitching slightly.

"You are truly pathetic." He growled but she did not seem to mind this time and instead reached her arms out for him. Snape's eyes darted from Sinistra to a clearly still dazed Trelawney who had begun to incoherently mutter under her breath. He was torn between the wish to comfort her and the overwhelming urge to get up and run away. At least they were alone safe for the presence of a Trelawney who was even more out of her mind than normally, so he pulled Sinistra in and held her for a moment while she rested her head on his shoulder. She clung to the back of his robes with her hands for a moment then let go of him very quickly.

"I shouldn't have done that." She inched back in the bed, away from him and self-consciously wiped her tears away. "I seem to be very emotional."

Snape nodded. "Indeed you are. As pathetic as your sobbing into my shoulder is, I can assure you it is a common side-effect of being poisoned. I have observed with many victims who survived, that they seemed to get very emotional at the most ridiculous of occurrences. It, too, shall pass."

He was surprised to hear Sinistra give a humorless laugh. "Well said, Severus." She wiped the last of her tears away from her face and he hastily got up from her bed.

"You should leave. After what you said last night I would like to not see you for a while." She avoided his eyes.

"Unless you feel the spontaneous urge to cry into my robes, I presume," Snape said in a mean voice, accompanied by an equally mean sneer.

Sinistra shook her head. "You are such a bastard!" she said with audible disgust.

Snape cocked his eyebrow at her and swept out of the room, glad to be able to leave.

- **to be continued** -


	10. Chapter 10

[**10**]

**Author's Note**: Please note that I strayed from canon a bit in this chapter. While Umbridge has been sent to Askaban for her crimes against muggleborns in the series, I wanted her present, so I changed that. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The Ministry of Magic had set the first official day of the trial for December 10th and the snow was falling in a swirl of thick flakes as they set to leave the castle for London the previous afternoon. Snape and McGonagall had arranged to spend the night in the Leaky Cauldron for the weather was predicted to get much worse and apparating in the snowstorm was nothing one was keen on doing if intent on arriving at the right place with all limbs intact.

When Snape arrived to meet McGonagall in the corridor in front of the Great Hall, he was surprised to see another hooded figure waiting alongside the headmistress. His brows furrowed when he recognized the petite astronomy professor beneath the heavy traveling cloak. He hadn't seen Sinistra for two days and he wasn't pleased to see her on her feet so soon after having narrowly escaped death.

"Minerva, Professor Sinistra," he said stiffly, he turned towards the younger witch. "What do I owe _your_ presence to?"

"Aurora will accompany us to London as she has been summoned as a witness by the prosecution." McGonagall said with disapproval. "I am not happy with their decision considering Aurora's health but I am afraid we cannot obstruct the course of justice."

Sinistra, once again, retreated into silence. Their eyes met very briefly but she looked away, pulling the cloak more tightly around herself. The walk towards the gates was cumbersome for the ground was frozen and covered in snow so Snape offered his assistance to McGonagall more than once. Sinistra trailed behind in complete silence until she slipped on a snowdrift and gave a sharp cry. Snape turned around only to see her disappear into the snow.

"Oh, Aurora! Are you alright?" McGonagall hurried towards the younger witch while Snape just curled his lip. Sinistra wasn't made of glass so she would easily survive a little slip and fall in the fresh snow, he thought. There was really no need for McGonagall to make such a fuss about her.

"Severus! Would you help her up, please!"

"I can get up just fine, thank you, Minerva." Snape realized that Sinistra had just spoken for the very first time today and he noticed how clipped her voice sounded. She patted the snow off her clothes and performed a spell to dry her cloak, then rubbed her gloved hands together for more warmth.

"Aurora, you need to be more careful in this weather," McGonagall scolded with a stern look to which Sinistra nodded. "You are right, Minerva, but please stop worrying so much. I was poisoned and I recovered. It is not as if I was going to die or anything."

Snape's eyes went back and forth between the women who looked challenging and subdued respectively. Strangely, he felt that something was going on between them that for some reason was beyond his grasp.

"Shall we proceed?" he asked indignantly to which they once again set in motion and walked in silence until they reached the gates. A moment later they apparated in Diagon Alley, right in front of the Leaky Cauldron. Snape held the door and while McGonagall smiled at him in reply to his courtesy, Sinistra passed him without looking at him even once.

The typical smoky smell of the main room of the pub relaxed Snape immediately and he willingly followed the headmistress who led the way towards a small round table in a cozy-looking corner. They sat down while Sinistra remained standing.

"I think I will go to bed early," she said with obvious awkwardness. Snape himself wasn't so keen on having to make conversation with her during tea but McGonagall wouldn't have it.

"You have eaten practically nothing those past days and besides," she gave a stern little huff that was very typical of her. "I am afraid I do not feel comfortable leaving you all alone for the whole evening. I am sure Severus here feels the same way, don't you, Severus?"

Snape raised an eyebrow and said nothing. Sinistra rolled her eyes and sat down as far away from Snape as possible which meant that she was practically snuggling up to McGonagall who couldn't hide her disapproval at their strained relations. They ordered tea and scones and while McGonagall reminded Snape of their strategy for the upcoming hearing, Sinistra picked her scone apart without actually eating much of it. While bearing with McGonagall, Snape watched her look out of the window and at the falling snow outside. Her brow furrowed when she found that the scone had crumpled completely between her fingertips which she then brushed against each other to get the crumbs off. There was something very distracted about her that he was not sure could be entirely appointed to his presence. Once McGonagall had become aware of the fact that Sinistra had turned her scone into a pile of crumbs, she loaded her plate with another one and slid the jelly towards the younger professor.

"You must try this one, Aurora. It is delicious! Strawberry, after all, is your favorite," she encouraged to which Sinistra obediently grabbed her knife and began to spread the marmalade. Somehow Snape didn't expect her to actually devour her food this time. If the whole situation had not been so awkward, he was sure he would have found it amusing to watch the headmistress and her astronomy professor act like mother and daughter.

"Now, it is a dreadfully cold day, isn't it?" Snape was beginning to feel a little annoyed at the headmistress' continuing cheerfulness and suspected that she was consciously trying to make up for the fact that her two subordinates had absolutely nothing to say to each other.

"Indeed. This much snow is unusual for London at this time of the year," he nonetheless agreed to make things a little easier on her.

"What about you, Aurora? You tend to get cold so quickly."

"I hate the cold wet mess that they fondly call snow. Always have," Sinistra contributed grudgingly, her second scone now reduced to a reddish slush on her plate.

"Well, it _is_ quite beautiful when you look at it!"

Snape couldn't believe that the three of them were awkwardly huddled around a table in the middle of the Leaky Cauldron, talking about the weather of all things. Sinistra seemed equally enthusiastic and her mildly annoyed facial expression reminded him once again why he usually enjoyed her company: She shared his dislike of forced cheerfulness. Right now, he also found something alluring about her detachedness.

"Are there any news on your investigation into the attempt on Professor Sinistra's life?" Snape asked. Sinistra looked unhappy to be reminded of the occurrence while McGonagall shook her head apologetically. "Filius and Horace came up empty-handed, I am afraid. All of it remains a mystery to this day."

The headmistress looked at her younger colleague with so much concern that Sinistra seemed to shrink under her gaze. She hated being the centre of attention, Snape observed. That woman had obviously spent entirely too much time being locked away in her tower. The persona she displayed now was so different from the strict and self-assured teacher he had seen that night on the astronomy tower that he couldn't help but wonder who the real Sinistra was.

"It must have been a student," Snape said. "There is no way to sneak into the school without our knowledge."

Minerva nodded, deep in thought. "That is indeed the only possibility." Her brow furrowed. "I am afraid it might be related to the atrocious behavior some of the Slytherins are displaying these days."

Snape curled his lip although he knew that she was probably right. Still, he found that everyone at Hogwarts was entirely too quick to assume that the source of trouble must always be students from his house. Potter, for example, was a troublemaker in his own right but he was always treated as if he was above suspicion due to the convenient fact that he happened to be The Chosen One.

"I am really tired, Minerva." Sinistra said and got up from her chair. "I hope you will excuse me now." She gave Minerva a pleading look that turned into an empty smile when she looked at Snape.

"Of course, Aurora. Rest. Tomorrow will be a long day."

"Thank you, Minerva and good night." Aurora didn't look at Snape again. "Good night, Professor Snape."

Both Snape and McGonagall watched the retreating form of the astronomy professor until she had vanished up the stairs.

"Poor girl," McGonagall stated. "I think she worries more than she lets on."

"She looked just bored to me," Snape begged to differ.

"Ah, maybe I am worrying a bit too much," McGonagall mused. "When she came back from living among muggles she still had the same sadness about her. I hate to see young people retreat into themselves instead of being more social. I feel the same way about you, by the way, Severus."

Snape shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"When this is over I would like for you to try to be a bit more open towards company." She opened her mouth to say something else but closed it again when she saw the homicidal look in Snape's eyes.

"Anyway, Severus. Shall we have a little nightcap?"

He took the hint and rose from the table. "Grog for you as usual, Minerva?"

McGonagall gave him a smile accompanied by a twinkle in her eyes that was almost reminiscent of Albus Dumbledore. "I am feeling brave today, Severus. I will have a firewhiskey."

When Snape returned with the drinks they sat opposite each other now that there was no more Sinistra to maneuver around and clicked their glasses.

"Ah, they have the best firewhiskey here," McGonagall beamed. "It is from Scotland unlike the tasteless hooch they sell in the Three Broomsticks!" Her cheeks were slightly flushed and a delicate strand of her hair had escaped from the confines of her strict bun. Snape smiled very slightly at the look of his headmistress who he had come to like and respect even more during recent weeks.

"Excuse me, sir?" A nervous young wizard approached their table and held out a round tray on which a folded note was placed. "Someone just brought this in for you."

Snape thanked him curtly and looked questioningly at McGonagall.

"The ministry, perhaps?" she asked and shrugged.

"Maybe Sinistra's sending down a request for firewhiskey?" Snape asked sarcastically.

"I highly doubt that."

Snape unfolded the note and found two simple sentences scrawled across the parchment in black ink that made him feel as if his blood had frozen in his veins. McGonagall seemed to notice his horror and reached out her hand in a suddenly very stern manner.

"What is it? Show this to me!"

He handed the note over without comment and watched her face fall.

"You might have managed to save your little girlfriend the first time around, traitor. Next time you won't have enough time," she read in a shaky voice. "Oh, Severus…"

"That means Aurora was poisoned because someone thinks that she's my…" For lack of a more fitting expression Snape spat out the dreaded word: "girlfriend."

McGonagall looked faintly distraught. "And they are threatening to assault her again. This is quite a mess." She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I did not expect there to be such a fallout after the downfall of… Voldemort."

They looked at each other, unsure what else to say while the snow kept falling and piled up in front of the windows, obscuring their sight.

* * *

><p>Snape scowled at the witness list that had been placed on their table by a dwarfish bailiff in a ridiculous blue and green checkered uniform. Salazar Nashkins was up first, followed by Dolores Umbridge - of all people in the world - after which Aurora Sinistra would be questioned. Minerva had told him that Harry Potter had offered to take the stand as a character witness but Snape had roughly turned the offer down in fear of Potter feeling the need to tell the world about his, Severus Snape's, undying love for Lily Evans. So their only witness was Horace Slughorn who had known Snape since his first year of school. Their witnesses, however, would not be appearing today as the Wizengamot's procedure rules determined that the prosecution's witnesses should be heard first.<p>

Salazar Nashkins was wearing an ill-fitting black suit with a green tie and someone had smoothed his hair back with enough pomade that one was afraid it might drip as he turned his head towards the minister of magic.

"Mister Nashkins, you are here today to give your account of the day Professor Snape assaulted you with a stunning spell. I must ask you to speak the truth always. In case that I might not be satisfied with your answer our rules of procedure allow for me to make you drink veritaserum. Am I understood?" Nashkins bowed his head in approval and looked at Snape, conveying without a doubt that he did not think he would have to lie to discredit Snape. For once, he tended to agree with his student.

"So, Mr Nashkins, please recount to me what happened on the eighth of November."

Nashkins dutifully reported the incident but did not repeat what exactly he had said to Snape prior to the assault. Of course, McGonagall would not let that stand.

"Mr Nashkins, may I ask you to repeat what exactly it was that you told Professor Snape that enraged him that much?"

Nashkins looked uneasy for the first time. Somehow Snape suspected that while he hated his teacher, his mother had been the one to instigate the proceedings and he did not actually want to be there to give his testimony.

"I... I am not sure," he said evasively. "I might have asked him about his relations with Professor Sinistra."

"Why would you think it your place to inquire about Professor Snape's personal relationships?" McGonagall asked sharply.

Nashkins' eyes darted from left to right and he pulled at his collar.

"I was just asking..." he said, suddenly looking and sounding very young. Snape was almost sure that someone had put him up to his ruthless behavior since he did not seem self-assured enough to actually come up with something like it himself. Actually the young man reminded him of Peter Pettigrew.

"Can you repeat your exact words, Mr Nashkins?" McGonagall inquired.

Nashkins shook his head.

"Please, Mr Nashkins. Could you answer the question for the protocol?" The minister of magic said sternly.

"No, no I can't," the boy mumbled.

McGonagall walked back to the table behind which Snape was sitting and picked up a piece of parchment.

"May I present to this court a written testimony by Mr Harry Potter in which he recounts the words that were said to Professor Snape during his potions class on November 8." She pushed her glasses up and read. "Sinistra is a hot piece of ass." Hearing the dreaded words out of McGonagall's mouth was almost comical besides the grave situation. "Does it arouse you to bang a pureblood from one of the most prestigious old magical families in the country, Snape? I think so. It is the closest you will ever get to actual honor. She should be punished, though, for letting you do that to her." She continued, barely able to ban the disgust from her voice. When she had finished, there was a short silence which was quickly interrupted by indignant whispers from the benches above them. The minister quickly silenced the commotion and nodded.

"Thank you, Mr Nashkins. Do you have anything to add?"

Nashkins shook his head, looking daunted.

"Very well. You are excused Mr Nashkins. I would, however, like to remind you, Professor Snape, that it is your right to bring charges against Mr Nashkins for libel."

Snape bowed his head and decided to remain silent so that Mr Nashkins could wonder for a while about what his decision might be in the matter.

The next witness was Dolores Umbridge who looked just as prim and insufferable as he remembered her in a pink suit jacket and skirt, a flowery scarf and her hair curled tightly. Her nose was far up in the air as she took the witness stand, her pink purse in her lap. Predictably, she solicitously told the tale of her time in Hogwarts and the potions master's antisocial behavior, unfriendly ways with her and she also did not forget to mention a very unpleasant encounter they had had in the middle of the night when they had practically bumped into each other in the corridor. Umbridge described him as menacing and creepy but hinted that she thought he might have been eager to "climb into her bed", too. Snape could not help but violently sneer at the mere thought while McGonagall shuddered visibly and for several seconds. Umbridge's testimony took several hours and Snape was sure that that was longer than he had ever spent in her company. When she finally left the stand, he saw that some of the members of the Wizengamot regarded him with shock. Umbridge might have been lying but someone like her would not be questioned or asked to take veritaserum, he thought with regret. McGonagall did her best to take apart Umbridge's testimony but only succeeded in part.

A tiring few hours later it was past lunchtime and the minister did not show any signs of adjourning soon but instead called Sinistra into the witness box.

Snape leaned forward as she entered the room and walked towards her seat without looking at him once. She looked entirely different from the sulky young woman that had made it a point not to eat the previous evening. She was wearing very conservative dark gray robes and hair was up in a tight bun that was not unlike McGonagall's. Her face was wiped of all emotion and her eyes were clear and focused. She also walked differently which he thought might be appointed to her high heels.

"Please state your name and occupation."

She leaned back in her chair and looked the minister of magic directly in the eye: "My name is Aurora Sinistra and I teach astronomy at Hogwarts."

Her voice was clear and relaxed, her tone professional and she reminded Snape of the person he had seen strictly teaching first years up on the astronomy tower. The prosecution went ahead with their questions and so the minister turned over questioning to the eerily thin, white-haired wizard that had previously also interrogated Umbridge and Nashkins. He walked towards Sinistra with a distinctive limp, his long and thin white hair bobbing up with every step.

"Professor Sinistra," he said slyly. "Is it true that you are having intimate relations with Professor Snape?"

Snape could almost feel the air crackle with everyone's anticipation of Sinistra's answer.

She raised her chin very slightly and shook her head: "I can assure you, that Professor Snape and I have no private, let alone intimate relations whatsoever."

The prosecutor cocked his head in an eery gesture: "Now then why did several students report sightings of the two of you in September and October? You have been seen together almost every Saturday after breakfast. Are you lying to the Wizengamot, Professor Sinistra?"

Sinistra smiled. "If you had wanted me to tell you about the past, I would have. Back then, Professor Snape had kindly agreed to teaching me the Defense Against the Dark Arts which, until then, I had never properly mastered."

There were surprised whispers in the Wizengamot but nobody dared to interrupt.

"So he was your teacher only?"

"At the time I believed that we might be able to form a friendship but it turned out that we were more different from each other than we had previously assumed to be the case. After our last lesson on November 7th we have not continued our meetings."

The prosecuting wizard looked slightly taken aback.

"Would you agree to take veritaserum on this statement?"

Sinistra didn't look the slightest bit nervous and Snape suspected that McGonagall had briefed her well. "Of course." So far, she hadn't been lying. They did not have an actual private relationship currently and he had in fact been her teacher. The prosecutor had not asked a clear enough question to actually make her lie.

"Bring me the veritaserum!"

The potion was brought and Sinistra took a sip.

"Is it true what Mr Nashkins alleges? Did Professor Snape approach you indecently?"

"Objection!" McGonagall was on her feet more quickly than Snape had ever expected her to be able to. "The procedure rules only allow for veritaserum to be used on a question that was already asked. This is a new question."

The minister of magic bowed his head. "Sustained."

The prosecutor had clearly tried to trick Sinistra into saying something incriminating and growled before he repeated his questions that Sinistra did answer truthfully just as she had answered them before. When the veritaserum had worn off, the questioning continued.

"Professor Sinistra, you have been reported to have fought the Carrow twins repeatedly while they were teaching at Hogwarts during Professor Snape's time as headmaster of Hogwarts?"

"I have done that."

"How were you able to if you were unable to perform defensive or offensive spells, Professor Sinistra?"

Sinistra again gave her rather arrogant little smile and Snape was once again surprised. She might be reclusive and not very social but he had never before perceived her as arrogant.

"I did not fight with magic. I preferred words."

"And since when did words cut it with the infamous Carrow twins?" the prosecutor asked sarcastically.

"They are rather dim-witted once you get to know them," Sinistra replied with an equal amount of sarcasm. "They are easily distracted so I managed to save a few of the younger students from their horrid punishments."

"Did Professor Snape ever try to prohibit their methods?"

"Professor Snape was not very present during that time. He, however, was serving as a double agent so I believe he was not able to interfere due to the need to not be found out."

The prosecutor took a few steps and then turned around with a disconcerting twitch of his head. It seemed as if he was putting on a show to distract Sinistra who, as easily distracted as she usually was, just cocked her head and kept up her uncharacteristic smile.

"And you, Professor Sinistra. Why have you never tried to talk to Professor Snape about his new staff members?"

"Because I knew that he was doing whatever he could."

Snape was surprised. How would she have known that? He remembered a single time they had met in the corridor when she had been ushering a group of horrified third years towards her astronomy tower and one of the children had clung to her robes in fear as he had swished by. He remembered her hissing: "Come on, don't be silly. You must know that Professor Snape is not into physical violence." But apart from that, he had not even laid eyes on her during that time.

"And how would you have known that, when even Harry Potter believed him to be a traitor?"

Her next words baffled Snape beyond everything.

"Because before his death, Professor Dumbledore told me about it. In fact, he asked me to take care of the children should the occasion arise so that Professor Snape would not need to worry about it."

Snape heard McGonagall's shocked gasp next to him and felt with her as this was the least thing he would have expected. How much had Dumbledore told her exactly? And why? Snape had always been under the impression that McGonagall was Dumbledore's most trusted acquaintance. Why would he tell Aurora Sinistra, a woman with a very dark past, in her stead?

Once again veritaserum was summoned and Sinistra repeated her testimony verbatim. Snape could barely concentrate on McGonagall's questions for Sinistra. He knew that she would ask whether she had ever seen Snape hurt a student during that dark time, whether she had ever felt threatened by him to which Sinistra answered with a clear "no". Finally, the minister of magic called the hearing to an end.

"I am afraid the predicted weather conditions and the upcoming holidays will force me to set the next hearing for January. We will then hear more witnesses of the prosecution and will start hearing the defense's witnesses, too." He gave a warm smile that Snape found entirely misplaced and wished everyone a happy christmas.

McGonagall, Sinistra and Snape walked out into the street in silence and found themselves in flurry of snowflakes that shone a pristine white in the light of the streetlamps.

"You knew?" Snape and McGonagall said in unison as soon as they were out of everyone's earshot. Sinistra had transformed back into her usual self and a thick strand of dark brown hair had already wriggled free of the barrette that was holding her hair together. She tucked it behind her ear in a smooth gesture.

"I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Snape asked furiously.

"Well, Severus, you never asked," snapped Sinistra. When McGonagall gave her a pointed look, she softened. "Albus told me that it would probably come to this. The Wizengamot and the Ministry have changed and they are not as corrupted as they used to be, but they are still heavily influenced by the old families like the Nashkins despite the fact that many of them used to be death eaters. Albus wanted to make sure that there was someone who could testify on your behalf."

"Umbridge's testimony was a real blow," McGonagall admitted. "It was outrageous considering the fact that her teaching methods were beyond cruel while you, Severus, may not be very pleasant but your detentions do usually not involve pain. Do they?" Minerva sounded unsure towards the end of her sentence and Snape only cocked an eyebrow.

"They do for me, since I have to spend time with the students out of class," he gnarled.

"Pleasant, very pleasant," Sinistra said. "Can we please go back to the Leaky Cauldron now? It is freezing out here."

"Of course, dear, you do look a little cold." McGonagall started to walk towards Diagon Alley and Snape rolled his eyes again. Surely Sinistra would survive a little snow. Her constant freezing what ridiculous in itself, why did McGonagall put up with it? Thoughts were swirling through his brain while he followed the two witches down the street. The past two days had held more revelations than his brain had been able to process this quickly. Sinistra had been in the know about his status and had tried her best to protect the students from the Carrows to support him. And why hadn't Dumbledore told him, Snape, about it? And then there was the danger she was in because of him. Someone, and after today he was almost sure it could not be Salazar Nashkins, wanted to hurt Snape by killing the woman he assumed he loved. The woman who held so many secrets.

* * *

><p>Snape had taken up spending his afternoons in the faculty lounge for some company as the dungeons were clammy and draughty in this weather and short of grading essays he had nothing better to do. He strode in a week after the hearing, a couple of magazines on potions in hand, to find Sinistra in one of the armchairs, a cup of what smelled like hot chocolate on a small table next to her. The day outside was gloomy and darkness was falling so early that the silhouettes of the mountains outside were already starting to blur into the dark sky at four in the afternoon. The house elves had kindled fires in the several fireplaces around the room and a lit lamp was floating next to Sinistra's chair. The lounge was empty save for Professor Binns who was snoring in his usual seat in a far corner. Sinistra looked up at the rustling of Snape's robes and narrowed her eyes.<p>

"Good afternoon, Aurora."

"Severus," she replied curtly.

There was a short silence, then his curiosity got the upper hand.

"You haven't attended any meals last week," he said.

She shifted in her seat and pulled her legs out from under her as her relaxed posture changed.

"Well, you know, I did not feel the need to be poisoned again."

"So where have you been? Aren't meals mandatory anymore for Dumbledore's most cherished confidante?" Snape found himself sneer at her and was not entirely sure why he was being so cruel.

Sinistra shook her head. "You are unbelievable, Severus. Is it possible that you are jealous that there were other people he felt the need to confide in? Well, I can assure you he only did it to make sure that you were safe."

Snape felt oddly mollified at the notion and sat down in the chair opposite her.

"Should you be all alone with only a sleeping ghost as company? It is possible that you might be attacked again."

Sinistra's eyes clouded over just like they had when McGonagall had told her about the note Snape had received at the Leaky Cauldron and she straightened up even more.

"How considerate of you to worry, Severus, but Minerva put a spell on the door that will only allow teachers to enter. As long as none of them has it out for me, I will be safe here." She paused to take a sip of her beverage. "That is really the only reason why I am here."

He nodded in acknowledgment as it was true that she wasn't a regular visitor to the faculty lounge.

"I believe I shall thank you for your testimony. After Umbridge I believe they were ready to ship me right off to Askaban."

"Oh, please spare me. I only did what Albus asked me to do."

She pressed her lips together and looked down at the book in her lap then back to him. "And besides, I would not want you in Askaban. As obnoxious as you might be sometimes, Harry Potter would not have been able to defeat Voldemort without your help." She shook her head. "Well, he might not even have survived his first year here."

She looked up at him. "Why did you do it? You have always despised Harry Potter so openly. Why did you always save him?"

"So Albus didn't tell you why I changed my alliances?" Snape asked carefully.

"No, he didn't."

Snape took a deep breath, then found that he could not tell her. "Well, that is a private story I do not wish to share."

He knew that he had just thrown away the perfect opportunity to talk to her about Lily and about what she had always meant to him. Sinistra didn't look surprised and he watched her return to her book, her legs once again on the armchair, her head resting on one of her hands while the other held the page that she was about to turn. Right now the only thing he wanted to do was walk over to her and pull her into his embrace. He remembered the feel of her body only too well and was longing to inhale her scent once again as he held her close. But on the other hand letting her close to him would mean that he would have to give up all his carefully erected defenses and he could not imagine ever doing that.

"What are you reading?" he asked instead.

"Tales of Beedle the Bard," she murmured and he gave an amused little chuckle.

"Fairy tales, Sinistra? Aren't you a bit old for this sort of thing?" He was glad that his voice, for once, came across as gently teasing instead of mercilessly mocking. Sometimes he worried that he was unable to control his nastiness.

"I probably am but it has been ages since I have last heard them. My aunt used to read them to me when I was a little girl."

Snape himself had never been read to as a child and bent over to catch a look at the pages. "What made you want to read them again?"

She smiled but avoided his eyes. "Minerva gave me her old copy."

He found that her answer created more confusion instead of actually answering his question but she would not elaborate.

"It's beautiful," she said and sat up a little straighter to show the old book to him. "Look at the artwork." He had to admit that she was right and nodded in appreciation.

"This drawing of the three brothers is my favorite." She leaved through the book and held one of the last pages out for his inspection. Snape pulled his armchair as close to hers as possible and looked at the book over her shoulder.

"It is very fine work."

"I had a different edition when I was a child. The artwork was nice but this is much, much better." She turned his face towards him and he marveled at the happy smile on her lips.

"I hope Minerva knows that you appreciate her gift so much."

"Absolutely. I completely forgot how engaging these tales are."

Snape stared at the picture of the three brothers with the deathly hallows.

"Future generations will have to tell their children that the deathly hallows were not just a legend," he said.

"Maybe our great-grandchildren will already wonder whether Harry Potter really existed."

His eyes flickered towards her and found that she looked shocked, as if she had said something wrong. The moment was fleeting, though, and she reached out to take another sip of her hot chocolate.

Only now he became aware of how close he was to her once again. She seemed to realize it at the same time and looked a bit stricken for a moment.

"Severus," she then said. "I don't want us to act like strangers."

He looked at her and waited to find out where she was headed.

"Right now, I am confused. Everything confuses me. The attempt on my life and you and... well, can we just try to be civil around each other? The way we were before everything happened?"

Snape's heart seemed to miss a beat and he felt immediately sheepish considering the fact that what she had just said made him so happy.

"That would be nice. And no more secrets," he attempted a joke but found immediately that it was far from funny since the biggest secret he kept was still far from out in the open.

Sinistra laughed but it sounded as insincere as his joke had been in the first place. Snape wondered why but let it slip.

"Are you staying here for Christmas?" Sinistra asked, obviously eager to break the silence. He nodded curtly and resigned himself to not pointing out that he had nowhere to go.

"You?"

"Yes." It seemed that she had no family to speak of either. Snape vaguely remembered having seen her at Christmas breakfasts in previous years.

"Anyway, I think I need to get up to my tower and prepare for my lesson. I am going to have to teach the first years how to disassemble and clean their telescopes tonight."

She rose from her seat and grabbed her book. Snape got up, too.

"Let me walk you."

"Oh, what a cavalier," she grinned a little mischievously.

"If someone is intent on bringing about your demise because of what I have done, I feel it is my duty to make sure you get home safely," he said rather stiffly.

He opened the door for her and found himself naturally placing his head onto the small of her back to usher her outside.

This definitely had to stop. The woman was making him mad.

- **to be continued **-


	11. Chapter 11

**[11]**

The following afternoons were spent in the faculty lounge and Snape found that he was beginning to enjoy the place. However, he did not like it enough to fancy a formal Christmas dinner in there. Actually, he did not fancy a Christmas dinner at all. Or Christmas for that matter. Unfortunately, Minerva McGonagall felt just the opposite. It had been with excitement that she had announced that this year they would not only celebrate Christmas morning with the few remaining students in the Great Hall, but would also have a teachers-only dinner on Christmas eve that would be set up in the faculty lounge. On the 23rd of December Snape wandered into the room in the afternoon and found Sinistra in her usual chair, reading yet another astronomy magazine. He wondered how many subscriptions she must be holding.

"Hello," he said and sat down opposite her. She looked up but did not lower her magazine.

"Hello," she replied but immediately returned to the article she was reading.

Snape leaned back in his chair and opened his book. Most of their afternoons were spent together, yet mostly in silence. Although Sinistra was always polite and reasonably friendly, she was still clearly uneasy and guarded around him. Slowly, he began to suspect that this might not change any time soon.

"How many of these magazines have you been reading this week?" he asked casually.

She looked up again but did not change her posture.

"Lots," she said simply and he rolled his eyes at her famous monosyllabism that he was now treated to just as regularly as everyone else. Her eyes flickered back and she turned a page, eagerly reading into the next one.

"This seems to be a very interesting paper."

"Indeed." This time she did not even look up.

"Are you trying to answer every question I ask with just one word? I don't think I can recall the last time you spoke to me in a full sentence!" Snape found himself complaining.

"Monday." She said which finally made him explode.

"Aurora!"

"Severus?"

"You cannot be serious. I thought we had agreed to be civil again."

She finally lowered her magazine and placed it onto the table next to her.

"I am civil. You cannot expect me to just go back to normal, whatever that is when it comes to you. Last week I thought that I probably could, I even tried but it feels wrong."

He furrowed his brow. "Wrong?"

She shrugged. "I thought it would be childish to hold a grudge against you due to the simple fact that you do not love me. I mean, no one can control who they do or do not love, can they? But you _were_ acting like a bastard and that is your way of acting in general. Anyway, I feel like I am betraying myself when I just pretend that nothing happened."

"What do you propose? Should we ignore each other again?"

"No. I just don't want to chat right now."

She reached for her magazine but he sprang forwards and firmly placed his hand onto hers so she was unable to lift it.

"What?"

"Is this really everything there is to it, Aurora?" he asked.

"Of course!" she snapped and he sighed.

"I am sorry for acting like such a mean bastard."

"You _are_ a mean bastard," she pointed out, but her tone of voice was calm.

"You are right. I know that what I did was wrong but sometimes I just cannot help myself."

She slowly shook her head. "That is not a proper apology." When he looked stricken she forcefully pulled her hand out from under his. "Could you please take your hand off my magazine now?"

He grudgingly pulled his hand back and allowed her to pick up her reading material. Somehow now that most of the students had left, the unusual quietness of the corridors seemed to creep into the teacher's lounge and Snape felt uneasy. Sinistra was once again engrossed in her reading and was twisting a strand of her hair between her fingertips.

She was right. He had been really rough on her. Snape felt ashamed but he had no idea how to redeem himself.

"Would you mind if I escorted you from your tower to the dinner tomorrow night?" he asked, having decided to show some goodwill.

"That is very kind of you but I will accompany Minerva and her nephew to Hogsmeade for a cup of tea before that. He is going to spend Christmas with us this year."

Snape was surprised to hear that she would voluntarily leave the castle with all the snow outside just to be social.

"Who is Minerva's nephew?" he asked with upwelling suspicion, trying not to sound too eager to find out.

"Aesculapius McGonagall. He is her younger brother's son and was two years ahead of me in Hogwarts."

"Ah," Snape said then left her to her magazine with a definite sense of foreboding.

* * *

><p>When Snape entered the faculty lounge on Christmas eve, he had to admit that the house elves had done a formidable job. The large table was set for six on the one end while an ocean of candles inhabited the other. In front of the window stood three small Christmas trees whose branches were bowing with the weight of silver tinsel. Minerva had requested them to dress formally so Snape had left his cloak in his dungeons. Hagrid, who was already there, pouring firewhiskey for Trelawney, had made more effort and was wearing a hideous dinner jacket that looked several sizes too small. Trelawney was dressed in a sparkly green dress that was faintly reminiscent of Luna Lovegood. They made quite the pair.<p>

"Ah, Professor Snape!" Hagrid lifted one of his paws and waved. "Would you like a little appetizer?" He poured a generous splash of brown liquid into one of the water glasses and held it out for Snape who accepted it without making a fuss.

"Oh, Severus." Trelawney looked stricken as she grabbed his free hand without asking for permission and stared at his palm as if there was actually something to see. "You will experience something rather horrible tonight!"

Snape rolled his eyes and was about to say "Your company, I presume." but then restrained himself. Sinistra had been right when she had said that he was a bastard. Well maybe she had exaggerated a bit with that. He was simply a bit unpleasant at times, wasn't he?

"That is unfortunate," he replied evenly to which she shook her head with exaggerated concern and pressed her lips together.

"Poor, poor Severus."

Snape was spared the details of his upcoming predicament as the door opened and Minerva McGonagall walked in, wearing elegant dark green velvet robes. Her eyes were alight with laughter when she patted a tall handsome man on the shoulder. The two of them were followed by Aurora Sinistra who was wearing a knee-length midnight-blue dress that was simple but flattering. While Aesculapius walked towards their small group, Snape watched Minerva give Sinistra an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

"Hello, Professor Snape!" Aesculapius had already accepted a glass of firewhiskey from Hagrid and seemed to have very quickly charmed Professor Trelawney into oblivion. The divination professor was grinning ecstatically and her eyes held an unmistakable brightness.

"Good evening, Mr McGonagall," Snape replied coolly.

"It is technically Dr McGonagall since I work at Saint Mungo's," the younger man replied, his eyes assessing Snape.

"I see," Snape drawled dangerously.

"Ah, I see you two have met!" McGonagall gushed. "You know, Severus. I think I forgot to mention it to you: My favorite nephew has spent a lot of time abroad so I am glad he is back in the country again to celebrate with us."

Sinistra stepped into their circle and smiled gingerly. She seemed a little uncomfortable.

"We had the most enjoyable afternoon," Dr McGonagall said and lightly touched Sinistra's elbow. "I haven't been in this place for ages but I still remembered that the snow up here is perfect for snowballs."

"I remember that from my time as a pupil!" Hagrid's voice boomed happily. "Blimey, did we have fights down there!"

"Aesculapius found it inappropriate to attack his aunt so I was his number one target today," Sinistra said sharply. Dr McGonagall turned towards her and gave her a boyish grin.

"You stopped me pretty quickly, though."

"She sent a hex at a branch and made it tremble so it dumped its contents onto Aesculapius here," McGonagall explained. "And he deserved it!" She elbowed her nephew's side fondly. Snape felt faintly sick.

"Yes, Aurora is a piece of work," Dr McGonagall teased the astronomy professor who gave him a dark smile in return. Snape felt a bit of jealously welling up inside him but then he immediately came to realize that the feeling was entirely misplaced with the two of them.

"Aura is the little sister I never had," Dr McGonagall said with a twinkle in his eyes and he put his hand on her shoulder.

"If I had had a big brother like you I would have most likely been killed by a snowball during the early years," Sinistra replied sarcastically.

McGonagall led the way towards the table and sat down next to her nephew and Sinistra so Snape had no choice but to take the chair next to Trelawney. Fortunately, she did not seem to notice him due to the fact that she was too busy enthusing over Dr McGonagall.

The conversation moved away from the possible repercussions of their being siblings towards other topics and even the – except for misplaced prophecies - usually rather quiet Professor Trelawney contributed, her voice an octave higher than usual. Snape watched Sinistra pick her food. She looked a little pale and her hair was nowhere near as well done as it had been at the Yule Ball.

"You said you only had one nice dress," he said.

"Excuse me?" she looked up from her food, puzzled.

"At the Yule Ball. You said the black one had been your only nice dress. You did not tell the truth."

She shook her head and lowered her fork before she bent forward slightly.

"Leave it to you to disguise a compliment so well that it sounds like an insult."

Snape cocked an eyebrow. "I was just trying not to be a horrible bastard for once," he said conversationally.

"I am not sure charming gentleman is in your repertoire so maybe you should...well, not try," she replied and returned to her turkey.

"Well, Dr McGonagall! I see brightness and light in your future!" Trelawney almost giggled, her glass dangling from her hand in a gesture that looked a little dangerous despite the fact that it was probably meant to look alluring. Inevitably, Snape's and Sinistra's eyes met in mutual horror. Trelawney on the prowl was something neither of them wished to witness.

"That is nice, but please call me Aesculapius."

"Oh, well. Then you will have to call me Sybil in return!" Trelawney said with snicker that sounded a bit as if she was choking.

"If she bends forward a little more she is going to fall into her own food," Snape whispered across the table and Sinistra rolled her eyes, though obviously amused.

"A galleon if she does not drop that glass within the next half hour," she whispered back which caused Minerva to give her a stern look.

"Aurora, it is not very nice to make fun of Sybil!" she hissed at the younger professor and dropped a large spoonful of vegetables onto her plate, making it look like a punishment. Sinistra looked mutinous while she used her fork to push the vegetables aside in order to be able to access the meat again.

"I like Christmas! Everything sparkles!" Trelawney was saying in a loud and breathless voice, one of her hands risen towards the chandelier above her in a grand gesture. Sinistra began to laugh and choked on her drink. McGonagall patted her back, looking slightly amused herself.

"What's so funny, Aura?" the nephew asked cheekily.

"Nothing," she coughed while Snape hid his smile in his goblet. Hagrid's firewhiskey was already beginning to take effect and he felt light-hearted at the comforting notion that he was no longer a double-agent who was prone to being summoned by either side at any moment. He might as well get a little drunk. If it became too much he could always excuse himself on short notice and retire to his quarters.

The evening went on to be enjoyable as Trelawney's attempts to flirt with the polite but unresponsive Dr McGonagall were quite entertaining. Even Sinistra lightened up a bit despite the fact that her overall mood seemed not very festive. Snape also liked to see McGonagall enjoy herself in the company of her nephew and colleagues. It showed on her face, too, that it had been a hard year for all of them. They had lost so many and gained so little.

After dinner they moved to the assortment of armchairs with some after dinner cocktails and chocolates. Sinistra took her accustomed chair but Snape had to contend himself with the one next to McGonagall's, since his usual seat was already taken by the charming doctor.

Snape pretended to listen to Hagrid's tales of the Forbidden Forest – who knew that Sprout secretly grew a colony of carnivorous plants there – while he was actually more interested in what Sinistra and Dr McGonagall had to say to each other. Maybe this was an opportunity to find out what was off with the astronomy professor. And he was lucky since after a little chit-chat, Dr McGonagall cut right to the chase.

"You know why I am really here, Aura. This is not the place for you right now," Snape hear him whisper.

"I see. As always, you side with your aunt," Sinistra said evasively.

"Don't be silly! Someone here wants to kill you. Why would you want to stay?"

Sinistra sighed impatiently. "I have classes to teach. Why does everyone always assume that astronomy was a subject so unimportant that the professor's absence would not matter?"

"You are in mortal danger and besides, I am sure Minerva would find a substitute for you!"

Snape heard Sinistra's dress rustle as she leaned forward. "I don't want to leave and I doubt that anyone will manage to attack me again. I watch what I eat and drink and if it is really students who have it out for me, I can do away with them should they dare to openly attack me!"

"Aurora, your lessons with Professor Snape may have helped overcome your total inability to perform those spells but you told me yourself that you are missing years of experience. Especially if they outnumber you, you will not stand a chance."

Sinistra was beginning to become impatient.

"I don't want to run away from it all, Aesculapius! I am not a coward who flees to London when things get difficult," she protested.

"But it would be the sensible thing to do! It is nothing to do with cowardice to protect oneself, Aurora."

"I am fine and I will do my best to find whomever wants to kill me."

Now it was Dr McGonagall's turn to exhale with irritation.

"Aurora, honestly. We both know that you hate to leave your tower. What do you want to do? Stalk the corridors alone at night to find the evildoers? Please."

Sinistra sighed and continued in a more placatory tone. "What would I be doing in London? Hang around your house and annoy your house elves?"

"Would you like to know what I think? I think you are not staying because of some misplaced bravado but because you want to stay close to Snape." The aforementioned could barely understand what the other man was saying as he had lowered his voice so much.

"That is most certainly not the case, believe me. I found it important for us to be on speaking terms again but I realized that spending time with him still feels extremely awkward."

"That is because he consciously makes you feel awkward, Aura. The man is incredibly difficult. Did you really think you could change him?"

Sinistra sounded positively indignant now. "No. And I don't want to! He is unpleasant but so am I!"

"You don't yell at students for nothing and give them detention for being in a good mood!" Dr McGonagall argued and Snape was beginning to dislike him.

"That is not what I mean, Aesculapius. Yes, I am furious at him for acting the way he did but I can hardly hide from him all the time. Being angry with someone is just so damn hard when you have to sit next to them at the dinner table every day."

"You mean when you're in love with them no matter what they are like, Aurora." Dr McGonagall's voice was soft and Snape watched from the corner of his eye as he placed a comforting hand on Sinistra's arm. "You do hope that he will eventually come around, don't you?"

Sinistra shook her head and even from where Snape stood, he could see that she was telling the truth: "No, I don't believe that. I doubt he is even capable of loving me. I am not staying because of him, do you understand that?"

"Then why do you?"

She sounded sad when she replied. "This is my home and has been for years. My life in the muggle world was not especially pleasant. This is the first place I have felt comfortable again."

"Are you now finally ready to talk about that time?"

There was a short silence before Sinistra answered. "There is nothing to tell. I am not very social and I only slowly got used to the muggles' way of life so I did not really make any friends, can we leave it at that? Now I don't want to leave Hogwarts and be thrown into a new situation again. I don't want to be forced to meet new people and find a new job. I would hate it."

"Aura, you are a lovely person. You just have to be a bit more outgoing."

"But I don't want to be!" She was almost pleading with him to understand her and Snape could now hear her well since she had raised her voice from the whisper it had been before. "I feel safe here."

"But, Aura. Here is where you are not safe at all!" When she did not answer, he tried again: "Please, try to be reasonable. You would not have to stay forever. A few weeks could be enough. What are you trying to punish yourself for?"

"I am not trying to punish myself," she protested. "I am angry with the people who attacked me so I do not want to give them the satisfaction of seeing that they have driven me out of Hogwarts. I am not leaving and I can take care of myself."

Her last words sounded final and when Snape turned to get a better look at the two of them, he saw that they had both leaned back in their chairs and were staring at each other like two dogs that were about to start fighting.

"I'll put flowers on your grave, Aura," Dr McGonagall said after a long period of silence between them.

"Please try to remember for once that I don't like baby's breath," Sinistra retaliated. After a while Dr McGonagall finally reached out a hand and gallantly helped her to her feet. "Come on. Let's have some chocolates," he said indulgently.

Snape tuned back in to Hagrid's account of some teacher's extracurricular activities in the forest. It seemed that he had once caught Professor Flitwick trying to teach himself some sort of muggle sport that involved a big orange ball and a net. Apparently, his attempts had not been very successful. Nobody had noticed the fact that Snape had been listening into another conversation so he found it safe to stare at his shoes and ponder what he had just heard.

Obviously, Dr McGonagall had been put up to confronting Sinistra by the headmistress who wanted her tucked away safely in London. Sinistra, however, was stubborn as usual and made it very clear that she was not staying back because of Snape. Had she really already resigned herself to the fact that he could never love her? It was hardly surprising actually, since after all, he had given her every reason to believe that he had a heart of stone and did not care for her. Slowly he turned around and looked at his fellow professor who was talking to her old friend again, a box of chocolates between them. She looked relaxed when she was with him and less guarded. Snape was longing to talk to an old friend himself. Someone he could trust, someone who knew his story and would not judge him. Someone like Albus Dumbledore.

* * *

><p>Minerva had changed the password of the headmaster's office to "kitty cat" which Snape now snarled as he approached. The office lay in darkness and he waved his wand to light some of the candles in the chandelier above the headmistress' desk. While his walk had been brisk on his way from the faculty lounge, Snape now took slow, almost hesitant steps towards Dumbledore's portrait behind the desk. The former headmaster was lovingly stroking the red feathers of his phoenix who sat on his arm, resting its head against the old wizard's shoulder. Dumbledore was wearing the robes he had died in and Snape couldn't help but flinch at the sight. He had been talking to the portrait very frequently during his own time as headmaster, but now he felt suddenly self-conscious. The mission was over and this was a private matter so he was unsure how to approach it.<p>

"Severus," the old man's voice sounded just like it had in life. "I was waiting for you to come around. Please sit, I am sure Minerva will not mind."

Snape lowered himself to the high-backed chair and that was already turned around to face the portrait as if he had been expected. As it had always been with Albus Dumbledore, there was no awkward silence.

"You have fulfilled your duties very well, Severus. I am glad that you have survived unscathed."

Snape just bowed his head, being the private man that he was.

"Minerva also told me about your fondness for our professor of astronomy, Severus. A good choice I might say. She has an arrogant nose but it's deceiving. She is a lovely girl once you get to know her."

Snape hadn't been sure what exactly it was he wanted to talk about when he arrived, but Dumbledore had always known before he had himself. There had been times when Snape had suspected him of being a secret Leglimens. A portrait, however, could hardly read his thoughts, could it?

"She is very engaging," he murmured.

Dumbledore folded his hands in his lap and watched Snape over the rim of his spectacles.

"So what keeps you? Minerva has told me that you are being drawn towards her but seem to be eager to resist."

Snape looked at his shoes. "It does not feel right."

"Because of Lily Potter?" The portrait chuckled to which Snape looked up angrily.

"What is so funny about that?"

"It has been so many years, Severus, and you are still holding yourself captive."

"Holding myself captive?" Snape echoed. Somehow he had expected the chat with his former headmaster to be a lot more pleasant.

"I have now known you for a long time, Severus. Much longer than since the day you came back to me to warn me about Voldemort's plan to attack the Potters."

"What do you mean?"

"I have seen you with Lily Evans when you were students, Severus. You were completely gone when she was around you." Dumbledore's portrait chuckled again at the memory and he twirled his wand between his fingers.

"It is not like that with Sinistra," Snape blurted out. "I don't get weak in the knees when I see her."

Snape was not sure how much a portrait could do but he was almost certain that Dumbledore's likeness was just pretending to study his wand to give him a false sense of security before he delivered the blow: "You should know the difference between love and obsession by now, Severus," he said kindly but firmly.

Snape angrily rose from the chair but found that standing did not give him any advantage over Dumbledore's highly mounted portrait.

"Are you alleging that I did not love Lily? That it was merely an obsession? How dare you?"

Dumbledore looked a little aghast. "No, of course not, Severus. Love and obsession are not exclusive. I am sure you love her very much. Please sit down! What I meant was that you could not have Lily because she loved another. Love is physically felt the strongest when it is unrequited, Severus."

Snape was unsure what to say.

"Think about it, Severus. If one of them is dead, there is no harm in loving two women at the same time. You are not betraying one of them, especially not Lily," Dumbledore said kindly. "If you seek out someone's company and laugh with them, if you enjoy their touch, are concerned for their well-being and miss them when they are gone, it seems reasonable to assume, that love might possibly be part of it."

"How would you know, Albus. You have never seen me with Aurora."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes briefly. Suddenly, the old headmaster looked sleepy. "Minerva tells me a lot, Severus..." he murmured, his voice hoarse with relaxation.

"But how do I know that I love her?" Snape asked, suddenly self-conscious because he was pleading with a portrait. "How can I be sure?"

He waited for a reply but none came. Only a loud snoring greeted him, when he stood up, waiting with his arms folded in front of his chest.

"Albus?"

There was no answer so Snape sighed and turned around to leave. When he looked back over his shoulder, however, he saw that Dumbledore had opened one eye to peek at him.

"I see, you want me to find out myself," he said coolly.

"Always the Leglimens, Severus."

* * *

><p>When Snape reentered the faculty lounge, Sinistra was sitting next to Trelawney and Hagrid at the dinner table and watched them play what looked an awful lot like a drinking game while Minerva and her nephew were standing a little aside. No one noticed Snape's reappearance as Hagrid and Trelawney had started to engage in drunken bickering.<p>

"I can't believe her!" Dr McGonagall was just telling his aunt. "Severus Snape of all people in the world? He was creepy even when he was a child and just because he has a chocolate frog card now, he is Prince Charming?"

"He is a good man under the cold surface, Aesculapius. He just needs a little time."

"Maybe- but I feel like cursing him. Look what he did to Aurora. She does not show it but it hurts her."

"And you could absolutely not get her to leave?"

"No, I couldn't. I am sorry, Aunt Minerva but I was completely unsuccessful."

Minerva sighed. "So was I, my dear, so was I..." She stopped when she caught sight of Snape. "Severus! Where have you been?"

Snape swept closer, aware of the doctor's appraising eyes on him as he approached them. "I thought I heard a student who was up to something but it turned out that it was just an owl caught in the woodwork."

Snape bowed his head politely and was about to walk towards the table when Dr McGonagall grabbed his arm. He was taller than Snape but that did not intimidate him.

"Listen to me, Snape. I am only going to say this once: Keep your hands off Aurora!"

"What are you talking about?" Snape's voice sounded thin with anger.

"You know exactly what I mean. Aurora doesn't want me to..." his opponent began but McGonagall was suddenly very quick to remove her nephew.

"Come with me at once!" She commanded sternly. "I need you to help me instruct the house elves." He winced at her firm grasp but allowed her to lead him away, scowling at Snape from afar. The potions master found himself still trembling slightly and turned around briskly, intent not to let anyone notice his state when he approached the dining table.

"Who says I can't win?" Trelawney slurred, accidentally knocking over her glass. Sinistra cleaned the table with a bored flick of her wand and then popped her chin up on her hand again, watching Hagrid throw the dice.

"Six! You won again, you baschtard..." Trelawney giggled in a muffled voice.

"Now, what is this mortifying affair?" Snape snarled.

"Oh thank Merlin, Severus," Sinistra said. "I didn't think I would be able to put up with these two any longer." She threw a long look at her drunk colleagues and turned back to Snape. "Where are Minerva and Aesculapius?"

"Off instructing house elves," Snape said quickly.

Sinistra gave him a look that spoke of disbelief but said nothing.

"I overheard you and Dr McGonagall earlier," Snape opened the conversation swiftly. "Maybe it would be best if you went to London for a while."

"Still eavesdropping, Severus," she said sharply. "When did that ever turn out well for you?"

"ANOTHER SIX - I CANNOT TAKE IT!"

Sinistra rolled her eyes at Trelawney's exclamation and winced slightly when she heard a glass shatter on the floor behind her.

"Look, I will not have this discussion with you, Severus."

"I didn't think so," he said with a sly smile. "So I have a different proposal."

"Which is...?" Sinistra looked mildly intrigued.

"If you are staying here you will have to be able to protect yourself. I would recommend we continue our lessons."

She looked astonished for a moment then shook her head slightly. "I don't know, Severus..."

"Admit it, Aurora. You must be bored. Minerva treats you with kid gloves and everyone else is, too. You were once very skilled and you can become very skilled again if you work hard."

A variety of emotions crossed Sinistra's face before she shook her head again, more authoritatively this time.

"You are right, I will have to practice but I would prefer someone else to teach me."

Snape did his best not to look stung.

"Someone else?"

She was clearly uncomfortable but did not look away. "Your company does not benefit me right now. It makes me jumpy and puts me in a bad mood."

Her answer was far from conclusive but Snape did not know exactly how to gently point that out to her.

"Look, what I said to you in the dungeons was outrageous. I was extremely embarrassed by what had happened with Mr Nashkins in the potions class and somehow I thought I could protect myself if I didn't show them any weakness."

Sinistra's eyebrow twitched with annoyance. "That is not an explanation why you treated me like a silly school girl down there. I was worried for you and you brushed me off just like that. Besides, what did you think you had to protect yourself from? Me?"

Snape felt cornered but he decided to put up with it. "I hated that everyone was talking about us after Sybil's unfortunate display at breakfast."

"That's all?" she asked incredulously. "You were embarrassed?"

In vain, Snape tried to come up with the words to explain to her what it meant to him to be ridiculed without actually telling her about the horrible afternoon in the school grounds specifically or his time in Hogwarts in general.

"I was," he answered and noticed immediately that his voice was uncharacteristically quiet. He felt naked. "Very much. I thought I might be unable to teach properly if everyone laughed at me about it."

Sinistra shook her head. "I was bothered, too, Severus. A little girl from my class of Hufflepuff first years asked me whether I would get married to you now."

"What did you do?" Snape asked.

"I threw a killing curse at her and no one has found her corpse yet," Sinistra said in an eery voice, then waved it off. "No. I took twenty points from Hufflepuff and told her that she might be more successful in minding her own business if she had more work to do for school. So I gave the whole class a lot of homework that day."

Snape shook his head in appreciation. "I did not know you could be so mean. That was so unfair that it was worthy of myself."

Sinistra looked suitably guilty. "I tend to overreact a bit, sometimes. Of course my overreactions are not prone to landing me in Askaban unlike some other professors'."

"Thank you for reminding me," Snape growled. "Anyway, I am very sorry for being a bastard and I would like for you to finally accept my apology." He had spoken the words quickly and quietly and he was sure that she had noticed how uncomfortable he felt, talking to her like that. He hoped that she would not hold it against him.

"I could forgive you, but I don't think I could..."

He grabbed her hand to get her attention and stop her from finishing her sentence.

"Look..." He tried very hard not to hate himself before he had even said the dreaded three words. "I missed you. I still miss our companionship. It is not the same now."

"But how about the students?" Sinistra asked. "Nothing has changed since the day you hexed Salazar Nashkins. How can you suddenly not care about the school gossip anymore?"

"I cannot deny that I still do, but I found that sometimes I have the wrong priorities."

She leaned into him and gave him a hard stare. "I don't trust you with this, Severus. You are unpredictable. One moment you are incredibly sweet to me and then suddenly you completely lose it and start yelling at me for nothing. I do not wish to subject myself to such behavior anymore."

He leaned into her, too, not ready to give up yet although he was not prepared to beg.

"Listen, Aurora. I am difficult, I know that. I am trying my best but I also know that there must be something else. I am a Leglimens but I don't need to use that ability to be able to read people. Something is wrong with you that you are not telling me about and I believe that I cannot tell you what you want to hear from me before I know what it is."

Sinistra pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes but said nothing.

"If you were able to read people as well as you think, you would know what it is," she said provocatively.

"Hagrid, you must be cheating. This cannot be right!" They turned around at the sound of Trelawney's outraged voice. Her face was flushed and her fists were waving in the air as if she was trying to hit invisible opponents. Hagrid grinned helplessly at the professors.

"Sybil," Snape said poignantly. "Aurora and I are trying to have a civilized conversation here and we do not wish to be interrupted. Would you please consider retreating to your quarters now to spare yourself and everyone else the embarrassment of your drunken state?"

To his horror, Trelawney's lip quivered and she raised her long slim hands towards her face to cover her eyes. It seemed, that the divinations professor was a depressed drunk after all.

"You are being so mean, Severus," she lamented, then began to cry with long sniffles and a cascade of tears that ran down her cheeks.

"Take this," Sinistra handed her a clean white handkerchief and Sybil accepted it, then blew her nose noisily. "How do you keep up with that horrible, horrible man?" Sybil whined.

"He is horrible, but he might be right. Why don't you go and lay down for a bit, Sybil?" Sinistra coaxed her. "Maybe Hagrid can accompany you to your tower to see you home safely?"

The half-giant nodded eagerly, obviously glad to be able to help.

"O-Okay..." Trelawney said and wiped the remaining tears from her face. She held out her hand to give Sinistra her handkerchief back, but the younger witch raised her own hands in silent protest.

"No, no. Keep it."

"You are so kind, Aurora. So kind!" Trelawney said and patted Sinistra's arm when she passed her. "But be careful. Someone wants to kill you!"

She walked out on Hagrid's arm and Sinistra turned back towards Snape. "Yes, I sort of knew that already."

He did not find her dryly stated remark very funny and so he just looked at her sternly. Now that they were alone, he was beginning to feel slightly nervous again. Sinistra leaned back against the dinner table, both hands around its edge and looked at him defiantly. She, like him, seemed to be out of words to say to resolve the tension. Their relationship was like a vicious circle, Snape thought. Whenever one of them said anything, it would come across wrong somehow and the other would feel appalled. For every good thing that happened, one of them did something to push the other away.

They stood facing each other, motionless for now.

Snape thought about what Dumbledore had said. Maybe it was wrong to always compare and to choose a definition of love and then try to match the facts to it. He should probably turn his overactive brain off for a while and just feel. Unfortunately, logical thinking and repressing emotions had been pretty much everything he had been doing during the past two decades. Going back was far more difficult than he had imagined.

Despite himself he awkwardly reached out for her and stepped closer to be able to comfortably place his hand on top of hers. Her skin was soft and warm and he slowly proceeded to wrap his fingers around hers. He looked down at their now joined hands and found it a comfortable sight. Equally slowly, he brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead with his other hand, then rested his palm against her cheek. Sinistra's face was unreadable but her breath quickened ever so slightly.

"Please, don't," she finally said and the spell was broken instantly. He took a step back and she straightened up, stepping away from the table and from him.

"Maybe it would be best if I did go to London after all," she said quietly and Snape had no idea how to react.

"What did bring about this change of heart?"

"I can't do this with you anymore, I'm sorry. I don't feel myself able to be around you."

She turned around to leave and he helplessly watched her approach the door.

"Tell me what's wrong!" he finally called after her.

She paused, one hand already on the old wood of the door.

"Believe me, you don't want to know."

"Leave that decision to me."

He followed her across the room and stood close to her in much the same intimidating fashion he used with first years. She seemed only mildly impressed.

"You have never been as evasive as you are now, Aurora. It would make things... _infinitely_ easier if you could just tell me what's wrong so we can find a solution to that problem."

She took a deep breath. "I don't think there is much of a solution, Severus." She looked at a point beyond his shoulder to avoid his eyes but he stepped to the side to catch her eyes.

"Tell me," he said in an adjuratory voice.

"I'm..." she shook her head and her voice became audibly firmer. "Minerva and Aesculapius are right. I'm going to London."

- **to be continued** -


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note**: Sorry for the delay! I've had a bit of trouble with this chapter. Writer's block, don't you just hate it? Thank you once again for your encouraging reviews. Enjoy this chapter and the fact that you guys are not as clueless as poor old Severus. ;-)

[**12**]

Snape stood next to McGonagall, his heart pounding, his face stony, snowflakes caught in his hair and robes. The night was quiet and cold as they stood, shoulder to shoulder, waiting for the door to open. His stomach was churning, his palms sweaty despite the merciless cold wind that made his cloak billow very slightly along with his headmistress's.

"I am sure everything will be alright, Severus," Minerva said in a low voice, her fingers brushing his arm lightly. Snape closed his eyes briefly as finally he could hear steps in the hallway behind the closed door. The images of the hearing he had just attended were already blurring in his mind as they seemed of so little importance compared to what had happened afterward.

His mind went back to the events on Christmas eve that seemed to have taken place years ago despite the fact that only seven weeks had passed since. After Sinistra had fled the faculty lounge, Snape had spent a restless night in his quarters, throwing himself from one side onto the other impatiently. Although he had been tired, his mind would not allow him to rest, so when he walked towards the Great Hall for the obligatory Christmas breakfast the morning after, he'd felt numb and exhausted but painfully on alert. His heart had sunk when he found Sinistra and the McGonagalls in the corridor, obviously already about to say goodbye. It seemed that they were eager on getting her out of the castle as soon as possible. Irrationally, Snape felt anger at them welling up inside him because of it.

Sinistra was cradling her old fluffy cat in her arms and tensed immediately when she noticed his presence. The faces of the others were unreadable as their gazes met his.

„Severus," Minerva sounded tired and a little exasperated when she addressed him. „Aurora and Aesculapius are about to leave for London."

„I gathered as much," Snape replied coolly, and with all the strength he could muster, kept his emotions from showing on his face.

Sinistra looked defiant once again when he glanced at her, coldly. She had obviously not got any more rest than he had the previous night and looked pale in her black traveling cloak.

„Be careful in the snow," McGonagall was telling Sinistra sternly. „I don't want you to slip and fall again." Snape could see from the look on Sinistra's face that this had to be just one of many admonitions she had just received from her headmistress.

Snape walked past them, unwilling to show how much her departure was throwing him off. When he stood directly behind Sinistra, he bent down very slightly.

„Be safe, Aurora," he said in a low voice.

Then he had walked into the Great Hall without a second glance.

The following weeks had dragged on maddeningly slowly and for the first time, Snape had begun to miss the times when he had been out and about, traveling to fulfill his duties for the Order of the Phoenix. Since he was forbidden to teach, there was nothing for him to do at Hogwarts at all. The winter was as heavy as had been predicted and the snow was piling up on every surface available, finding its way into the castle as a melting slush or puddles of dirty water in unnervingly regular intervals. The dungeons were a dreadful place in these weather conditions and his pride was the only thing that prevented Snape from asking Minerva for different quarters. Due to the weather, the grounds had become a dangerous trap for anyone who dared to go outside and Madame Pomfrey had her hands full with tending to broken limbs. In the seldom periods of time that did not bring new snow, the sky was bleak and gray and one could hear the wind howl in the corridors of the castle. Snape had tried spending time in the faculty lounge but found himself fixated on Sinistra's empty chair more often than not. Right then he would have given anything for her to be there and answer his questions with only one word respectively.

One day he caught Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter – the heroic trio – in a hallway, huddled around a magical fire that he was sure was Granger's handiwork, talking. At first he decided to just sweep past and ignore them but then he heard his name being spoken.

"Really, Jenkins was not the only first year returning to the common room in tears. Snape took points from him for dropping a book in the corridor," Weasley announced and Snape only vaguely remembered the incident that had taken place a few days ago.

"At least he now takes points from Slytherin just as regularly as from the other houses," Potter said, rubbing his hands together against the cold.

Granger shook her head, her lips pressed together in outrage. "It is really a good thing he is not allowed to teach! If he was, he would have yet one more outlet for his foul mood!"

Snape gritted his teeth but hovered in the background, still unnoticed by the three students.

"I wonder what makes him so angry," Potter pondered and the sympathetic tone in his voice made Snape cringe. "He has never been pleasant but now he seems downright mad. I think that's his way of showing that he really hurts inside."

Snape was about to hex Potter but then stopped dead in his tracks at Weasley's next words.

"I am pretty sure something happened between him and Professor Sinistra. She has been just as distracted lately. Before she went away, I mean."

Granger huffed in a way slightly reminiscent of the headmistress and shrugged against the cold as her red-haired friend continued. "Of course she did not take points at random but you have seen how she practically sallied out of several lessons before Christmas. That was kind of weird."

He furrowed his brows at his girlfriend's rather obnoxious display of superiority.

"What is it Hermione? You are acting as if you knew something we don't."

"Well, Ron." Hermione gracefully waved her wand to rekindle the flames between them. She was an insufferable know-it-all but she was also a very talented witch, Snape had to grudgingly admit. "If you had paid a little more attention to her instead of trying to snog me whenever she turned away, you might have noticed what is wrong with her. Boys!"

"What?" Weasley and Potter both looked just as quizzical as Snape felt.

Granger smothered the fire and shook her head. "If you don't know already I don't want to be the one who spreads the news, however, I wonder whether Snape knows. That is probably why his behavior is beyond all bearing lately."

Snape decided that it was time to intervene.

"Well, Miss Granger," he said silkily, to which the three students turned around in shock. "Beyond all bearing, did I hear that right?"

Granger looked at him guiltily but remained silent.

"Would you like to repeat what you said about my not being allowed to teach?"

"I would prefer not to, sir," Granger said and Snape gave her a violent sneer. She had changed, he realized. The girl had always been respectful to teachers but since she now probably fancied herself a great heroine of the war, she seemed to feel herself above the rules.

"Well, you may be glad to hear that I might not be allowed to teach, but I am still allowed to take points. Which I will. Fifty of those from Gryffindor for your lack of respect, Miss Granger. And another ten each for your dumb stares," he hissed at Potter and Weasley and then stalked off, shocked and furious gasps behind him.

Both Sinistra's absence and the approaching hearing, set for January 29, made Snape restless and even more irritable than usual. McGonagall had admonished him several times since all four houses were on an all time low in points due to the fact that he now took them from the students for everything from talking in a corridor to looking at him. Although she was rightfully angry with him, she seemed to understand what he was going through and had him approach Horace Slughorn for something to do. The temporary potions master had been only too glad to hand down to Snape the meticulous task of taking stock in the potions cabinet. Counting ingredients and relabeling old containers had never been one of Snape's favorite pastimes, but this time he was thankful for anything productive he could do.

So one day he entered the stuffy potion's cabinet and climbed the ladder to go about his task. Only when he started inspecting little bottles and boxes full of ingredients, he noticed how much he had missed potion making and all the tasks that went along with it. Snape had always been an angry man who had to hide his fury behind a cold facade and the precision required to work in the field of potion making had allowed him to relax and focus on something else. While he stacked containers and wrote numbers onto a piece of parchment, he decided to refine the new potion he had been working on all year. At least that would give him something useful to do. Six hours after entering the potion's cabinet, he had found himself vividly reminded of another time when ingredients had gone missing. This time, however, he was not sure whether Horace had used them and forgotten to keep track of them or whether they had been stolen. Unbeknownst to Horace Slughorn, who had probably been too busy holding court with all of his favorite students to take care of the stock, a stunning amount of Lacewing Flies, Fluxweed and Boomslang Skin had vanished along with other ingredients that were typically used to create polyjuice potion. When confronted, Horace – of course – turned out to be completely oblivious and Snape found himself rolling his eyes and scowling. If somebody was brewing polyjuice potion, it could not be good.

The weather remained as it was and the hearing was postponed until February 14, so Snape found himself even more on edge. He made it a habit to walk the corridors in all his menacing glory and sneak up on unsuspecting students, making them jump with fear when they noticed his sinister presence. As he did not want to anger McGonagall any further, he stopped his groundless taking of points and settled for being scary and rude instead. He found that more often than not, he unconsciously wandered towards the astronomy tower where an ancient witch whose hearing seemed almost entirely gone, had taken up teaching. The students liked her as she seemed to be a pleasant old woman but Snape hated the fact that she was there so he felt unable to even talk to her.

After several weeks of not having heard from Sinistra, Snape had to admit to himself that he missed her sorely. Without his knowledge, she had become the single most important person at Hogwarts to him and without her there, his life seemed empty and pointless. One or two times he had found himself in the owlery with a piece of parchment and a quill, shivering against the cold air and about to write a note to the astronomy professor, but then had angrily turned on his heel. If she wanted to leave, he would not hold her back.

At Hogwarts there were no more incidents that could be suspected of being related to the attempt on Sinistra's life and he had begun to wonder whether it had been a cruel joke rather than a dangerous conspiracy. Why, if the danger seemed to be averted, did Sinistra not return to Hogwarts? Deep down, of course, he knew that the true reason for her absence was not the danger, whether it was perceived or real, but him, somehow. She had not wanted to leave at all but their close encounter in the faculty lounge had made her run. Snape's thoughts were on a loop and rotated around this particular problem time and again without him ever being even remotely closer finding a solution.

Finally, after weeks of self-loathing and the loathing of everyone - including, at times, Aurora Sinistra - he found himself in the ministry once again, listening to students giving accounts on his methods of teaching. Of course, his ruthless behavior during the previous weeks did not reflect well upon him. A small part of him had hoped that Sinistra would attend the hearing as she was already in London, but she was nowhere to be seen.

The cold had managed to creep into the courtroom as well and everyone, including the members of the Wizengamot were shivering slightly, their faces pale even in the dim light of the torches that were mounted on the walls. Minerva McGonagall did her best to present his case but Snape was about to lose all hope to ever teach again.

Especially Neville Longbottom's testimony was crushing. The young man had entirely lost the air of fear that had always been around him and Snape gritted his teeth as he gave his account of Snape's work as a professor.

"He was always dreadful. A cruel and violent teacher who tries to scare everyone. His classes are feared by the younger students and dreaded by the older as he is unfair and mean. I personally would not want him to ever teach again!"

Longbottom's gaze was angry and clear as his eyes bore into Snape's before he left the stand.

The day dragged on but finally the last witness of the day was called.

Horace Slughorn took the witness stand in green velvet robes and a cap that protected his bald head from the cold. His gooseberry-colored eyes rested on the prosecutor who limped closer. Obviously, he held a lot more respect for the potions master than for the astronomy professor as he spoke more quietly.

"Professor Slughorn, you have known Severus Snape since when?"

Slughorn seemed to be relieved that the question was as innocent as it was and smiled faintly.

"I have met him in his first year at Hogwarts. Severus was always on top of the class. There are very few wizards who have such formidable talent for the art of potion making."

His glasses reflected the torchlight when he turned his head towards Snape with a kind smile.

"You are here to give an account of Professor Snape's character, Professor Slughorn. Would you please try to explain to the Wizengamot what kind of person he is?"

Snape found himself tense when Slughorn spoke in a quiet voice, his words well chosen. "Severus Snape was an excellent student but he was a bit reclusive..."

Obviously, his testimony had been practiced several times so Slughorn looked horrified when the prosecutor interrupted him. "What do you think was the reason for that? If he was such a bright student, he had no reason to hide, had he?"

Snape clenched his fist under the table and Slughorn looked mildly shocked. The potions master always displayed grand behavior among his circle of bright students and admirers but put into the spotlight like this, he seemed to feel increasingly uneasy.

"I think he was being bullied by some fellow students," Slughorn said, sounding distressed.

Snape swallowed, feeling faintly sick. He did not want his personal history to be out in the open like this. If anything, Slughorn was known for his indiscretion.

"Bullied? By whom?"

"Objection! Why is this relevant?" McGonagall asked, fortunately.

"I would just like to establish Professor Snape's background," the prosecutor said silkily, so the objection was overruled by the minister.

"I think he was being bullied by James Potter, Harry Potter's father, and his friends."

"Why did you think that was?"

Slughorn looked suddenly nervous and his eyes darted from Snape to the prosecutor and back.

"I hope you are aware that you will be tried for obstruction of justice if you do not tell me everything you know." The prosecutor's voice sounded dangerous now. "That might hurt your formidable reputation, Professor Slughorn."

As scruffy as the prosecutor looked, he was sharp as a knife and had obviously detected Slughorn's weakness very quickly. The potions master sat up straight and Snape felt his stomach churn as he knew that he was now more than prepared to tell all.

"Severus Snape was very good friends with Lily Evans, Potter's later wife. I believe that it was a matter of jealousy on Potter's behalf."

Snape gritted his teeth so hard that his jaw hurt. He did not want Lily to be dragged into this.

"Lily Potter, I see." The prosecutor had got a whiff of blood and Snape knew that he would not stop until he was ruined.

"Can you tell me how Professor Snape treated Harry Potter?"

"He seemed to strongly dislike him but has never hurt him in any way." Slughorn sounded defiant now while McGonagall was frantically scribbling on a piece of parchment. This was not going well, Snape thought.

"And do you think Professor Snape is a good teacher?"

"He is very strict but he is quite effective. I found that almost all of his students possess a high level of skill. Except for poor Mr Longbottom of course." He smiled ruefully.

"Professor Snape joined the ranks of the death eaters after his graduation. What do you know about that?"

Slughorn opened his mouth to answer, when suddenly Neville Longbottom rose from his chair: "He is a filthy traitor!"

Shocked silence fell over the room and McGonagall looked scandalized. Longbottom's harsh words during his testimony had been uncharacteristic already, but this was outrageous and entirely inexplicable.

"Mr Longbottom?" The minister of magic said strictly. "Would you please...?"

But Longbottom interrupted him by drawing his wand. It was black and crooked which made Snape frown. He had repaired enough of the damage Longbottom's clumsiness had caused to know that he possessed a 13 inch cherry wood wand that had once belonged to his father. This one looked not at all like it. And suddenly Snape understood. Polyjuice potion! He leaped to his feet, wand drawn immediately but it was already too late. The person posing as Neville Longbottom had walked to the middle of the room and gave an eery laugh.

"Severus Snape is a traitor who abandoned the Dark Lord because he was and still is a coward! He will bleed for this just like all the other supporters of the Dark Lord who remained in secret and have easily given up their allegiance now that he has fallen!"

To Snape's horror, some of the members of the Wizengamot shifted uncomfortably and Dolores Umbridge, who seemed not to be a member any longer but was present nonetheless, shrieked as the impostor pointed his wand at her.

"You will die for your betrayal!" He shot a curse at her and Umbridge retreated backwards, screaming. Snape rose, as everyone else seemed too shocked to do so, and pointed his wand at the attacker.

"Do not move!" he commanded but the man just laughed.

"Severus Snape, our hero." He smiled again, the cruelty of it completely out of place among Longbottom's kind features. "I will not kill you right away. We will rather toy with you a little longer. Instant death is too good for you. First you will lose everyone you love." He sent an unexpected spell at Snape who blocked it a little too late and felt a searing pain in his side.

"Expelliarmus!" he yelled, but missed as the other man jumped aside with surprising agility and turned towards Dolores Umbridge again.

"Avada Kedavra," he said gleefully and green light shot from the tip of his want towards Umbridge who died with wide open, horrified eyes. The sickening noise her dead body made when it hit the stone floor snapped the other wizards out of their reverie and a dozen stunning spells flew towards the attacker at once. Neville Longbottom's body fell and everyone began to talk at the same time, some bending over Umbridge's dead body, some calling for additional aurors.

"Severus, are you alright?" McGonagall touched his arm with a worried look in her eyes. The old headmistress looked shaken and Snape found it his duty to grab her elbow to support her.

Fear surged through his body like electricity, the images of a dead Lily as vivid in his mind as if it had just happened.

"We need to leave at once!" he said urgently. "I need to make sure Aurora is safe."

McGonagall nodded, still confused.

They stood in front of the door now, the seconds painfully ticking away and Snape felt sick with concern. Someone had it out for him but they were vicious to know that killing him was not what would bring about the ultimate revenge for his perceived betrayal. They wanted to make him suffer on every level imaginable.

Finally the door opened and Aesculapius took a step back to allow them in.

"You should not be this careless," Snape snarled instead of greeting the other man.

"Careless?" Aesculapius asked, confusion written all over his face.

"Please close the door before we talk," Minerva said, her voice shaky.

Snape stepped into the well-lit hallway and could not help but notice that Aesculapius McGonagall obviously had the resources and the taste to afford a very stately home. The floors were dark polished wood and contrasted very nicely with the white walls. Even the obligatory family portraits that could be found in every magical family home did not look out of place as they were framed identically and hung on an otherwise empty wall. Wizard's homes had the tendency to look overcrowded but Dr McGonagall had managed to completely avoid that.

"What happened? Is something wrong?" Dr McGonagall led the way into a tastefully furnished sitting room and gestured towards a group of elegant armchairs. "Please sit."

Snape grudgingly sat down and left the talking to the headmistress while he nervously toyed with his sleeves.

"Someone at the hearing disguised himself as Neville Longbottom by means of polyjuice potion and attacked Severus before killing Dolores Umbridge."

"Merlin!" Dr McGonagall exclaimed. "How do I know it's you?"

"We told you this story for once," Snape snapped. "But how do we know _you_ are who you pretend to be?"

Minerva gave Snape a warning look and turned towards her nephew: "What is it you took from my desk at Hogwarts when you were visiting as a little boy?" she asked calmly which made the formerly stricken-looking Aesculapius smile slightly. "A golden snitch, Aunt Minerva."

She nodded, satisfied. "We have come to warn you. The thought that they are disguising themselves is alarming, so I did not wish to take any chances in owling you about it, or using the floo network."

"Where is Aurora?" Snape finally burst out, unable to wait any longer.

"She's upstairs," Dr McGonagall said, sounding a little helpless, faced with Snape's display of fierce determination. Without as much as one more glance at the other wizard, Snape strode towards the stairs. Although there was no reason to believe that Sinistra was in any acute danger right now, he felt his fists clench and his mouth go dry as he remembered another time when he had walked through the long hallway of another man's house to look for a woman. He remembered Lily's empty eyes and his heart contracted painfully at the image of a dead Sinistra that his mind immediately conjured up. When he arrived upstairs, he found that he had no idea which Sinistra's room was, after all, so he immediately felt foolish because of his outburst and hurried departure. Snape stood in the hallway for a moment, faced with four closed doors, his breath labored, his body suddenly exhausted, his mind confused, a sharp pain like a thorn in his side.

"What the...?"

It seemed that his heavy steps on the stairs had alerted Sinistra to his presence and in his predicament, he had not noticed that one of the high white doors had opened. He turned around and found her standing in the doorway, wearing only a nightshirt. At second glance he realized that her hair was tousled from sleep and her eyes were slightly puffy.

"I am sorry I woke you," he said weakly and watched her eyes widen with recognition.

"Severus! What are you doing here?" It was not evident from her tone of voice how she felt about his presence.

"They are using polyjuice potion to disguise themselves, now and there has been an attack at the ministry," he reported, inexplicably breathless now. "I wanted to make sure you were safe."

The words just tumbled out of his mouth, his usual self-control almost completely gone, as he now realized how much he had missed her. The sound of her voice alone made him feel weak.

"Severus, you are hurt!"

Sinistra approached him quickly and grabbed his black-clad arm, throwing back his cloak in one swift motion. And indeed, there was blood all over his white sleeve. Snape had not noticed that he had been injured this badly and the sight of all the blood caused a jolt of panic followed by sudden weariness.

"Come with me, Severus!" Sinistra grabbed his arm and led him into her room. Under different circumstances, Snape might have made a snide remark on how distinctively female it looked in all white, the sheets adorned with roses and the scent of vanilla in the air but today he remained silent while Sinistra made him sit down on the bed. Despite the dark floors and tasteful art, the room had a vast, empty feel that was not entirely unpleasant as it gave the illusion of space and air. Snape wasn't sure why he was focusing on his surroundings so much but suspected that he needed to avert his attention from both his injury and the witch treating it.

"Take off the cloak. And your frock, too."

Snape did as he was told and found the white shirt he typically wore underneath his frock stained with blood.

"What happened to you?" Sinistra asked, grabbing her wand from the bedside table.

"I must have been hit without noticing when they attacked us," he murmured, a little too caught up in her appearance for his own good.

Sinistra pulled up his shirt and he could feel her hands on his bare skin. Quickly and efficiently, she ran her wand over the wound and made the blood disappear.

"Thank Merlin, it is just a flesh-wound. No vital organs were injured as far as I can see. You should have Aesculapius take a look at it, though," she stated and murmured a spell that made his side tickle slightly. "You lost quite a bit of blood, Severus. Would you like to lie down?" She moved to make room for him on the bed but he held her back, shaking his head slowly but insistently.

"No, I am alright, Aurora."

He drank in her appearance, well aware of the fact that he soon would have to leave again. She looked different from the way she had when he had last seen her. Obviously her time in London had done her good since her skin was not as pale as it had been on Christmas Eve and she didn't look as thin anymore. He still felt light-headed from the amount of blood he had lost and leaned against her, feeling dizzy. She willingly accommodated him, her hand in his hair somehow.

"I missed you so much," he murmured, his defenses suddenly non-existent – which was hopefully due to the blood-loss. "Damn you, Aurora, for just running away." He placed his hand on her hip and felt the warmth of her skin through the thin garment. Snape inevitably thought back to the night they had spent in the tower and how he had been laying behind her, resting his hand against her hip for a while then had moved it onto her flat stomach to pull her into him. Sinistra shifted slightly then pulled away from him.

"You should rest, Severus," she said a little too quickly.

He sat up straight again, taken aback by her withdrawal, then got up hurriedly.

"I should go downstairs and help the others cast protection charms. If they manage to get into the ministry undetected, they might also be able to get in here."

Sinistra rose from the bed to, wand in hand.

"I am coming with you."

She quickly retrieved an oversized dark blue cardigan and shrugged into it, wrapping the fabric securely around her upper body while she got into a pair of slippers that stood next to the bed. Still dizzy, Snape watched her gingerly walk towards the door.

Downstairs, Minerva and Dr McGonagall had begun to secure the house with spells and looked up when Snape and Sinistra approached them.

"Aurora!" Minerva squeezed the younger witch's hand and looked her up and down. "You look good, my dear."

"Thank you, Minerva. Are you alright?" Sinistra asked. "Severus is hurt and I was concerned that you might have been injured as well."

Minerva shook her head. "I am a bit shaken but I have not been injured. Still, I regret that I cannot return to Hogwarts tonight in this weather!"

Snape turned his head towards the window and found that snow had begun to fall again, obscuring sight.

"Have you been able to locate Mr Longbottom?" he asked.

"Yes! Mr Potter has found him locked in a broom closet. Thank Merlin he has not been hurt."

Snape curled his lip. Of course Potter would be the hero again. When they had finally finished securing the abnormally large house, Dr McGonagall insisted on treating Snape's injury while Minerva and Sinistra sat down in the group of chairs. Snape watched them over Dr McGonagall's shoulder and while he could not hear what they were saying, could see Minerva ask something to which Sinistra shook her head. Minerva reached out and placed her hand onto the younger witch's arm and spoke to her with visible urgency. Sinistra looked reluctant and avoided Minerva's gaze. Something was going on and Snape believed that he was the only one who did not know about it. Even Granger seemed to have figured it out by now although she had only been seeing Sinistra in class.

Finally giving in to his frustration he stalked towards her, his frock still unbuttoned and his hair a mess. He felt unhinged and light-headed when he approached them.

"I am not a fool," he opened the conversation very sharply. "And I will not allow everyone to make one of me. Could you please _finally_ explain to me what is wrong?"

Sinistra's face was blank while McGonagall's eyes were filled with empathy. She gestured towards a chair for Snape to sit down in and turned towards Sinistra.

"My dear, I think it is time to tell him. Don't you think?"

Sinistra's breath had quickened and she gave Snape a fearful stare before turning back towards McGonagall.

"Minerva, please. Don't..."

"Aurora, Mr Longbottom's impostor told Severus today that they will try to hurt him by harming everyone he cares about." Minerva's voice was low and soothing but insistent nonetheless. "You are still in danger. I think it would be only fair for Severus to find out before they do. And they will, eventually."

Sinistra pressed her lips together and turned towards Snape who felt a jolt of fear at the stricken look in her eyes. Very slowly, he began to suspect something but before he could put the pieces of the puzzle together, she spoke in a quiet voice, audibly reluctant.

"I am pregnant, Severus."

- **to be continued** -


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note**: Keeping Snape in character is kind of hard if you put him in a situation JKR would have _never_ have put him in but I did my best. I hope you enjoy it. :-)

[**13**]

Snape opened his mouth in an attempt to voice his thoughts but was unable to produce anything except a noise that sounded as if he was being strangled. He was hot and cold at the same time and suddenly felt the urgent need to grab the armrest of the chair he was currently sitting in for support. Thank Merlin that McGonagall had possessed the readiness of mind to have him sit down before forcing Sinistra to reveal her secret. Otherwise, he was sure, he would have gracelessly keeled over. When the dizziness had subsided, he finally managed to get out a few words.

"How long have you known?" he croaked and found that his voice accurately reflected his state of mind as for now it sounded neither accusing nor sympathetic but simply overwhelmed. He forced himself to gaze at Sinistra who looked just as uneasy as he was feeling. Despite Minerva's attempt to stay in the background, both were very much aware of the headmistress' presence.

"Madame Pomfrey and Minerva told me the day after I was poisoned," Sinistra said quietly.

He felt that it was unnecessary to point out to her that it had been three months as he was sure his face reflected how shocked he was by the revelation. Slowly but gradually, he began to feel outrage building up inside him. Three months? They had been on reasonably good terms again after he had caught her reading the Tales of Beedle the Bart, so why had she not told him then? Why had she fled to London and stayed there without a word for weeks instead?

He heard himself address her in a quiet, yet nasty voice: "Would you have ever told me if I had not happened to come here today? Would I have ever known about it?"

Sinistra, usually eloquent and quick to retaliate, lowered her gaze and bowed her head in silence. The lack of a response or explanation on her behalf fueled his rising anger but also made him feel somewhat helpless.

"I had a right to know," he continued, suddenly too exhausted to make an effort to craft and hurl elaborate insults at her. He found that he was unable to cope with the whole situation and he suspected that Sinistra had no idea how to react, either. An uneasy silence ensued that neither dared to break until Sinistra shifted in her seat, arms folded in front of her stomach.

"You can take your arms down now, you know," Snape snarled. "I do finally now so there is nothing you need to hide from me anymore."

She did not move at first but then seemed to feel genuinely uneasy in her position and folded her hands in her lap instead.

"I am sorry," she said after a long while, her voice frail and he narrowed his eyes, sneering slightly.

"Both you and my child are in danger and still you did not consider it necessary to inform me of your condition? And now you saying that you are _sorry_?"

He sneered again and wished that he could just get up and leave but he felt too weak to actually act upon the urge. Snape knew that he had every right to be upset about the fact that she was months along in her pregnancy and had only told him after being forced to by someone else. However, he started to suspect that he was only focusing on that particular fact because everything else that this situation implied was too much to face for now. Whenever he tried to think beyond what he perceived as her betrayal, he found a new, unfamiliar kind of panic welling up inside him.

Dr McGonagall cleared his throat politely.

"As a healer I would not advise you to have this right now. As a man, however, I believe you are in dire need of it," he interrupted the vicious staring contest that was Snape's and Sinistra's current method of communication and handed Snape a generously filled glass of firewhiskey. For the first time since Snape had met McGonagall's nephew, he felt kindly towards him.

"Thank you."

The liquid burned down his throat and Snape felt calmer - not so much because of the alcohol itself, but because of the act of drinking it. He needed time to come to terms with all of this because he was sure that if they talked about the details now, he would end up hurling insults at Sinistra. The instance alone that he was trying to refrain from attacking her, told him that he had come to care about her even more than he had been able to fathom. Or maybe he was just really old-fashioned and did not feel it appropriate to be rude to a woman who was with child. Oh yes, he thought, as silly as it sounded, he would not put that past himself. Still, her obvious unwillingness to explain herself made him angry. How could she be that silent about it even now?

"Do you not wish to explain yourself?" he asked, his voice smooth.

"I don't see what good it would do." This time her reply came quickly and clearly, as if she had been expecting this particular question. "We can start fighting about every aspect of my hiding it from you and you can blame me for it, which you have every right to. But in the end it will always come down to how you feel about having a child with me and I think we both know that it will not be a pleasant discussion for either of us."

She rose from her chair and wrapped her cardigan tightly around herself once again.

"This is rather pointless, Severus. I should give you some time to come to terms with this before we talk further. You do not need to concern yourself with it, however, if you feel repulsed by the notion. I am very well capable of taking care of this on my own."

Snape took another generous sip of his firewhiskey just to make sure that he was not sitting there, staring after her in open-mouthed shock. He had expected passionate apologies or heated accusations but not this. Not at all.

"Aurora, wait up!" Minerva hurried after the younger witch and gave him an apologetic look on her way out. Her nephew approached Snape and sat down opposite him, the carafe with the whiskey still in hand.

"Refill?" he asked sympathetically and poured Snape another one. After the potions master had taken another sip, Dr McGonagall smiled a little helplessly. "We have been trying to persuade her to tell you for weeks. But she was entirely convinced that you would want anything but a child with her. I guess keeping silent was her way of sparing herself the disappointment."

"See how well that worked out," Snape growled, his hands shaking and his mouth dry.

"She has been struggling with this. When she first came here she was just as shaken as you are right now."

"Are you trying to make excuses for her behavior?" Snape asked sharply, his knuckles white as his hand was clenched around the glass he was holding.

Dr McGonagall raised his hands in a defensive gesture. "No, of course not! What she did was wrong and you have every right to be furious at her."

"But?" Snape hissed while the large amount of alcohol he had consumed so quickly was beginning to make his head swim.

"Well, you did tell her that you could never love her and then you two hardly talked to each other for an astounding four weeks straight. I do not approve of what she has done but I can see where she is coming from."

At Snape's homicidal glare, Dr McGonagall poured himself a firewhiskey and smoothed his strawberry blond hair back from his forehead in exasperation. Snape could see that he was uncomfortable having this conversation with him but so was he.

"She must hate me," he finally mused after which Dr McGonagall gave a soft chuckle.

"I don't think so, Professor Snape. As unhappy as I am to admit it, you two have quite a way with each other. You mean a lot to her," Dr McGonagall said. "Like all of us, and maybe even more so, she is afraid of rejection so maybe you just have to let it go for now and talk to her about it. Without yelling, preferably."

Snape cocked his head in irony. "Well. It sounds so easy when you're saying it, Dr McGonagall."

"It actually is, Professor Snape. The problem is that, frankly, both of you are extraordinarily inept at social interaction. She chose to do what she always does when she is confronted with emotional matters: She ran. And as far as you are concerned, I guess you choose to be offensive when cornered."

"Excuse me?" Snape drawled dangerously, the alcohol already clouding his mind.

"From what she has been telling me about you, you tend to turn any complicated emotion into anger. And you know what?" He leaned forward towards Snape who narrowed his eyes in response. "I think you did not push her away because you don't love her. I think you did it because you _do_ love her and you are not able to deal with it."

"I think, Dr McGonagall, that you should mind your own business and stay out of other people's affairs."

McGonagall raised his eyebrows in a gesture that reminded Snape of the dreaded Gilderoy Lockhard and leaned back in his chair. His facial expression was screaming "I told you so".

"I shall leave," Snape said silkily, having decided to let the other man's impertinence slip.

"You shall have the second guest bedroom upstairs," McGonagall corrected him. "The weather is dreadful and you are in no condition to travel. Let alone all by yourself."

Snape was about to protest but then decided to simply accept that the other wizard was right.

"I am feeling a bit under the weather," he admitted, for once with no pun intended.

"Come on then. I will show you to your room."

Snape gingerly mastered the stairs and was all too glad when he fell asleep as soon as his aching head hit the pillow.

* * *

><p>When Snape entered the dining room for breakfast the next morning, his head felt twice its size and everyone else was already assembled around the dining-table. Dr McGonagall was hiding behind the Daily Prophet while Minerva smiled encouragingly.<p>

"Good morning, Severus!" she said, the cheer in her voice entirely misplaced, in Snape's opinion.

"Good morning," he replied and took the only free seat that happened to be located across from Sinistra who had been staring at her plate but now raised her gaze to meet his.

"Good morning, Severus."

A house elf scurried towards Snape and placed a plate filled with muffins and toast in front of him.

"Do you happen to have anything that will not put me in danger of dying of hyperglycemia?" Snape asked indignantly and the little house elf seemed to shrink when faced with his annoyed scowl.

"I am sorry, Sir. We don't have eggs or bacon at the moment." The large yellow eyes wandered towards Sinistra and back to Snape apologetically. "Miss Sinistra can't stand the smell."

"Great." Snape decided to leave it at that and gave up any hope that his hangover might be cured by means of a nice greasy breakfast. At least Sinistra had the grace to look guilty while she was eating her fruit salad.

"I will return to Hogwarts today," McGonagall announced. "I have a request, though, Severus."

"Yes?" Snape sipped his tea and looked at the headmistress over the rim of his cup.

"Well, as I will have to leave and dear Aesculapius will be away on business for the next couple of days, I would like you to stay here with Aurora."

Snape suspected that the business trip was just an excuse to force him and Sinistra to talk about their issues but he felt too sick to protest, so he nodded. One look at Sinistra confirmed that she was not going to put up a fight either. She did not look rested and several strands of hair had fallen out of her ponytail. When she got up he found that she was wearing a simple woolen dress and socks that looked as if they had once been Dumbledore's usual Christmas present to the staff.

The McGonagalls said goodbye quickly and so Snape was left alone with Sinistra and a nervous house elf.

"You haven't eaten anything, Severus. Would you like Wriggy here to make you a proper breakfast in the kitchen?"

He declined politely and she gestured towards the living-room.

"A cup of tea, then?"

"Playing hostess?" he hissed.

The house elf looked from him to Sinistra and back in obvious bewilderment.

"You may leave, Wriggy," Sinistra said kindly, but without taking her eyes off Snape's. "I will be in the living-room, anyway. If you care to join me, please do so."

He stood alone in the dining-room for another moment before he followed her and found her already in an armchair, a hand on her stomach that he could now see was already slightly swollen. The discovery made him feel weak again and he dropped into the chair next to her.

"Please start," she said.

"Start what?"

"Yelling at me. I kind of deserve it." She attempted a smile but failed horribly.

"I don't yell," Snape said slowly, unsure how to proceed, then decided to satisfy his curiosity instead of burning all bridges with her. "Why were you so ready to assume that I would not take kindly to the knowledge that I am going to be a father?"

She gave an ironic smirk. "Was there anything that might have indicated the opposite? You made it very clear that you do not want to be with me and so I was sure that you would not want this either."

"But you should have known that I am not the kind of man who would leave you alone to deal with it."

She smiled sardonically. "Right. That might just have been the reason. I did not want you to do anything out of pity or your sense of responsibility."

"Well, you are being very selfish if you are ready to put your own sense of pride above your child's best interest and deny it the chance to know its father."

She looked crestfallen at his frank words and then covered her eyes with her hand.

"You're right, Severus. I am an idiot." She shook her head while she was speaking. "I am usually a reasonable person." He cleared his throat out of sheer habit and she looked at him angrily.

"I am! But ever since I was told that I am expecting a child, I have been living one day at a time. First I was scared of being sick, then I was scared because I thought the students would notice, then I was scared because I was starting to show. But I guess what I am really scared of is the moment that I will hold the child in my arms and will be responsible for its well-being." She had begun to speak rather quickly which Snape usually found annoying. This time, however, he sensed that she was trying to get her point across quickly before she could change her mind again.

"I have never expected to become a mother one day. Actually, I thought I'd just teach astronomy until I'd drop dead over a telescope but now everything has changed." She looked helpless. "What if I am not able to take care of the child's needs? I mean, what if it doesn't feel loved because I am... the way I am?"

She looked at Snape and caught his bewildered stare at her rambling. He was not very good at giving comfort, let alone in a matter that concerned himself, so he settled for patting her hand slightly. Only when he realized what his gesture implied, he pulled back his hand.

"I am feeling the same way," he could not help but admit. "Somehow I don't see myself teaching a child how to fly a toy broom or listen to a long tale of who hit whom with a spoon at the dinner table."

For the first time since he had arrived, she gave a genuine smile.

"Even first years annoy me sometimes. How am I supposed to find joy in a toddler who asks the same question for the hundredth time?" she contributed softly.

"You know what _I_ am like, Aurora. I would probably be tempted to use Imperio to get a straight answer out of them."

She laughed and placed her hand over her middle. "Oh, you wouldn't! On your own child?"

He pretended to think about it. "I could be persuaded to only use legilimency."

Sinistra gave an appreciative nod. "You're softening already, Severus."

This time he willingly took her hand in his. "I am not. If this child is anything like us, it will need a strong hand as it will be wreaking havoc as soon as it can walk."

"Probably." Sinistra looked down at their joined hands and squeezed his back. "I really should have told you earlier. I just didn't think you would be so... relaxed about it."

Snape was anything but relaxed but he felt comfortable at the notion that Sinistra did not expect him to go all soft and gooey on her and profess his love for fatherhood in general. It also helped that she was not acting as if she had been born for motherhood but admitted her own insecurities openly.

"This is nothing I am taking lightly, Aurora." He felt as nervous as he sounded. "I have no idea how to deal with this."

Her smile was sad and she withdrew her hand. "I completely understand. I am just glad that you are still here."

"If they find out about your pregnancy, they will surely increase their efforts to hunt you down. I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone."

"Oh well, I have really improved my skills." She looked a little proud.

He furrowed his brow. "Have you been practicing?"

"Yes. I have. Potter has been helping me."

Snape felt as if someone had elbowed him in the stomach.

"Potter?" he spat. "Harry Potter?"

"Yes. That's the one. He has been coming here once a week."

Snape felt undue outrage at the notion that while he had been stalking the castle, plagued by a longing for the astronomy professor's company, Harry Potter had been seeing her regularly.

"Does he know about...?" He waved his hand in the general direction of her stomach.

"After all, it has become difficult to hide so I told him last week. He threw a downright fit as we have been practicing stunning spells and blocking them lately. He said you would probably kill him if you knew that he was attacking your pregnant..." She shut her mouth immediately and looked embarrassed. "...colleague," she finished weakly.

Snape growled. "For Merlin's sake, Sinistra! You need to be more careful!"

She looked a bit flattered by his concern for her and he couldn't help but insult her to make up for it. "By the way, are those the dreadful socks Albus gave to us three years ago? They do not look very becoming on you."

"As long as I do not blow up like a balloon, I don't care what my feet look like," she snapped back.

"Oh well, I did not take you for the vain type, Aurora," Snape scoffed. It seemed, however, that this was not an issue Sinistra could take jokes on and she just looked away.

"You look very pretty. Except for the socks," he finally growled, only to humor her.

"Shut up."

"About those lessons with Potter..." he began but she cut him off.

"He is a pretty good teacher and there is no reason to worry."

"Ah, I see," Snape said, feeling betrayed. "Potter, of all people...! Whose idea was that?"

"Minerva's," Sinistra replied calmly.

"Preposterous," Snape grumbled. "Simply preposterous."

There was a short moment of silence then Sinistra chuckled.

He glared at her.

"If I didn't know better I would think that you are jealous."

"Don't push your luck, Sinistra! I did not unleash my full wrath at you for keeping me in the dark for so long but I will if you keep saying stupid things. Besides, why would I be jealous of the Potter boy or anyone as you are currently carrying _my _child?"

Sinistra looked taken aback and he felt foolish, considering the subtext of his utterance.

"What is it with you and the Potter boy, anyway, Severus? He has been speaking so highly of you after the war and you still treat him like an absolute nuisance."

"That is because he _is _an absolute nuisance."

"No, he is not."

"You don't know him, Aurora."

She sat up a little straighter. "Well, I do. I have come to spent quite some time with him lately and I found that he was a very agreeable young man. He is humble, charming and very talented when it comes to the Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Nonsense!" Snape said violently. "He is arrogant, dim-witted and a complete failure when it comes to potion-making."

Sinistra folded her arms in front of her upper body. "Do I detect prejudice in your words, Severus?"

He gave her a death glare which she countered with a raised eyebrow.

"It is mortifying to see a woman of your age having a crush on a student!" he hissed for the sake of it. He was, in fact, well aware that the idea was absurd.

"A crush?" she laughed. "Of course. It must be the wild hair or, wait! Those deep green eyes! Yes, that's it. One look at them and I was smitten."

"Enough!" Snape was on his feet before he knew it. Sinistra rose a little more slowly.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked heatedly. "You are accusing me of having the hots for Potter and then you can't take a little sarcasm?"

Snape felt foolish. He had become so used to avoiding every reminder of Lily when he was in the company of other people, that he had found himself yelling at her before he'd had time to give it a second thought.

"Come on, I am not dumb, Severus. Spit it out already! Quit being such a bloody coward!" she demanded. Snape's feelings welled up uncontrollably and he suddenly felt so outraged at Sinistra that he felt the need to hurt her. He took a deep breath, unable to stop himself.

"I have always loved Potter's mother and when I learned that the impertinent toerag James Potter had managed to not only marry, but also impregnate her, I wished that it was me. I still do," he said, his voice filled to the brim with hatred.

He was not sure whether the last part was actually true or whether he had finally confessed his secret to her because he actually wanted to hurt her or rather because he needed her to know. Sinistra eyes widened with surprise until the true meaning of his words was beginning to sink in.

"Oh," she whispered. "I think I understand."

His rage evaporated instantly and the pain he had always felt at the sight of Potter's eyes returned with a pang, this time accompanied by a feeling of regret at having told Sinistra. Maybe he even regretted the fashion in which he had told her. He did not dare speak but instead focused on Sinistra who was still standing in front of him, her gaze clouded over slightly.

"This explains a lot, Severus. It really does."

She remained silent for another moment, apparently trying to calm herself.

"However," she continued. "I think I should tell Wriggy to fix lunch for you. If you'd excuse me?"

She passed him, walking tall and rigid and he was once again completely taken by surprise, so he was left staring after her in shock. When the sound of her steps had died away in the long hallway, he sat down in one of the chairs, staring out of the window at the snow-covered grounds. The confrontation had left him in doubt. Finally telling Sinistra about his love for another woman had felt nothing like he had expected. Actually, he now realized, he had expected to feel relief since Sinistra would no longer hope for him or actually expect him to develop feelings for her. Instead, his words had felt empty. He had never wished to be Potter's father and he did not wish it now. Also, the only woman who had been on his mind since he had arrived here had been Aurora Sinistra. He brushed a strand of his hair out of his face in exasperation when Dr McGonagall's words started to echo inside his mind. Maybe he was right. Maybe he had been running away from his true feelings. He did not love Lily any less, but the feelings he suspected he had for Sinistra were completely different. Dumbledore had been right. While he had been obsessing over Lily for years, this was just a little more... real.

Snape got to his feet with a start and hurried towards the kitchen.

"Where's Miss Sinistra?" he called out to the house elf who was standing on a stepladder, throwing vegetables into a pan. The creature turned around with surprise. "She is upstairs, sir. But she is upset." He looked a little distraught himself. "Miss Sinistra does not wish to be disturbed."

Snape turned around on his heel and the house elf gave an impressed gasp despite the fact that Snape's turn did not look half as impressive when he was not wearing his cloak. He walked upstairs, completely unsure about what he was actually going to say to her and knocked at her door. When there was no answer, he simply barged in without an invitation. Sinistra was sitting on her bed, hands by her sides, staring at a book in her lap. She looked up, startled, when he walked into the room and he saw a tear gliding down her nose which she quickly wiped away.

"I do not wish to be disturbed right now," she said in a firm voice that was only betrayed by her still moist eyes.

"I am sorry," he said.

"Just go."

"No. I mean I am sorry for saying that to you."

"Don't be. It is not as if this was news to me. At least now I know what I am up against. A dead woman!" Her voice broke.

Snape was at a loss. "Come here," he said but she looked away.

"I would really appreciate if you could give me some time to gather myself." She self-consciously wiped her cheek. When he remained rooted to the spot, she rose as well. "Severus, this is a little hard on me, okay? I am trying to be reasonable about it, but your presence..."

He closed the distance between them with a long step. "Would you please shut up for a moment?"

"You cannot tell me to shut up in my own home, well, a place that is more of a home to me than it is to you, anyway."

She looked adequately sheepish when he gave her a look that was practically oozing with sarcasm.

"I will start again and I would appreciate if you did not try to interrupt me this time."

"I see, otherwise you will take points from my house," she muttered stubbornly.

He glared at her and resumed.

"I am sorry for making you feel inadequate."

"I am not feeling..." she started.

"Be quiet."

He placed his hand against her side. "I really loved Lily but that was almost twenty years ago. I think it is time for me to let go. This is the first time I have ever even wanted to let go of it. And it is because of you."

He found that he was not as eloquent as usual and so he put his thoughts into words to the best of his currently diminished abilities.

"I am very sorry I upset you. This can't be good in your condition."

She rolled her eyes. "Really, Severus. This is the nineties! You are just so bloody old-fash...!"

"What do I have to do to get you to shut up?" he asked, his lip curled with disgust while he was feeling quite light-hearted inside. She smiled and walked into him, resting her head against his chest. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair. After a moment, he closed his eyes, ready to remain in this very position for as long as possible. Sinistra's body felt different than it used to but he enjoyed it nonetheless. Maybe he could get used to the idea of that child. Maybe soon he would be able to see it as something different than a condition that put Sinistra in even more danger. Maybe.

There was a cold breeze and his eyes fluttered open. The next moment glass shattered and a tremor went through Sinistra's body in his arms. Snape had been watching his back for far too long to not be on alert immediately and without having planned to take it out of his robes, he found his wand in his hand.

"Step back!" he yelled at Sinistra whose wand was on the bedside table, right behind their attackers. Much like he had done with the dreaded Harry Potter and his obnoxious friends five years ago, he moved to stand in front of her and pointed his wand at the two hooded figures that had appeared in front of them. How they had managed to break the protective charms that had been cast the previous evening, he did not know.

"What do you want?" he snarled.

"Step aside, Snape, and make this a little easier for us," one of the figures said, his or her voice magically distorted which made him suspect that he knew them.

"You know as well as I do that I will not do that," he shot back. "I will give you the chance to retreat..."

Before he could finish his sentence, a curse shot towards him and he could see green light fizzle against the protective charm he cast at the very last moment. The green light exploded and Snape did not hesitate this time.

"Sectumsempra!"

His curse was blocked but he could see from the quality of the counterspells that he was not up against old and powerful wizards.

"I do not know why you feel you have to avenge the Dark Lord but I assure you that we can settle this differently," he yelled while blocking another one of their spells. He would not be able to hold them off much longer if they began to fire killing-curses, he knew.

One of the two attackers laughed and it sounded dreadful with the magical distortion still in place.

"I did not expect you to understand what true loyalty means, Snape."

One of the attackers spotted Sinistra's wand and weighed it in his hand.

"How very careless." The voice distortion wore off for a short moment and his voice sounded vaguely familiar but Snape could not quite place it. Sinistra groaned softly as – for the second time in her life – her wand was snapped in two.

Snape fired another spell at them but the loss of blood from the previous evening was still weakening him so he could not defend himself as well as usual. In this dire situation, he was well aware of Sinistra behind him.

"Expelliarmus!"

He blocked the spell but it was harder this time and he found that he was tiring quickly as spells were fired at him from two directions at once.

"Crucio!"

He only managed to block part of the spell this time and he heard Sinistra gasp with pain as they were aiming at her instead of him.

Furious, this time he sent several spells right on top of each other and managed to penetrate their attackers' protections. However, his offensive tactic left him unable to keep up his own defenses. He did not want Sinistra to be hurt but he knew that he had to give up his cover in order to defeat them. She groaned, a little louder this time, as she was hit again.

"Expelliarmus!" One of their wands clattered on the floor and Snape quickly accioed it. In the meantime the other attacker had aimed at Sinistra and shot another cruciatus curse at her which Snape quickly blocked. He forced Sinistra to stay behind him with his free hand and hexed the remaining attacker again, nearly wounding him this time. However, the attacker was younger and more rested than Snape and managed to fire a stunning spell at him that the older wizard did not manage to block completely. He felt dizzy for a moment.

"Sectumsempra!" he heard Sinistra's voice behind him and their attacker screamed as blood started gushing from his arm. More glass rattled as one of them escaped through the window while the other sent one last hex at them and followed suit. Snape ran towards the window but they had already apparated. He murmured an incantation to reinstate the protective charm and turned around again to be faced with a shaken Sinistra.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, worried, his hand touching her elbow as soon as he had reached her.

She shook her head, the captured wand still in her hand. "I think I am not..." She gingerly walked over towards the bed and sat down.

"That is what the Cruciatus Curse feels like?" she asked, her eyes wide and he could not help but confirm it.

"Oh Merlin..." she murmured. "I did not know how painful it really was."

The tortured look in her eyes told him that she was once again thinking of the day she had tortured her own aunt. Sinistra looked as if she was swallowing her tears and raised her chin in order to look brave.

"What do we do now?"

Now that the adrenaline was starting to wear off, Snape began to feel his exhaustion and sat down next to her.

"You will rest and then we will make a trip to Ollivander's to both get you a new wand and find out who this one belonged to."

As he had hoped she would, she raised an eyebrow but refrained from pointing out that he was in just as great a need of rest as she was herself. He waved his wand and the pieces of the shattered window rose to assemble themselves again.

"I will await you downstairs in an hour," he stated and squeezed her hand one last time before he walked towards the door. Standing in the doorway, he made sure that she had lain down on the bed and then left the door ajar, sitting down in a chair in the corridor. He would surely not go anywhere.

- **to be continued** -


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** Ha. I am finally reaching the good part of this story. ;-) It's so much fun to write- Thank you, anyone, who is reading this. I appreciate it a lot!

[**14**]

The sunlight that shone through the formerly damaged window of Sinistra's bedroom was that of the late afternoon sun, low in the darkening sky like an orange ball. Sinistra was lying on her side, buried deeply in her several blankets and pillows, her breathing calm and regular. The peaceful scene was disturbed only by the two pieces of her broken wand on the bedside table next to her. Snape approached her with a steaming mug of tea in his right hand and sat down on the bed.

"Aurora?" he asked softly, his left hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes slowly and winced as she sat up. As she still looked drowsy, he silently handed her the tea and encouraged her to take a sip by means of a curt nod.

"This is salty!" Her face screwed up, she was about to set the cup aside but he held up a hand. "That is because it contains a potion that is supposed to counteract the aftereffects of the cruciatus curse."

She looked sheepish and obediently took another sip. "Thank you, Severus. That is very kind."

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

She looked undecided for a moment, then set the mug down. "My bones still ache a bit but I think I'm fine."

"Do you think you are ready to make the trip to Diagon Alley with me?" he inquired further. "You still look very tired and I don't want you to overexert yourself."

Sinistra looked stricken for a moment but then placed her hand on his arm, seeking reassurance.

"I think I can. It's just..." She cleared her throat, obviously unsure how to phrase her next sentence.

"Spit it out, Aurora," he said, his uncharacteristically gentle tone betraying his harsh words.

"I am worried about the baby."

Although Snape knew that he should have expected something like this, he was caught by surprise by the amount of concern in her voice. He had never before seen her care about someone else this much and the sudden display of worry unsettled him as it made the idea of a child growing inside her all the more real to him. He gently placed his hand onto her arm, eager to dispel her concern.

"Remember that the cruciatus curse does not inflict any actual physical damage but stimulates the body's pain receptors. The only way it could harm an unborn child is if the amount of pain caused so much distress to the mother that she'd suffer a miscarriage."

Sinistra's delicate eyebrows came together in a frown. "I was only grazed by the curse and the connection was broken very quickly. I feel a bit tired but I think that is alright... I don't really want to be without a wand any longer than absolutely necessary."

Snape nodded with approval. "That is a wise decision. We will be careful, though. Just tell me when you need to rest. Also, we don't have to apparate back today. I have arranged to meet Minerva at the Leaky Cauldron later and we will stay the night."

Sinistra threw back the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

"It looks cold outside," she said disdainfully and rose to her feet as did Snape who was glad to see her walk steadily towards her wardrobe. When she had extracted a set of warm robes and boots, she turned towards him again.

"Could you please turn away while I change?"

Snape gave a sneer that was bordering on the amused.

"My, Aurora, there is nothing I haven't seen yet."

She gave him an uncomfortable look and hugged her robes closer to her.

"Please, Severus. I look different now."

Only now he realized that she was self-conscious about her growing stomach, so he nodded and turned away from her. The sound of rustling fabric sounding from behind his back, he found that he had never believed Sinistra to take much of an interest in her appearance. He had seen how stunning she could look if she made an effort but she usually didn't do anything to her hair or wore anything more fancy than dark robes. Although she always looked well-groomed, she was pretty in a rather unobtrusive way, so one noticed only at a second glance.

When he turned around again, she was sitting on the bed and was busy putting on lined leather boots.

"Don't forget your gloves and hat again," he admonished and she cocked an eyebrow.

"Sure, mom."

He waited, his traveling cloak already around his shoulders, for her to shrug into hers, wrap an enormous scarf around her neck and place a woolen hat on top of her head. The procedure almost made him smile as she went about the task with utmost seriousness although she looked quite ridiculous.

He took her hand in his and a moment later, they apparated right in front of Ollivander's shop in Diagon Alley. The snow crushed under their boots as they approached the entrance. The sun had begun to set and their breath clouded in front of their faces. Diagon Alley was busy but not crowded and none of the wizards and witches hurrying past paid any attention to the two new arrivals, so Snape held on to Sinistra's gloved hand until it was time to hold the door open for her.

The smell of cardboard boxes and wand burnish greeted them and the stuffy air made an abrupt change from the bristling cold outside. Ollivander looked up at the sound of the door opening and while his pale blue eyes lit up with joy at the sight of Aurora Sinistra, he knitted his brow when he laid eyes on her companion.

"Well, Miss Sinistra it is," he climbed down the ladder he had been standing on, dusting some of the many long rectangular boxes that were occupying the ceiling-high shelves along the walls. "I have not seen you in a while." He smiled and squeezed her hand. "You have brought a fellow teacher, I see. Good day to you, Professor Snape."

"Mr Ollivander." Snape bowed his head respectfully and the other man gave a faint smile. However, Snape knew that he must feel reminded of the time that he had been imprisoned at Malfoy Manor and Snape had been a regular, yet unhelpful visitor.

"Now, what can I do for you?"

Sinistra looked ashamed and clasped her hands self-consciously in front of her.

"I need a new wand."

Ollivander raised an eyebrow. "Another one?" he asked and Snape noticed that his voice was a little more brittle than he remembered it. Ollivander, too, had gone through a lot and his age was showing more clearly than it had before.

"Mine was broken."

"Just like the last time, huh? Did you break it yourself again?" Ollivander's tone indicated that he did not approve of his handiwork being destroyed.

"No. Someone else did it this time," she hurried to say.

"Ah." Snape was relieved that Ollivander did not inquire further into the circumstances that had led to Sinistra's renewed wandlessness but turned around instead and pulled a box from one of the shelves.

"Try this one." He took out a long, slim wand - much like her previous one - and handed it to her. She waved it lightly but nothing happened.

"Hm, you seem to have changed..." Ollivander murmured to himself and wandered into a far corner of the shop. Snape's and Sinistra's eyes met and he extended a hand to lightly brush his fingers against her back. Neither back at Hogwarts nor anywhere else had he ever gone anywhere with a woman as a couple and he found that he liked it. Although they were still plenty of unresolved issues between them and they were not actually a couple, he detected a sudden feeling of belonging in himself that left him a bit dizzy.

They turned their heads at the sound of a stack of boxes collapsing and Ollivander's subsequent swearing then Sinistra turned towards Snape.

"Are you alright, Severus? You look a bit drowsy."

"Yes. I am fine." He tried to look reassuring and she gave him a suspicious look. Ollivander came towards them with another box.

"Try this one!" He handed her a longer, thicker wand and she ran her finger along the smooth wood then waved it lightly. Red sparks emerged from the top.

"Now, that is interesting." The old wand maker was weighing his head.

Sinistra was smiling as she knew that the wand had obviously chosen her. "Interesting?"

"I had you try this wand before. Last time you needed a new one, to be precise. It did not react to you at all, Miss Sinistra. It seems, that something about you has changed in the meantime."

"I learned a trick or two," she said with an amused twinkle in her eyes, looking almost proud. "What do I owe you?"

She paid for her wand and twirled it between her fingers appreciatively. Snape liked to see her so happy and stepped forward to stand beside her.

"I have another request, Mr Ollivander," he said politely. The old man blinked as he had trouble looking Snape in the eye. Although it was common knowledge nowadays, that Snape had always been loyal to Dumbledore, it was not uncommon at all for witches and wizards to be uneasy in his presence.

"The masked wizard who destroyed Professor Sinistra's former wand owned this one." He extracted the wand from his pocket and handed it to Ollivander over the counter. "Can you tell me whose it is?"

Ollivander picked up the wand and weighed it in his hand, then held it closer to his watery eyes for inspection.

"I see. I remember this wand..." he murmured and ran his finger along the bright finish. "A strange boy it was. Very detached..." He looked up again as he seemed to realize that he was voicing his memories incoherently. "It is Mr Zabini's wand. The one who must have attacked you is Blaise Zabini."

Snape found Sinistra's gaze and saw determination as well as trepidation. They had both expected the wand to belong to a Slytherin student, but now that they could match a face to the ruthless attack, things became much more personal.

"Thank you, Mr Ollivander." Snape accepted the wand and slid it back into his robes. "That was very helpful."

The old wizard nodded gravely. "These are still dark times, professors," he said in a quiet, agonized voice. "You-know-who might be dead, but evil does not solely reside in a single wizard. It is contagious, it seems, and young minds are easily influenced."

Snape bowed his head in agreement while Sinistra was staring at the ground.

"Please, Miss Sinistra," Ollivander's voice sounded a little more cheerful now and she lifted her gaze up to the old wizard's. "Take care of your wand this time!"

Sinistra smiled. "I will. Thank you, Mr Ollivander."

Snape and Sinistra turned to leave for the snowy street outside and he had already reached for the door, when Ollivander called after them one last time:

"I will see you in eleven years!"

Sinistra's face turned pink and she hurried out into the street. Darkness had fallen and fewer customers were walking the streets, hurrying to get out of the cold.

"When do we meet Minerva?" Sinistra asked, obviously unwilling to comment on Ollivander's words of farewell.

"She will arrive in half an hour," he replied.

Sinistra seemed to think for a moment, then pointed at Flourish and Blotts across the street.

"Would you mind accompanying me to another shop, then?"

Flourish and Blotts was not very busy and only a handful of witches and wizards were scattered among the chaotic arrangement of bookcases and stacks of books that seemed to be placed around the room at random. A flustered-looking middle-aged witch was engrossed in a copy of one of Gilderoy Lockhart's literary masterpieces and Snape silently pointed her out to Sinistra who hid her chuckle behind her hand. The carpet muffled their steps and so Sinistra had to clear her throat in order to get the attention of the manager who seemed to be busy feeling around on the counter for something. The gray-haired wizard looked up and his large spectacles almost fell off when he recognized the Hogwarts professors.

"Good afternoon," Snape said silkily.

"Oh, why, hello there!" The manager nervously adjusted his glasses while some of the other customers looked up and a witch whispered something to her companion behind her hand.

"I'm sorry!" he scratched his head. "I have been looking for copies of that bloody book again. The Invisible Book of Invisibility! I will name my first ulcer after it." He laughed uneasily. "Well, what can I do for you?"

Sinistra asked for some books and magazines on astronomy and the manager hurried away to look for them. As they were alone again, the other customers quickly returned to their books or to browsing the shelves and pretended to not have seen them.

"Why did you ask him for magazines? I thought you held subscriptions to any magazine there is on astronomy," Snape said, his voice lowered so no one could eavesdrop.

"That is not true. There are lots more," Sinistra replied and looked up at him with a playful smile – a rare occurrence in itself. Snape found that being around her again soothed him and had made all the bottled up frustration of the previous weeks disappear without a trace. He longed to touch her but refused to give the onlookers anything to gossip about.

Through the shop's display window, he could see that the snow was falling again outside and thick flakes sailed down and stuck to the black robes of an approaching couple. When he recognized them, he stiffened. The door opened and Lucius Malfoy shook the snowflakes out of his long blond hair, his wife beside him brushing off her robes, both still oblivious to Snape's presence. They looked better, healthier than they had a year ago, when their house had been occupied by Voldemort. Narcissa Malfoy, especially, looked a lot more vivacious and not as gaunt anymore. When Lucius Malfoy laid eyes on Snape, several emotions crossed his face in rapid succession.

Finally, he walked towards them, his hand clasped tightly around his cane.

"Severus," he said briskly, his face unreadable. "And Professor Sinistra." His eyes flickered towards the astronomy professor only briefly before he focused on Snape again.

"Lucius," Snape said silky, very much aware of the fact that all eyes in the room were on them. "You have avoided Askaban once again, I see."

Malfoy's features hardened and his wife placed a calming hand on his elbow. She looked back at Snape and attempted a smile. "Hello, Severus."

Snape bowed his head at her respectfully and saw the gratitude for his having saved Draco shining in her eyes. She gently lead her husband away from them and towards the far end of the shop.

"That was awkward." came Sinistra's dry assessment.

Snape glared at her. "You're not saying."

The manager returned and broke the moment by dropping an unruly pile of books and magazines onto the counter.

"Here we go, Professor Sinistra. I have for you the latest issues of Astronomy Today, The Astronomer, Astounding Astronomy, Astronomer's Digest and Guide to Astronomy. By the way, I enjoyed your article in Astronomy Today. It was very informative."

Sinistra smiled and Snape shook his head in disbelief. Were there so many magazines on the art of potion making, too? He decided to do a little research soon.

A moment later, he grudgingly watched the manager put Sinistra's purchases into several bags and grabbed them from the counter before she could even reach out for them. They walked out, accompanied by curious stares. Once they were outside, Sinistra exhaled noisily.

"Have you seen how they were looking at us?"

"Yes."

She waited for him to elaborate and rolled her eyes when he didn't. "Do you think they noticed?"

Snape led the way towards the Leaky Cauldron and feigned ignorance. "Noticed what?"

"You know what! Ollivander did!"

Snape huffed and slowed down so she could follow more comfortably. "Someone is trying to kill you, Aurora. I believe there are more important things for you to worry about than your appearance."

Minerva McGonagall was waiting at the Leaky Cauldron, still in her hat and traveling cloak. There was a dejected expression on her face and she seemed too distracted to even once again express her usual concern over Sinistra.

"I have just had word from the ministry," she said without preamble. "The person who posed as Neville Longbottom at the ministry is Pansy Parkinson. She is on her way to Askaban as we speak."

Snape had never particularly liked the mean-looking Slytherin girl. She was a bully and even though he technically was one himself, he detested bullies. Still, the news came as a shock. Quickly, he related their own findings to McGonagall. After he had finished, the headmistress looked even more crestfallen. He could see why. Idealistic as she was, Minerva McGonagall had hoped for the houses to be able to reconcile and for the Slytherins to find a way back from the dark side as they were still young. Now it seemed, that it was not possible. Pansy Parkinson had killed, but a young life doomed to be spent in Askaban was as terrifying as it was sad.

"Did they find out who else might be behind this?" Snape asked and McGonagall shrugged helplessly. "I am afraid that this was the only information I was able to attain. The ministry treats the incident as a classified matter and refused to tell me about the exact circumstances. Aurora, my dear, I am sorry: Are you feeling alright?"

Sinistra nodded impatiently. "What are we waiting for? We need to go back to Hogwarts to interrogate Mr Zabini."

"We?" Snape asked sarcastically. "I think not. I won't allow you anywhere near the school."

Sinistra turned towards him, her face hard. "You have no authority over me, Severus. I can do as I bloody well please and I cannot wait to interrogate that little toerag."

McGonagall looked slightly indignant. "Language, Aurora," she warned but Sinistra didn't seem to care.

"I am tired of being hidden away and besides, we need to work fast. He knows that we have his wand and he will be aware of Ollivander's ability to identify the owner of every wand he has ever sold so – once again - what are we waiting for?"

"Aurora is right," McGonagall said, ignoring the homicidal look on Snape's face. "and while I do not approve of you putting yourself in danger, I am afraid I cannot keep you away." She pointed towards the door. "Shall we leave right away?"

* * *

><p>Blaise Zabini looked up as four teachers entered the headmistress's office, their wands drawn. As they had arrived at the castle, Hagrid had reported that he had intercepted the boy on his way out as he seemed to have gathered some of his things before fleeing. He now sat in a chair, his hands magically bound to its armrests, his eyes hard and his face unreadable.<p>

"Mr Zabini," McGonagall began. "We know what you have done in London today."

"I haven't done anything!" Zabini shouted but Snape held out the student's wand.

"Are you trying to tell me that this is not your wand?" he asked in a dangerously low voice.

"It... was stolen," the young Slytherin retaliated, hatred seeping into his voice and gaze.

Snape twirled the wand between his fingers as if he was contemplating the statement, then abruptly bent down to eye level.

"I am sure you do know that I can easily enter your mind and extract the information I want if I wish to? Lying to me is neither an option nor will it benefit you in any way," his voice now was a terrible hiss that was barely above a whisper.

Zabini swallowed uncomfortably but kept up his defiant stare as Snape delved into his memories without announcing it to the student.

There he was in the Slytherin common room that was illuminated only by candles in the chandelier that hung above them on the high ceiling. It was cold despite the fire that was crackling in the fireplace, adorned with snakes. Snape found Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Gregory Goyle and Daphne Greengrass huddled around a table in the corner, far away from the other Slytherins' curious ears.

"Something needs to be done," Zabini was saying. "I cannot stand Snape's smug mug. He was supposed to be dead and now he is back in his old post as if nothing had happened."

Parkinson was uncharacteristically engaged as Snape usually perceived her as a person who would not show their own initiative but would follow the crowd: "You are right! He betrayed the Dark Lord! He is a coward just like those others!" She gestured towards the stairs to the dormitories where most of the students seemed to be. "I have been speaking to so many of us and even those whose fathers are in Askaban do not dare to fight!"

Greengrass looked stricken. "But what do we do? We cannot simply attack him. You have seen how powerful he is. He would blast us all away at once with just a flick of his wand."

Zabini's eyes gleamed as he gave an ominous smirk. "It would be too dangerous to attack him directly. Here is what we will do: We will hurt the ones he loves."

His fellow students looked at him as if he had just proposed to rip apart Snape's teddy bear.

"Honestly, Blaise..." Parkinson said and Goyle gave a grunt that Snape knew to be his way of expressing disgruntlement.

"Since when does Snape have anyone he loves? Are you planning on smashing his favorite cauldron? That will teach him..."

"Idiots," Blaise snarled. "Snape has a _girlfriend_ these days."

The emotions displayed on the other Slytherins' faces ranged from surprise to disbelief.

"Are you sure? I mean, who would...?" Greengrass began but Zabini silenced her.

"He is spending an awful lot of time with Professor Sinistra these days. You have been so busy sulking over the fact that he is not dead as he should be that you have not kept an eye on him."

Goyle looked even more puzzled than usual. "Professor Sinistra? But she's kind of pretty," he mumbled.

The others collectively glared at him, clearly used to his less than helpful comments.

"It seems," Blaise explained gleefully. "that the sweet professor is unable to defend herself as she has problems using the proper spells."

There was a stunned silence during which Parkinson and Greengrass threw long looks at each other.

"How would you know that?" Greengrass finally asked.

"He is teaching her and she is _hopeless_. It's ridiculous really. I have never seen him that patient with anyone."

Parkinson took a sip of her butterbeer. "So we attack her."

"Absolutely."

The scene shifted and Snape found himself in the Hogwarts grounds, the sky bleak and gray, fog crawling down the mountain to engulf them. The four Slytherins were hurrying towards a secluded spot near the Forbidden Forest as the first raindrops began to fall.

"This weather is dreadful!" Parkinson expressed her disgust but Zabini just gave her a nasty look. Judging from the expression on his face, he was furious.

"How could he know that type of poison? And the antidote? I told you it was a dumb idea to poison her, Daphne!"

Greengrass crossed her arms in front of her chest and pouted, thus giving Zabini the opportunity to continue raging.

"And you, Pansy! I told you to sneak it into her tea at the astronomy lesson but you were too busy writing letters to your absent friend Draco! If Snape hadn't been there to react so quickly, she would be dead by now!"

The trees and gray sky around them once again dissolved and Snape found himself in sudden darkness. At first he was confused, but then he realized that this must be a time that Zabini did not remember as clearly as the others. It often happened when people were drunk or otherwise incapacitated so he waited to see what happened. The Zabini that now stood next to Snape did not appear to be drunk, however. His eyes were large and focused as a voice spoke to him from the darkness, too badly distorted to even be distinctly recognized as being male or female.

"..and kill..." Snape heard. "...he loves..."

The moment ended abruptly and Snape found himself back at the Slytherin common room, the pale morning light filtering through the windows that were mounted close to the ceiling. Zabini and Goyle stood besides each other, death eater masks in hand.

"Are you sure she is still at that house?" Goyle asked and Zabini waved him away.

"I am. They have Pansy. We have to react quickly now."

"Maybe we can just stop before we go to Askaban for this." Goyle looked as skeptical as a wizard of his ken was capable of but his eyes widened in shock as Zabini grabbed the front of his robes. His eyes had acquired a maniacal gleam that looked displaced in a face that usually showed disdain, if anything.

"He is a traitor! He has deceived the Dark Lord. He deserves to suffer, understood?"

Goyle still looked unconvinced but as he was a sidekick in nature and did not usually make his own decisions, he gave an uncomfortable look, hid the mask in his robes and followed Zabini out.

A moment later, Snape saw himself, pale and weakened, blocking spells and trying to hex his attackers.

Zabini's eyes came back into view and Snape left his mind, having seen enough.

"It is him, Parkinson, Greengrass and Goyle," he told Minerva curtly.

The old headmistress nodded and walked towards the door, her wand in her hand. Sinistra now stepped forward and came to stand next to Snape, her gaze focused onto Zabini who remained silent. For the first time, fear showed in his eyes.

"You used an unforgivable curse on me," she said quietly and Snape was astounded as he detected sympathy in her voice. "You will go to Askaban for this."

The student's eyes flickered away from hers but she almost gently touched his cheek and forced him to look at her again.

"You are so young. You should not be filled with hatred."

"They wanted to kill you, Aurora!" Snape growled. "Don't pity him now!"

Sinistra ignored him and stood in front of Zabini, her hands clasped in front of her.

"You used the cruciatus curse but did not try to kill me. Why's that? Ambushing us like that, it would have been relatively easy to kill me. Why didn't you?"

When he refused to answer, she cocked her head. "I am sure it was not because you enjoyed my astronomy lessons that much. Do you know what I think? I think you did not dare. You hate but you do not want to kill."

Zabini jerked his head upwards and sneered at her. "Of course I want to kill, bitch."

"How dare you...?" Snape had raised his wand already but Sinistra grabbed his arm. "Leave this to me."

"Mr Zabini," she said calmly. "I don't think you have to go down this path. Think about it."

"Think?" Zabini spat. "Good idea. I will be locked up in Askaban for the rest of my miserable life. Thinking will be my only pastime."

Sinistra gave him a cold look. "As far as I know, the dementors' continuing presence will soon temper with your mind. I doubt that you will be able to think clearly for long.

She walked towards the other end of the study and Snape followed her quickly.

"What was that about, Sinistra?" he asked heatedly.

"He has been indoctrinated as a child to the point where I doubt that he is able to tell right from wrong anymore. I know how it feels. I cannot stand the thought of four young people wasting away in Askaban!"

Snape was completely stunned. "Are you out of your mind, Aurora? Do you see yourself in that person? You were fourteen! He is eighteen!"

She raised her chin. "Then maybe _you_ should see yourself in him."

Snape inadvertently looked back towards the young man in the chair and imagined himself in his stead. He had once been in a chair in this very office, not bound to it by magical ties, but by his own crushing guilt. Zabini did not yet show signs of remorse, let alone guilt, but he was just as wrong as Snape had been. But would he be able to let go of his hatred? Snape doubted it.

"What do you propose then, Aurora? Are you prepared to take the chance that they will attack you again? Because I am not."

"Redemption, Severus. Dumbledore was a huge fan."

"Talk in coherent sentences, woman!" Snape scolded, but they were interrupted by McGonagall and Flitwick who returned with a very pale, trembling Daphne Greengrass and a resigned-looking Goyle.

Snape looked at the two culprits and found that he could still see the little girl that had been sorted into his house seven years ago in Daphne's face and found no evil but simple brutishness in Goyle's dull eyes. Severus Snape had always lived up to his name when it came to punishment; today he faltered for the very first time.

"If we inform the ministry right now, you will all go to Askaban," McGonagall told them in a frail voice. "I have seen the three of you grow up and although I have never approved of your beliefs, I did not expect you to sink this low."

The students' heads hung, their gazes fixed onto the floor as they stood in their fatalistic pose.

"I will have to think about this," Minerva said unexpectedly. "Filius, Severus, please escort these three to the dungeons and make sure that they will be unable to escape."

Snape looked incredulous while Flitwick's eyes gleamed knowingly. Snape raised his wand and pointed it at Goyle while the charms professor mirrored his actions with Greengrass and Zabini. Their steps echoed from the stone walls as they descended the stairs in silence. In his head, however, Snape could still hear the distorted voice from Zabini's fractured memory. He knew that there was another way it could have come about. What if someone had erased most of the memory? What if Zabini had not instigated their revenge? What if someone had put the thought into his head? Even when the professors had escorted the three Slytherins into a room in the dungeons and raised their wands to seal the door, Snape found himself plagued by a sense of foreboding. This was not over yet.

- **to be continued** -


	15. Chapter 15

[**15**]

"It is good to be home." Sinistra turned around to face Snape who was still lingering in the doorway, unsure whether to enter or to descend the stairs again. If he was planning on choosing the latter, he thought, coming up here would have been pointless in the first place. Still, he was not sure whether they were close enough for him to just stroll into the room or whether he had to wait for an invitation just like any other polite guest.

"I missed my books. Potter has been bringing some of them over, but I could not have the poor boy carry whole stacks with him every time he visited me, could I?"

At the mention of the dreaded Chosen One, Snape very nearly growled but then instead settled for a neutral expression. If Sinistra had noticed the extend of his disdain towards her new favorite pupil, she might have given him a piece of her mind and he knew that he would not enjoy hearing it.

"The house elves didn't know I was coming back," Sinistra lit a fire with a leisurely wave of her new wand. "The room usually takes a while to warm up but you are welcome to stay if you like."

She took off her cloak and scarf and stretched her hand out for his in order to hang both of them on a hook by the door. They stood next to the couch a bit uneasily for a moment but then Sinistra shrugged as if she was trying to get rid of an invisible weight resting on her shoulders.

"I am really tired," she explained. "It has been a long day."

"Not to mention that you got hit by the Cruciatus curse," Snape added dryly. "I get the hint, however. I will see you tomorrow morning." Although he might have started nagging her about getting some rest anyway, he had to admit to himself that he was a bit disappointed. Eager to not let her notice it, he took a step towards the door but was promptly grabbed by the sleeve.

"Would you sit with me for a while?" Her smile was carefully guarded but hopeful and Snape felt a jolt of excitement that he quickly convinced himself, was completely uncalled for.

"Of course," he said clumsily and followed her inside the bedroom whose high windows presented a spectacular view of the mountains. Reams of stars shone in the clear night sky and he was captivated by their beauty for a moment. Sleeping in this bedroom literally meant sleeping among the stars and he found himself a little envious when he compared it to his dark dungeon. Sinistra swung her wand again instead of folding the duvet back manually which prompted him to snort with amusement.

"You really like that new wand, do you?"

She turned around, her face glowing slightly, her expression almost triumphant.

"It is wonderful. Far more powerful than the last one."

He approached her and took the wand from her hand in order to hold it between both of his own. It was much thicker and had a shine to it that the previous one had lacked. He could see why she enjoyed it.

"I think it is not just the wand. You have overcome your own weakness. Granted, it took you _quite_ a while, but it worked out in the end."

She laughed and took her wand back. "It is so typical of you to only say something encouraging if you can find something negative to go with it."

She walked toward her wardrobe in the corner and took out a dark-blue flannel nightshirt. When she opened her mouth to tell him to turn away, Snape cocked an eyebrow and spoke before she could.

"You do not need to be self-conscious about yourself, Aurora. You are not disfigured or anything." His words had not been as encouraging as they could have been but it was the best he could do at this particular moment. Diving headfirst into avowals of how beautiful he found her new figure seemed insincere as he wasn't even sure whether it was true. Besides, he did not think it his place just yet.

She gave him a dark look.

"Turn away."

Snape eventually did as he was told and then followed her towards the bed when she had changed. She slid underneath the covers and gestured towards the space beside her. Snape sat down next to her on the matrace. Hesitantly, he put one arm around her and pulled her a little closer. The flannel nightshirt was soft to his touch and her hair tickled his neck lightly where less than a year ago, Nagini had sunk her teeth into his skin. The night in the Shrieking Shack seemed to have taken place years ago; so much had happened since then. Sinistra gave a comfortable sigh.

They lay in silence for a while and neither seemed to be sure what to do next. Snape found that although he felt an increasingly pressing longing to be close to her, it still felt a bit awkward. On the one hand, they seemed to have just made the transition from friends to something that might be lovers one day and on the other hand she was pregnant. He still could not get used to that.

"I missed you," she said, out of the blue, and Snape found the notion that he had not been the only one oddly comforting.

"Me, too," he said and ran his finger along her cheek, wondering how he was suddenly able to express himself so well.

"But Severus... one of these days I want you to tell me about Lily."

He froze as her admission had been completely unexpected.

"Is that absolutely necessary?" Even Snape himself could hear the pain in his voice.

She stroked a lock of his hair away from his forehead and for a moment he wondered whether anyone else had ever done that to him. "Absolutely necessary? I don't know, but I think it might help if you talked about it."

He nodded, a numb feeling in his chest. She was right. If he wanted to move on, he had to confront the past one more time and if she was willing to listen, telling her might be the best way to accomplish that. However, this was not the moment. Too much was going on. Snape wondered whether he was supposed to tell Sinistra about the shadowy figure from Zabini's partially erased memory but decided against it for the time being. She had been living in fear for her life for a while now and he felt that, as immediate danger seemed to be banned, she deserved a moment of respite. He lay on his back and she inched a little closer to him, their bodies nearly touching now.

"I wonder why Minerva postponed her decision," Snape mused.

"She is probably as unhappy as I am at the prospect of sending three young people to Azkaban."

Snape stared at the baldachin above their heads in silent contemplation. He was surprised by his lack of emotional reaction to their hatred of him. The students mean comments concerning the likelihood of any kind of relationship of his should have stung, but in reality it had not. Snape was used to being hated as hatred was what his behavior was bound to inspire. Even students from his own house, whom he had always favored over the others, had never come to actually like him, which was fine with Snape. He did not need or want to be liked by students. The warmth radiating from Sinistra's body felt good and he longed to pull her into him.

"To some extent I understand your point of view." he said. "On the other hand, I don't see an alternative to handing them over to the ministry. Do you honestly think they will stop their ridiculous little quest for revenge if you ask them prettily?"

Sinistra's eyes were closed but her voice was clear. "I do not know. Maybe they are scared enough to give up?"

Snape sneered and tried to convey the facial expression through his voice since she did not open her eyes. "Maybe? If the slightest bit of doubt remains, if there is the smallest chance that they will go back to their old ways or find another way to harm you..." he trailed off, Lily's image suddenly in his mind. Back then, too, had he considered them protected and still Lily had been killed. He knew that Sinistra was annoyed by his exaggerated protectiveness, but he did not want to take the chance of another woman he loved being killed – especially as this one was carrying his child... whatever that meant to him.

He turned and found that Sinistra had fallen asleep. Gently he wrapped his arms around her and briefly pressed his lips to her temple to say goodbye. He thought of what he had heard of Azkaban and how lucky he had been himself to avoid that gruesome place. He, too, had used unforgivable curses and how many of them he had uttered, he could not recall. If it hadn't been for Dumbledore, he would have ended up in Azkaban. The same went for Sinistra herself. She had been very young but she, too, had hurt someone. They had both known forgiveness and had received a second chance by Dumbledore who had put his trust in them. But then again, they had both been broken: Sinistra had been horrified by what she had done when she had woken from the trance her rebellion had put her in and he, Snape, had been too horrified by the danger Lily was in to care about anything else but saving her and later avenging her death. The three young people he had seen today had not shown remorse or horror at their deeds. They had simply been scared for themselves. How could he trust them? How could anyone trust them?

He finally rose from the bed and left for the dungeons.

* * *

><p>The next morning Snape stood next to Sinistra, Flitwick and McGonagall facing them in the pale sunlight of another cold day. Above their heads hung Albus Dumbledore's portrait, the old wizard's eyes kindly regarding them. McGonagall looked exhausted which suggested that she had spent the night debating her decision with Dumbledore's portrait- a course of action Snape would have chosen himself in her position. She cleared her throat.<p>

"The ministry is very adamant to squelch any sort of revolt by supporters of the dark arts. They will surely not have mercy on our students, especially since they are all of age." She fastened her gaze on Sinistra and Snape. "As you were the ones they physically attacked, Aurora, Severus, I would like your consent before I go through with my decision." She folded her hands in front of her and raised her chin as if she was bracing herself against protest.

"I have decided not to inform the ministry." Snape felt his own gaze darken. "Instead, I will make sure these students are monitored constantly. I will also make them take the Unbreakable Vow."

Snape was stunned. The Unbreakable Vow meant that if the witch or wizard making it broke their promise, they would face death. As brutal as it was, he still found it the lesser evil compared to a life sentence in Azkaban.

"You will make them swear?" Sinistra asked, equally incredulous. "I have to admit that's a pretty smart move."

McGonagall glared at her over the rim of her spectacles as if Sinistra had just alleged that the headmistress was usually not capable of "smart moves".

"I take it you agree then, Aurora?"

Sinistra nodded, relief shining in her eyes. "Absolutely, Minerva."

"Severus?"

Snape found that everyone was looking at him and felt a little uncomfortable due to his own hesitation.

"Will they agree?" he asked.

McGonagall nodded fiercely. "I have spoken to them this morning. I would exaggerate if I said that they were actually sorry for attacking you but they are frightened and the fight has obviously gone out of them. I don't think they pose much of a threat anymore."

Snape curled his lip. "I am sure they will change their minds as soon as the prospect of going to Azkaban seems not as immediate anymore."

Sinistra looked solemn but it was very clear that she wholeheartedly approved of McGonagall's plan. "Minerva is right. We can try this for now, Severus. They will be unable to harm us and if they find a way around the Unbreakable Vow, which I seriously doubt, we can still send them off to Azkaban."

He pressed his lips together tightly and she folded her arms in front of her chest as she felt his hard gaze on her. A nasty, vengeful part of Snape wanted to see the three attackers shipped off to Azkaban to atone for their deeds. After all, they had very nearly caused serious injury to both himself and a woman he deeply cared for.

"I fully support your decision, Minerva. And I am sure Albus does, too?" Sinistra spoke in her professional, rather detached voice again.

Dumbledore's portrait nodded with emphasis as it was unable to speak due to a handful of lemon drops that the former headmaster had just stuffed into his mouth. Minerva shook her head at her predecessors indignity but an amused smile tugged at the corners of her mouth at the same time.

"Then it is only you who has yet to agree, Severus."

"I don't believe in going soft on delinquents but you were the one they used an unforgivable on, Aurora." He knew his eyes to be shooting daggers but Sinistra remained unfazed. "I will respect your decision although I have my reservations about it."

"Then we are all in agreement."

As if on cue, Flitwick walked out to get the students. Snape set out to follow him, but Minerva held him back.

"There is one more for thing for us to decide. I would like to include your child into the vow. In order to do that, however, we will need to disclose to them that you are pregnant, Aurora."

Sinistra looked uncomfortable but nodded. "If it protects my child so be it... but can we make them vow that they will not tell anyone, too?"

McGonagall raised an eyebrow at her astronomy professor's not so serious request.

"You know, you will not be able to hide an infant from everyone at this school. They will learn of it sooner or later," she informed her sternly.

"Yeah... that was kind of a joke," Sinistra murmured, embarrassed.

Five minutes later the three Slytherins stood in front of them, their heads hung, avoiding their gazes. Zabini was the first to step forward and reach out his arm, resigned to his fate. McGonagall grabbed his hand and squeezed it with what looked like a surprising amount of strength. Flitwick had been chosen to act as their Bonder so Snape and Sinistra stepped back and watched.

"Will you refrain from attacking Professor Sinistra, Professor Snape and their child from now on?" Flitwick asked.

"I will," Zabini replied, his eyes flickering towards the potions master in disbelief, then back to the flames that were beginning to wind themselves around their joined arms.

"And will you refrain from harming them or their child by any other means such as telling or helping others to harm them?"

"I will."

"And will you refrain from viciously plotting against them or any other member of this school in future?"

"I will."

The flames dissipated and Zabini rubbed his arm. They repeated the procedure in the exact same way with the other two. Goyle's arm looked badly scarred where Sinistra had got him with Sectumsempra but although Snape knew how to repair the damage, he remained quiet. While watching the fiery flames, Snape was reminded of when he had taken the vow himself. Narcissa Malfoy loved her son dearly and although he had had to kill Dumbledore in the process of helping Draco, he was now glad that he had saved another student's soul. He thought back to the gratitude in Narcissa's eyes back at Flourish and Blotts despite the fact that he had just provoked her husband. Even though she had supported the Dark Lord, she had not wanted her son to become a murderer. Snape wondered whether one day he would be as fiercely protective of his own child as she was of hers.

"I have just given you a second chance," McGonagall addressed the three Slytherins one last time. "I will also grant you the opportunity to continue your education at Hogwarts and graduate in the summer. However, you will be watched closely and the only reason that you receive this second chance is the kindness of my two professors here. They have just demonstrated to you that hatred does not necessarily have to generate more hatred. Take that lesson to heart."

The three culprits remained silent and Snape was not sure whether McGonagall's message had actually reached them.

"You may go now."

They turned to leave and Snape allowed them to take exactly one step towards the exit before he called them back in a snide tone: "Not so fast!" He paused. "One more thing."

Pale faces turned back towards him and he cocked his head menacingly, approaching them with two swift steps, his cloak swishing across the floor. Showing mercy didn't necessarily mean that he had to let them off easily.

"How did you know of Devil's Pain?"

Zabini frowned. "Devil's Pain?" His confusion was mirrored in the faces of his friends and Snape found himself plagued by a sudden sense of foreboding.

"The poison you used in your attempt to kill Professor Sinistra, idiot!" he snarled and earned a confused look. Greengrass turned towards Zabini while Goyle kept staring blankly at his teacher.

"Blaise, you were the one who brought the poison. Where did you get it?" Greengrass sounded urgent, her desire to get the confrontation over with very apparent.

"I... I don't know..." Zabini stammered, shocked. "I don't remember. I think... I just found it in Professor Slughorn's office, I suppose."

"I highly doubt that since Professor Slughorn had never heard of that particular poison before," Snape said smoothly. "I suggest you stop lying to us, Zabini."

However, there was no need for Snape to once again dive into Zabini's mind as his facial expression was enough to tell him that the student was telling the truth.

"How about the safety wards around Dr McGonagall's house in London? How did you manage to disable them?" he inquired, his dark eyes darting from Zabini to Goyle and back.

"Safety wards?" Goyle spluttered. "What safety wards?"

"There were none, sir," Zabini said quietly, unable to look Snape in the eye. "The house was entirely unprotected."

Snape turned towards McGonagall and his eyes found her troubled gaze.

"Go to your house now," she snapped at the students and they hurried out quickly.

Snape looked at the two women. McGonagall headed over to her desk and quickly scribbled something on a piece of parchment that she then folded and threw into the fire along with a handful of floo powder. Sinistra, on the other hand, had folded her arms in front of her chest, stone-faced and motionless. He walked over to stand beside her and gently touched her shoulder while McGonagall was still facing away from them. Sinistra gave him a long look and attempted a smile but failed. For the first time, he realized, she looked frightened.

"I have just sent a note to Horace," McGonagall explained and rejoined them in their spot in the middle of the room. "I asked him to use some veritaserum on those three to make sure they were telling the truth."

She turned towards Snape and knitted her brow. "How did you think of asking them these questions?"

He quickly told his fellow professors about Zabini's fractured memory and earned surprised looks.

"You should have told us about this before," Minerva admonished him and Sinistra's stare got a few shades darker.

"I was not so sure myself," he explained. "I did not want to unsettle you before I had proof that Mr Zabini's memory had been tempered with."

"Is there any way to reinstate the memory?" Sinistra asked but Snape shook his head.

"I tried but it was wiped very carefully."

"The witch or wizard who has done that has to be very powerful if they were able to both erase memories and remove our safety wards without a trace." McGonagall looked very worried now. "I believe the situation is even more dangerous than we have previously thought. Aurora, I must insist that you go back to London."

Sinistra gave a sarcastic laugh. "Good idea. We have all seen how safe I was there. Honestly, Minerva, I would prefer staying. Hogwarts is far safer than any other place in the country and as long as they, whoever they may be, do not recruit students again, I should be safe."

Snape nodded. "I think she is right, Minerva."

Minerva McGonagall had always been a reasonable and wise witch who managed to stay calm throughout every situation. For the first time, Snape found her legendary composure faltering.

"It is your decision," she said briskly, her eyes involuntarily wandering towards Dumbledore's portrait. "If you would excuse me now, please."

Once they were standing outside in the courtyard, Snape placed his hand on Sinistra's back. "Careful. The ground is slippery," he murmured to warrant the touch and led her towards the entrance of the castle. The corridors were empty since classes had started a half hour ago and the sound of their steps were the only noise that accompanied them until someone – Peeves, presumably – broke something in the distance and laughed manically. As the silence was now broken, Sinistra looked up at Snape.

"Do you have any idea who might be behind this?"

He shook his head. "No. Not at all."

He felt trapped. Whoever was targeting them did not allow him any time to think about how to deal with his impending fatherhood or his relationship with Sinistra. He was doomed to react to whatever would happen next and it made him nervous to know that he could not anticipate their next move. Information was key and Snape did not have any. He did not even know who his enemy was and what their agenda might be.

"Do you think Minerva will let me teach again?" Sinistra asked, still looking shaken but obviously eager to change the subject.

Snape hoped that his facial expression conveyed his disdain. "I am not sure that this is a good idea."

She rolled her eyes. "Why not? There is really no point in not teaching now that I am back."

Why not indeed? Snape knew that there was no valid reason to keep her away from her classes as teaching was no more dangerous than any other pastime around the castle. Ultimately, however, it was McGonagall's decision to make. They walked next to each other in silence, their hands brushing against each other ever so slightly. Sinistra looked up but her eyes quickly flickered away again. What looked like a relatively easy companionship was betrayed by uncomfortable gestures and awkward looks. There was yet so much they had to talk about but how, Snape wondered. He discovered that he was a complete amateur when it came to courtship and found himself toying nervously with his white cuff when he addressed her again.

"Aurora, I was wondering whether you would care to join me for dinner tonight?"

She looked up at him, surprised, so he felt the need to clarify: "Not at the Great Hall, I mean. We could go down to Hogsmeade and have a meal at a restaurant there. In fact," he found himself rambling on, slightly jittery. "I thought we could reserve a table at The Forks and Knives. The food is said to be very agreeable."

Sinistra did not meet his gaze but he could see a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth that was very welcome after her spooked expression. After a few unnerving seconds, she finally looked up at him, a cheeky look in her eyes. "Are you asking me out on a date, Professor Snape?"

He bent forwards slightly and curled his lip in what he hoped looked like utter condescension: "If you do not wish to be taken to a nice restaurant to have me pay for your dinner, just say so."

She pursed her lips but grinned. "Then I guess I accept. Who would turn down a free meal?"

"You are insufferable," he declared, feeling unusually relaxed. "Seven o'clock?"

"Agreed." She touched his hand again, purposefully this time, and left for her tower.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Snape climbed up the Astronomy tower, intent on keeping his mind off the looming danger for now in order to enjoy the evening. He knocked politely and the door swung open, probably courtesy, again, of Sinistra's fondness of her new wand. He walked into the living room where the fluffy old cat hissed at him and vanished beneath Sinistra's desk. The astronomy professor walked out of her bedroom and greeted him with a soft kiss on his left cheek. Her scent wafted into his nostrils and for a moment he felt like calling off the dinner and taking her right to bed. Of course, that would have been unseemly.<p>

Sinistra was wearing a knee-length emerald silk dress along with a long black cardigan to keep her warm. The soft curve of her slightly rounded stomach was clearly visible underneath the tight silk and he took it as a sign that she had taken his admonishments about her lacking self-confidence to heart.

"Green is very becoming on you," he said. "This must be yet another nice dress you left me in the dark about."

"And you, Severus," she said, taking his offered arm. "Another set of, dare I say it, black robes!"

"You know," he told her conversationally. "you can be very charming but tonight I do not see it."

"I am still waiting to see your charming side," she shot back, conveniently ignoring the fact that he was helping her down the narrow spiral staircase as gentlemanly as possible.

"You know despite the fact that I am carrying a child I am not an invalid," she said, a little taken aback by his protective hand on her back but Snape just raised an eyebrow to convey an air of superiority.

"You know, I am well aware of the fact that pregnant women can master stairs. I was actually helping you because I wasn't convinced that you could walk properly in those ridiculously high heels of yours."

She narrowed her eyes at him and he wondered whether he had gone too far but she just shook her head. "How do we get to Hogsmeade then if you don't trust me not to break my neck?"

"Thestrals."

"I hope we don't have to ride them."

He could not help but chuckle. "And rip that lovely dress of yours? Please, Aurora."

They passed the moving staircases and a familiar trio of students whose facial expressions ranged from disgust over mild surprise to satisfaction due to prior knowledge.

"Good evening Professor Sinistra," Potter said, waving at her slightly while Weasley looked as if he was about to go in hiding behind his girlfriend's back. Granger gave an annoyed huff but her expression softened when she smiled at her astronomy teacher, purposefully ignoring Snape.

"Good evening," Sinistra said and Snape noticed that she seemed less guarded than usual. She seemed to have really taken to Potter, whose appreciative gaze at his teacher's clothes spoke volumes, too. Although Snape was sure Potter's appreciation was not of a romantic or sexual nature, he growled. He still had not forgotten Potter's standing up for him and later standing up to him. Being around the boy made him feel awkward and in a bid to rationalize the situation, he told himself that he was acting just as arrogantly as his father once again.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for goggling your teacher like that, Potter!" he snarled and apparently the young man could not help but roll his eyes. With some annoyance, Snape registered that Sinistra was mirroring his expression.

"Have a nice evening..." Potter murmured, most obviously annoyed.

"Ten points to you for being so courteous!" Sinistra chirped, a saccharine smile on her face. Potter smiled back which caused Snape to clench his fist but he contended himself with giving Potter and his friends a sinister look instead of taking more points.

Downstairs, a carriage was waiting for them, the thestral scratching its hooves impatiently. A shudder went through Sinistra when she looked up at it.

"You can see it, too, can't you?" he asked when they had climbed into the carriage and adjusted the warm blankets around their legs.

"Yes," she said, her gaze clouding over with grief.

"Whose death did you witness?"

Sinistra eyes were fixed on a point far beyond the carriage, as if she was looking at her own memories. The thestral began to walk and the carriage was set in motion.

"I saw my aunt die. She had become quite frail after... you know what and she died six years later. I sat with her until the end."

She reached up to wipe away a stray tear. They sat in silence until the lights of Hogsmeade came into view, pouring out into the snow-covered street. Their breath was clouding in front of their faces and they hurried to escape the crunching cold and get into the warm restaurant. The interior was quite modern for wizarding standards with whitewashed walls, high-mounted chandeliers and dark cherry-wood floors. A friendly waiter guided them towards a small table set for two in an alcove that allowed for some privacy. When the candles were lit and the first course was brought Snape became acutely aware of the fact that he had no idea how to go about the business of having an actual date. Sinistra seemed equally helpless and so they both busied themselves with reading the menu, picking their food and pouring drinks.

"This is very nice food," he commented and she nodded quickly.

"Very nice indeed."

"And the wine is quite good, too."

"I would not know. The pumpkin juice, however, leaves nothing to be desired."

They both trailed off and suddenly Sinistra laughed self-consciously, while Snape hid his own chuckle behind his napkin.

"This is awkward!" she declared and reached across the table to touch his hand. "We are quite a pair! Both not at all good at this."

He followed his spontaneous urge to lift her hand to his lips and kiss her knuckles. Her eyes widened at the gesture that a week ago he would have deemed too sappy to even consider. It was probably the wine.

"You're quite right, Aurora. I imagine Gilderoy Lockhart would know better how to go about this," he quickly said to relieve the tension.

She looked really amused now. "Professor Vector once went out on a date with him."

"Professor Vector?" Now it was Snape's turn to be amused. "I would not have expected her to be his type at all as she is quite..."

"...uptight?"

"I was going to say strict but yes."

Sinistra smiled conspiratorially and played with her slice of bread when she went on. "She has a hidden desire for arrogant show-offs, I suppose. She looked quite disillusioned when she returned, however. I overheard her telling Ramona how he had been unable to stop talking about his countless achievements. He must have really annoyed her."

"Who would have figured?"

Snape turned his palms upwards and shrugged, mirroring the gesture he had made when he had blasted Lockhart away during the first dueling lesson. Sinistra seemed to remember, too and a smile crept across her face.

"Nice work, by the way. I liked when you showed off a little during the dueling club."

Was she a Legilimens, too?

"Thank you," he said, feigning disinterest but still feeling extremely flattered.

The conversation stayed light and it was obvious that neither of them was interested in discussing possible dangers to them or their child or anything that would be controversial between them. Snape found himself relaxing into the situation and was eased back into their familiar banter. Sinistra told a few stories about fellow teachers that he had not known about and he, in turn, entertained her with curious incidents he had witnessed over the years. He liked her laughter and the way the candlelight made her hair shine. She was definitely far more sarcastic than Lily had ever been but he did not find himself comparing her to his former love anymore. She was different and he had quietly come to accept and even appreciate that. Sinistra would not be horrified if he made a cruel joke but she would let him know when he was out of line. He felt safe with her - whatever that meant - and he knew that he could be himself around her. She did not seem to care about his snarkiness and when it threatened to become too much she just got him back in line by means of something as simple as a raised eyebrow. He found himself marvelling at her always slightly disheveled-looking hair and the way she would pick around her salad until she had prepared the perfect bite of meat, lettuce and tomato.

"You are beautiful," he admitted quietly, in a moment that was completely inappropriate since she was in the middle of telling a story about how she had once tripped over McGonagall in her animagus form. He recaptured her hand and slid the candle between them aside with just a raised hand and a silent spell.

"You are such a show-off," she breathed when he leaned forward.

"And you should finally learn when to shut up, Aurora."

He gently touched her cheek with his fingertips and enjoyed the sensation of soft warm skin for a moment before he leaned in to kiss her. Their kiss was slow and loving and she slid her hand on top of his that was now resting at her cheek.

When they came apart, they grinned stupidly like two right dunderheads. His heart was thundering inside his chest and his hand trembled slightly when he pulled it back.

"You know, you can have your dessert in the conservatory if you would like a more... romantic setting." Snape sneered at the waiter for sounding so sly but found himself agreeing. The conservatory was a large rectangular room whose windows allowed a view across a small, now entirely snow-covered garden, the majestic outline of the mountains still visible against the starry night sky. Snape sat next to Sinistra on the comfortable rattan-couch and placed one of his arms on the backrest behind her which made her grin.

"So cliche..." she murmured, amused, and sought his lips with hers again. They shared another kiss before she ran her lips across his cheek, leaving a slightly moist trail on his skin before she reached his ear and kissed it lightly. A moment later she gasped in surprise.

"What is it?"

"The baby."

Snape was suddenly feeling clumsy but he reached out to rest his hand on her stomach. There was a soft, barely detectable flutter underneath his fingertips and he felt overwhelmed with a frightening mixture of fear and curiosity. He was not yet able to fully grasp the thought that it was his own child whose movements he was feeling but there it was again. It was one of the very rare moments when Snape feared to lose his composure so he remained in complete silence, his eyes half-closed to hide the emotion brimming in them.

"Oh, how very endearing! Severus Snape fretting over his illegitimate child." A cold voice cut through the silence and Snape immediately drew his hand back, feeling as if he had been caught red-handed. When he looked up, his eyes met the cold stare of Lucius Malfoy who did not look half as amused as his words might have implied.

"Lucius," he replied, not as silkily as he had intended since his voice was still trembling lightly with shock at the sudden interruption. "You seem awfully smug lately, considering the fact that only your wife's actions have kept you out of Azkaban to be free to play with your peacocks."

Malfoy's lips curled with disgust but he did not retaliate immediately. Instead, he focused on Sinistra who had protectively folded her arms in front of her upper body, a rebellious look in her blazing eyes.

"Now, Aurora Sinistra it is, isn't it? I knew your parents, you know. Oh, how they would have hated it if they had lived to see their daughter shamed with a child out of wedlock by a treacherous half-blood!"

"How dare you!" Snape was on his feet immediately but so was Sinistra, a calming hand on his arm. "It's alright, Severus. Just let him spew his venom if he feels that he needs it." She gave Malfoy a derogatory look.

Malfoy's eyes narrowed even more, his silky hair shining in the moonlight. "One day you will regret making an enemy out of me, Severus. I promise you."

"Leave, Lucius," Snape drawled dangerously. "We both know that you would not stand a chance against me if I chose to duel you."

Malfoy's face hardened. "You will find yourself far more vulnerable than you'd expect with a pregnant woman to protect." He looked back at Sinistra and lifted his lip slightly to reveal a line of shiny white teeth: "And she is carrying it so obviously," he said disgustedly. "Aren't you aware of the fact that there are spells to hide your shame, Professor Sinistra?"

This time it was Snape's turn to prevent Sinistra from hexing Malfoy who chuckled maliciously at her wounded expression. Before Snape could intervene, Malfoy took it up another notch: "Apparently you don't. I find it quite surprising as you are from an esteemed magical family whose members would know not to show their private matters off to the world. But then again, maybe you are proud to not abide to standards and give birth without being married."

"Shut up!" Sinistra hissed, raising her wand. She had improved her skills but the more powerful Malfoy had been expecting her spell and blocked it with ease, causing her to stumble backwards. Snape drew his wand and stepped forward.

"Leave at once, Lucius, or I will show you why the Dark Lord put his trust in me instead of you and the rest of your coward family!"

Malfoy sneered but he seemed to know better than to challenge Snape. With a degrading look at Sinistra, he turned around and walked back into the restaurant. Snape and Sinistra stood in stunned silence for a moment then he pulled her down to sit back on the couch with him.

"I am sorry that you had to listen to that."

She shook her head in annoyance. "He is such a bastard!" Snape noticed that she had pulled her cardigan together and was holding it in place in order to hide her stomach. Malfoy's words had stung her and he made a mental note to get back at him somehow. His eyes on hers, he unclasped her fingers and moved his hand back onto her stomach, surprised at the fact that it did not feel awkward.

"Forget what he said. The wizarding world has always been uptight about this sort of thing but as you said, it is the nineties." He attempted a smile and but lowered her head to his shoulder.

"Maybe he is right. Maybe it would be better if I hid it. After all, that is still what most witches do."

"You must do whatever you feel most comfortable with."

* * *

><p>The sky was only turning orange when Snape strode into the Great Hall for breakfast. Sinistra was already in her usual chair next to his and he could tell from the students' curious faces that they had noticed that his steps were much lighter than usual. The reason was the long kiss she had given him when he had seen her home the previous evening.<p>

"Good morning, Professor Sinistra," he said politely. "You look lovely today."

There was a gurgling noise next to him which made him turn towards a flabbergasted-looking Professor Vector.

"You seem a little put off, Professor Vector," Snape said silkily, voice dripping with malevolence.

"No, um, I just...well, the tea is hot..." Vector stuttered, involuntarily making Snape's day. He had never before managed to catch the ever composed Professor Vector off guard.

"Yes, just as it should be," he said conversationally, deciding to confuse Vector even further. "Isn't it a beautiful day?"

On his other side, Sinistra made a noise that sounded as if she was spitting out her tea. He turned towards her and lifted an eyebrow.

"You weren't even drinking anything, Aurora. Are you that desperate for attention?"

She looked up at him through her lashes. "For yours? Always."

Snape found that their little game was going a little too far and he opened his mouth to upbraid her but was interrupted by Flitwick's annoying little chuckle.

"Ah, young love."

"Please," Snape and Sinistra groaned in unison, making them feel even more embarrassed.

Snape found it a welcome distraction when the post owls came fluttering into the hall in a flurry of feathers and parchment. A particularly impressive-looking snow owl, slightly bigger even than the recently deceased Hedwig, gracefully landed next to his plate and not so gracefully stole a piece of his toast.

"Shoo!" Snape said but the owl's yellow eyes just regarded him with mild interest. Only now he realized that the owl was stretching its leg out for him to take the roll of parchment that was fastened to it. Under the stern look of a recovered Vector, he removed and unrolled the message.

"Love letter?" Sinistra asked, cup of tea poised, but Snape did not even give her a dark look. Only when she placed her hand on his arm he even looked up.

"What is it?" She had sobered instantly and her gray eyes were now regarding him with concern.

"It's the ministry," he said in a very low voice, intended to be only heard by her. "They request my presence tomorrow for the pronouncement of judgment."

Snape was eternally grateful that Sinistra reached for his hand under the table and thus did not attract everyone's attention as she squeezed it between hers.

"Would you like me to accompany you?" she asked softly.

He briefly closed his eyes to be able to concentrate on the reassuring touch of her hand for the shortest of moments, then looked at her again.

"No. I would prefer for you to stay here to make sure you're safe."

She looked a bit mutinous for a moment, probably about to be stubborn and refuse to stay but then she nodded. Snape wasn't sure whether she feared for her safety or whether she sensed his reluctance for her to witness a verdict that might not be in his favor. He did not want her to remember him as being led away by aurors in order to be shipped off to Azkaban.

"If I go to Azkaban, Aurora, I just want you to know that I am sorry." He still kept his voice very low, his lips close to her ear to make sure that no one could eavesdrop.

He watched her face fall as the meaning of his words was sinking in. If he ended up in Azkaban for assaulting Nashkins, he would not be there for a large part of their child's early years – at least. So far, he had been able to push the thought to a dark corner of his mind where it would not bother him but now that the verdict was imminent, he could not deny it anymore. Regardless of their exposed position at the faculty's table in the Great Hall, he allowed the tiniest flash of emotion to show in his black eyes when he looked at her.

Snape recognized the feeling welling up inside him as a sense of terrible injustice when he understood that the day that was just dawning outside the castle might be the last one they would be able to spend together for a long time.

- **to be continued** -


	16. Chapter 16

[**16**]

Professor Aurora Sinistra stood on top of the astronomy tower, her hands firmly clasped around the iron rail. The icy wind ruffled her hair and tore at her robes but she did not care. Snowflakes caught in her brown hair and on her clothes to slowly melt and soak the fabric until she finally shuddered with the cold.

"I am sorry, Professor Sinistra," Harry Potter said softly. The young man was standing next to her in his school robes, his hair tousled as usual, unruly wet streaks of it sticking to the famous scar on his forehead. He reached out his hand to touch his professor's elbow but she drew back, unable to stand the thought of anyone touching at that very moment.

She took a deep breath and straightened up, finally stepping away from the balustrade. "It is alright, Harry. You can go to your house now," she said in a voice that sounded much firmer than she had thought herself capable of sounding. Potter looked as if he was going to disobey her but then nodded slowly.

"Professor, if you need anything... well, don't hesitate to ask."

Aurora was grateful for his obvious concern but still waved him away with what she hoped sounded like an impatient hiss as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She liked Potter but she did not wish for him to see her cry. There were, after all, certain boundaries to a student and teacher relationship. The young man politely said his goodbyes and walked towards the trapdoor. As soon as his head had vanished inside the darkness of the tower, she leaned heavily against the cold stone wall, closing her eyes against the tears that were threatening to spill. As hard as it had been to remain composed when Potter had brought the news, even now she still refused to let go of her self-control.

Severus Snape had been found guilty of the assault on Salazar Nashkins and had been sentenced to five years in Azkaban. Aurora found the verdict to be very harsh but then again the Wizengamot had never been known for its clemency. She took deep breaths, employing the techniques she had once studied in order to keep the panic attacks at bay that had been the result of her short-lived alliance with Lord Voldemort. This time it did not help.

She momentarily failed to prevent her mind from conjuring up images of Snape in a prison cell in Azkaban, wasting away inside the weather-beaten citadel in the middle of the stormy sea. Five years were a long time- especially when they were spent in close proximity to dementors. Aurora knew that many people who had spent shorter amounts of time in the infamous prison had never been the same again upon their return. She dug her fingernails deeply into her palms and hissed with pain but did not cry. Only now she realized that being alone and exposed on the astronomy tower at this hour left her extremely vulnerable to attack. She knew that the most sensible thing to do would be to return to her quarters and wait for Minerva's return, but her arms and legs felt as heavy as plumb so she remained rooted to the spot.

In her mind's eye she saw them sitting next to each other on her couch, fingers intertwined but silent. Aurora had felt injustice- that special blend of anger, helplessness and despair - that she had vowed she would never feel again. But here she was, Snape's hand in hers, and she knew that it was possible that they would lose everything they had gained during recent months in the course of a single day.

"You were wrong," he said weakly and she gave him a surprised look, unable to make anything of his sudden declaration.

"Mysterious much?" she replied, forcing sarcasm into her words. She felt agitated inside but she did not want to show him all the weakness she was feeling right now.

"About the extent of my willingness to have a child with you." He squeezed her hand harder as the words he was about to say did not seem to come easily. Her throat felt like sandpaper and she felt as if someone had stuffed cotton balls into her mouth to suffocate her. She hung on his lips like a stupid little school girl and immediately detested herself for it.

"I would not have planned it to happen this way but I am not angry or disappointed. I very much hope that I will be able to do this with you."

Aurora tried to smile but failed as tears were brimming in her eyes. The previous weeks had been hard on her and hearing him say those words relieved her of some of the tension she had been feeling but at the same time generated more conflicting feelings.

Finding out that she was pregnant had very nearly made her faint back in the hospital wing. She had tremendously enjoyed her night with Snape as her last encounter of this sort had taken place years ago and waking up next to him the following morning had put a smile on her face that she had been unable to fully erase all day. As cold and unappreciative of her as he had seemed, she had realized that day that she had fallen in love with the unlikeliest of men. But his subsequent refusal of her had been a hard blow. However, being told that she was expecting his child after the night he had told her that he would never be able to love her had been worse. Aurora was ashamed that she had given in to the urge to run away, hide in London and try to ban all those conflicting emotions from her mind but she had been unable to help herself. An unpredictable mixture of all the emotions she had been experiencing during the last three months threatened to overwhelm her even now and she bit her lip hard not to break into undignified sobs.

"Please don't cry again!" Snape begged, a genuinely worried look in his black eyes. "I really have no idea how to deal with you when you're crying."

She ran her sleeve across her eyes, thankful for his honest words that for some reason made her laugh.

"Sorry," she muttered although she knew that she had no reason to apologize.

He turned fully towards her and swallowed before he addressed her again: "You are right, Aurora, I need to tell you about Lily. Do you honestly want to hear about her?"

She nodded without the slightest hesitation although her heart contracted at the notion of that ominous other woman that inhabited his heart. Truth be told, she did not want to hear about Lily at all.

"Absolutely, Severus." Her voice sounded firm and she was careful to sit perfectly upright when he spoke.

And so he began. He recreated the warm summer days for her that he had spent with Lily. He told her about his early Hogwarts years, his time in Slytherin and the bullying that had occurred. He was brutally honest about his fascination with the Dark Arts and all the mistakes he had made because of it. He told Aurora about Voldemort's attempts to recruit him and the fact that he had given in all too easily. He told her about his thirst for power and a place in a group where he would be respected for everything he was.

His gaze clouded over when he went on to tell her about Lily, her beauty, her musical laughter, her deep green eyes and the fire that was created once the sunlight caught in her hair. Then he told her how he had overheard Trelawney's prophecy and about how he had made the biggest mistake of his life when he had passed the knowledge on to Voldemort. He described his futile attempts to protect Lily and – grudgingly – her family, too. Devastation overcame him again when he told Sinistra how he had learned of Lily's death and Harry's survival, how he had wanted to die himself. Snape also explained to Aurora how the memory of Lily and the guilt he felt had been the only things that had enabled him to play the role of the double-agent sufficiently and how he had wished every single day that he could take back his words and change the past.

When he had ended, Aurora felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She had difficulty breathing regularly as she was overwhelmed with both sympathy and grief but, too, with anger at him for caring so much about another woman. Although she was the one alive, sitting next to him, holding his hand, she felt incredibly threatened by the ghost of Lily Potter. In fact, she felt like getting to her feet and running out of the room to cry somewhere where no one would find her. Instead, she reached out for him and pulled him close to inhale his musky scent for comfort.

"There's one more thing." He pulled a small piece of parchment from his robes and held it out to her.

"When I went to Grimmauld Place after Albus' death, I found this and I felt like I needed to have it," he said, looking slightly embarrassed as his nostalgia. Aurora read the words that were scribbled on the piece of parchment to end a letter to someone that she suspected had not been Severus Snape. The words "Love, Lily" stood out and she suspected that she could not even begin to understand the agony he must have felt at being refused by the woman he had loved so dearly for so long. When he had found the letter, she mused, he must have been devastated to see that she would so casually proclaim her love, platonic or not, for someone else underneath a simple letter.

"And that is her." Snape handed her a piece of a photograph whose other half was missing. Aurora faintly remembered seeing a picture of Lily and James Potter in the Daily Prophet after they had been killed but she was still shocked at how beautiful Lily had been. She was smiling serenely in the picture, waving at someone who must have once been in the picture with her. Her hair was long and luxurious, the color of rust, while her skin looked as white and perfect as a porcelain doll's. The kindness she was famous for was shining from her emerald eyes that her son had very obviously inherited.

Aurora, who had always been reasonably happy with her own looks, suddenly felt unattractive and clumsy as she was painfully aware of the fact that next to Lily no one would have noticed her. Least of all, Severus Snape, the man she had unfortunately fallen in love with. She handed the picture back, feeling numb. Small wonder that he had told her he could never love her.

"Maybe I should burn them. It is the past now," Snape wondered aloud. Aurora was not sure whether her horror at the sight of Lily had been visible on her face but she would not have been surprised at all if it had.

"No, don't." she said quickly and at the same time felt like ripping them to shreds with her own two hands. "She is part of your past. She is part of you. It is not something you should deny."

Despite her jealousy, she knew that she meant what she was saying. Burning the photo and the snippet of parchment would not erase Lily from his memory, so it would have been completely pointless. Aurora was also not a woman who would try to force a man into a relationship with her. If he chose Lily over her even now, so be it. It was his loss. The sentiment hurt but she knew that somehow she would get over it. As long as his baby did not look too much like him.

He furrowed his brow at her. "How can you be so calm about this? I think if you told me about the previous men in your life I would be furious with jealousy."

She felt a tiny spark of happiness burning inside her chest. A man who felt nothing for a woman would not be jealous, would he?

"I don't think you have any idea how incredibly jealous I am right now," she admitted, her jaw set tightly after she had finished her sentence. "Still, the rational part of my brain, you know, the one that is not telling me to strangle you right now knows that it's alright. You will always love her in some way."

Aurora wondered how she had even managed to get those words out.

He nodded, contemplative. "Maybe, but you mean a lot to me, Aurora."

"You mean a lot to me, too, Severus," she replied, well aware of the fact that he had not chosen to use the word "love".

"May I kiss you?" he asked, already closer to her than was decent in any setting. Aurora still hurt but she also longed for the feeling of his lips on hers again. Snape was addictive. Instead of giving him an answer, she reached out and touched his cheek, then kissed him deeply. Snape pulled her body closer against his, unwilling to let go and she was suddenly terrified by the thought that this might be the last time they could do this for a very long time. She inched even closer to him and he grabbed her gently around the waist to which a soft moan escaped her.

"Wait." He pulled back and she found herself filled with disappointment due to his rejection of her. "I think there is also something in _your_ past that you have not yet told me about."

The arousal that had been building inside her at his close proximity fell flat immediately and she sat up straight, lifting one eyebrow very slightly. "Ask away," she said, a vigilant tone in her words.

"Albus told you about my status as a double agent. Why? He didn't tell anybody else. Why you?"

She placed her palms against each other and tucked them between her knees, her whole posture a picture of unease. She had always known that the time would come to tell him but she had avoided it, unsure what he would think of Dumbledore's intervention.

"I guess I am a bit of a failure," she began, then found that it had not been such a bad start. It was the truth, after all. "The night before my graduation Dumbledore asked me to come to his office. He offered me a lemon drop and then dropped the bomb on me. He told me that the Dark Lord would return one day and that he wanted me to be ready when he did. Dumbledore was very adamant and explained to me that Harry Potter would need all the help he could get. Someone who knew the Dark Lord, someone who would be able to get close to him without being suspected. He asked me to learn how to do Occlumency and then join Voldemort's ranks again as soon as the time came."

She searched for any sort of response in Snape's eyes but his face remained blank and void of any expression. She took a deep breath and continued, eager to get the story off her chest now that she had finally resigned herself to having to tell it.

"I was so scared, Severus. I knew that I would not be able to defend myself and the thought of facing Voldemort again made me cringe, so I flat out refused. Dumbledore told me that I was still young and that I might think differently about the issue a few years on but I was horrified. I wanted to be left in peace. I didn't even want to believe that Voldemort would return someday. He sent me off to bed but I couldn't sleep that night."

Finally it dawned on Snape. "That's why you broke your wand the next day!"

"How did you know that?" she asked, genuinely surprised. "You weren't there that day!"

"Let's say I know a few things, too," he said, unduly pleased with himself.

"Well, you are right. I broke my wand and left that same evening. I didn't want anything to do with the wizarding world anymore, so I applied to get into Oxford." She avoided his eyes. "My aunt helped me with a few spells... and I started living in the muggle world. It was very hard at first. They had all of those things that I had never quite understood. Electricity, cars, religion, science... I was at a bit of a loss and everything scared me. Also, I was studying physics. It was incredibly difficult and I had to stay up all night to be able to even follow the lectures. In the end I did quite well and graduated but it was really hard to get there. People thought I was a weirdo, which, from their point of view I most certainly was. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I accidentally said 'Oh Merlin' instead of 'Oh my God'! After everything that happened with the Dark Lord, I kind of retreated into myself. I didn't enjoy people's company a lot and it became worse in the muggle world but I was so eager to run away from Dumbledore's expectations that I was willing to pay the price. Then Harry Potter was in his second year at Hogwarts. I was living in a flat with two computer science students in London at the time. They were all about their computers so I hardly got to see them which was just fine with me. I had graduated Oxford and was working at a company in London with poor pay and bad conditions but at least no one bothered me. Then one night I was standing in the kitchen, making tea and suddenly Dumbledore walked in and sat down at what passed for a dining table and casually congratulated me on the woolen socks I was wearing because the heating kept breaking down. It was dreadful, Severus. He was so kind to me although I had let him down so roughly and when he mended the broken porcelain of my favorite cup that I had dropped in surprise upon seeing him, I finally realized how much I missed magic. He told me that he had found someone else who was more skilled and more willing to do the job he had once asked me to do. You, obviously. He said that you were a recluse just like myself and that he was worried about you. He said that someday you would need someone who could share your feelings. He didn't tell me about Lily or anything but he made it rather clear that we weren't so different. I felt guilty and relieved at the same time since I didn't have to return to Voldemort. And when he offered me the astronomy teacher's job, I felt such a strong urge to return home that I agreed." She shrugged. "And here I am, the coward. I guess I have to thank you for agreeing to be the double-agent he needed or I would feel even guiltier now."

Snape looked less surprised than she had expected him to be. Told rationally and completely like that, her story made a lot of sense, she had to admit to herself. The wise old headmaster had been right: they did have a lot in common.

Snape leaned forward again and cupped her cheek. "That's really all I needed to know."

She shook her head in sudden despair. "I should not have refused him, Severus. I was so selfish and coward!" While telling someone about it had felt liberating at first, she now realized how ashamed she still was.

"We all make mistakes, Aurora. Don't blame yourself. You have saved my life. Maybe that is what Albus wanted you to do all along. It is all over now, anyway."

She smiled and stroked his hand slightly. "I hope you're right."

Inside, however, she was still loathing herself for being unable to fulfill a duty that had very nearly cost Snape his life. How could he love someone like her, really? Lily had been perfect. Everyone had loved her and she had been kind to anybody she had met. Everyone whose lives she had touched remembered her fondly. Even Aurora herself. She remembered her first day in Hogwarts when all of her new books had fallen from her arms and the pretty head girl had helped her pick them up. And she, Aurora? She was withdrawn and did not like company. She had done unspeakable deeds and her own vanity and weakness had led her to Voldemort first and to everlasting isolation later. If you looked at it matter-of-factly, she was indeed a huge step down from Lily Evans.

"What is it? You look devastated."

"Do I?" she had difficulties meeting his gaze without feeling entirely doltish. There was no way that she would tell him how she felt about Lily and the fact that she paled so spectacularly in comparison.

"Was it wrong to tell you about Lily after all?" While Snape always looked cold and distanced, his observations were dead-on most of the time.

"No, I am glad you did it," she lied. "I am just feeling a bit dizzy." That much was true but this time she was sure it was not related to her pregnancy. Snape looked worried still.

"Are you sure you are alright? Maybe we should go to the hospital wing and have Madame Pomfrey have a look at you and the child. There has been an awful lot of excitement for you lately."

Aurora was usually very collected but today her spontaneous bouts of self-destructive behavior seemed beyond her control. "Would you even mind if I lost the baby?"

Snape looked positively puzzled at her shakily delivered question and she could see that he was fighting the urge to inveigh against what he had to perceive as either severe stupidity or deliberately offensive behavior. Immediately, she regretted her words although she had tried to express with them a very real feeling.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, tight-lipped.

"Nothing, I..." Aurora felt embarrassed and imagined that she looked pretty flustered. "This is just so wrong... I should not be having your child."

She could see that Snape was withdrawing from her ever so slightly, the grip of his hand on hers loosening palpably. "Is this about what Lucius said?" he asked. "Are you ashamed of being with child out of wedlock?"

Aurora surprised herself when she laughed, rather humorlessly of course. "No. I... I don't mind that at all. Muggles are a lot less fussy about these things and after all, I have been living among them for quite a while. I don't care what people think."

Now it was Snape's turn to be surprised. "Then what is it?"

"You're in love with Lily!" she said impetuously.

"So you expect me to be relieved if you suffered a miscarriage, Aurora?" Snape sounded increasingly enraged which both frightened and reassured her. If he felt that the notion was outrageous, at least he probably did not consider her pregnancy a complete nuisance. Her lack of a reply to his question was enough for an answer in itself and Snape dropped her hand from his as if it was laced with acid.

"This is outrageous!" he claimed. "How can you think that I was heartless enough to wish death to my own child?"

Put like that, it sounded outrageous indeed. Aurora held up her hands in a pacifying gesture. "I'm sorry! I just thought that you loathed the thought of being in this with me."

He shook his head in obvious disbelief. "Maybe it is you, Aurora, who feels forced into something you do not want? Maybe you would be glad if the problem just solved itself?"

Aurora felt herself starting to cry for real this time. "No..." she protested, tears constricting her throat. "I was scared at first but I never wanted anything to happen to my child. How dare you allege anything so hurtful?"

"I could ask you the very same question, Aurora," Snape replied sternly. "I learned of our child's mere existence just three days ago! I admit that it is a thought I have yet to get used to but I would not wish any harm to come to it and it's appalling for you to suggest anything of that kind."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "All of this is a bit upsetting. I don't think I am thinking straight right now."

"I am sure you are not," Snape told her but his voice had softened. He reached around her and pulled her into him in a swift and sure motion. She rested her head against his black robes and exhaled deeply. They remained silent for a moment then she wrapped her arms around him, too. A few minutes - or even a half hour? - later she found that he had dozed off, comfortably encircled in his arms.

"It is late, Aurora. Maybe I should..." he began.

"No. I don't want you to go." She sat up again and smoothed her hair back from her forehead self-consciously. He got up anyway but she was relieved to find him walking into the direction of her bedroom so she silently followed him. Snape waited for her in the middle of the room and caught her by her arm before she could walk towards her wardrobe.

"Let me," he said quietly and removed her robes. Aurora felt the cool night air on her skin for a moment but then found herself enveloped by his arms. Her hand found the buttons of his frock and she undid them blindly while they slowly moved towards the bed, losing several more items of clothing along the way. Aurora found that his weight felt delicious on top of her and she buried one hand in his hair while she pressed down on his back with the other, kissing him feverishly. They came up for air and she was thankful that he did not fulfill the ridiculous old cliche and assured her to be careful with her. Instead, he was gentle but adamant and she found herself carried away with pleasure, able to forget about everything that was weighing on her mind for the time being.

It had still been dark outside when she had woken that next morning and found him fully dressed on the side of the bed, his feet firmly on the ground. She had been drowsy and still tired but suddenly painfully on alert.

"Please come back tonight," she had begged him although she had known that the decision was not his to make. The look on his face had been sad as he was in no position to make any promises to her. He had leaned down and kissed her deeply and after that, his fingers brushing tenderly against her stomach, had whispered in her ear:

"I love you, Aura. Only you."

Aurora was snapped out of her reverie by the howling of the wind - a sound that went very well with the feeling of hollowness inside her. Snape's words of farewell were still echoing inside her head but as meaningful as they were in nature, now they meant nothing at all. He was gone and he would not be able to return for a long time. Despite the bitter cold she slid down the wall and sat down on the stone floor to finally allow her tears to fall.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there, sobbing her heart out when someone gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back to her feet. She did not know who it was and she did not care but when the other person spoke, she recognized Minerva McGonagall's voice.

"How long have you been sitting here on that dreadfully cold floor? You should really be more careful in your condition, dear. Let me take you back inside to make you a hot cup of tea!" She allowed the headmistress to lead her inside without even looking up. Aurora could barely see anything as her surroundings were still blurred by the tears in her eyes. When they arrived in her quarters, McGonagall ushered her into her bedroom without allowing for protest. Once beneath her covers, Aurora wasn't even able to hold the mug of hot tea that had been conjured up for her since her hands were shaking too badly.

"Dear, I don't want you to get sick on top of it all!" McGonagall's hands were shaking, too and she looked several years older than usual with deep worry lines etched into the papery thin skin around her eyes.

Aurora buried herself more deeply beneath the covers as if their warmth had any way of making up for the time she had just spent outside in the cold.

"I am so sorry, Aurora. There was nothing I could do," McGonagall whispered, close to tears herself. "It was a very harsh judgment. Especially the sentence." When she realized that Aurora was unresponsive, she gently touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry. You need to sleep, dear. Sleep it off."

"This is all so hopeless," Aurora finally managed through the large lump in her throat. "I love him, you know." It was a stupid thing to say as it would not change anything and she immediately regretted it, but McGonagall just made an understanding sound.

"I know my dear, I know, but you need to be strong for your child. Take care of yourself."

Aurora nodded, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. She had not expected herself to be able to sleep but one of the advantages of pregnancy was the sheer exhaustion that she succumbed to every night, no matter how quiet her day had been. So when she closed her eyes, she immediately drifted off to sleep.

Hours later Aurora woke to her own coughing that was rapidly developing into a fit. Her throat was so sore that she felt herself almost unable to swallow and her head hurt as if it was going to be split in two. Blindly, she felt for the glass of water she always kept next to her bed and drank. Feeling only slightly better with the cold liquid running down her throat, she finally opened her heavy eyes.

Then her window burst and pieces of glass were propelled throughout the room, raining down upon her. Aurora gasped with panic and reached for her wand on the bedside table while she held her other arm up to cover her face. Fear surged through her body and kicked it from its sleepy state into defense mode.

"Back off!" she yelled, her wand poised, and she blinked against the sudden light that glowed from the tip of the intruder's wand. Who could enter her tower through one of the windows? Her attacker needed to have a broom or he would not be able to reach a room so far up the tower. She could not help but break into another coughing fit, her wand shaking in her hand.

"Aurora, are you alright?" She froze at the voice. Could it be?

"Severus...?" she whispered, too surprised to feel joy at the sight of the man she had believed to not be able to see for the next five years. "How...?"

He cut her off and grabbed her traveling cloak.

"Put on some clothes, we need to hurry," he commanded in a firm voice but she was still too shocked to comply.

"What...? Severus, I can't..." He grabbed her arm and thus forced her to get out of bed. The cold air that was blowing in through the ruined window gave her goosebumps all over her body.

"We need to leave right away, Aurora. They are coming for you and the child."

"They? Who is...?" She fell silent at the sudden sound of heavy steps on the stairs. It was a long and winding staircase but she knew that they had only minutes until they would burst through the door into her living-room.

"Come on. We don't have time!" She had never heard Snape sound so panicked before and so she grabbed the nearest pair of shoes and threw the traveling cloak around her shoulders. When she bent down to help her feet into her boots, a sharp pain sliced through her abdomen and she grabbed hold of the closest thing to her- Snape's arm. Tears shot into her eyes when the pain intensified.

"Oh no..." she managed.

She felt herself scooped into his arms before he ran towards the window and jumped the precise moment that she could hear voices in her living-room. At first she was too horrified to even scream but then she felt that they had stopped falling and were quickly ascending again. Snape could fly without a broom! How could she have forgotten? It had been on the chocolate frog card, after all.

The cold air stung her as they raced across the Hogwarts grounds and disapparated as soon as they had reached the gate.

**to be continued** -

A/N: Evil cliffhanger, I know. Did I mention that reviews always motivate me to update more quickly? ;-P


	17. Chapter 17

[**17**]

Snape and Sinistra both swayed on their feet as they hit the ground hard, having apparated in front of a large manor whose gables loomed far above them against the cloudy night sky. Sinistra's breaths were short and ragged, her hand still covering her stomach. Snape's initial concern doubled when he discovered that the pain was still distorting her features.

"Come here," he said softly, reaching out for her. She took a step towards him and placed her hand on his arm to steady herself, allowing him to take her other hand and remove it from her stomach to replace it with his own. "Are you having cramps?"

She nodded, still slightly bent over. "It feels like I would imagine contractions to feel but that's impossible. I am only four months along!" Panic was seeping into her voice and Snape instinctively knew that he had to try and calm her.

"It's alright. Try to relax, Aurora. I will take care of this. Can you walk?"

She gingerly took a step forward, then paused, already out of breath.

"Come on." Snape slid his arms under her back and legs and lifted her up again. "We need to get you some help."

"Where are we anyway, Severus?" Sinistra asked when he carried her towards the manor's entrance, the gravel crunching beneath his feet. At a quietly spoken spell, the iron gate dissipated and he walked through it with ease, his steps long and hurried.

"Malfoy Manor," he replied darkly and when she gasped this time, he was sure that it had been caused by surprise instead of pain.

"Are you insane? Mr Malfoy will..." She was cut off when the door opened and a small house elf looked up at them, dressed in a dirty tea towel, its large eyes sad and already slightly frightened at the mere sight of Snape.

"We need to speak to your master," Snape said curtly and the little thing's eyes widened slightly when it hunched over.

"Sir, it is the middle of the night. Kinny can not..."

Snape pushed past the tiny creature and walked into the large hall, his steps echoing from the concrete floors and stuccoed ceiling. In front of the carved white fireplace he came to a halt and lowered Sinistra onto the floor, his arm protectively slung around her waist. She leaned heavily into him, her hand contracting around his for the shortest of times. Snape glanced at the flight of marble stairs that he knew led towards the Malfoy's personal quarters and then glared at the house elf again.

"Get your master at once or I will get him myself!" he barked at the trembling creature. The house elf looked frightened but hurried towards the stairs anyway to vanish around a corner a moment later. Once he was out of sight, Sinistra groaned with pain, causing Snape to feel entirely helpless. He knew his share of healing spells but he was not an expert and he did not know how to deal with a woman in very premature labor. One thing he was sure of, however: if he did not manage to stop it, she would most certainly lose the baby. Sinistra shivered in her thin nightshirt and he took his own cloak off to wrap it around her in addition to the traveling cloak she was already wearing.

"It's alright, Aurora," he whispered when steps could be heard in the distance. "you can lie down in a minute."

He wrapped his arm a little more tightly around her in order to help her stay upright and waited for the inevitable confrontation. To his surprise and relief, it was Narcissa who appeared on top of the stairs, looking slim and elegant in a beautifully embroidered dressing gown. Her eyes widened when she recognized Snape and the ashen-faced woman next to him. She walked a little faster towards them and obviously did not feel the need to question the fact that they were even here but quickly assessed the situation instead. Coming to a halt in front of Sinistra, she took one look at her hand that was pressed against her abdomen and nodded at Snape.

"Bring her into the living-room. She needs to be off her feet immediately," she commanded briskly. Snape was glad that she was taking the initiative and did as he was told, gently lowering the astronomy professor down onto a couch a moment later. Sweat was glistening on her face and she looked as if she was about to be sick.

"Are you having contractions?" Narcissa asked, businesslike, to which Sinistra nodded.

"I think..." she said quietly. "but I am only sixteen weeks along."

"It is probably stress," Narcissa said and drew her wand. Snape immediately tensed which earned him a lenient stare. "Never fear, I won't hurt your little girlfriend, Severus. I am only going to save your child." She performed a circle with her wand and softly murmured a few words that Snape could not understand. He was relieved to see Sinistra relax slightly before her eyelids fluttered several times, then fell closed. Narcissa straightened up and looked over her shoulder at Snape, her back still turned at him. Although her hair was tousled from sleep, she looked impressively dignified.

"She needs to rest, now," she said then fully turned around, about to walk past Snape and out of the room.

"Narcissa," he reached out to touch her shoulder but let his outstretched fingers linger inches away from her brocade-clad arm. He struggled to say the words but finally forced them out: "Is she about to lose the child? Because I... it would break her heart."

Narcissa turned to look at the sleeping Sinistra again, then slowly shook her head. "No. Whatever the reason is that you brought her here in the middle of the night, was obviously a bit too much for her. She will be alright and so will your child." She added only after a pause. "Just try not to upset her so much in future."

"Well, tell that to your husband. He accused her of many things two days ago and as you can imagine, none of them were pretty." Snape knew that he was pushing his luck but could still not prevent himself from saying it.

Narcissa bowed her head and for the first time, emotion was visible in her eyes. "He is very troubled, Severus. He can't forget." They looked at each other in silence for a moment, the wind howling in the old corridors of the manor while the little house elf was quietly muttering to himself in the other room.

"You are on the run from the ministry, aren't you, Severus? Since otherwise, I suppose, you would already be on your way to Azkaban."

Snape glanced at Sinistra's sleeping form and Narcissa followed his gaze, smiling sardonically.

"Don't worry. She is not going to wake up any time soon. So?"

Snape decided that it would be best to try the truth. "You are correct."

Narcissa walked towards a chair in the far corner of the room and picked up a heavy woolen blanket adorned with green snakes and silver threads that were woven into the fabric. She bent down and gently removed Snape's cloak and the traveling robe, then spread a blanket over the sleeping woman. She looked almost maternal as she did it and Snape was not sure what to make of it. This was not how he knew Narcissa who had always seemed cold and inapproachable.

"You know that you have just doomed her to a life on the run, Severus," she said, the faintest hint of accusal in her voice. "If she is faltering already, I doubt that she will be able to do this for long."

Snape stepped forward to stand beside her, his gaze fastened on Sinistra.

"You should not let that worry you as it is none of your concern. However, I would like to stay here until she has regained her strength."

Narcissa looked stricken for a moment, then shook her head in disbelief.

"What made you come here of all places, Severus? Lucius detests you. He will be furious when he returns. I believe that you might not have been let in at all had he been present."

"I know. And the ministry knows, too. This is the last place they would be looking for us. Besides..." Snape stepped closer to Narcissa, deliberately invading her personal space. "I protected your family. Now I am asking you to protect mine."

Her eyes narrowed and she set her lips into a thin line. "I owe you, Severus, that is true. My husband is currently in Durmstrang, visiting Draco. He will return in two days. Until then, I will let you stay."

Snape knew that this was the most he could expect so he bowed his head in honest gratitude. "Thank you, Narcissa. That is very kind of you. I hope Draco is well?"

A sad smile appeared on Narcissa's face. "He is still traumatized by everything he went through but it benefits him to be far away from Hogwarts right now." To Snape's surprise, she wiped a bit of moistness from her eyes before she continued. "I miss him, of course." Snape remembered how he had first seen her at Hogwarts. Even as a young girl she had been filled with a certain snobbishness, very well aware of her status and wealth. She had never as much as given him a second glance even after he had become a death eater. Snape would not have expected her to confide in him even a little. He was astonished but since other things were more important right now, pushed the thought to the back of his mind for later consideration.

"I will have my house elf prepare a room for you." Narcissa walked out briskly, obviously ashamed of having allowed him a glimpse into her heart. Snape nodded, walked back over to the sofa and sat down on its edge, gently stroking Sinistra's hair.

* * *

><p>Aurora woke to an unfamiliar room and struggled to remember where she was and how she had got there. Panic threatened to overwhelm her but then she caught Snape's familiar scent and became suddenly aware of the fact that he was next to her in the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around her body. She turned around and found him blinking sleepily against the pale sunlight that filtered in through the window of the stately guest room they were in. He was still fully dressed and lay atop of the covers with his wand in his reach, ready to jump up and defend himself any time. When Sinistra had fully come to, she instantly remembered the excruciating pain she had been in the night before just before she must have passed out.<p>

"Severus, what about the baby?" she asked urgently. "Is it alright?"

"Yes. Do not worry, Aurora." His voice was still raspy from sleep and despite the unfamiliar room and her lack of knowledge about what had led to their flight in the first place, she was overcome with gratitude that she was able to be with him at that very moment and that their child was not in immediate danger anymore. But there were other matters that needed to be discussed.

"Severus, what happened?" she whispered. "How did you escape? And who was it that came to my tower last night? What do they want and why are they so intent on harming me?"

She watched Snape's eyes come alight with vigilance and felt her heart sink. Something was very wrong.

"Tell me!" she demanded. "You can't keep it from me forever!"

He hesitated and avoided her eyes for a moment. "You must rest. Narcissa said not to upset you," he tried but she would not have it.

"I am already upset, Severus! Tell me at once!"

He grimaced but nodded slowly.

"Whatever I will tell you, please remember that I am in this with you, Aurora. I will be at your side throughout all of this and you will not have to do it alone."

Aurora's throat contracted. What was this about? From the pained expression on his face she guessed that it was something very frightening.

"After I was sentenced, I was led away from the courtroom. I presumed to be shipped off directly to Azkaban as is their usual procedure but instead they lead me into an office that was located near the Department of Mysteries. The Minister of Magic was there along with another auror. They offered me a deal. If I agreed, I would be allowed to walk free and return to Hogwarts to teach."

Aurora furrowed her brow. "Just like that? Is that what they call justice nowadays?"

He did not respond to her interjection but continued his story instead. "I was very eager to return to you and our child, so I told them that I would like to hear what they wanted me to do. I had been a double agent for a while, after all, so I would have not been unprepared for a similar task. What they wanted me to do, however, I could not..." he trailed off, his black eyes suddenly alight with sorrow. "They asked me to find a way to..." Pain and disgust were written across his face, deepening the lines around his eyes and making his eyebrows come closely together above his large nose. "They asked me to find a way to make sure that you would lose our child."

Aurora felt her eyes widen and her heart sink. "It is the ministry and they are after our child?" She could not believe what she was hearing. "But why in Merlin's name? What have we done to them?"

Snape suddenly looked several years older. "There is a prophecy, Aurora."

"A prophecy...?" She sat up quickly but he caught her by the shoulders. "Try not to be upset, Aurora. I did not agree, alright? I am here to protect you, not to harm you. Please, let me finish this."

She was trembling as a previously dormant maternal instinct suddenly had her firmly on edge.

"It was made by Sybil Trelawney and witnessed by Professor Umbridge back when she was teaching at Hogwarts. Apparently, Umbridge recorded it and it was shown to me. The prophecy said that the summer one year after the war, on July 30, a son would be born to the one who once was the Dark Lord's closest ally but then betrayed him and a woman who knew his secret and whose heart is with the stars. That child would rise to one day become as powerful and dangerous as the Dark Lord himself."

His voice stretched thin towards the end of the prophecy's content and Aurora felt a cold hand that grabbed her heart and squeezed it violently.

"No..." she whispered. "That is impossible!"

Snape took her hand and held it between his, trying to reassure her. "Many a prophecy is self-fulfilling, Aurora. You have seen it with Harry Potter and the Dark Lord himself. He would have never marked him as his equal if he had not known of the prophecy and thus given him the power to kill him. I have given this some thought and I don't think that the prophecy is necessarily going to be fulfilled..."

That same moment he realized that Sinistra was not listening. She had inched away from him as if he was the one who had decided that their child needed to be killed, a fiercely protective look in her eyes.

"We are talking about my son here, Severus! How dare they...?" She gasped for air, horrified but also disgusted by the notion. He decided that he needed to calm her down, whatever the cost.

"The ministry is in big trouble these days. The war is over but people don't feel safe again, yet. They are constantly on edge and peace is fragile. The ministry's competence is constantly being challenged and they are scared themselves. That is why they put those Slytherins up to what they did under false pretenses. They felt like they needed to ban the danger but at the same time were not willing to face the possible repercussions of killing an unborn child."

He caught the look of utter astonishment on her face and realized that at least for the moment he had succeeded in steering her away from the implications of the prophecy. Of course that little bit of information had not been part of what the minister had disclosed to him. Instead, Snape had stealthily invaded the minister's mind to find out what was behind their offer.

"They took advantage of those poor young people's misguided moment and instead of trying to help them overcome their indoctrination and hatred for you, used it for their very own purposes? This is outrageous, Severus! What kind of people are they? How come the fate of our world rests with them?"

He admired the fact that even in a moment like this, having just received the most horrific of news an expectant mother could imagine, she still cared about the young people who had assaulted her earlier.

"They did not want to get their hands dirty, Aurora. They, too, know that no prophecy justifies the killing of a child and its mother. Apparently they weren't sure at first who the prophecy was even about. When they learned that we were spending time together - apparently from that new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher the ministry has appointed - they finally realized that it's us."

Now that he was talking about the prophecy again, Sinistra's expression darkened and tears were shimmering in her eyes.

"Severus... that is not possible. We have both been weak and somehow got caught up in Voldemort's schemes but we have put that behind us! You are not any more concerned about blood purity than I am and all we want is some peace and quiet and the chance to start a family together." She shook her head in bewilderment. "What could happen that would turn our son evil?" She sought for reassurance in his eyes but found none. Snape was shaken and completely at a loss himself.

"It's not possible," she repeated. "Lord Voldemort had horrible parents and grew up all alone in an orphanage! Why would a child that is loved and cared for become evil?" Her voice was breaking and she was beginning to cry. Although Snape hated to witness it, he was glad that she was showing a reaction he knew how to deal with at least, instead of asking questions he felt himself unable to answer. He pulled her into his arms and made comforting noises, unable to come up with anything substantial to comfort her. She did not remain curled up against his chest for long but wiped her tears away again, apparently too panicked to even relax enough to cry and let herself be held by him.

"They wanted you to kill... and then what?" she looked confused. "How did you get away?"

"I managed to convince them that I would be willing to do it but naturally, they asked me to take the Unbreakable Vow."

Her eyes widened. "You didn't!"

"Of course I didn't," he said impatiently. "I am not suicidal, Aurora. The Dark Lord taught me a lot and so I could invade their minds and make them believe that I had agreed to do the deed and actually taken the Unbreakable Vow. Their confusion did not last long and they did remember but it left me enough time to escape. They still pursued me and I am afraid the minister got hit quite nastily with sectumsempra." He knew that he sounded smug but the moment had given him intense satisfaction. Sinistra seemed too distraught to share his sentiment, though.

"It is the _ministry_, Severus. They are powerful. They will find us and they will..." she grew pale and leaned against the headboard for support. "They will kill me if they feel they have to, won't they?"

She was trembling now and he feared that her upset state would once again make her double over with pain.

"It's true but we are safe here for the time being. No one will ever suspect that we are hiding in the house of a former death eater." He reached out for her and pulled her back into his arms, eager to have something to hold on to. Her skin was warm under her fingertips and he ran his hand across her bare arm, reveling in its softness. Snape had still had no idea what exactly it was that he was feeling for her when he had taken her to bed that night before the ruling but when he had got up the next morning and had quietly dressed, constantly afraid to disturb her peaceful slumber, something had happened to him. He had turned around to look back at her sleeping form and had found that the thought of being apart from her for any lengthy amount of time was unbearable to him. Like he did now, he had touched her soft warm skin and had been surprised how painful the thought of having to leave her had felt. When she had opened her eyes, the disorientation and then grief in them had pained him and the words had just slipped out, more honest and heartfelt than they could have ever been, had he been planning on saying it.

He had to admit to himself that for just a moment he had been relieved when she had doubled over in her tower. He did not want to be the father of a man who would bring more terror to the wizarding world. The thought of that child's ultimate destiny being beyond his influence utterly terrified him. But then again, it was his child- a little boy who would enter the world as helpless and in need of care as infants always did. How could he not care for that little thing that could not even think clearly enough to do anything that might even resemble evil? And how could the minister expect him to bring about his child's demise, when it was still so small that it would not even have been able to survive outside of its mother's body? How could anyone expect a father to do that to his own child no matter how much was offered to him in return?

Snape felt ashamed of that very short moment of weakness. As he had said himself, prophecies tended to come true because the person they were intended for was influenced by their very content. Maybe their son would turn to the dark side because they would be unable to deal with the situation or maybe just because they would impose on him how important it was not to succumb to the fascination of the Dark Arts. He did not know and being aware of something being beyond his control frightened him. The idea that the ministry's choice had been to eliminate the unborn child was just as appalling in itself as the fact that they had asked him to to do it in order to not get their hands dirty. They had to be extraordinarily desperate and Snape despised them for it.

Sinistra began to cry quietly into his shoulder and he wondered whether realizing how hopeless their situation was with no Dumbledore to protect them or the prospect of giving birth to a son that might one day do unspeakable things was what had finally sent her over the edge. He cradled her to his chest and placed his hand on top of her stomach to silently reassure her that he would do anything to protect their child. He felt the fluttering beneath his fingertips again and could not help but ponder whether anyone was actually born evil or whether the circumstances of their lives were what shaped them. He thought of his own childhood, his cold mother and abusive father, their gloomy home and the air of neglect that had seemed to follow him everywhere. Maybe that was why he had fallen so hard for Lily. She had been the only splash of color in a life that had consisted only of depressing shades of gray.

"Maybe it is because of how we are, Severus. Maybe we are too callous to have a child. Maybe it will be our fault," Sinistra said, her tears still glistening on her cheeks. It was unfair, Snape thought. He was finally getting his shot at happiness, a chance he had not believed to ever present itself to someone as unlikely as him, and now it was all ruined by a vision of the future that might not even come true.

He was not sure what to say to her. "You are not callous, Aurora. I might be, but you are not."

She sat up and slung her arms around her knees, resting her chin on top of them.

"Is it selfish of me to want to have that child no matter whether it will hurt others later in its life?" she asked.

"You are doing what any good mother would do. The ministry cannot legally or ethically make us give up our child because of a damned prophecy!"

She turned to look at him, biting her lip.

"I know. I was asking whether you think I should give it up voluntarily." He could see that she was in great pain but at the same time understood that it was not physical. When he remained silent, she went on. "I never wanted a child but I have had almost four months to get used to the thought of it and I have grown so attached... you know, I couldn't allow..." She trailed off, well aware of the fact that she had just made the understatement of the year. It was very apparent in everything she did lately, that she dearly loved her child - and why wouldn't she? Why wouldn't she, indeed. Snape grimaced.

"Don't be foolish, Aurora. There is no need to doubt yourself. This is a life we created and so we are responsible for its well-being."

"It sounds to technical when you say it."

He could see from the devastated look in her eyes that she was in need of a sort of reassurance that he felt unable to give her. Although he had been entirely honest when he had told her that he wanted no harm to come to his child, it was still an abstract concept to him. He had not yet had time to actually grasp the thought of being a father of a small child that would be born in a few months. All he could really feel was that Aurora needed him and the honest wish to be a better father than his own had been.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean it that way. I was just trying to tell you that you are not being selfish."

There was a sharp knock at the door, making both of them reach for their wands at the same time. The door opened and revealed Narcissa Malfoy, dressed smartly in a flowing light-gray gown, her hair braided perfectly, her lip slightly curled.

"What a way to greet your hostess." She nodded at their wands and walked towards the bed. "I should have known that you would sneak into her room, Severus. At least I don't have to worry about your getting her pregnant under my roof." Her smile spoke of wicked amusement.

Snape growled but kept his sarcastic comment to himself, aware of the fact that they depended on her. Sinistra, however, did not seem to burden herself with such technicalities.

"Now, I had no idea that you were such a source of merriment, Mrs Malfoy," she snapped, causing the older witch to roll her eyes.

"She is quite the match for you, Severus," she was making it a point to talk over Sinistra's head. "as she is just as preposterous as yourself." She finally turned to face Sinistra and drew her wand again. "Now be a good girl and hold still so I can check on you."

Sinistra gave Snape a long look but he nodded for her to comply so she grudgingly leaned back against the headboard while a warm light began to seep from the tip of Narcissa's wand.

"You know, Aurora, there are spells to hide your..."

Sinistra cut her off rudely. "Thank you very much. Your husband already kindly informed me of that. Besides, I do not remember allowing you to call me by my first name."

Narcissa narrowed her eyes at the young woman in front of her and set a flask of a dark blue liquid down on the beautifully carved bedside table. "This is a bath essence that you will find very relaxing. I daresay that you are in dire need of it." She gave Snape a hard look and gestured towards the door. "Maybe you should give your girlfriend a moment to herself, Severus." Her gaze did not allow for protest so he rose from the bed and followed her into the hallway.

Outside, Narcissa paused, her hand on the post of the staircase. "She is a pretty one, but not at all beautiful enough to make up for such a sharp tongue, Severus. I am surprised that someone as impatient as yourself would put up with her."

"Is there anything you would like to talk to me about despite abuse of the mother of my child, Narcissa?" Snape had never been one to relish the feeling of having power over the helpless but he now found himself fondly remembering their roles being reversed three years ago.

"No. I just wanted you out of there. You look like you could use a shower, too. But then again," she raised an eyebrow. "you always do."

* * *

><p>Aurora was trembling with rage for which she was oddly grateful as it was a welcome change from fear and grief. She ran her hands across her swollen stomach and tried to imagine the feeling of losing the child she knew was a potential danger to her whole world. Her thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of Narcissa Malfoy who immediately shot her a disdainful look.<p>

"I distinctly remember telling you to go and run yourself a bath." She flicked her wand and Aurora could hear the sound of running water in the adjoining bathroom. Narcissa picked the little flask up from the bedside table with her long elegant fingers and handed it to Aurora.

"Don't you think it might be wise to undress?"

Aurora furrowed her brow. "In front of you?"

"I was under the assumption that you were not usually shy when it comes to taking your clothes off." Narcissa sneered, which led Aurora to the conclusion that she had been planning on delivering that line all along. She grew even more certain of her assumption when the other woman turned around without further ado to allow her some privacy. Resigned to her fate and also feeling in need of a bath, Aurora walked into the bathroom, took off her nightgown and poured the swirling liquid into the bathwater which immediately turned a dark shade of blue as well. She slid into it and found that it had just the right temperature. Fondly inhaling the scent of honey and berries, she had to admit that Narcissa had been right about its relaxing effect. She was surprised to find the other witch walking into the large bathroom and pulling up a comfortable-looking chair.

"If you have any more of those stinging remarks about my promiscuity, I suggest you get it over with, Narcissa," Aurora said, deliberately using the other woman's first name. It seemed that Narcissa was eager to make Aurora feel young and stupid but she would not have it. The older witch ignored the interjection and leaned forward slightly.

"Severus Snape is wanted by the ministry and you have willingly followed him when he decided to escape. Do you have any idea what you have got yourself into? You have yet five months to go and believe me when I say that pregnancy does not get any easier towards its end. You have a choice, however."

"What choice?" Aurora felt vulnerable under Narcissa's intense gaze. Her perfect appearance and harsh demeanor unsettled her but she was intent on not letting her notice the full extent of it.

"Severus protected Draco when he needed it and I will be eternally grateful. As I owe him, I promised him to now protect his child in return. However," her blue eyes shone with determination and she leaned forward, lowering her voice conspiratorially. "I never promised to protect _him_. I can let the ministry know where he is and hide you, Aurora. Nobody will ever know where you are."

Only now Aurora realized that Narcissa Malfoy was trying to do her a favor.

"Narcissa, I would never betray Severus to the ministry. I love him!"

Narcissa's cold hand wrapped himself around Aurora's upper arm and made her wince with surprise as the other witch spoke quietly: "You can never put your love for a man above your love for your child, Aurora. I have learned it the hard way."

Aurora saw a flash of regret in Narcissa's face and wondered whether she had ever actually approved of her husband's involvement with the Dark Lord. As far as she remembered, she had never taken the Dark Mark herself despite the fact that her sister had.

"I know that you are trying to give me an opportunity here, Narcissa, and I am grateful for it. But I cannot and will not do that."

"Consider it." Narcissa's hardened face eerily reminded Aurora of Bellatrix Lestrange and she shuddered with the memory of the severely demented witch who had been especially ruthless even for Death Eater standards. "You are young and obviously very impulsive but I assure you, you will one day regret the strain you are about to put on your child."

Narcissa slowly rose, her hand firmly clasped around the arm of her chair as if she had to hold on to it to safely get to her feet. Aurora could almost see the weight that was on her shoulders. Was she regretting her decision to marry Lucius Malfoy? Did she blame her husband for the fact that Draco had been chosen to kill Dumbledore? She watched the other woman walk out and closed her eyes, inhaling the comforting scent of the bath.

Narcissa's words were echoing inside her head. Was she right, after all? What if growing up on the run from the ministry was what would ultimately cause her son to cross over to the dark side? It seemed plausible and it also dovetailed with Severus' theory that most prophecies were self-fulfilling. If not for the prophecy, they would not have been running from the ministry. If not for that, she would raise her child in Hogwarts. Sinistra made a fist and bit it to stop her tears. She could not succumb to panic now. She needed to think clearly in order to make a decision.

A moment later, a tear escaped her anyway. She would not be able to forgive herself if she betrayed Snape who had risked his life to save her. He was a snarky bastard who could not help but insult everyone including the woman he loved but she felt at peace with him. He got her. She had never met a man who had actually got her. His sarcasm tickled her funny bone and more often than not she found herself smiling at his insults, hurled at people in that low silky voice that she had to admit had been the first thing that she had grown to love about him. She loved how good he was with words and how much knowledge he possessed. She could not stand the thought of not being able to talk to him or touch him for five long years, probably more now that he had hexed the minister of magic and escaped a bunch of aurors.

No.

She could not do it.

Aurora rose from the water and wrapped a large towel around herself, then stepped in front of the mirror. She would not have needed the Malfoys to point out to her that there were spells to hide her pregnancy but she had been hesitant to use them as there had been no need to during her time in London. Now she took a deep breath and placed her hands on her stomach then firmly said "Abscondo". Her stomach felt just as swollen under her hands but she could see in the mirror that it was not visible anymore. It appeared as if the towel was clinging close to a firm, flat stomach. She closed her eyes and smoothed her wet hair back with both hands, then walked back into the bedroom.

Snape was waiting for her, standing by the window. The day outside was just as gloomy as she felt in her heart at the sight of his worried face, half obscured by a curtain of pitch-black hair.

"Severus," she said softly, causing him to turn around as he became aware her presence.

"You have used a spell," he noticed immediately.

"We will be on the run soon. My pregnancy would only draw more attention to us," she said firmly, approaching him rapidly and stretched up to claim his lips in a kiss. Snape looked surprised at first but then kissed her back, his hands on her back.

"You need to rest for the baby," he whispered into her hair, pulling her into his arms. "I can't stand seeing you in pain." He led her back towards the bed and sat down beside her, his fingers entangled with hers. She lay down and he reached out to position his hand on top of her stomach again, seemingly satisfied with the fact that he could still feel it.

"You know, you can take the spell off for now," he said gently. "I think you are just as beautiful when you are pregnant as you are when you are not."

She laughed quietly and shook her head. "I know I should probably be glad that you are that gentle with me but could you please insult me or at least employ a little bit of sarcasm? Your being so sweet can only mean that our situation is completely and utterly hopeless."

His brows came together in a frown and a familiar scowl fell across his face.

"That's much better," she said and ran her hand along his jaw. "We will get through this somehow." Her voice was shaky but determined. "I have no idea how but somehow we will get through this."

- **to be continued **-

A/N: Shamelessly begging for reviews obviously pays off. ^^ Thank you for your thoughts on the story. Feedback is always most appreciated. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I sure did as I only just realized that I love writing Narcissa. Isn't she a sweetheart? ;-)


	18. Chapter 18

[**18**]

**A/N**: It's short, I know. But it's something, isn't it? :-)

Snape had been pressed for time when he had come up with the plan to call in a favor with Narcissa Malfoy. While on the one hand he had been very lucky that her husband was away for the time being, he had not taken into consideration the fact that they would actually have to stay at her house and thus interact with her. At the very least he had not expected Narcissa to invite them to have their meals with her in the very same dining room the muggle studies teacher had met her end in a mere 18 months ago. The room was not as gloomy and oppressive as he remembered it and so he suspected that Voldemort's mere presence had served to make his surroundings appear dull and uninviting back then.

He now sat opposite Sinistra on the long table, Narcissa at its head on his left hand side. The meal had been spent mostly in silence so far and so he busied himself with observing whom everyone nowadays liked to call his _girlfriend_. He was sure that if he ever had to hear that word in allusion to Aurora again, he would hex someone. In the wizarding world the term was still a bit derogatory if not applied to high-school sweethearts and so he disliked the thought behind its usage to describe Aurora.

Earlier in his life, Snape had been more romantic than he would admit to anyone now. His plan had been to marry a witch – Lily, preferably – and then maybe start a family with her. After her blatant rejection of him, however, that had changed. Snape had begun to deny the fact that he had feelings and had started perceiving any kind of intimate contact with a woman as an entirely self-serving way to satisfy natural urges. Then when he had started working for Dumbledore, he had given up women altogether. All in all, he had certainly never planned on getting a witch pregnant out of wedlock. Although Aurora did not seem to mind the state of her marital status, he would not have needed Lucius Malfoy's spiteful comments to feel guilty and a bit embarrassed about the way things had come about.

He could not help but compare his two very different companions at the dinner table. Narcissa, upright, methodically working through the rather large amount of food the house elf had loaded onto their plates, was dressed in costly robes and carefully selected jewelery. Her blond hair was braided even more carefully than it had been in the morning. She did not look up from her plate while she ate, lost in thought, obviously. Aurora was wearing a simple olive cotton dress with long sleeves that she had conjured up earlier, her hair falling openly over her shoulders. She was picking her food once again, looking faintly ill. Only when he had made that observation, Snape remembered that she had developed a dislike of the smell of meat lately.

Spending a whole meal in complete silence felt a bit awkward but he had no idea what to talk about with Narcissa as, naturally, friendly chit-chat was completely out of the question. To his surprise, Aurora was the one to open the conversation. He could not recall ever having witnessed any behavior on her part that would have suggested that she preferred conversation to silence.

"You are wearing a beautiful necklace there, Narcissa," she said in a friendly, blithely tone that Snape was quite sure could not possibly reflect how she was feeling inside.

Narcissa raised her eyes from her plate and turned her head towards her guest. For a moment, Snape expected her to make a particularly nasty comment but then she ran her fingertips across the silver necklace and nodded.

"Thank you, Aurora. I inherited it from my mother."

"It looks very similar to one I own myself," Sinistra went on and Snape wondered where she was going. "Is its catch, by any chance, shaped like a star?"

The right corner of Narcissa's mouth twitched in something that might have gone on to become a smile. "Incidentally, it is. Where did you get yours from?"

"My aunt, Aludra Sinistra. It was her favorite, an old family heirloom. I am not quite sure who she inherited it from."

"It is quite possible that they come from the same source as my mother's aunt was a Sinistra." Narcissa put her fork down and now turned fully towards Aurora, apparently ready to give her her full attention. "She awakened my mother's interest in astronomy. That's why my sisters were named after constellations." Snape was not surprised to learn that the two women were distantly related. After all, all pureblood families were genetically tied to each other one way or another.

Aurora smiled as her area of expertise was mentioned. Thinking back to all the astronomy magazines she had bought of Flourish and Blotts, Snape was once again surprised how much passion she held for a subject that was considered complicated and rather dull by most.

"Your name is not derived from a constellation," she pointed out softly.

"You would know that, wouldn't you?" Narcissa's tone was conversational now and in fact, almost friendly, which surprised Snape as only this morning she had treated Aurora like a stupid little girl. Was Narcissa lonely? After all, her son had enrolled in Durmstrang for his last year of school and who knew what her husband was up to these days. "My father was a little fed up with my mother's ideas as he found astronomy to be of less importance than other things. Apparently their fondness of flowers was something they could agree on."

Aurora used the short moment during which Narcissa's attention was focused on her meal and gave Snape a small smile over the table. Almost imperceptibly, she slowly pushed her plate away from her and took a sip of water.

"Regrettably, Draco has never been particularly fond of astronomy," Narcissa continued after swallowing another bite. "I urged him to continue with it as I find a well-rounded curriculum essential to a good education. He was more interested in other things, however."

"I have noticed," Aurora said politely but Snape remembered an incident when Dumbledore had asked him, as head of Slytherin, to talk to Draco about his behavior in astronomy class. Back then he had let him off pretty easily as he himself had never been particularly interested in astronomy either. "How does he fare in Durmstrang?" Aurora asked.

It was obvious to Snape that Narcissa was glad to be able to talk about her beloved son. When it came to Draco, the usually very composed woman easily got emotional and her cheeks flushed very slightly when she began to talk.

"He does quite well, I hear. He writes to me as often as he can, you know. He has just made their Quidditch team."

"That is good news," Aurora said. "What is their curriculum like?"

Narcissa told her guest in length about Draco's new life and Snape found himself paying less and less attention to her descriptions and Aurora's polite inquiries. Instead, he tried to come up with a plan for the next day. Traveling would not be a problem; the tricky thing was finding a destination. His house in Spinner's End was just as obvious as the cottage Aurora had inherited from her aunt. They both had no friends to speak of and he was afraid to contact Minerva McGonagall for help as he was sure all ways of communication with her would be monitored. He wondered whether it would be safe to send his patronus but decided against it as he feared that it might be too obvious as well. He lay his knife and fork down as his appetite had suddenly left him. Quietly, he admitted to himself that their situation was fairly hopeless.

"Have you thought of a name for your child, yet?" Narcissa was inquiring just as Snape started to listen to their conversation again. A shadow fell over Aurora's face and she busied her hands with the table napkin.

"I have not given it a lot of thought, yet."

Although Narcissa seemed to have rapidly taken to Aurora in the course of the meal, she was obviously unable to completely ignore the values she must have grown up with, so she insinuatingly asked: "A last name, then?"

Aurora looked up in surprise and it was obvious that she had not yet considered that to be a potential problem. Snape grew uneasy under their gazes and took a sip of his water, suddenly wishing that Narcissa had supplied them with wine instead. Narcissa looked a bit conscience-stricken at the younger woman's obvious unease and added: "Well, maybe the problem will solve itself if Severus decides to do the honorable thing and proposes to you."

That statement, however, made both Sinistra and Snape jittery. While she nearly knocked over her glass when she hurriedly reached for it, Snape engaged in a staring contest with the remaining food on his half-empty plate in order to not have to look at the others. To be honest, marriage was not on top of his priority list as it felt of greater importance to him to escape the clutches of the ministry and to make sure that their child would not be harmed.

He was sure that he owed it to Sinistra's abilities as a patient listener to the story of Draco that Narcissa let them off the hook and called for the house elf to bring dessert.

* * *

><p>Later that night, they lay in bed together, having purposefully ignored Narcissa's sharp comment on their having two rooms at their disposal instead of just one. Considering the fact that they were being pursued at the moment, they had left a candle burning that now illuminated Sinistra's face.<p>

"Poor Narcissa. She misses Draco terribly," she mused.

"Well, well, Aurora. Considering the fact that the two of you were practically at each others throats this morning, you are very sympathetic!" he drawled.

"Indeed, that's strange." Sinistra left it at that ominous remark and slid her leg across his. Snape flinched at the unexpected touch and she clicked her tongue, running her hand across his chest. "Do we have a plan for tomorrow, Severus? Where do we go?"

Snape closed his eyes briefly then tried to look reassuring. "I am not sure, yet. It is probably wise to stay away from the wizarding community and larger cities in general."

She nodded slowly. "Do we have anyone we can trust? What about the members of the Order?"

"That is probably where they would first look for us, Aurora."

"Yes, I would not want them to get into trouble for hiding us." Sinistra's eyes clouded over. "Then we have to stay in muggle hotels, I believe?"

The thought had not occurred to him yet so he shrugged. "It might be safer to camp outside. If we stay in the countryside we will be safer from prying eyes."

"Camping at these temperatures. Lovely." Aurora pulled a face and inched closer to him. "At least there are ways to stay warm," she murmured into his ear and he could not believe that this was on her mind right now. On the other hand, he could completely understand that she was in need of a distraction.

"Should we really do this right now?"

"This might be the last time we will be able to do it this comfortably, Severus."

He groaned softly as she wrapped one leg around him and pulled him closer to her. Afterward he held her in his arms and let his mind wander back to their first night. She had awaited him on the couch in nicer robes than before, a smile on her face and had accioed two glasses for the red wine he had fetched without taking her eyes off his. Another hungry kiss had been shared before they had even got around to pouring the fine vintage. Maybe that amount of wine consumed on empty stomachs had led to the fact that they had forgotten to cast a contraceptive charm. Had all of that been written in the stars, he thought, for the lack of a better expression? He would have surely been more careful if he had known that the night was going to lead to the conception of a being that would one day torment others as Voldemort had. Snape once again wondered whether being what was so leisurely called "evil" was a choice or not.

"I love you," Aurora muttered, already half-asleep and he could not help but smile as it was the first time she had ever said it to him.

"Going all soft on me, are you?" he asked, remembering her earlier request for sarcasm.

"Snarky bastard," she murmured, visibly about to drift off to sleep but her words sounded like a term of endearment rather than an insult.

If Snape could have frozen time that moment, he knew he very well would have.

* * *

><p>Aurora was woken by a hand that was insistently shaking her arm and when she blinked sleepily, she was looking right into Narcissa Malfoy's eyes. She had pressed her forefinger against her lips and was motioning with her head for Aurora to get up. Aurora climbed out of bed, glad that they had put their clothes back on before going to sleep the previous night and took a quick look at Snape who was still fast asleep, his head buried in the pillows, black cloak pooling around him. During their first night together she had spent a full ten minutes marveling on how peaceful and pleasant his face looked when he was asleep, today she was rushed into the hallway by Narcissa.<p>

"What is it?" she murmured, rubbing her eyes but instead of answering her question, Narcissa opened the door of the other bedroom she had allotted to them and pushed her inside. Aurora tripped and only managed to catch herself by clinging to the post of the large two-poster bed that took up most of the room.

"What the...?"

"One day you will be thankful for this, Aurora," Narcissa whispered and slammed the door shut. A horrible suspicion was growing inside Aurora and she ran towards the door, pounding at it with her fists.

"Quiet!" Narcissa hissed but from the other side of the door but when her order was disregarded, firmly said: "Muffliato." Aurora dropped her arms, panting and listening for noises from outside, digging her fingernails deeply into her upper arm. This could not be. She had explicitly told Narcissa that she did not wish for her to call the ministry and hide her. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. As her wand was still in the bedroom next door she had no way to lift the charms on the door that both locked it and prevented any sound from escaping from the room. A moment later, she could hear steps on the stairs and although she knew that it was pointless, slammed against the door with her flat hand. A terrified sob escaped her when she heard curses zoom through the air in the distance. Judging from what she had just heard, there were several aurors and Snape had been blindsided as he had been asleep.

"Where's Professor Sinistra?" she could hear an unfamiliar voice bark at Narcissa who replied in a low, dignified tone.

"They had a fight last night and she left."

Aurora rested her forehead against the wood of the door and listened to her thundering heart for a moment. She was not very skilled at wandless defense-magic - or wandless magic at all - but she had to try. If only she could get one hole into the door... Suddenly she remembered her first Defense lesson with Snape in the Forbidden Forest.

"Sectumsempra!" she yelled with all her might and panic made her voice break. Nothing happened. She took a step back to compose herself, took a deep breath and tried again. This time, a small notch appeared in the wood.

Snape found himself cornered, in only his nightclothes, wand in his hand. His history as a double agent had caused him to always be on alert and on the first sound of footsteps on the stairs he had risen from the bed, just in time to have his wand drawn as the door had crashed into the wall, damaging the delicate tapestry. He had stunned one of the aurors but the other two were far too skilled to be defeated by just one person. He stood with his back against the wall, breathing quickly and raggedly when suddenly more footsteps could be heard outside. The aurors seemed to be an accomplished team as only one of them turned to see who was approaching them while the other one kept his eyes and wand firmly fastened upon Snape. To his horror, it was Aurora, as furious as he had ever seen her.

"Accio wand!" she yelled and at once her wand flew towards her from the bedside table. She raised it and blocked a spell that one of the aurors hurled at her just in time, her stance faintly reminiscent of Bellatrix Lestrange. Also, the utterly aggravated look in her face would not have been out of place in Bellatrix's.

"Bastard!" she hissed. "Expelliarmus!"

The wand in the auror's hand twitched but he blocked her attack quickly enough not to lose his grasp on it. Snape had never seen Sinistra like that. She looked like a goddess of revenge with her rather revealing nightgown clinging to her slim-looking body, her hair wild and her gaze determined. One of the aurors aimed a curse at her middle but she blocked it again. Grudgingly, Snape had to admit that Potter seemed to have taught her pretty well.

It was obvious that the two aurors had priorities, so the second one turned away from him and aided his companion in the attack on Aurora who was holding up fairly well for now. Snape tried to attack but his spells were blocked expertly. He had always hated those arrogant aurors who would do anything the ministry told them to do without questioning it- just like that damn James Potter. He took a step to the side to avoid another curse that was hurled at him and managed to get a little closer to Aurora, who was beginning to have trouble blocking the attacks. Unfortunately, the third auror was beginning to recover from the stunning spell and had already managed to reclaim his wand and get to his feet. He, too, turned towards Aurora who was momentarily off balance. Snape sprang forward, his wand in hand and managed to get between her and the curse a split second before it could hit her.

An excruciating pain shot through his upper body and send him to his knees.

"Severus!" Aurora's voice sounded far away as he lost consciousness the moment the side of his face connected with the floor.

- **to be continued** -


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N**: Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I was a bit uninspired this week. Only two or three chapters to go now! :)

[**19**]

Very slowly, Snape's surroundings were coming into focus. He could not recall what had happened to him or why and where he had fallen unconscious in the first place but he did remember those eyes well. Green, sparkling and currently worried, they were regarding him but without the usual tenderness. Snape frowned and shook his head slightly, regretting the motion immediately since his whole upper body felt as if someone was standing nearby, muttering the Cruciatus Curse under their breath.

"Professor Snape! Can you hear me?" That voice was plain wrong and then suddenly realization hit him. At once, he remembered what had happened and where he stood in life. This was 1999 and the green eyes belonged to one Harry Potter whom he had done his best to make life hell for during the past eight years.

"Where... is... Aurora?" He had to use all his strength to manage to get the words out.

"She is fine," Potter said soothingly. "She is on that bed over there. Fast asleep."

Snape tried to turn his head into the direction Potter had indicated but failed as at even the slightest movement, his head started throbbing with pain. Also, he wondered what on earth Lily's son was doing sitting by his side and opened his mouth to tell him to go to hell. Potter, obviously uninjured, had all his wits about him and started talking before Snape had managed the challenging task of unclenching his teeth.

"You were hit nastily with a stunning curse," Potter told him lightly. "but Madame Pomfrey was able to heal you. Anyway, you are going to be a bit sore for a few days."

Snape did catch the amused expression on Potter's face and was instantly certain that the young man knew very well that he had just made a huge understatement as the pain was almost unbearable.

"How did I get here...?" he asked. He was already out of breath but still found that his voice was getting slightly stronger with every word.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt and I brought you here along with Professor McGonagall." He grinned mischievously, reminding Snape so much of his father that his head started throbbing although he had not attempted to move at all. "We were a bit late, though. Anyway, Aurora kicked some serious ass, you know."

Snape narrowed his eyes, wishing he could hex the impertinent little twit. Unfortunately he did not even feel able to lift his arm in his current state. Deprived of any means to hurt Potter physically, he employed his most sarcastic tone:

"I am pretty sure there is a rule against calling your professor by her first name."

"I guess there is also a rule against using the word 'ass' in he same sentence as said first name," Potter shot back quickly. He looked elated, relieved. What had happened to the boy? Somehow Snape was sure that there was something no one had yet bothered telling him about.

"Could you please elaborate on what you meant to convey by that colorful expression?" Snape asked, too exhausted to take points. Maybe he was not even able to anymore, as he was not technically a teacher at Hogwarts but a fugitive nowadays.

"She started wrecking havoc, so to speak, as soon as you were down. When I taught Professor Sinistra I was quite happy with her progress but years of repressed magic apparently take their toll on a person's skills. I wouldn't have expected her to be so powerful." He grinned again, which Snape found quite disconcerting. The boy was entirely too relaxed around him, which was highly unusual considering their very strained relations. "Maybe she was only able to do it because she was feeling so threatened. I hear that fear for their loved ones can awaken..."

"Get to the point, Potter," Snape growled, tired of Potter's lengthy tales.

"Anyway, she managed to injure one of the aurors and held the other two off for another few minutes until we arrived. It took quite a toll on her, as she was so exhausted that I had to carry her back here."

If there had been any energy left in Snape, he would have surely throttled Potter with his own two hands – Lily's son or not - and from the look on his face, he could tell that Potter knew that. The boy was having fun with this. Entirely too much of it, Snape had to say.

"So you fought against aurors to save Aurora and myself... doesn't that make you eligible candidates for Azkaban as well?" he asked pointedly.

There was an abnormal glow to Potter's face now and Snape longed to use one or two Unforgivables on the brat. He looked very pleased with himself, to the point of smugness, really.

"The Order of the Phoenix is still operating, Snape..."

"_Professor_ Snape."

Potter did not contradict him which gave Snape a bit of hope that he might not be facing unemployment after all, should he somehow manage to avoid Azkaban.

"...the Order is still operating. We have been working on a strategy to reveal the corrupt people at the ministry for months."

"Corruption at the ministry. I am shocked," Snape hissed sarcastically. "Why wasn't I informed of those new developments?"

He wondered where Minerva was and why on earth he was left talking to Potter of all people. Potter, who had been so wonderfully clueless all those years, had suddenly become an adult and was now sitting there, hair wild and unruly, looking just like his father with his stupid round glasses, telling him secrets that he had been kept in the dark about. Naturally, Snape loathed it.

"I am not sure. I think since you had just avoided death McGonagall decided that you should be left out. Persona non grata that you are nowadays, you would not have been of much help anyways."

Although Snape knew that Potter was right, he found himself scowling at the younger man. No need to let him off the hook that easily.

"However, we have been secretly infiltrating the ministry's corrupt ranks. The new minister of magic has been heavily influenced by these people."

"What exactly do you mean by corrupt? The ministry has always bent the laws at their leisure."

"I am talking about high officials who disobey laws in order to reach their goals, yes. People who were so eager to keep the peace and make wizarding Britain feel safe again that they were willing to break the law. We have also been working with the Daily Prophet to reveal the whole story. The public is pretty aggravated."

Snape could not help but gasp at what Potter's words were implying. "So everyone knows about the prophecy?"

Potter furrowed his brow, looking slightly confused. "Prophecy...? I was specifically talking about their trying to ship off the young generation of Slytherins to Azkaban by fueling their hatred and putting them up to certain deeds like trying to get revenge on you. We are also pretty sure Pansy Parkinson was under the Imperius Curse when she killed Umbridge."

The rest of Potter's chatter was momentarily lost on Snape as relief flooded him. He did not want that particular bit of information out in the open and if Potter did not know, maybe not many others had found out, either. He did not want that sort of scrutiny on his family.

"We need a ministry that abides to its own laws. A ministry that ensures peace by being open and honest. One that does not operate a prison that is guarded by utterly unreliable creatures whose malevolence can never be fully controlled. There are fundamental rights that need to be protected for everyone and to ensure that the ministry needs to be freed from those who just ruthlessly lust for power."

Potter stopped talking abruptly as he seemed to have noticed Snape's shocked expression. Too weakened to hide his emotions, Snape could not prevent his discomfort from showing on his face. Those words, spoken so passionately, reminded him so much of Potter's mother that it almost seemed as if she was in the same room with them. Lily, too, had condemned the methods of the ministry and the nepotism they regularly displayed. And now here sat her son, cheeks flushed, hands raised, pressing his point in exactly the same manner she had. Maybe it was that or Snape's exhaustion that made it impossible to deny that Harry Potter might look exactly like his father, but in his heart, he resembled his mother much more. Snape would have never spoken up to tell Potter that, but for the very first time he felt the tiniest spark of sympathy for the young man. The feeling was so entirely unexpected that it left the usually eloquent potions master completely mute.

Potter, too, seemed to feel awkward as his hand was trembling slightly when he smoothed his hair back.

"Well, Professor Snape, I think Professor McGonagall will be able to lay this out for you far more eloquently than I am."

"Where is she anyway?" Speaking was becoming more difficult again and Snape found himself fighting against his eyelids' sudden heaviness.

"She is at the ministry. The new minister of magic is being sworn in as we speak."

"Who?"

Harry Potter's beaming eyes, so very reminiscent of his mother's, were the last thing Snape saw before he succumbed to his exhaustion. The young man's answer was echoing inside his head, not really making sense yet.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt."

* * *

><p>Several hours later, Snape was awake but he had yet to open his eyes through whose lids bright sunlight was already stinging him. There were footsteps and a stern voice ringing through the hospital wing, slightly muffled, to not disturb his sleep.<p>

"Aurora! You should not be on your feet!"

A huff, the steps paused for a moment and fabric rustled as if someone was putting on clothes.

"I am fine, Madame Pomfrey, really. Actually, I haven't felt this energized in months."

"Aurora, you have been in a fight which left you briefly unconscious just a day after you almost went into premature labor. I do not care at all about your energy levels. Get yourself back in bed _at __once_."

Snape felt his mattress weigh down slightly when someone sat down on it.

"_Your_ bed." Pomfrey sounded more amused than aggravated and was obviously failing to keep up her stern tone.

"Just a minute." Aurora's voice sounded tender and he felt her fingertips brushing lightly across his temple when she smoothed back strands of hair from his face.

"I will be back in five minutes. If you are not on your back in your bed I will make you." Pomfrey's steps departed and he opened his eyes. Aurora was dressed in oversized flannel pajamas whose sleeves were rolled up. Her hair looked a little tangled from sleep and her sad smile was back in place.

"You're awake," she said.

"Do as Pomfrey said and lie down, woman," he growled and she obeyed, resting her head just next to his shoulder. He was thankful as just her weight on his bones would have probably caused him a lot of pain. Still, he was already feeling slightly better.

"You took that curse for me." To his surprise, her hand on his arm soothed his pain instead of aggravating it.

"Of course I did," he knew that he sounded irritable as he did not quite understand her fascination with the occurrence. "I wouldn't want you hurt."

"The baby is fine, too." Finally, it dawned on him and his suspicions were proved right a moment later: "The curse was aimed at my stomach. It would have been enough to kill that child instantly. So you really _are_ in this with me."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Of course I am. I told you that."

"I am sorry I doubted you for just a minute," she whispered apologetically. "I told Minerva about the prophecy. Just her. The new minister of magic knows, too, though."

"Of course he would." Snape's cough shook his body violently and he felt every single bone ache inside his body. "What did he say?"

"He is worried, of course. But he will make sure that it will be kept a secret among us and that the people who wanted our son dead will be incapable of inflicting more harm." Her voice was still subdued but he also detected a trace of relief in it. "Harry Potter saved us, you know."

He curled his lip but was at the same time assaulted by the memory of the young man's passionate speech the previous evening and his subsequent sympathy for him.

"I was about to go down when he joined in. The boy is incredibly talented!"

"How did they know how to find us?" Snape asked, already tired of the chorus of praise.

"It seems that the aurors at the ministry did not involve Kingsley Shacklebolt and his team in the operation but they found out anyway as Narcissa obviously called on him as well."

Snape moved his hand slightly to intertwine his fingers with hers.

"We were lucky," he said.

"We were," she replied but he could see the sadness in her eyes when she looked down at his hand on her stomach.

"Don't think about the prophecy," he said rigorously. "Just rest with me."

She closed her eyes, her body curled into his and just before he fell asleep he heard Madam Pomfrey scoff at them at the sound of a blanket that was spread over Sinistra.

"Just as stubborn as always."

* * *

><p>It felt as if the vast greyness of the sky and the wintery darkness had vanished along with the looming danger and through Snape's recovery, he woke to a brilliant blue sky every morning in the hospital wing. He was able to gather enough energy to snarl at the sound of students engaged in snowball fights out in the grounds and after a few days, managed to sit up and eat some breakfast under the stern supervision of Madam Pomfrey. Aurora had been released from the hospital wing after just two days, being declared fit for work again. Every morning, after having snuck back into the hospital wing during the night, Aurora was admonished by Madame Pomfrey, who could barely hide her amusement. It felt good to be off guard and have Aurora in his arms every night so Snape's recovery went well enough for him to be able to get up and walk around after ten days. He refused to lean on Sinistra for support which she acknowledged by rolling her eyes. Another four days later he was being released to his dungeons where he just went to pick up some of his things before he went to vanquish the winding staircase into the astronomy tower that was flooded with sunlight.<p>

Aurora was at her desk, grading star charts. With flourish, she scrawled an "O" on a piece of parchment labeled with the name "Hermione Granger" when he entered. She turned around on her chair and got up quickly to take his belongings from him. Snape, whose bones were still sore, was glad to be relieved of his burden but raised an eyebrow at her anyway.

"How is your astronomy class doing?" he asked.

"Weasley should pay more attention to the constellations than to his girlfriend but all in all they are doing well. Makes grading a lot easier."

She stood in front of him and wrapped her arms around his torso. She was still the one instigating embraces while he would only sometimes take her hand but she did not seem to mind. Snape was only slowly getting used to their relationship but he found that he enjoyed it more than he was willing to even show her but especially everyone around them. Word had got out among the castle that he and the astronomy professor were a little closer than most of them had expected and so he did not want to give anyone more to gossip about. Here, in the privacy of her quarters, however, he ran his hand along her back and kissed her hairline.

"Minerva wants to see us," Aurora said, stepping away from him. Her stomach had grown considerably during the past two weeks but she was using spells to hide it when she was teaching. More and more, however, it was becoming visible in the way she moved. Snape decided not to tell her that as she was mortified when it came to what she called "waddling".

"Minerva?" he asked instead, not without unease. The headmistress had only once visited him briefly in the hospital wing but she had seemed short with him for she was busy. The Order of the Phoenix had committed itself to healing the wounds Voldemort had inflicted on their magical society and to battle against old structures and overcome detrimental mindsets. He was eager to see what news she brought.

A few minutes later they were in the headmistress's office, sitting down in heavy high-backed chairs in front of her desk. Dumbledore in his portrait was snoring peacefully, a bag of lemon drops resting in his lap. Next to the headmistress in her chair stood Kingsley Shacklebolt, his hands clasped behind his back, his chin slightly raised in a new statesmanlike pose. Aurora looked nervous with both her arms on the armrests, her left hand clasped around the finely carved wood. For the first time he actually considered reaching over and stroking her arm in public but Shacklebolt spoke before he could decide whether or not to act upon the urge.

"I am glad you were willing to speak to me in this matter," the minister of magic said, a sincere look in his brown eyes. Snape bowed his head but Sinistra remained completely motionless. "I would, at first, like to apologize on behalf of my ministry and its aurors. The way they have handled that situation was completely wrong and the wizards responsible have been descried and sent to Azkaban."

Short of anything else to do, Snape had religiously been reading the Daily Prophet front to cover for the past two weeks so he was aware of the fact that the high security prison was now protected by aurors instead of dementors, making imprisonment a lot more humane. Which he regretted. He would have liked to see the people responsible slowly being drained of any happiness they had ever felt.

"They have also been obliviated and therefore cannot remember the prophecy regarding your child or its content. The only four people who know of it are in this room."

From the corner of his eye, Snape could see Aurora's hand relax slightly.

"I strongly believe that a prophecy is just a prophecy," Shacklebolt went on. "Glimpses into the future are always limited in nature. We cannot know how certain situations will come about and neither do we know whether they actually will. I am willing to give your child the benefit of the doubt and therefore assure you that it is safe."

Aurora was biting her lip, her eyes slightly moist. She had been putting on a good show for the past two weeks but Snape knew that she had worried secretly.

McGonagall gave the younger witch a sympathetic look. "So do I," she said. The headmistress looked a lot more healthy than before and the agitation she had been displaying recently seemed replaced with calmness. "I don't want you two to worry about the future too much. Divination is a field that no one will ever fully understand. Also, Severus, Mr Potter let me know that you were aggrieved since we did not involve you in our plan to overturn the ministry. I am also sorry for that but I felt that with everything you had done in the war, you deserved some peace and quiet." She smirked slightly. "Not that you got it, however. We were suspecting that the recent upheavals among our dear Slytherins were somehow related to the ministry's influence so I was quick to aid you when you did something as unforgivable as assaulting one of your students in class." Snape suddenly understood why the headmistress had been so soft on the three culprits and her plans to counter house rivalry were now presenting themselves in a different light, too. She had been working out of Hogwarts to start with the young minds what the rest of the Order of the Phoenix tried to instate in the world of adults. McGonagall took a sidewards glance at Shacklebolt who instantly picked up her cue.

"That is something else I am here to inform you about. Regarding that situation, the Wizengamot has decided to overturn their sentencing. You have been found guilty of the assault on Mr Nashkins, which has not changed. Still, we have decided to bear in mind the extenuating circumstances and retract your sentence. You will not have to spend any time in Azkaban. Also, after long debate, we have decided to leave it to Headmistress McGonagall to decide whether and under which conditions she will allow you to teach again."

McGonagall nodded while Snape spotted Dumbledore whose eyes were open now, one winking at his potions master.

"Severus, you have been a good and reliable teacher for eighteen years, so I have decided to allow you to teach again. However, as a probation, your teaching will be supervised by Horace for the remainder of the term. If you prove yourself, you may resume your position permanently after that. Do you find yourself able to agree to this arrangement?"

Snape did not like the thought of being supervised but he knew that this was more than he could have hoped for, so he nodded.

"Thank you, headmistress."

* * *

><p>They were standing on top of the astronomy tower, watching the darkness fall across the lake which now resembled a huge black mirror that reflected the dark clouds moving across the sky. Snape's hand was resting on Sinistra's back while her hands clung to the iron railing. After having taken a curse that had been intended for his unborn son, a strange tranquilness had come over Snape when it came to his future. He could not know what would happen but he somehow felt relieved of his anxiety. Aurora, however, was very obviously still suffering from it. Maybe it was because Snape had redeemed himself while she had not been forced to due to the fact that Voldemort had fallen just hours after she had found herself unable to kill her aunt. Maybe she felt that her own guilt had tainted the child she was carrying and thus felt responsible. Snape knew that there was nothing he could say to take her fear away from her no matter how much he wished he could.<p>

He stood behind her and rested both of his hands on her swollen stomach. Instantly, Aurora shifted uncomfortably and stepped away from him.

"I have to go. My class is about to start," she said, avoiding his eyes. "I have to get the essays to return them."

"Of course," he said. "I shall go to the dungeons and investigate the state my potions cabinet is in after Slughorn's tenure." He grimaced to amuse her and a quick smile flickered across her face.

"I'll see you tonight."

* * *

><p>March brought about warmer days and the snow finally melted away. The students were relieved to be able to be out in the grounds without three layers of clothing and more visits were being made to Hogsmeade. Snape had settled back into his old routines, glad to be able to teach again. Although he detested students, he found that somehow he felt right at home in his classroom. Of course, he had not gone soft and so he was just as strict and mean as usual so soon, his students groaned under tons of homework, which put a spring in Snape's step. Aurora was working hard in order to prepare her seventh year students for the N.E.W.T.s and her fifth years for their O.W.L.s after her long absence in which her ancient replacement had cut the students a lot of slack. More often than not, he forcefully removed her from her desk and made her to go to bed when she was about to fall asleep on top of her lesson plans. It was obvious to him that she was employing her excessive work as a means of avoidance in order not to dwell too much on the prophecy.<p>

Snape was the one who brought up the topic of their need for an additional room once the child would be born but she just shook her head in exasperation. "Honestly, Severus. I cannot think about this now. I have too much else to do!" As much as it pained him to see her like that, he left her alone after that. One day he found her crying, her tears blurring the ink on Mr Potter's homework essay and when he inquired as to what or who had made her cry, she refused to say. A careful and secret glimpse into her mind, however, revealed that she had overheard Potter and Granger talking about a memory Potter had once seen of Tom Riddle's years at Hogwarts and the malice he had already displayed as a small child.

Despite the fact that her stomach was constantly growing, Sinistra was losing weight. It was too late in her pregnancy, Snape learned from Madam Pomfrey, to experience morning sickness but she always looked nauseous. At meals, he watched her eat very little and swallow with repugnance. She also did not sleep well and more often than not, he woke to her whimpering in her sleep and then had to soothe her. She did not talk about her fears although sometimes he sensed that she wanted to and so he tried to provide distractions for her that were not work-related.

One Saturday he took her to Diagon Alley, hoping that a little shopping might take her mind off things. It was a sunny day and many witches and wizards were strolling along the alley, children begging for ice-cream and mothers rolling their eyes. He had been standing by patiently as she had picked out several more astronomy magazines and books and bought a telescope, so now they were off to the apothecary. Aurora, who seemed to loosen up slightly grabbed his arm and pointed towards a colorful display of exploding wands and sweets in all colors of the rainbow.

"I have never been to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes! Shall we have a look?"

He had not seen her that excited for weeks so he agreed although he felt as out of place inside that shop as a snowman in the desert. And indeed, several small children screeched at the sight of him and one actually threw instant darkness powder which made Sinistra chuckle. While she browsed the shelves, Snape spotted George Weasley standing nearby. While his employees in their magenta robes hurried across the premises to show off the goods and explain their functions, the red-haired man stood apart, his injured ear very prominent. His grief for his brother was still written across his face and his once ever-present humor seemed to have vanished completely.

Snape glanced at Aurora who was talking to an employee about Spell Checking Quills and decided that she would not even notice if he left her for a moment.

"Good day, Mr Weasley," he greeted the young man whose eyebrows rose with surprise, his eyes narrowing slightly at the sight of his former professor. Snape was not sure whether anyone had ever received as much detention from him as the Weasley twins had, so George Weasley was obviously not happy to see him. Actually, Snape thought, he should have been the one holding the grudge since the two of them had usually managed to do even more mischief during the detention. He was holding a memory of their managing to make all of his potion bottles explode in especially high regard.

"Professor Snape." Weasley sounded far more grown-up now that the typical humorous tone had gone. "What would you be doing here?"

"I am accompanying a co-worker," Snape said with dignity but Weasley just raised his eyebrow at him. Obviously, the news of his relationship had made it out of Hogwarts in the meantime.

"I wanted to inquire about your ear."

"Which you hexed off."

"Yes." Snape knew it wasn't necessary to explain how he had actually been stopping someone else from cursing a member of the Order of the Phoenix when Sectumsempra had been deflected and accidentally had hit George. "I wondered whether you would like to have your ear back. As I used a curse I invented myself, I do know how to fully repair the damage."

The image of Goyle's badly scarred arm flashed briefly in his mind, but he ignored it. Weasley's firm expression wavered for a moment.

"I lost an ear. My twin lost his life. I think I can live with a little disfigurement."

Snape took out his wand and noticed Weasley flinching almost imperceptibly.

"Sometimes even wounds that you thought would never heal can be healed."

He muttered a few words that sounded like a song and Weasley's ear appeared where the blackened skin had been. George raised his hand and touched his ear, then stepped forward to stare at his own reflection in the shop-window.

"My mother did not manage to heal that," he said quietly.

"Sometimes things take time. You should not bury yourself in your grief." Weasley looked at Snape's reflection in the window, raising one corner of his mouth slightly.

"Are we still talking about my ear?"

Snape did not give the younger wizard an answer but simply turned on his heel and walked towards Sinistra who was just waving a wand that turned into a little pink piggy that squealed when she caught it in her hand. He was glad to see her laugh at it.

"Professor Sinistra!" George approached her from behind Snape's back and grabbed another wand from the shelves. "You should try this one, too."

Sinistra smiled up at him and waved the wand, causing it to turn into a very sour-faced toy version of Snape that repeatedly scowled: "Detention!" Snape curled his lip but did almost not manage to keep up his own sour face as Aurora laughed loudly.

"Oh, Merlin!" she gasped, her eyes once again wet but this time with tears of laughter. "I need to buy this! It is hysterical!"

"Thank you very much," Snape growled and realized too late that he sounded just like his small counterpart. Sinistra now laughed so hard that she had to grab his arm for support. Even Weasley grinned now and handed her another couple of wands.

"Take these, too, Professor. Free of charge for you. You absolutely need a laugh now that you have chosen to spend your life with the original."

Snape growled dangerously at Weasley but found that the sight of the newly happy grin in his face felt strangely comforting. He ushered a still chuckling Aurora out of the shop and back into the street.

"We should have lunch somewhere," he said and pointed at a small café that was stuffed with chattering old witches in ridiculous hats.

"I am not hungry," she replied but he shot her an evil glance.

"Aurora, you look positively frail. You need to eat."

She looked a little taken aback by his insistence. "But I simply don't have an appetite."

Snape stepped closer to her, in an automatic gesture of intimidation.

"Don't lie to me, Aurora. You are starving yourself because of the prophecy. I can tell you, it is really foolish of you to act like that!"

She took a step back, her eyes filled with sadness. "Severus..." she began but he cut her off.

"You have to stop hiding it from me. I can see that it's tearing you apart!"

"Severus, please. I want to go home."

"Stop evading me!" he told her, his anger rising. "I told you that I will be by your side throughout this but you just won't let me!"

"How can you be so calm about it all? Our child could be a horrible evil little thing like the Dark Lord was and you're thinking about decorating the nursery." She was crying now and Snape took a quick look around to see whether anyone was watching. They were standing so close together by the side of the road, however, that no one seemed to be paying attention to them.

"I am not thinking about decorating. We don't even have a nursery!"

"I can't do this!" Sinistra finally admitted. "It's too much. It is probably going to turn evil because of me. Or maybe it already has. It is all my fault."

She was sobbing now and Snape took her arm to pull her into the cafe where they were at once assaulted by three old ladies with handkerchiefs, tea and scones who were doing their best to comfort the crying witch.

"Is your husband being mean to you?" One of them inquired, enlarged eyes peering at Snape through thick spectacles.

"Dear, have a cup of tea and a cookie."

"Do not worry, my darling, things will soon be looking up."

Sinistra took the offered handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes with it and Snape pulled her away from them into a secluded corner where they would not be seen. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him on the bench.

"You need to let it go, Aura. You really do."

"I know. I just feel so guilty for loving that child so much."

"This seat was actually reserved for us."

The callous voice made both of them look up in unison at Lucius Malfoy and his wife who was obviously trying to stay in the background.

"Ah, Professor Sinistra. Apparently you have finally learned to use certain spells." He curled his lip in amusement. "But you still do not have a ring on your finger, I see."

Narcissa Malfoy looked uneasy and she walked very gingerly towards her husband.

"Lucius, I am not hungry anyway. Let us just leave."

"I was actually fancying a cup of tea," Lucius said melodically. "And you'd better bow to my wishes as you betrayed me in relation to these two before." His eyes narrowed and for a moment he looked at his wife with just as much disdain as he usually showed towards Snape.

"Sorry for taking your seat, bastard," Sinistra growled and Lucius quickly stepped closer to her before Snape could react.

"What did you just call me?" he asked her in a silky voice, his wand drawn.

Sinistra narrowed her eyes that were still puffy from crying.

"I said bastard. Would you like me to spell it out for you?"

"Come on, Aurora." Snape said, taking her by the arm. "You fought off three aurors, I don't believe Lucius would not be enough of a challenge." He gave Malfoy a vicious grin and walked Aurora out while Narcissa slowly sat down on the couch without looking at her husband. Snape almost felt sorry for her.

- **to ****be ****continued** -


	20. Chapter 20

[**20**]

Hogwarts Castle was basking in the glory of a golden sunset that colored its stone walls a warm orange while the sky in the in the distance was slowly beginning to to turn a rich blue, like ink dissolving in water. However, no one was present in the vast grounds and the lake lay peacefully deserted. The Great Hall, instead, was filled with many people whose faces were alight with happiness.

"Dear students, this has just been the last time I will ever address you as such," Minerva McGonagall's face lit up with a wide smile that was quite different from the clipped little one she had displayed at the start of term feast that seemed to have taken place a million years ago, Snape thought.

"As of today, you are graduates and full members of our wizarding society. You have all passed your N.E.W.T.s and will therefore step outside into the world of adults." She turned towards her teachers and indicated them with her outstretched arm. "These professors who have taught you in all of your subjects are here tonight to celebrate with you and your families the occasion of your graduation. I am very proud of each and every one of you, however, I feel that there are a few names that need to be mentioned especially."

Snape could barely keep himself from rolling his eyes. Of course she would praise Potter and his friends again for their involvement in the war. Granger would probably get an award for her outstanding academic achievements and they would even find some bone they could toss to Longbottom. It was all very predictable, he reckoned. Tuning out of McGonagall's speech, he placed his hand on Aurora's lower back, rubbing it slightly. Traditionally, the graduation ceremony took place well into the summer holidays - the 29th of July, to be precise - and so it happened so close to her due date that her backaches had become more frequent as her stomach had grown. She took a step towards him and leaned into his side slightly. The order of ceremony required the professors to stand to the left of the headmistress while her right was occupied by the new graduates in their gowns. As usual, the faculty's table had been removed from the Great Hall so its front could be used as a stage. Also, tradition required the professors to sit down with their former students at the benches for dinner to demonstrate that they were no longer above them in any way.

Naturally, Snape had never been an avid fan of that particular tradition.

He scanned the crowd and found a multitude of distractingly happy faces. Mrs Weasley and her husband were positively glowing with pride and so was a grumpy old lady that he suspected was Neville Longbottom's grandmother. Kingsley Shacklebolt was in attendance, too, presumably to honor Harry Potter, recent graduate and hero of the wizarding world. As every year, Snape not so fondly remembered his own graduation which had not been attended by his parents. His father, a muggle, had refused to set foot into the castle and, as usual, Eileen Snape had bowed to his wishes and stayed behind as well. He remembered Lily's parents, also muggles, who had been staring at the bewitched ceiling with wide-eyed wonder nearly the whole time. He also remembered the Potters who had kept waving and winking at their son, too joyful to preserve any of their dignity. Even the Blacks had been unusually cheerful that night.

Every year, Snape had hated to look into those bright and happy faces. In the beginning it had been jealousy due to the fact that he had never been looked at by his parents like that but some time along the way, without his noticing, it had become envy for those parents who had children to love. Tonight, he felt a little bit better about himself, aware of the fact that one day he would be standing there, looking at his son with pride.

Or would he?

McGonagall called the students' names in alphabetical order, adding the house they belonged to, consciously mirroring the sorting ceremony. Each and every one of them was handed a rolled up parchment adorned with the official Hogwarts seal and applause rose as every one of them was called to step forward individually.

"Gregory Goyle of Slytherin!"

He watched the burly young man walk towards McGonagall, seemingly unable to make eye-contact.

"Make us proud," McGonagall said with the same warmth she had been displaying at every one of the new graduates and Snape wondered how she did it. Under his hand on Aurora's back, he felt her stiffen for a moment. Was she, too, thinking back to the day in London when Goyle had attacked her with the Cruciatus Curse? She gave a very low moan, so quiet that for a moment he believed that he had imagined it. He longed to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her into him but it did not feel right as they were wearing their formal academic gowns and were in attendance tonight as professors of Hogwarts, not as a couple.

"Pansy Parkinson of Slytherin!" McGonagall called, and silence fell over the room. The pale Slytherin girl stepped forward, her head bowed in what looked like shame. The Wizengamot had found her not guilty of murdering Dolores Umbridge but until this day, no one was sure whether she had really been under the Imperius Curse, or not. Perhaps she would forever remain an outcast.

When Harry Potter's name was called, the applause from family and friends did not die down until a few minutes after he had stepped forward onto the stage and Snape was surprised at how embarrassed Potter looked because of it. He had averted his eyes and was waiting for the cheerful uproar of proud voices to stop so he could accept his degree and dive back into oblivion. For a moment, his eyes flickered towards Snape's but instead of curling his lip or giving him the meanest stare he could muster, Snape held the younger man's gaze neutrally for a moment, then looked away.

"Harry Potter," McGonagall's face was glowing with pride, her smile a little wider even than before. "You have already made us very proud but I am sure there will be more reason to be in the future."

She handed him his diploma and placed her hand on his shoulder, temporarily blinded by the flashlights of photographers from the Daily Prophet who were eager to get a shot for their front page. Snape growled quietly and deeply in his throat but found himself unable to gather up as much hatred for Potter as he used to. Letting go of the hatred he had harbored and carefully nurtured for years was strange and he felt curiously light-headed.

Finally, after everyone had received their diplomas – Weasley had impulsively embraced McGonagall which had left both of them deeply embarrassed – everyone sat down at the dinner tables for their final feast at Hogwarts.

Aurora, however, seemed to have other plans.

"Severus, would you mind accompanying me outside for a moment? I think I need some fresh air." He did not like to draw attention to them but nodded curtly and led her outside into the hallway. It was a warm summer's night and the air held the scent of the nearby forest when they stepped outside into the courtyard. Aurora took a deep breath and took his hand.

"Is anything the matter?" he asked but his question was answered by her pale face and pained grimace a moment later. It seemed that they had made it outside barely in time for what looked like a strong contraction. Aurora bent over slightly and squeezed his hand painfully. A moment later she came back up, panting slightly. Without further ado, Snape ushered her into a nearby gazebo and helped her sit down on the bench.

"How long have you been in labor for?" he asked a little too harshly due to his own shock.

"Since before the beginning of the ceremony," she answered, her voice subdued. She gave him a terrified look that conveyed about all of his own fears.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked helplessly.

"No. Just sit with me for a while. I think this is still early labor. There is no need to alert Poppy just yet."

"Shall we go somewhere where you are more comfortable?" he asked.

She looked worried, he noticed but he did not dare ask whether she was more afraid of the pain or of finally holding their son.

"The stars always comfort me," she answered quietly. "but climbing up that tower is the last thing I feel able to do right now."

"I will help you."

A few minutes later they were sitting up on top of the tower, looking at the stars in the clear summer night sky. Aurora was leaning into his shoulder, her hand on her stomach, her eyes fixed upon the stars. She looked transfixed and dazed in a dangerous way, so Snape decided to deviate her attention.

"Have I ever told you before how hopeless I have always been at the subject of Astronomy?"

She turned towards him, her gaze still a little clouded over. "Have you?"

"Yes. It was my weak subject. I have never quite got the hang of star charting."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "How sweet of you to admit that."

She took a deep breath as another contraction came and he rubbed her back uneasily. Snape felt helpless, aware of the fact that there was nothing he could do to ease the pain. Somehow, he felt that labor was progressing far too quickly. They were quiet for a moment while he was stroking her cheek gently, feeling the heat radiate from it. Aurora shifted uncomfortably, her hand still in his.

"There is something," he said, his lips close to her ear and she looked up, her face relaxed once again after the pain had subsided.

"What is it, Severus?" she asked in a low, already exhausted voice.

He took a deep breath, his fist clenched around the ring he had been carrying around in his pocket for far too long now. He had known that it was high time to ask her weeks ago when Malfoy had delivered another stinging comment but he had been too self-conscious to do anything else about it than putting the ring in his robes' pocket, promising himself to do it soon. Still, until now he had never been able to work up the nerve to actually go through with it.

"I was thinking... What do I say if anybody asks me what you are to me. Girlfriend? It is disturbing."

She looked as shocked as if he was about to break up with her, which she probably thought was the case since he suspected that his facial expression looked quite portentous.

"So I thought if you became my wife, we might be able to avoid all that awkwardness," he added quickly, not wanting to add psychological pain to the physical for even a minute. He took out the ring, clumsily grabbed her hand and put it in her palm. When Sinistra silently stared at him in utter surprise, he shrugged uncomfortably. "You don't have to decide right away."

Her eyebrows came together for a short and confusing moment then she looked down at the ring in her hand and inspected the delicate silver snake that bit is own tail, its eye a tiny sparkling emerald.

"That is a beautiful ring," she said quietly, her voice quivering ever so slightly. Snape had not exactly expected her to rejoice and throw her arm around him, but her hesitation was unexpected enough to greatly unsettle him.

"It was my mother's. An old family heirloom which was the only thing her family did not take from her when they disowned her. She also always managed to hide it from my father who would sell everything that could make enough money to buy him a pint or two." Snape felt embarrassed when he realized that he sounded extremely bitter.

"Your hands are shaking," he observed, unable to get himself to keep quiet. "Let me help you."

He took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger, finding that it was a perfect fit. Aurora moved her fingers slightly then finally smiled up at him.

"I accept." Her brow furrowed. "But what would they call us? Professors Snape?"

Snape suddenly felt elated with relief, the looming prospect of becoming a father temporarily forgotten. "That sounds terrifying indeed."

"Do witches actually keep their maiden names nowadays?" Snape found her expression quite endearing, just as always when it became apparent that she had been living in the muggle world for a while before she had returned to the relative seclusion of Hogwarts.

"I don't think so."

"So that is going to be a first then," she said with conviction. "I am not going to get confused with you when students complain about how Professor Snape was unfair to them again!"

"That sounds quite reasonable." Snape could barely hide his smile and Aurora finally stretched out her arms for him, pulling him into her. For a moment they just held on to each other then he sought her lips with hers and kissed her. When they came apart again, her expression changed and she squeezed her eyes shut in order to be able to endure the pain.

"This does not look like early labor to me anymore," Snape pointed out but she shook her head in response.

"What would you know about labor at all, Severus?"

He knew that she was right although he was not convinced that he was not and so he simply put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. All the while, he was secretly wondering what kind of wedding two people like them would have. Somehow, he did not think the topic was appropriate to address right now so he settled for something more immediate.

"I could not have picked a better ring if I had not had that one at my disposal," he said quietly. "As your surname means Serpent Handler."

She gave him a timid smile. "And there you were saying that you didn't know much about Astronomy!"

"I am aware of the important bits," he said and stroked her back gently, hoping to relieve some of the tension there. They sat in silence, looking at the sky in which the stars became more and more bright as the very last of the sunlight was fading away. If things progressed like this, they would be parents by dawn, Snape thought, feeling suddenly intimidated by the notion. Far too early for his liking, Aurora doubled over again, panting to stay on top of the pain.

"That's it. I am taking you to the hospital wing!" he commanded, leaving her no time to protest.

* * *

><p>Snape stood in front of the door that separated the private room from the bigger main room whose walls were lined by several, currently unoccupied beds. He was longing for firewhiskey or at least a butter beer. Anything, really, that would take the edge away. He threw one smoldering glance at Minerva McGonagall who was standing beside him, her face solemn and her hands folded in front of her body then resumed his nervous pacing. Poppy Pomfrey, a nurse as old-fashioned as they came, had insisted that he left, claiming that he was making both her and Aurora jittery. He suspected, however, that she just did not approve of a man being present at a birth. From behind the door, a groan rose to a scream followed by Pomfrey's unintelligible murmuring that seemed meant to calm Aurora.<p>

"How much longer will this take..?" he asked, exasperated, his face a pained grimace.

"These things can take quite long," McGonagall said almost apologetically, her eyes fixed onto the old grandfather clock that was mounted in the corner of the room. He followed her gaze and realized instantly what she was hinting at. It was not midnight yet and as they already knew their child's date of birth, he knew that it would take until then at least for him to be allowed back inside.

"I can't leave her alone like this!" he told McGonagall, ashamed of his pleading tone. Somehow, the situation reminded him of the day he had lost all composure when in Dumbledore's office after Lily's death. This was technically a happy occasion, he had to remind himself. Why wasn't he feeling it?

The old headmistress touched his arm reassuringly. "I am sorry, Severus, but you may rest comfortably in the knowledge that you are not the first and by far not the last man who will find himself in this situation."

"You should know, Minerva, that that is not comforting at all. Your are not helpful," he spat, turning on his heel to walk towards the other end of the room then back with firm, angry steps. Aurora had looked exhausted already when he had been sent out although she had not even begun to push by then. The pain was getting to her, especially since she was not in good shape due to what she had been putting herself through for the last few months. After their unfortunate encounter with the Malfoys, she had begun to take better care of herself but the past months had still been an ordeal for both of them. He knew that she worried about their child's future but he did not know how to help her in any way.

The agonized sounds behind the door rose again and he clenched his fists, ready to barge in and demand to be allowed to stay.

"Severus." McGonagall had approached him without his noticing and he elevated his gaze to meet hers. Her kind gray eyes were a comforting sight to which he relaxed slightly. "I am glad you two have managed to pull it together." She smiled. "Despite everything. I am sure you will make great parents."

He scoffed. "How could you?" He had been so caught up in Aurora's pain lately that he had not had time to dwell on his own insecurities which now caught up with him full force. How was he, Severus Snape, supposed to be anything that resembled a decent father? His own parents had been the worst role models one could imagine and he had spent the past eighteen years detesting children to the point where it wasn't even funny anymore. How was he supposed to...?

"Severus. Stop brooding! You will be fine." McGonagall looked far more amused than he felt she was allowed to be in this situation. "You have come a long way."

Snape shook his head. "Do not go there, Minerva! Honestly, I..." They both froze at the piercing cries of a baby that suddenly emerged from the room, only slightly muffled by the wood of the door. Snape stood rigidly, taking a deep breath. Although she knew full well about the contents of the prophecy, Minerva McGonagall had to suppress a smile when she saw his slightly widened eyes. Although she had always respected him for the talented wizard that he was, in the past Minerva had never truly liked Severus Snape. His methods of teaching had been too rough, too mean for her liking. Always, she had perceived him as a shallow person, too full of himself. Only lately she had caught a glimpse into his soul and found that despite all of his shortcomings, he was still a good person. Seeing him around Aurora Sinistra had been a revelation since, probably without his knowledge, he became a different person when he was with her. It was curious that someone as withdrawn as Aurora would bring out the best in him but Minerva believed that they had found something they had in common that bound them together more strongly than anything else could.

"Go!" she ushered him fondly and pushed him towards the still closed door. Snape did not turn around as when he placed his hand on top of the door handle and walked into the room. She watched the door close softly behind him and took a deep breath. Although she had always had a soft spot for Aurora, she had never come to actually be close to her until recently. Somehow, the two people who had just become parents had also become part of what she perceived as her own family. Whatever challenges the future held for them, she was confident that she could somehow help them deal with them.

The door opened again and her heart almost stopped when Severus Snape walked towards her, his face fallen and his eyes questioning. She found herself staring at the small bundle in his arms, suddenly out of breath. She had been so busy convincing herself that protecting the child from any harm that could be done to it was right, that she was completely taken aback by the events unfolding in front of her very eyes right now.

It was impossible... or was it?

Her gaze wandered from the infant towards the clock on the wall.

It was five minutes to midnight.

And the blankets Poppy had conjured up for the child and carefully wrapped it in were of a bright pink.

- **to**** be ****continued** -


	21. Chapter 21

[**21**]

Minerva McGonagall stepped towards Snape to inspect the bundle in his arms more closely. Her slim hand's wrinkly skin looked like delicate paper compared to the infant's smooth skin when she reached out to tentatively touch its face. For a moment, neither knew what to say. Then, defying all of Snape's expectations, the old headmistress began to laugh. It started a low chuckle, bubbling deeply in her throat and came out a surprisingly high-pitched laugh that faintly echoed the young girl Minerva McGonagall must have been once.

"A girl!" she gasped, stroking the child's flushed cheek with the back of her forefinger to calm it as the large blue eyes had taken on a frightened stare after her outburst. Snape looked down at the tiny being in his arms, so confused that despite the events that had just unfolded, he could only think about how heavy in his arms the baby was despite its size. He adjusted it to allow it to rest more comfortably in the crook of his arm. Overwhelmed by how pure and strong his feelings towards his daughter were, he left the talking to the headmistress. Somehow, any doubt that he would be a good father had just vanished when his heart had started beating faster at the sight of the tiny being. How could he not be a good father when that powerful jolt of love, appearing out of nowhere, had almost made his knees buckle?

"So the prophecy was wrong?" McGonagall's voice still held traces of laughter which worried him slightly. A hysterical McGonagall was nothing he felt he could stomach just now. "Maybe Sybil just had a little too much sherry and Umbridge could not distinguish between drunken slurring and a real prophecy?" Even while she was saying it, both realized how far-fetched it sounded. "Well, without a doubt, there is absolutely no way this child could be the subject of the prophecy," McGonagall concluded in a more reasonable tone. "She is obviously a girl and she was born on the 29th of July, not the 30th."

Snape had nothing to add to that assessment and McGonagall seemed to notice that the sight of his daughter had reduced him to a bumbling idiot. She patted his back and although he usually loathed fraternization of any kind, he did not seem to mind today. Actually, Neville Longbottom could have strutted in right now, announcing that he had just accidentally smashed all of Snape's potions bottles and he would not have minded. Maybe he would have even smiled at the moron.

Or maybe not.

"How is Aurora?" McGonagall asked, her gaze still fixed onto the quiet child in Snape's arms.

"Exhausted," he replied, turning back towards the private room. "She told me that she wanted me to stay away from her as far as possible as there was no way she would ever willingly go through something as traumatizing as this ever again," he reported dutifully.

"Well, I am sure she wants her little girl back now that she has had time to recover a bit," McGonagall pointed out, giving him a very gentle push into the direction of the door. He obeyed willingly while McGonagall's loped out of the room, presumably in search of the minister of magic.

Aurora was sitting up in bed, popped up against pillows and having obviously been the target of some cleaning spells as her hair was no longer moist with sweat and she had changed into a clean set of pajamas. Her eyes opened when she heard his approaching steps and she stretched her arms out for her daughter. Snape handed her to Aurora and watched her eyes widen with wonder.

"How is this possible?" she whispered. "How can she be... well..." She shook her head, as unable to make sense of the situation as he and McGonagall had been.

"I don't know." Snape sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling his own exhaustion for the very first time. "... but I don't care... I really don't care."

Aurora's eyes were shimmering with tears when she cradled her baby to her chest. "I was devastated when you told me about the prophecy, Severus. I tried to hide it but I know you realized how badly I was struggling with all this and now... it is just all gone." Her subsequent laughter was not quite as merry as McGonagall's had been since some of the pain she had been forced to endure during the past months was still audible in it.

"She is gorgeous," Aurora gushed. "Look at that tiny nose!"

She looked up at Snape and found him grinning openly for the first time in years.

"I believe we can be sure she did not inherit my nose," he assured her and Aurora reached out with her free hand to nudge his cheek affectionately. "Your nose is not all that bad. It is kind of noble, really."

"Certainly not on a girl," Snape emphasized, earning another chuckle from Sinistra.

"You might be right. Anyway, even if she had your nose and my unfortunate feet, I would still love her."

"I fear," Snape began, "that even if she had been the boy from the prophecy, I would not have been able to keep myself from loving him even if I had wanted to. Whatever she will one day choose to be or to do, I will always support her."

Aurora looked just as surprised at he was that he was voicing his feelings so openly. Apparently, the girl had awakened something in him that he had not even known was still there. As a small boy, he had tried to cope with his parents by shutting away his feelings and only bubbly little Lily had been able to get him to open up. Since Aurora was burdened herself and did not possess Lily's carefree happiness, she had never managed to make him careless although he loved her deeply for being who she was. The little girl was different, like a ray of light in a dark night.

"Have you thought of a name for her?" he asked and their eyes met over the infant between them who was just falling asleep, exhausted by the simple task of being in the world and coping with its lights and noises.

She smiled sadly. "Not of a girl's name, no... Would you like to call her Lily?"

Snape was surprised by how easily and honestly the answer came to him.

"No. I don't believe in naming children after dead people. She is a new person and I don't want her burdened with a name that belonged to somebody I once had feelings for."

Aurora looked relieved and he wondered whether she would have really agreed to naming their daughter after his first love just to please him.

"How about Harriet?" Aurora suggested and then chuckled at his completely horrified gaze.

"I understand that until moments ago, you were in a lot of horrible pain. I am sure you do not wish to return to that state," he drawled.

"Sorry. I was just kidding."

"There are jokes that should never be made," Snape growled darkly. "There is no way that I would name any child of mine after that preposterous little..."

She interrupted him. "You can't fool me, Severus! I don't know what exactly happened between you two but lately you look at him as if you were not quite able to work up enough hatred to even keep up appearances."

Snape gave her a dark look, both shocked and oddly happy that she could read him so well.

"I like Aurelia," he stated simply.

"Like Julius Caesar's mother?" Aurora asked, weighing her head in contemplation.

"Whatever Roman muggle you are referring to this time, I like it because of its meaning."

"Which is?"

"You seem to know your history but not your Latin."

"So sue me."

"As much as I wished there were grounds to claim damages when faced with someone's ignorance, I will just tell you. Aurelia means golden."

Aurora's eyes narrowed playfully and he found that she looked more at ease than he could ever recall her looking. The tense posture of the previous months was gone and so was the haunted look in her eyes. For the first time, she looked truly happy.

"It feels good to hear your insults, Severus. It tells me that everything is alright. And I like Aurelia. It is beautiful." She lifted one corner of her mouth. "Even nicer than Harriet."

"Aurelia it is then." He placed his hand on top of the child's forehead and found it terrifyingly huge in comparison to the tiny body.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere, another new father held his son in his arms and stepped towards the window that overlooked the garden. The night was quiet and the stars in the sky were twinkling peacefully above the whispering trees that surrounded his house. As his wife lay sleeping, exhausted by the task of giving birth to his son, the man had picked up the sleeping infant. The boy's eyes were open, staring at him largely unseeing, yet.<p>

"My boy, you will one day be a great wizard," he told his son. "You will be a better man than your father. You will not betray your master out of fear for your life. You will not be mollycoddled by your overprotective mother; you will be strong."

The old house was creaking and groaning around them and outside a tawny owl called. He had failed. He had fallen from grace and then run away when he should have died for everything his master stood for but he had not. His wife had known. She had always known that when it came to the ultimate sacrifice, he would be unable to ever make it. For years, he had been able to read it in her eyes and for years he had known that his weakness was the only thing that still made her love him. He had loathed himself and promised himself to stand tall this time, to die for his beliefs if necessary, but he had once again failed.

Carefully, he placed the tiny child back into its crib and sat back down on the bed, next to his wife who he had thought was sound asleep. When she felt the bed move with his weight, however, she turned towards him, her eyes half-closed with exhaustion.

"Please don't..." she pleaded. "Just let us forget about the past and move forward."

But he was not a forgiving man, especially when it came to his own shortcomings. His pride stung him as he could not forget the moment when he had proven to be the greatest failure one could imagine.

"I was closest to the Dark Lord... I was his ally but I betrayed him..." he began but she interrupted, more harshly than he had thought her capable of in her weakened state.

"The Dark Lord has perished. You cannot hold on to something that is not anymore. You need to move on."

"Silence," he hissed into her ear quietly, unable to listen to her admonishments any longer. "I will do as I have to do."

She was quiet now, aware of the fact that she could not persuade him to let it go. Not right now. And maybe not ever. This time, she promised herself, she would not stop trying and stand her ground against him instead.

* * *

><p>Contrary to common belief, Severus Snape did like flowers. The notion that there was actually a person in the world who did not succumb to their scents and beautifully fragile shapes was ridiculous, in his opinion. However, he felt assaulted by the sheer multitude of them when he reentered the hospital wing after a fitful sleep of a few hours. Despite his lack of rest, he felt elated. Somehow, sleeping - and his subconscious had seemed to be in agreement with that – seemed uncalled for right now. He would have been happy sitting with Aurora and the baby all night but Pomfrey had kicked him out at some point, claiming that he needed some rest. Now it was only seven o'clock in the morning, but the room was already filled to the brim, or so it appeared, with flowers of all sizes and shapes. Aurora was sitting up in bed, several small packages and envelopes scattered across the bedding while their daughter was sleeping peacefully in her crib next to her.<p>

"Do you happen to possess several secret admirers that I do not know about?" he greeted her, indicating the flowers and pulled up a chair.

Aurora shrugged with a small smile. "Maybe. I am quite the stunner really..."

"Your statement would be more convincing if you weren't in pajamas with your hair..." he reached out and brushed an unruly strand away from her face. "... out of order."

She caught his hand before he could fully draw it back and pressed her lips to it. The gesture reminded him of how withdrawn she had been during the months leading up to Aurelia's birth and he was once again flooded with utmost relief. She handed him a stack of greeting cards and he quickly went through them. While some were quite tasteful, others were adorned with teddy bears, little ducks and hearts in pastel colors. Snape shuddered and Aurora chuckled.

"There is one that sings. Don't open it or glitter will be thrown at you. Took me a while to find a spell to remove the remnants of it."

Snape was glad for the warning and found that the flowers had been sent by professors, students and the minister of magic.

"I particularly like the flowers Hagrid sent me." She pointed towards a large bunch that stood not far from her bed and consisted of a multitude of wild flowers that were cut irregularly which gave the bunch of them a shambolic air. Just like Hagrid, the flowers looked friendly but a bit deranged.

"Nice," he said curtly, then turned back towards her.

"How's Aurelia?" He peered over towards the tiny bed next to Aurora's and found the girl still sound asleep.

"She woke up two times during the night but she has been asleep for two hours now."

Aurora reached over, her hand hovering just above the girls cheek before she hesitantly withdrew it.

"I think she needs a little rest," she said. "I sure do."

Snape placed the pile of greeting cards onto the bedside table and gestured towards the packages next to Aurora.

"What are those?"

"They have been arriving during the night. Poppy threw a fit with all the owls. I haven't opened them, yet."

Snape was quite glad that she had waited until he was there to witness it. Despite the fact that all danger seemed to have been banned, he was still a lot more vigilant than he would have liked to admit. His life has never been peaceful and although chances seemed to be good right now, he did not trust his luck just yet. The problem with the prophecy had been averted too easily for his tastes. For months, they had worried and now it had just evaporated just like that. Deep down, Snape knew that this could not have been everything there was to it.

"Let's see what's inside," he said and she shrugged once again, fumbling with the wrapping. Without bothering to take out his wand, Snape magically dissolved the knot she had been struggling with by a barely perceptible movement of his hand. She looked up and rolled her eyes leniently.

"Yes, Severus. You are the greatest wizard of all times!"

"Quiet..." he hissed back but his voice had lost most of its malice which caused him to sound teasing instead of menacing. Snape wondered whether, after all of this, he would ever be able to get back into the mindset for teaching.

The corners of Aurora's mouth twitched in another involuntary smile before she removed the wrapping paper and found a small box and a card. The card, thankfully, was very simple, a sparkling golden "Congratulations" stenciled onto it. Aurora opened it and her eyes widened when she began to read.

"Care to share?" he asked silkily, his hand on her arm.

"This is a bit awkward..." Aurora said then started to read to him. "Dear Aurora, I have just learned that you have given birth to a little girl last night. Enclosed, you will find something that I bought after you were a guest at my home back in February. Sadly, my husband does not share my fondness of the constellations that I am sure derives from the percentage of Sinistra blood in me, so I was never able to give something like it to my own children. I hope your little girl enjoys it and takes after her mother. My sincerest congratulations, Narcissa Malfoy."

Except for the little dig at Snape, the card had been unusually friendly for Narcissa Malfoy and Snape thought he had also detected a trace of melancholia in her words.

"What's the present?" he asked, trying to escape Aurora's scrutinizing gaze. She had never held a grudge against Narcissa despite the fact that she had betrayed them to the ministry. Snape had always been wondering why. Aurora opened the box and a wide smile lit up her still tired face.

"Oh, Severus. It is beautiful. Give me my wand!"

He handed her the wand from the bedside table and she tipped it to the contents of the box. At once, points of golden light rose from it into the air and hung above them, manifesting themselves into a tiny version of a constellation. Snape had to admit he was quite charmed by the idea of a mobile to be hung above the baby's crib, too. The lazily twinkling stars looked as if they would have a calming effect on children.

"Which constellation is it?" he asked.

"The Draco constellation of the Northern hemisphere," Aurora explained quietly. "Roman legend has it that Draco the dragon was killed by the goddess of wisdom and thrown into the sky. Also, Draco means serpent."

Snape found himself fascinated by the beautiful mobile. "So Narcissa named Draco after a constellation, too? Do you think Lucius knows?"

Aurora shook her head slowly. "I don't think so. My guess is that he knows only about the Greek meaning, not the astronomical aspect of it. It seems as if her mother influenced Narcissa far more than she let on."

With a wave of her wand, Aurora confined the mobile back to the box and closed it slowly.

"That was very thoughtful of her." She looked bothered for a moment and Snape reached out for her once again.

"What is it?"

Aurora shook her head. "There's something... I am not sure. Something that doesn't add up. I can't quite put my finger on it."

Snape knew full well that he was just as guilty of expecting a conspiracy behind every corner but decided to admonish her anyway.

"Don't be foolish, Aura. She sent a present and that is it. She probably feels guilty because of what she did and is trying to make up for it somehow."

Aurora nodded although she still did not look convinced. "Sure, Severus."

Their quiet conversation was interrupted by a low whine from the crib that quickly turned into loud, agonized cries. Snape got up and hurried towards his daughter, picking her up quickly.

"Is something wrong with her?" he asked, inspecting the tiny face that was rapidly turning pink. "She sounds as if she is in pain!"

Aurora chuckled and stretched out her arms. "She is just hungry. I have learned over the course of the previous night that this is how she reacts to everything. Don't worry. You will get used to it."

Reluctantly, Snape handed to crying baby to its mother and turned away, embarrassed, when it became apparent that she was about to start nursing.

Aurora glared at him but didn't say anything. A moment later, Aurelia had settled and was silently feeding, her eyes half-closed.

"If you are embarrassed right now, I can assure you Poppy was right to make you leave yesterday," Aurora said pointedly but her sternness was betrayed by the amused look on her face.

Snape growled something unintelligible and reached for the issue of the Daily Prophet that had been delivered along with the mail. He unfolded it cumbersomely and found himself faced with a page that displayed a lurid report of Harry Potter's graduation ceremony, complete with the information that one of his teachers had been "tortured by labor pains throughout the ceremony which was written across her pretty face all too clearly for an understanding onlooker". Naturally, the article had been written by the both obnoxious and always exaggerating Rita Skeeter. Since even he had not been aware of Aurora's predicament, he was sure that the journalist had made that observation up completely after learning of Aurelia's birth later. Just like the "passionate looks exchanged between the hero and the stunning beauty with the fiery hair" that she wrote about. Snape felt a little mollified by the notion that he would not be the only one who would cringe while reading.

"Severus!" Aurora's sudden outcry almost made him drop the paper. He lowered it with as much dignity as he could and raised an eyebrow at Aurora. Aurelia was nestled against her chest, about to drift off to sleep and Aurora's free hand had frozen in the midst of buttoning her pajama top.

"Give me the letter!" she commanded and he obliged immediately, aware of the fact that she was not to be messed with right now.

She scanned the paragraphs and then looked up at him: "I was never able to give something like it to my own children," she quoted.

"So?" Snape asked, wondering what all the sudden fuss was about.

"Plural, Severus!" Aurora said impatiently. "For such an intelligent man you can be surprisingly daft!"

"Maybe it is just a figure of speech," Snape said vaguely then the breath caught in his throat when finally he understood the implications. He quickly grabbed the newspaper again and opened it with trembling hands, this time bypassing Rita Skeeters colorful writing and the reports on the newest developments at the ministry to stop at the obituaries and birth announcements. Very quickly, he found what he was looking for.

"Maslin Malfoy, born July 30, 1999," he read. "is welcomed into the world by his proud parents and older brother."

They stared at each other in disbelief, Aurora unconsciously cradling her sleeping child closer to her.

"Oh Merlin..." she whispered and he did not need to enter her mind to know that they were drawing the very same conclusions: Lucius Malfoy had been closest to Lord Voldemort as Snape had not been Voldemort's true ally but in the end, he had made a run for it when it had become clear that Voldemort was about to be defeated by Harry Potter. He had not stayed to fight for his master and had therefore betrayed him. There was also Narcissa, who must have known about her husband's weakness of character and who had contributed to his betrayal by pronouncing Harry Potter dead despite the fact that he wasn't. Also, they had just learned that she did love the stars enough to name her son after a constellation and to buy star mobiles. Narcissa Malfoy loved Draco more than anything else in the world, so her heart was quite literally with the stars.

"All that talk about spells to hide my pregnancy!" Aurora said incredulously. "She has been doing it all along, Severus! That is why she was so worried about the fact that I refused to leave you. She did not want me to have my baby on the run because she did not want me to make the same mistake that she had!"

"What mistake?"

"Staying with Lucius Malfoy although he was obsessed with blood purity and with the Dark Lord himself! She knew that she had to take her son away from those dark influences but she failed, so Draco did become a Death Eater in the end. She managed to keep him from damaging his very soul by enlisting your help, Severus, but I am sure she is still very much blaming herself for what happened."

Snape was glad that he was sitting down or he may have swayed on his feet. The prophecy had never been about them but always about someone else. Naturally, everyone had been quick to assume it was them since he had famously betrayed Lord Voldemort and Aurora was a teacher of astronomy. Impulsively, he leaned forward and embraced his fiance and daughter. For a moment, they remained in each others arms then he heard Aurora's whisper.

"What do we do?"

He leaned back into his chair, slightly embarrassed by his open display of affection.

"Do we tell anyone?" she asked. They both remained silent as Snape was at a loss. After a quiet moment, Aurora spoke.

"You were talking about self-fulfilling prophecies, Severus. I believe we should not say anything to anyone about it. Maybe Minerva or the ministry will make the connection but I do not want to be the one to blow the whistle. We can always keep an eye on them, however."

Snape nodded slowly. "I think you are right, Aurora. We will let destiny run its course. Narcissa is smart and talking to you must have alerted her to what she has to do herself. Maybe she will be able to prevent what the prophecy said might happen."

Aurora nodded solemnly. Despite the peacefully sleeping child and all the flowers, a chilly atmosphere had fallen across the room but Snape refused to let his happiness be disturbed by a prophecy that concerned the yet distant future.

"Let us open the rest of those presents," he said, reaching out his arms for his daughter. Aurora handed her to him and for a moment, the candlelight caught in her hair and gave it the same reddish glow that he had seen back in the Forbidden Forest almost a year ago. For once, he did not care about the future or about what the prophecy implicated. For now, all he wanted to think about was the family he had never thought he would have.

"Severus, you are smiling!" Aurora exclaimed then leaned into him conspiratorially. "It does scare me a little."

He did not grace her comment with an answer so she opened the next present. At first, he noticed that her hands were still trembling from the shock that had come with the recent revelation but then her movements became more assured. She, too, he reckoned, had decided to enjoy their peaceful day instead of wondering what might or might not happen in the future. The present she had just opened held another box, this one larger and adorned with the emblem of Weasley's Wheezes. Snape scoffed, believing that no good could come from that shop. He shielded his daughter's head with his hand, almost awaiting some jack in the box to come jumping at them. Instead, Aurora squealed with delight.

"You have got to love George!" she enthused and took out several cute-looking puppets that Snape soon realized resembled the Hogwarts staff. Aurora laughed as she read the card accompanying it. "Dear Professors Sinistra and Snape, I do believe that what my brother would have wanted is your child to be informed early in his childhood what it will have to deal with for an abnormally large period of its life. I hope it will find joy in the people who will one day come to teach it. With the best wishes for impending sleepless nights, George Weasley."

"Detention!" Snape's likeness crowed, predictably, while the slightly bigger Hagrid began mumbling something that could hardly be understood but seemed to involve the words "creature" and "Forbidden Forest". The McGonagall doll began to engage in a comical dance with even smaller Flitwick that looked as awkward as it had in real life while miniature Sinistra stood by with a dazed look on her face, staring upwards.

"How very thoughtful..." Snape drawled, not the least bit amused by the display. He decided to soon make a little visit to Weasley's shop in order to find out whether the offending toys were being sold to regular costumer as well. If they were, he was sure, he would either hex Weasley's ear back off or find a lawyer and sue him into next week. Aurora, however, seemed charmed by the toys.

"Don't I look pretty?" she asked, holding the Sinistra doll next to her face.

"I prefer the original. You are not half as dreamy as depicted," Snape said.

"Hm," Aurora made and placed the screeching dolls back into the box to shut them up. "He seemed so sad when we were in his shop in Diagon Alley. I did not think he would ever return to making silly jokes at our expense again."

"How lucky we are that he did eventually," Snape said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Inside, he felt pleased to see that Weasley was beginning to heal. The war had inflicted many wounds but a little over one year later, it seemed as if most of them were capable of being healed just like his had.

While Aurora was tending to the next package, he looked at the still open Daily Prophet from the corner of his eyes. _Maslin__ Malfoy_, he thought. _I__ will __keep __an __eye__ on __you_.

Outside, the new day was beginning. Through the window he could see the sky turn red with the rising sun. Birdsong began to rise from the trees below them and he felt that inside the castle and outside its walls began his golden dawn.

- **to**** be ****continued** -


	22. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The sorting ceremony had become an occasion that Professors Snape and Sinistra thoroughly enjoyed. Based on the first years' behavior and overall appearance, they made bets on which house they would end up in. More often than not, their opinions differed considerably from each other and so the pile of golden coins was moved back and forth between them a lot during the evening while they were engaged in sophisticated bickering.

At the evening of the start of term feast, they were sitting besides each other, a little closer than would have been decent for mere co-workers, their shoulders almost touching. Snape was wearing his usual black robes and sneer while his wife had made an effort with elegant midnight blue robes and a kind smile on her features.

"Now, look at this pathetic little boy. He looks so spooked and clumsy that he must be a Hufflepuff, " Snape said with disgust when the first child was called forward by headmistress McGonagall, whose voice was still strong besides her age.

"I think he might have a mean streak. Maybe a Slytherin?" Sinistra shot back, taking a sip from her goblet.

Snape gave Sinistra a scandalized look. "You cannot be serious! I feel offended that you would associate my house with a child like that!"

Sinistra smirked and nudged his elbow, causing another sneer. Directed at her, however, they had lost all of their harshness.

"Hufflepuff!" The sorting hat cried and Snape's sneer turned into a triumphant smirk of his own as he raked in the coins. When the room was once again quiet with anticipation after a jolt of applause from the Hufflepuff table, a bespectacled little boy stumbled to the front of the Great Hall and sat down on the sorting chair, his hands visibly shaking.

"He looks smart. He must be a Ravenclaw," Sinistra pointed out proudly to which Snape gave a sarcastic chuckle.

"Yes, indeed. He looks moony enough to be one."

Sinistra raised an eyebrow. "Now _I_ am offended!"

"Ravenclaw!" The sorting hat called out and Snape slid half of the coins towards his wife as they had both been right this time.

"Maslin Malfoy!" McGonagall called. After all these years, she was either still unaware of the fact that this was the boy the prophecy had been about or maybe she was just hiding it well. Snape sat up a little more straightly, scanning the crowd for the child. A small boy stepped forward. His bright blond hair and light-blue eyes a picture of innocence, especially if one considered his obvious shyness. He slowly walked towards the front of the Great Hall and sat down in the chair. There was a moment of silence while the sorting hat was making its decision and Snape and Sinistra exchanged a glance. Their lives had been happy and carefree so far but now they had to face what might or might not lie ahead. Somehow, after eleven years of respite, he felt strong enough to enter into another fight if he had to.

"Ravenclaw!" the Sorting Hat cried, unexpectedly. Chatter rose across the room since no one could remember a Malfoy having ever been sorted into a house other than Slytherin. The little boy look confused but not disappointed and walked towards the table clad in blue. A little girl made room for him on the bench and gave him a timid smile that he returned.

"Ravenclaw?" Aurora whispered. "I didn't even place my bet as we would have agreed on Slytherin anyway."

"Curious, indeed," Snape replied, unsure what to think about this turn of events. Being in Ravenclaw did not necessarily mean that one could not one day become evil but it was a curious turn of events whatsoever. Only time would tell where the little boy was headed.

When he finally snapped out of his brooding, the next child in line was a small girl with storm-grey eyes whose pitch-black pigtails bopped up and down when she walked towards the sorting hat confidently. Even at her young age it was apparent that she had inherited her mother's nose for which Snape had already thanked Merlin repeatedly. When he turned to face Sinistra she gave him a wide, proud smile.

"Well, Ravenclaw of course - considering how bright she is," she said in a slightly shaky voice.

Snape could not keep his fatherly pride entirely out of his words as he begged to differ: "As I have told you before, she is ambitious and cunning. She will most definitely be a Slytherin."

Despite their differences, under the table - hidden from teachers and students alike - Snape wrapped his hand gently around his wife's. This was an important moment for every parent and they were lucky to be present to witness it.

The sorting hat took more time with their daughter than it had with any other child so far and silence fell across the room so that the crackling of the flames from the sea of candles above them could be heard. Snape wondered whether he had been this nervous at his own sorting ceremony but that seemed to have taken place a hundred years ago. His daughter's face had vanished beneath the far too big hat and wearing the dark school robes, a house color still absent from them, she could have been any little girl. He felt Sinistra squeezing his hand reassuringly when finally the hat called out loudly and clearly:

"Gryffindor!"

While the students at the Gryffindor table started cheering and welcomed the little girl into their midst warmly, her parents' faces fell, the proud expressions turning into those of great horror and intrigued surprise respectively.

"Fascinating..." Sinistra whispered. Snape was a little more horrified than his wife.

"Oh Merlin, Gryffindor? Why Gryffindor of all houses?" he groaned, feeling as if he had just been hit with several nasty spells. The night after the confrontation at Malfoy Manor came to mind but he found that the pain he was experiencing right now, though not physical, was far worse.

"Smile, she's looking at us!" Sinistra warned.

Snape gave a halfhearted smile to the beaming child which slid off his face immediately when she, satisfied with her parents' display of pride, turned away and took a seat at the Gryffindor table where she was greeted with great enthusiasm.

Snape sneered, the vein above his left eye twitching violently.

"My very own daughter. A Gryffindor. Is she too young to be disowned?"

"Severus! The day she was born you told me that you would wholeheartedly support her in everything she chose to do in her life!" Sinistra sounded stern but not angry as she had to be aware of the fact that he did not really mean what he said. While he was still famously loathed for being the strictest and meanest teacher in Hogwarts, when it came to his daughter, he was annoyingly soft. Still, Snape didn't like the fact that Aurora publicly reminded him of that tender moment when he had been uncharacteristically close to tearing up.

"Yes, but that didn't include getting sorted into Gryffindor," he pointed out sharply. Snape took a large gulp out of his goblet to hide the fact that he was suddenly shaken by a memory of a conversation that seemed to have taken place in another life. He had been standing in the Entrance Hall with Albus Dumbledore, students passing them to go off to bed after the Yule Ball. Dresses had been rustling and girls had been giggling so he had at first believed to have misheard Dumbledore in response to his assurance that he was not tempted to join Voldemort again as he was not such a coward.

"No," Dumbledore had agreed, his voice soft and contemplative among the noises of excited students. "You know, sometimes I think we Sort too soon..." The headmaster had left him hanging on his word, walking away as if in a daze and Snape had found himself looking after him, stricken. He watched his little girl, Gryffindor's lion now fastened to her school robes, her eyes alight with happiness. She was smart but she was also bold and brave already. Maybe this indeed was the house she belonged in.

"After all I have done for her," he lamented besides the fact that he was almost at peace with the hat's decision, knowing that he would amuse his wife. Aurora smiled, obviously not stung that her daughter had not been sorted into her old house.

"I have even been walking the castle's corridors at night to calm the crying infant in my arms. You cannot begin to imagine how severely that damaged my reputation as everything I stand for!"

"Meanness, sarcasm, soullessness and incapability of love?" Aurora asked lightly.

"Exactly. I would have preferred no one but you witnessing my cooing over my offspring... and now this!"

"Well, don't you worry. You have reinstated that reputation with flourish, Severus."

"I believe so," he said not without pride.

"If I may join the conversation, you sure have." Snape turned towards the professor on his other side and cocked his eyebrow at him in the most frightening way he could.

"And what makes you think that you are permitted to join the conversation, Mr Longbottom?"

Neville Longbottom, the new professor of herbology, seemed to shrink in his chair.

"You don't scare me anymore. I am a fellow professor now." Clumsily, he dropped his fork onto his plate, causing a loud jingling sound.

"Right," Snape drawled and turned away from Longbottom in disgust to once again look at his daughter who was smiling happily among a bunch of darned Gryffindors. If Aurora believed for just one minute that he would give up his infamously obvious house-favoritism or root for Gryffindor at Quidditch matches from now on, she was dead wrong. He loved his daughter more than anything else in the world, but the line had to be drawn somewhere.

Because while some things changed for the better, some most definitely never would.

- **The**** End** –

**A/N:** Thank you so much for sticking with this until the very end! I still can't believe I actually made it through which I definitely owe to your encouraging reviews! (I expect at least a hundred of those as this is the last chapter! ;-P) Also, I have to apologize for any spelling and grammar issues in the story. I did my very best but I am not a native speaker, so some things just escape me. I also miss Snape and Sinistra already. Maybe I will stick to this pairing but the next story will definitely be a light piece! :-D Also, for all the name meanings and little info I had to look up, this story wouldn't have been able to be written without google and the excellent Harry Potter Wiki!


End file.
